Jul 7, 2017 02:30AM divinemrsm wrote:

Micmel, I am not sure how old you are. I was in my early 50s when diagnosed. It took me a long time to process my changed life. One way I dealt with the sadness was to keep a journal, writing three pages in the morning of any and everything on my mind. It helps get thoughts in order and I can't recommend it highly enough.

I think if I go before my husband, he is the type to find female company. I see it happen a lot in our small town. I have mixed feelings about it, but it is what it is. And I think dh is the type to have a woman take advantage of him, so he may not weather the new relationship thing so well.

But I most often do not even think about it.We have been married 25+ years and there is love and respect and a history we have together. As I continue living with this disease, I am more about me. Yep, I lovemy husband, son and all family and friends, but I am still allowed to have a life and live for me. I seek meaningful interactions with people I am close to and like trying new things, even simple new things (like going to the pool today by myself for the first time) and continuing to havenice times and memorable times with my loved ones. I simply cannot spend much time worrying about that which I cannot control.

Jul 7, 2017 04:11AM - edited Jul 7, 2017 04:26AM by micmel

Jul 7, 2017 04:44AM minustwo wrote:

I don't believe that is true If you are in a community property state. Your husband legally inherits half of your estate in that case. You can do what you wish with the other half. You can leave it in trust for your children and have a 3rd party as the trustee (like a sister). Please do see an attorney.

Jul 7, 2017 06:01AM - edited Jul 7, 2017 12:23PM by micmel

Kandy~Cureious~minus two~ Thank you for all of your responses. I wrestle with this every single waking moment. I had to make a thread about it, to see how others cope and maybe what the heck I am doing wrong. I do have children, one DD who is 21, one DSwho is 20, and a SS from my DHs prior marriage. who is 16. We have a beautifully blended family and with our kids blood means nothing. It's a sweet loving caring family that We have made. I don't come from a close family at all, so for me this was it in many ways. My little oasis. I try to talk myself out offthe ledge everyday and I can totally relate to the estate issues. I want to make sure my kids are well taken care of and I don't want some other woman reaping the joys of my family. I never even thought about that until you just brought it up. As you can see I am newly into this line of thinking. It sends me into a dark panic room and no one has the key. I don't want to be selfish and say I want him alone because that would be mean. But I also don't want to think of a time where he would just be ok without me by his side. Like I was never there. I am also afraid I would never Rest In Peace without loving him. Thank you for your thoughtful responses. I looked all around for a thread to express these emotions. Wether they are emotional or relationship anger, confusion, sexual frustrations or anxieties about trying again after treatments. I needed a place to talk about these things with people who understand. So thank you all. 💐💐gn ~M~

Jul 7, 2017 12:21PM - edited Jul 7, 2017 12:46PM by micmel

Freya~ I need any view and every view for me to able to live through this awful sense of loss that I have already. He tells me the same things. That for him, I am it , and he doesn't even mind being alone. I guess either way I look at, it shatters me into splinters that cannot be put back together. I have always wanted nothing but happiness for him. I wanted nothing More that to Be that one forever, and My heart cannot be told another ending or it will just cease to exsist. You're a wonderfully uplifting and strong woman. I appreciate your feelings and thoughts and would want any opinion, any thought and shared suggestion. I just believed that this was one topic i noticed wasn't a part of the stage four forums, this topic scares me more than any procedure, and I have always known I could never be on this earth without him. With this happening, and changing what we thought was our future together sends me into a dark place alone. Because at the end of our lives, we all go alone,And all I have ever wanted was to be with him. Always. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with me. They help tremendously. ~ M~