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Topic: Husbands motivation

Forum: Caring for Someone with Breast cancer —

A place to share your struggles and concerns about supporting and caring for a person you love diagnosed with breast cancer with others who understand.

Posted on: May 3, 2018 09:03AM

DAIRDJ wrote:

I know whats going through your head.

If you are reading this you may need a little motivation. no matter how strong we try to be, our spouses BC is taxing on the both of us. if you're like me then that means you're at every appointment listening, taking notes, and being strong for your significant other. while everyone is asking about your spouse, they forget to check on you, ask you how you're doing. I know how you're doing and its not easy.

My wife suffers from stage 3 triple positive breast cancer. sometimes i feel i cant help her. when she gets emotional or depressed. when her hair was falling out. she is so strong and tries so hard to act like nothing is wrong for other people, but i see the truth. she is fighting hard but cancer fights back. I know every single one of you have experienced what i have. I want you to know you can . talk here in this forum. let it out. your fears, your emotions. let me hear whats going on in your life. let us share hope! if you don't know what to do, ask here. if you don't know what to say, ask here. if you don'

t know how to feel, ask here. let me and others going through the same thing share answers through experiences. let us be strong together for our wives.

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May 3, 2018 12:30PM Lula73 wrote:

thank you for starting this thread! Caregivers are often overlooked and the reality is they are struggling too, just in a different way. In so many ways it’s almost easier to be the patient. We are strong, we push through and do our best to keep the same routine and responsibilities we did/had prior to BC the best we can. The caregiver on the other hand often has a feeling of helplessness, they are depressed and angry that they can’t fix this, they are holding down a job, the kids/household as well as all the other things you mentioned all while watching the partner they live suffer as they fight. People fighting BC are warriors. Their caregivers are the heroes that save the day. So thank you for starting the thread and thank you to all the caregivers who are supporting their partners/loved ones!

-Lula Dx 1/2017, DCIS/IDC, Right, 1cm, Stage IA, Grade 1, 0/2 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 2/13/2017 Lymph node removal: Sentinel; Mastectomy: Left, Right; Prophylactic ovary removal; Reconstruction (left): DIEP flap; Reconstruction (right): DIEP flap Hormonal Therapy 3/2/2017 Tamoxifen pills (Nolvadex, Apo-Tamox, Tamofen, Tamone) Surgery 11/1/2017 Prophylactic ovary removal Hormonal Therapy 1/2/2018 Femara (letrozole)
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May 3, 2018 12:52PM Egads007 wrote:

My ever loving better half, who cried at my diagnosis, flew in 1800 miles every two weeks to be at every chemo infusion not to mention every procedure, shaved his head with me, picked up the shattered pieces, stayed with me while I gained weight and aged noticeably, and supported my son better than his own father, all while running a small business, was asked how HE was doing only once. I’m sad to say it wasn’t me who asked, it was his sister. I’ve been trying to make up for not asking him myself ever since. His answer is always the same “it’s not about me”. No matter how many times I insist that it was about him as well, he replies with the same. Fortunate doesn’t quite cover the day I found this precious man.

Bless all the precious and loving husbands/partners/mothers/fathers/sisters/brothersthat support us and suffer with us during the dark days. How you are doing should never be over looked. Your feelings are just as valid as ours

"I base all my fashion choices on what doesn't itch" (Gilda Radner) Chemotherapy 3/20/2013 Doxil (doxorubicin), Taxol (paclitaxel) Surgery 8/23/2013 Lumpectomy: Right; Lymph node removal: Right Radiation Therapy 11/1/2013 Whole-breast: Breast, Lymph nodes Dx IDC, 4cm, Stage IIB, Grade 3, 0/2 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2- Hormonal Therapy Tamoxifen pills (Nolvadex, Apo-Tamox, Tamofen, Tamone)
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May 5, 2018 01:33AM edwards750 wrote:

DairdJ - wow what a wonderful husband you are! You are right we do sometimes forget the caregivers who are there to prop us up through the process.

