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Mar 11, 2019 11:50AM
I'm very sorry, Jag. I think the recommendations here are great, especially CaringBridge--it was totally exhausting (especially for me and DH, both extreme introverts) to keep people updated. EXHAUSTING. That central place is a big help.
I would add (tongue in cheek)...don't ask if you can help. Just help. Here is an example: Don't ask if you can do laundry or dishes. Just do them. Don't halfway do them--wash, dry, fold, *and* put away laundry (not just wash and dry). I had a dedicated basket on a waist-level shelf where my clean shirts, underwear, and head covers lived--easy to access, no excessive bending. And do not expect anything in return. That is a huge gift. I know it was frustrating when kind and well meaning people "helped," but it ended up being more work for me (they would wash dishes, but leave them scattered on all the countertops to dry, and my numb, clumsy fingers broke lots of bowls--just trying to eat some cereal, not working myself). I was grateful for their intentions, but cried a bit because in the end, it was not helpful. And while most people never expected more than thanks, some wanted to do things on their schedule, their way ("I can only help every third Monday from 3-4 PM"), with a trophy. It will help your wife if you can perhaps juggle these times for her, so that she doesn't have to be the one that says no. (Hope that makes sense! I had wonderful help, btw, 98% of the time, but the 2% was tiring).
Also, something we did for my DH: He had one "getaway" weekend a month, where someone would stay with me. He went hiking, camping, and to a fun conference, for example. Cancer was omnipresent, and that 48 hours away from it helped him to help me. I hope that this helps you as well.
1/2004, DCIS, Right, <1cm, Stage 0, ER-/PR-
4/1/2004 Lumpectomy: Right
2/6/2018, IDC, Left, 1cm, Stage IB, Grade 3, 0/3 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2+ (FISH)
2/6/2018, DCIS, Left, <1cm, Stage 0, Grade 2, 0/3 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- (IHC)
2/28/2018 Lumpectomy; Lymph node removal: Sentinel
4/10/2018 Herceptin (trastuzumab)
4/10/2018 Taxol (paclitaxel)
8/7/2018 Whole-breast: Breast
10/1/2018 Arimidex (anastrozole), Aromasin (exemestane), Tamoxifen pills (Nolvadex, Apo-Tamox, Tamofen, Tamone)
2/13/2020, IDC, Right, <1cm, Stage IB, Grade 1, ER+/PR-, HER2- (IHC)
3/19/2020 Mastectomy: Left, Right