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Topic: Mom newly diagnosed. Needing support.

Forum: Caring for Someone with Breast cancer —

A place to share your struggles and concerns about supporting and caring for a person you love diagnosed with breast cancer with others who understand.

Posted on: Jan 14, 2018 12:40PM

LauraM85 wrote:

Hello, all. I stumbled upon this site while searching for support online. My mom has just received the news that her breast biopsy came back malignant. We don't know many details yet. She has an appointment Tuesday with the oncologist and I'm assuming we will know more after that.

I'm 32. I have no siblings. My parents have been divorced most of my life. The rest of our family lives either out of state or hours away. I am single. It's literally just me. Whatever happens in the near future, I will be her sole caregiver.

This came completely out of nowhere. They discovered the cancer after she was admitted to the hospital for something else entirely. And from the looks of her CT scan, it looks like it may have metastasized to the bones. They saw several spots on the bones.

My mom is my best friend, all I have, really. I'm so thrown. At first I was in denial, but now it's starting to sink in. But, and I don't know how to say this without sounding like a horribly selfish person...is my life over, too? I feel like all the hopes dreams or plans I had for 2018 are gone. I love my mom more than anything and want more than anything for her to be ok, but it's a hard pill to swallow knowing that my life is completely on hold now, too. I've been afraid to voice this out loud for fear of sounding like a terrible person. Are there any other caregivers here who still managed to hold on to their personal life, while still being there for a loved one?

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Jan 14, 2018 01:12PM ElaineTherese wrote:

Hi!

I'm not a caregiver. However, if your Mom is Stage IV, she may not get surgery or IV chemo. Her doctor may just start her off with hormonal therapy, which involves taking a pill every day. If so, your life may not be on hold as much as you think.

It will depend on the kind of breast cancer your Mom has. Triple negative? She'll get chemo. HER2+? She'll get chemo and targeted therapy. But, if your Mom has the most common kind of breast cancer, ER+/PR+/HER2-, she would probably just get hormonal therapy for now.

No, you're not being selfish by thinking about how your Mom's cancer will affect you and your life. Maybe, you can make a list of friends who can help out. One of my friends created a Lots-a-Helping Hands webpage so that others could sign up to help us with specific tasks, like picking up my daughter from basketball practice. It was such a relief to have so much help!

Best wishes to you and your Mom!

DX IDC June 28, 2014, 5 cm., 1 node tested positive (fine needle biopsy); 0/20 after neoadjuvant chemo + ALND; Grade 3; ER+ PR+ HER2+ Neoadjuvant chemotherapy starting 7/23/14 ACX 4, Taxol X 12, Perjeta X 4; Herceptin: one year Chemotherapy 7/23/2014 AC Targeted Therapy 9/17/2014 Perjeta (pertuzumab) Targeted Therapy 9/17/2014 Herceptin (trastuzumab) Chemotherapy 9/17/2014 Taxol (paclitaxel) Surgery 1/12/2015 Lumpectomy: Right; Lymph node removal: Right, Underarm/Axillary Hormonal Therapy 2/25/2015 Aromasin (exemestane), Zoladex (goserelin) Radiation Therapy 3/9/2015 Breast, Lymph nodes
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Jan 17, 2018 08:23PM edwards750 wrote:

I second what ElaineTherese said. It doesn’t make you a selfish person at all. I’m sure you love your mother and vice versa. Having said that its also understandable you are worried about how her condition will affect you. You are young. You have your whole life in front of you.

Although you don’t have siblings maybe you could reach out to friends of your mothers or church members for help. A friend on FB’s DIL who was DX and undergoing chemo received a lot of help from her church. They made it a total group effort. There are also patient advocates who can give assistance or direct you to people who can. I had a patient advocate. She was great.

Bottom line is you don’t have to go it alone. There are a lot of questions yet to be answered/confirmed on your mother’s condition. Once you know the surgery/treatment decisions you will be better able to help plan the care she will need.

Good luck. Keep us posted.

Diane


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