Topic: My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer

Forum: Stage IV/Metastatic Breast Cancer, Open to All To Contribute — Topics here are started by members with a Stage IV/Metastatic Breast Cancer diagnosis, but open to all members to contribute to discussions. Please note that there is a separate forum, Stage IV/Metastatic Breast Cancer ONLY, where topics are open only to those members.

Posted on: Jul 6, 2017 05:38PM - edited Oct 28, 2019 09:42AM by micmel

Posted on: Jul 6, 2017 05:38PM - edited Oct 28, 2019 09:42AM by micmel

micmel wrote:

As I go through this forced path I have been thrown down, I have come to realize the love I have always had for my husband was strong. He is amazing and I love him with my very soul and entire heart. Never would I ever imagine the thought of dying and him being alone. Then the worst part hit me!! I can't seem to shake the horrible sorrow of thinking of another woman taking my place in his life and his heart, and if I Am honest his bed. He is my best friend and the love of my life, I would never need another for any reason. He makes my life complete, and then this happens. How do I process that I most likely won't be the one growing old on the porch that we have talked about, how do I process, someone else sitting in that chair? I hate this trajectory path I've been spun onto, and everyday I feel grief and deep sorrow. How do I live everyday knowing in the back of my mind, I feel like a place holder, for another woman who will be stepping into my life when I die of this horrible disease, more sooner than later. Why would I even want to take any medicines or treatments, when the answer is pretty obviously in front of my face.? Why do we fight so hard for something we cannot control ? Why do we hurt so badly thinking about letting go, or giving up? It's a four letter word that holds so much power. That word is LOVE..... If you have ever felt this way. Share with me, because I understand, I feel this way everyday. I also don't know what to do with the sadness of loss or how to process the process of dying. However slow or fast it may be. Please share your love stories with me, how did you meet? How long together? I want to know your stories, everyone has their person. Everyone loves.....tell me about your family, your friends, your life too, as if this was your living room. ♥️

We are team FU cancer (Named by Parry, our sweet sister) and this is our Lol pub and living room. Welcome, put your feet up and just be you!

Everyone has to dance, they just don’t know what song they will get. Dx 1/22/2016, IDC, Left, 4cm, Stage IV, metastasized to bone, Grade 2, 13/35 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2- Chemotherapy 2/9/2016 AC Surgery 6/20/2016 Lymph node removal; Lymph node removal (Left): Underarm/Axillary; Mastectomy; Mastectomy (Left) Chemotherapy 7/19/2016 Abraxane (albumin-bound or nab-paclitaxel) Targeted Therapy 11/6/2016 Ibrance (palbociclib) Surgery Chemotherapy Chemotherapy Hormonal Therapy Arimidex (anastrozole)
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May 17, 2022 08:29PM seeq wrote:

SF-Cakes - I'm sorry your having the headaches and eye symptoms. I don't think NDA (not diagnosed with anything) people get it...the worry with every symptom that we would normally shrug off with some innocuous explanation (I've been too tired, too stressed, too whatever). So, here's hoping the MRI is clear and the explanation is...innocuous. Also, I don't know if you recently changed your tagline, or if I just noticed it - either way, it made me laugh. 😂

Mara - you are so creative in your meal ideas. I never would have thought of grinding up dry beans. I'm sure you'll find the perfect place to use them.

Good to hear from you Runor.

Goldens - sorry you're having the extreme stiffness. Let's hope the PT helps loosen that up quick.

Mel - I feel what you feel - it really isn't fair. I haven't been dealing with it nearly as long as you have. Recently, I keep catching myself thinking, "How the hell did I get here?!" Mostly, I just try to live in the moment and ignore the shitty part. I'm sure it will overwhelm me one of these days, but I keep telling myself, "not today."

Yesterday and today were cleaning days - yay. Tomorrow is low/no carb day - double yay. Way to live in the moment. LOL

De novo diagnosis with large/numerous liver mets. Breast lump identified one month later. Hormonal Therapy 7/2/2020 Arimidex (anastrozole) Targeted Therapy 7/9/2020 Verzenio
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May 18, 2022 02:15AM denny10 wrote:

It's good to see an increase in visitors in micmels 'living room'.

Micmel, I would be content with my life too if I did not have cancer. Hope you're feeling better after your cold.

