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Topic: Breast cancer husband

Forum: Caring for Someone with Breast cancer —

A place to share your struggles and concerns about supporting and caring for a person you love diagnosed with breast cancer with others who understand.

Posted on: Sep 11, 2018 03:55PM

leetesdell wrote:

What do you do in memory of your wife, partner, girlfriend after her death from BC? Internalize and keep quiet? Contribute to organizations? Buy BC stamps? Give advice to friends?

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Sep 11, 2018 05:38PM DebAL wrote:

leetesdell, I am sorry. I'm assuming you have suffered a loss. If that is the case I think it depends where u are in the grieving process and what feels right at the time. And what feels right to you. There is no right or wrong. As you work through your loss and with time I would assume your wife would want you to find happiness whenever you can. I hope this forum can offer you some support. How nice of to reach out for advice during a very difficult time. Please take care.

Dx 1/22/2018, IDC, Left, <1cm, Stage IA, Grade 1, 0/3 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2- (IHC) Surgery 2/12/2018 Mastectomy: Left, Right Surgery 2/12/2018 Reconstruction (left): Tissue expander placement; Reconstruction (right): Tissue expander placement Chemotherapy 4/2/2018 Cytoxan (cyclophosphamide), Taxotere (docetaxel) Hormonal Therapy 6/14/2018 Arimidex (anastrozole) Surgery 8/9/2018 Reconstruction (left): Fat grafting, Silicone implant; Reconstruction (right): Fat grafting, Silicone implant Surgery 12/20/2018 Reconstruction (left): Fat grafting; Reconstruction (right): Fat grafting Surgery
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Sep 11, 2018 07:41PM edwards750 wrote:

I agree with DebAL. There is no protocol for grieving and even if there were it’s how you feel that matters. I am so sorry. Too many women have lost their lives to this insidious disease. I have personally lost a few friends to breast cancer. There are no words.

I hope you have friends and family to lean on. A friend lost her husband and went to a grieving support group at church to help her deal and heal.

I also go to a BC support group at my church. It has really helped me. We are all in different stages, grades and treatments. I was 7 years out last month. Since I joined we lost a member of our group.

I know you loved her and I’m sure she loved you. Cherish your memories.

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Sep 11, 2018 08:59PM DATNY wrote:

What would the deceased have wanted her partner to do? My bet is on be as happy as possible and move on.

However, if the partner would like to honor her, I suggest a small donation in her name: maybe for a couple battling cancer to go have a nice dinner, or a child who lost a parent to buy back to school stuff, or contribute to someone cost towards treatment. There are so many ways to keep someone memory alive while bringing a little happiness to some in difficulty or despair.

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Sep 11, 2018 09:19PM DATNY wrote:

I wanted to add that I am of Eastern Orthodox christian religion. The rituals surrounding the death of a family member are complex and lenghtly. They Include periodic give away of full meals to many people -at least 6 people, most of the time 12 or 24 or more. This happen frequently in the beginning: at 3, 6, and 9 days, 3 weeks, 40 days, 3, 6 and 9 months after the day of burrial. Most of the time this is done inviting people at home to have these meals, all at the same time. After 9 months, it is annually until 7 years after death. The 40 days event is huge, when, besides meals, a full set of clothing as well as basic furniture (bed, table, chairs) are given away. Growing up I never realized the benefit of these rituals: they keep the grieving family bussy, providing a powerful coping mechanism.

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Sep 11, 2018 10:00PM leetesdell wrote:

Thank you. It's been 17 years, but of course we don't forget. I was curious to find out what other people do to honor or remember their spouses.

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Sep 11, 2018 10:03PM leetesdell wrote:

Have you read Breast Cancer Husband, by Marc Silver?

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Sep 11, 2018 10:23PM finallyoverit wrote:

First, my condolences for your loss. My only advice would be to honor the wishes of your loved one. As for me, I have already told everyone that I do NOT want any sort of pink ribbons, pink flowers or references of “she lost her fight”.. each of those is highly offensive to me. This disease is highly personal, so I would say, follow the lead of your loved one. Again, my condolences..

Dx 10/2011, IDC, Stage IIA, 0/4 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Dx 5/2017, Stage IV, metastasized to bone
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Sep 11, 2018 10:52PM DATNY wrote:

Nothing special other than religious rituals here. Even after the 7 year mark, there are three special days per year in my religion, with special rituals to remember all dead people in one's family, in bulk. Also full meals are given away with these occasions. I lost my father in my early 20s, and the only thing we've done was to keep up with these rituals. It's a lot of work, but it does keep the memory alive, at least for two generations -for instance, it is my duty to remember my grandparents at these annual rituals.

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