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Topic: Husband of 30 yo diagnosed this week

Forum: Caring for Someone with Breast cancer —

A place to share your struggles and concerns about supporting and caring for a person you love diagnosed with breast cancer with others who understand.

Posted on: Mar 24, 2018 06:24AM

Pmopmo wrote:

Hi All,

My wife was diagnosed with breast cancer this week. Her Dr said that it looks to be Stage 2 - no sign in breast but a 3.7 cm enlarged lymph node. We meet with her treatment team here in the next week. Not knowing for sure what we are facing is soooo difficult!

We have 2 kids, both have bdays in the next month where they will be turning 1 and 3.

I’m still in shock of the news. I don’t really know how to synthesize such unexpected news. My wife is strong and so are my kids (they are half her 😃). I’m a worrier and have anxiety so I’m probably handling it the worst. I’m trying to change my outlook and am taking up the mantra “Choose Happiness” but it’s counter to my natural instincts.

I’m not sure what I’m trying to accomplish by posting this but needed to vent a little. It all seems like a terrible bad dream. I just hope to wake up soon

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Mar 24, 2018 07:17PM Moderators wrote:

Pmopmo, welcome to Breastcancer.org. We're so sorry for your wife's diagnosis and all you're going through. We know that the first days and weeks following diagnosis are overwhelming and scary, but please know that the women and men here are amazing so come anytime you need to vent. Sometimes it is a bit slow during the weekend but we're sure you'll get replies from other members here soon.

We also wanted to point you in the direction of The Husbands Corner(for family, friends, boyfriends, ect.) thread, where you can connect with other husbands going through similar circumstances than yours.

We hope this helps! Please know that we're all here to support you!

The Mods

To send a Private Message to the Mods: community.breastcancer.org/mem...
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Mar 24, 2018 07:40PM moth wrote:

HI & welcome. That's sucky news. I hope you find lots of info & support on here. The not knowing what comes next part is super hard. Once you have a plan and a strategy, it somehow all seems more tolerable. I like your mantra. I think it will serve you well.

Seriously???? “Sometimes the future changes quickly and completely and we’re left with only the choice of what to do next." nevertellmetheodds2017.tumblr.... Dx 12/2017, IDC, Left, 1cm, Stage IA, Grade 3, 0/5 nodes, ER-/PR-, HER2- (IHC) Surgery 12/12/2017 Lumpectomy: Left; Lymph node removal: Sentinel Chemotherapy 2/14/2018 AC + T (Taxol) Radiation Therapy 8/13/2018 Whole-breast: Breast Dx 2/2020, IDC, Stage IV, metastasized to liver/lungs, Grade 3, ER-/PR-, HER2- Chemotherapy 3/18/2020 Taxol (paclitaxel) Immunotherapy 3/19/2020 Tecentriq (atezolizumab)
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Mar 24, 2018 08:49PM KBeee wrote:

Venting here is good to express fears and anxiety. Keeping a journal is as well, and don't hesitate to talk with a professional. DO accept all offers of help that come in for your family. When people offer to bring meals, have someone set up a meal train (website where people can sign up to bring meals), have people help with cleaning, watch the kids, etc. Accept every offer of help. You'll be on the other side of this and able to help others later, but for now, accepting help allows others to not feel helpless when they WANT to help, it allows you to focus your attention on your wife and kids, and it allows your wife time to rest. She can do this. You can do this.

Karen. Dx 8/5/2013, IDC, Right, 1cm, Grade 2, 0/1 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- (IHC) Surgery 8/25/2013 Mastectomy: Left, Right Chemotherapy 9/19/2013 Cytoxan (cyclophosphamide), Taxotere (docetaxel) Hormonal Therapy 12/11/2013 Tamoxifen pills (Nolvadex, Apo-Tamox, Tamofen, Tamone) Surgery 1/22/2014 Reconstruction (left); Reconstruction (right) Surgery 1/28/2015 Lumpectomy: Right Dx 2/2/2015, IDC, Right, 1cm, Grade 2, 0/0 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2- (FISH) Surgery 2/24/2015 Lumpectomy: Right; Lymph node removal: Right, Sentinel, Underarm/Axillary; Prophylactic ovary removal Dx 2/25/2015, IDC, Right, 1cm, Grade 3, 0/13 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2- (IHC) Chemotherapy 3/30/2015 AC + T (Taxol) Radiation Therapy 8/24/2015 Whole-breast: Breast, Lymph nodes, Chest wall Hormonal Therapy Femara (letrozole)
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Mar 25, 2018 05:42AM Pmopmo wrote:

Thanks everyone for the words of support. It has really helped to hear/read about how others are handling this terrible illness. I’m feeling better about us overcoming this.

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Apr 6, 2018 03:57PM BCwife wrote:

Hi there. I'm in a similar boat - my wife was diagnosed last week and she's 35. Looking like Stage 2 for now, but not positive. I love what others said about asking for help, that's been helpful for us so far. Someone else told us the first few weeks of info-gathering are pure hell. Hang in there.

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Apr 7, 2018 03:09PM Traveltext wrote:

The best advice I can give for all partners of BC patients is to become their medical advocates. Attend all appointments, take notes, ask questions and get copies of all your reports. Rinse and repeat with all the specialists.

This way, your partner has a medical "expert" in the family. As you go on you'll find that the knowledge gained empowers you and provides a logical basis for decisions.

And post your questions on this forum remembering that there's no such thing as a dumb question. Good luck to both of you and your partners.


NED breast and prostate cancer. More on Male BC

Dx 03/14, IBC, Lgth. 2cm, Stge IIIB, Gde 2B, ER+/PR+, HER2- ; FEC x3, Taxol x3; Mx & 2/23 nodes; Rads x 33; now on tamoxofin.

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