Sondraf, I hate going to the hygienists , somehow they make my gums bleed. I haven't been to one since covid. At checkups the dentist has said my teeth are fine, so I am not in a hurry to return. That sudden hit of fatigue can be so surprising. I will try to get some Kind bars, thanks for the tip.

Candy, well done with your exercise regime , I am happy if I do 10 minutes without a rest break :)

Goldens, Maras words are wise, we are all different and as long as you recover well, it doesnt matter how long it takes.

Runor good to hear from you, I hope your husband gets some support and healing.

Take care .

12/2021 Stage IV TN Dx 2007, Left, Stage IIB, HER2- Dx 12/2013, Right, Stage IV, metastasized to liver/lungs/other, ER+ Hormonal Therapy Faslodex (fulvestrant), Femara (letrozole), Tamoxifen pills (Nolvadex, Apo-Tamox, Tamofen, Tamone)
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May 18, 2022 04:25AM micmel wrote:

SeeQ ~I know what you mean about how the hell did I get here. Everyday I think that. Good for you for living in the moment, I need to learn that better.

Everyone has to dance, they just don’t know what song they will get. Dx 1/22/2016, IDC, Left, 4cm, Stage IV, metastasized to bone, Grade 2, 13/35 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2- Chemotherapy 2/9/2016 AC Surgery 6/20/2016 Lymph node removal; Lymph node removal (Left): Underarm/Axillary; Mastectomy; Mastectomy (Left) Chemotherapy 7/19/2016 Abraxane (albumin-bound or nab-paclitaxel) Targeted Therapy 11/6/2016 Ibrance (palbociclib) Surgery Chemotherapy Chemotherapy Hormonal Therapy Arimidex (anastrozole)
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May 18, 2022 04:29AM micmel wrote:

Denny~thank you. I am feeling better today. Haven't had a cold in years. They are yucky. I think most of us feel that way about our lives. Whatever shape they have taken. For each of us. Just sucks out loud that weve even been dealt this shitty hand..

Everyone has to dance, they just don’t know what song they will get. Dx 1/22/2016, IDC, Left, 4cm, Stage IV, metastasized to bone, Grade 2, 13/35 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2- Chemotherapy 2/9/2016 AC Surgery 6/20/2016 Lymph node removal; Lymph node removal (Left): Underarm/Axillary; Mastectomy; Mastectomy (Left) Chemotherapy 7/19/2016 Abraxane (albumin-bound or nab-paclitaxel) Targeted Therapy 11/6/2016 Ibrance (palbociclib) Surgery Chemotherapy Chemotherapy Hormonal Therapy Arimidex (anastrozole)
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May 18, 2022 07:27AM mara51506 wrote:

Mel, positive thoughts your way and I can imagine wanting to live longer. We may yet, hard to think about it not lasting long enough. I am at peace since I am not a mother nor a wife and I know my brother and SIL are quite strong but that is only my thought. Many of you have families that both depend on you and you depend on as well. Even those that live alone have friends here and IRL too. That will change attitudes as well.

I am going to keep up with cooking dry beans and keeping the bean liquid and whatever it has been seasoned with. Going to keep the liquid from the canned beans as well and season that if I make a pasta. The rice yesterday that I cooked in the black bean liquid that was heavily seasoned with garlic while boiling up the dry beans yielded a wonderful taste to the rice and it did not require a ton of seasoning to make it taste better. The dried beans can definitely be chopped up in the grinder as well to make a dry seasoning to sprinkle on meals as well just to bring up the nutrition. I also plan to chop up a few cashews to mix with the peanut butter I may have on an english muffin to bump up the meal. We will see, happy with all of it. I will also try soaking the dry beans overnight as well since they are a bit cheaper than canned, we will see about that.

Going to go to Walmart by bus, have a few Walmart gift cards earned through surveys. Have 60.00. Only reason not using those more is they removed the bar code from the new cards and just have the pin and the number, hopefully will not cause too many issues for me. I am really just kind of bored and need a trip out as well.

