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Jan 14, 2021 06:13PM
Jan 14, 2021 06:14PM
girl - I'm am sorry to hear what you have going on as well as your mother being recently diagnosed.
As a former caregiver for my mother and mother in law, and step father in law, from my experience I'd like to sharea few pointers.
#1-take care of yourself. First and foremost. You do what you feel you can do and nothing else. This is not your fault, you can't fix it, you can't fix family dysfunction and you can't expect anymore out of anyone more than they can give or think they should comprehend. Caregiving can suck the life right out of you. Wasting energy on others —just don't do it.
#2-Seems you are already sucked in. If in the U S can you ask your mother if she (if not already) will put you on her Hippa, and possibly sign on as her medical proxy-poa (power of attorney). This will allow you access to her medical records as well as being able to speak with the team treating her, and following through on making decisions. As you've already learned and reached out here, knowing the medical stuff will help you while dealing with the emotional stuff. Especially now during a pandemic when you can't be present with her at appointments. Don't count on your Mom to learn it on her own and relay it to you I don't say this unloving, but if you're doing this, you need the facts
I had to deal with dysfunction and denial in families, and it was dementia/Alzheimer's which in my opinion is way worse than breast cancer. However, it's all the same premise. Validate your mother's fears, try to reassure her as best you can as you gain more knowledge on her diagnosis. Again, remember there's no shame and no judgement here if you feel it's too much. Your well being is just as important. Especially if your mother has her faculties and is running on all cylinders. Please reach out if needed. Best wishes to you.
12/14/2017, DCIS/IDC, Left, 4cm, Stage IIB, Grade 2, 1/2 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-
1/16/2018, LCIS, Right
1/31/2018 Lumpectomy: Left; Lymph node removal: Sentinel
4/11/2018 Whole-breast: Breast
6/25/2018 Arimidex (anastrozole)