I was DX almost 7 years ago. My BC was not aggressive but I still went through the rigors of surgery and 33 rounds of radiation. The emotional toll is another story. My husband is laid back and not talkative so I didn’t really know just how unnerved he was by my DX. I’m the strong independent take charge person just like most of the women on this forum so it’s not a surprise he figured I would take care of this too. Thing is we aren’t bullet proof and we do have our limits.

I hope other husbands read your post. It’s encouraging and inspirational.


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Sep 27, 2018 07:59PM TheMotivator wrote:

Thank you! I feel the same way! She always comes first but I have noticed that I'm starting to slip into a depression this time around. Fortunately our extended family is vigilant with her but also with me. I feel like I'm kinda walking around on auto pilot lately. These last 6 years have been hard. I guess the fact that our marriage has survived (you will see why below) is a testament to our love and commitment to each other.Here is some background:

My wife was diagnosed with triple positive stage three breast cancer of the right breast at 35 just 4 months after our wedding in 2012. We have been married for 6 years and, for the most part, our marriage has always been about the cancer and her treatments. She went through the double mastectomy, all the lymph nodes on the right side were excised as well as some surrounding tissue, reconstruction, chemo AC and Taxotere, radiation.

Later she had a historectomy (which she got a staph infection!), hormone blockers, which, btw, the side effects were awful for her! She went through all of them and none were real tolerable but she stuck it out with the lesser of the evils for as long as she could. She stopped taking them about a year after she was declared cancer free for the first time. She did well and She had been cancer free for almost 5 yrs. We were just staring to get some similance of a normal life and marriage.

Now the cancer has come back in the liver which makes her stage 4 metastatic. They found the golf ball size mass by chance when she had to have an emergency appendectomy. That mass was not on her last cancer scan 6 mo ago and it was about another 6mo before the next one! This is fast growing and aggressive so having to go in for the appendectomy was a blessing! They have done the y90 radiation treatment, which put her In the hospital for almost a week sick as a dog. Her oncologist put her on faslodex shots and Ibrance. These are supposed to be the ideal treatment for her type of cancer. Well the large tumor shrunk and continues to but smaller tumors are growing around it even through the current treatment. So back on the IV chemo! It's so hard to watch the strongest, most independent woman I know be beat down to a shell of a person, and I'm helpless to do anything except motivate, support, listen and love. We will get through this but it hard knowing that this is here for good now and will not go away and she will never hear those words "cancer free" again. Sorry for my ramblings lol! I don't sleep much these days!

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Sep 27, 2018 10:22PM edwards750 wrote:

OMG I’m so sorry for your wife and you. BC is such an insidious disease and age doesn’t seem to be a factor because more and more younger women are being DX. Your wife has suffered so much I can’t imagine how she endures all of it or you either for that matter.

My sister’s BC came back after 4 years as a local recurrence. While it’s not metastatic it’s still a recurrence. None of us are immune to that happening. We live with that fear factor forever.

BC doesn’t define us but it is a daily struggle for all of us. Once you are branded with the C word not even NED erases that stigma.

You have our prayers and support. It’s obvious you love her and are feeling her pain.

Try and keep the faith and remember there are countless women on this website who have lived with Stage IV for multiple years.

Keep us posted.


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Sep 27, 2018 10:37PM Nisha517 wrote:

themotivator -

I am so sorry about your wife, but she sure sounds strong! And you sound like the perfect caregiver for her through all of this. My heart really goes out to you and your wife. I will keep both of you in my prayers.

Dx 7/11/2018, IDC, Left, Stage IIIA, 1/1 nodes, ER-/PR-, HER2+ Chemotherapy 8/10/2018 Carboplatin (Paraplatin), Taxotere (docetaxel) Targeted Therapy 8/10/2018 Perjeta (pertuzumab) Targeted Therapy Herceptin (trastuzumab)
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