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Topic: my wife has just been diagnosed

Forum: Caring for Someone with Breast cancer —

A place to share your struggles and concerns about supporting and caring for a person you love diagnosed with breast cancer with others who understand.

Posted on: Apr 8, 2019 03:11AM

jackpeter wrote:

hello I am new to this forum. I have a problem- my wife has been diagnosed not long ago , but she doesnt want me to help her, and she alwlays goes to the doctor alone. Any tips what to do ?

Thanks in advance

Jack Peter

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Apr 8, 2019 03:28AM NoteRed wrote:

Hello jackpeter, sorry I find both of you at this situation. I also go to the doctors alone (without my husband). is a matter of every person's character I think. I also go to my scans alone. Try to be near every time as she wants you. I know its difficult for you too...when you see her more relaxed ask her about her visit, her diagnosis etc...

Dx 2/2/2018, ILC, Left, 1cm, Stage IIA, Grade 3, 7/17 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- (SPOT) Surgery 2/22/2018 Lymph node removal: Underarm/Axillary; Mastectomy: Left Chemotherapy 3/26/2018 Taxol (paclitaxel) Chemotherapy 6/28/2018 CEF
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Apr 8, 2019 06:08AM Ingerp wrote:

Definitely follow her lead. It'd drive me nuts to have my husband at all of my appointments. He went to one appt with my breast surgeon (when I got the dx and learned about treatment options) and the first one with my medical oncologist, but other than that I'm much happier being by myself.

Dx 3/11/2016, DCIS, Left, 6cm+, Stage 0, Grade 3, ER-/PR- Surgery 3/22/2016 Lumpectomy Surgery 4/19/2016 Lumpectomy: Left Radiation Therapy 5/17/2016 Whole-breast: Breast Dx 3/2/2018, IDC, Right, 1cm, Stage IA, Grade 2, 0/1 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2+ (FISH) Surgery 3/12/2018 Lumpectomy: Right; Lymph node removal: Sentinel Chemotherapy 5/17/2018 Taxol (paclitaxel) Targeted Therapy 5/17/2018 Herceptin (trastuzumab) Radiation Therapy 8/19/2018 Whole-breast: Breast
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Apr 8, 2019 06:54AM Runrcrb wrote:

as mentioned, follow her lead. My husband was in the hospital during the two months that i was managing consults and diagnosis. Doubt I would have wanted him at every appointment any way. While i took a friend to consults for note taking, i went to all tests, all chemo and radiation solo - would not have wanted it any other way.

Be there when she is ready to talk as she may want to talk through treatment options. And if you have questions ask her.

Dx 6/27/2016, IDC, Right, 1cm, Stage IIB, Grade 1, 4/10 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Dx 6/27/2016, ILC/IDC, Right, 2cm, Stage IIB, Grade 1, 4/10 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 9/22/2016 Lymph node removal: Right; Mastectomy: Right; Reconstruction (right): Tissue expander placement Chemotherapy 10/31/2016 Cytoxan (cyclophosphamide), Taxotere (docetaxel) Radiation Therapy 2/9/2017 Whole-breast: Breast, Lymph nodes, Chest wall Hormonal Therapy 4/23/2017 Aromasin (exemestane) Surgery 12/13/2017 Reconstruction (right): DIEP flap
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Apr 8, 2019 03:37PM Salamandra wrote:

Maybe there are chores or tasks that she normally does but that you can pick up? Maybe reading here and finding your own support so that if she wants to talk with you about stuff you can really be there for her and not leaning on her to help you with your emotions about it? Maybe offering her even more space if she thinks it would be helpful, like a weekend away or a retreat at home while you take the kids away for the weekend?

It's really about following her lead and her needs. You know her much better than we do.

Dx at 39. 1.8cm. Oncotype 9. Dx 9/19/2018, IDC, Right, 1cm, Stage IA, Grade 2, 0/3 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- (FISH) Surgery 10/18/2018 Lumpectomy; Lymph node removal: Sentinel Hormonal Therapy 11/1/2018 Tamoxifen pills (Nolvadex, Apo-Tamox, Tamofen, Tamone) Radiation Therapy 12/3/2018 Whole-breast: Breast Hormonal Therapy 12/19/2019 Fareston (toremifene)

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