2015 chemos AC plus T Herceptin august 12 2016 craniotomy for brain met Sept 23 whole brain radiation November 2016 Herceptin, Perjeta and Taxol. Dec 2016, Dropped the Taxol due to extreme side effects, continuing Herceptin and Perjeta. Dx 3/15/2015, DCIS, Right, Stage 0, Grade 3, ER-/PR-, HER2+ Surgery 4/21/2015 Lymph node removal; Mastectomy; Mastectomy (Right) Dx 5/15/2015, IBC, Right, Stage IIIB, Grade 3, ER-/PR-, HER2+ Dx 7/29/2016, IBC, Right, 6cm+, Stage IV, metastasized to brain, Grade 3, ER-/PR-, HER2+
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May 18, 2022 08:30AM tanya_djamila wrote:

Mara enjoy your Walmart excursion. I may try the dry beans experiment. Do you think the nutri bullet will grind them. I see sometimes in the baking section chick pea flour. Is that all it is - ground chick peas?

I had acupuncture today and I’m hopeful the b-12 shots give me a boost of energy at some point.

Mel how’s the weather now? I used to love spring when I lived up north. Just watching the rebirth of greenery and scurrying of critters.

Pocket duty for whoever has upcoming appts scans treatment etc.

Have a good day all.

Tany

Tanya Dx 8/19/2003, LCIS, Right, 6cm+, Stage IV, metastasized to bone/other, 28/28 nodes, ER+, HER2- Dx 4/19/2017, Stage IV, metastasized to bone/other, 0/0 nodes, ER+, HER2- Immunotherapy 6/1/2017
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May 18, 2022 01:30PM mara51506 wrote:

Tanya, yes it would work to make chickpea flour.


2015 chemos AC plus T Herceptin august 12 2016 craniotomy for brain met Sept 23 whole brain radiation November 2016 Herceptin, Perjeta and Taxol. Dec 2016, Dropped the Taxol due to extreme side effects, continuing Herceptin and Perjeta. Dx 3/15/2015, DCIS, Right, Stage 0, Grade 3, ER-/PR-, HER2+ Surgery 4/21/2015 Lymph node removal; Mastectomy; Mastectomy (Right) Dx 5/15/2015, IBC, Right, Stage IIIB, Grade 3, ER-/PR-, HER2+ Dx 7/29/2016, IBC, Right, 6cm+, Stage IV, metastasized to brain, Grade 3, ER-/PR-, HER2+
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May 18, 2022 02:15PM elderberry wrote:

tanya: Ayoub's in our neighbourhood sells cookies made from chick pea flour. You don't have to chew. They dissolve in your mouth. I make a cookie with almond flour that's really good. Yes - just grind chick peas into a fine powder. You might want to sift a little to get the lumps out, then sift the lumps. Just remember to refrigerate the flour.

So true about no longer just brushing off "little things" --- like a pain here, or a pain there or just not really feeling quite right. Now it is "oh oh -- maybe it's ________" then fill in the blank with "progression" "something new and BAD"


De Novo - this isn't a "brave battle" - it is a "furious struggle" Dx 3/6/2019, IDC, Left, 5cm, Stage IV, metastasized to liver, HER2+ Targeted Therapy Herceptin (trastuzumab) Chemotherapy Taxol (paclitaxel) Targeted Therapy Perjeta (pertuzumab)
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May 18, 2022 05:34PM micmel wrote:

Elderberry~ I agree with you. The smallest ache or pain I’m like 🙊 Just don’t want to have cancer anymore. I’m sick of it. I know we all are

Everyone has to dance, they just don’t know what song they will get. Dx 1/22/2016, IDC, Left, 4cm, Stage IV, metastasized to bone, Grade 2, 13/35 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2- Chemotherapy 2/9/2016 AC Surgery 6/20/2016 Lymph node removal; Lymph node removal (Left): Underarm/Axillary; Mastectomy; Mastectomy (Left) Chemotherapy 7/19/2016 Abraxane (albumin-bound or nab-paclitaxel) Targeted Therapy 11/6/2016 Ibrance (palbociclib) Surgery Chemotherapy Chemotherapy Hormonal Therapy Arimidex (anastrozole)
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May 18, 2022 08:19PM micmel wrote:

I love dogs and this is their language. Lol

Everyone has to dance, they just don’t know what song they will get. Dx 1/22/2016, IDC, Left, 4cm, Stage IV, metastasized to bone, Grade 2, 13/35 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2- Chemotherapy 2/9/2016 AC Surgery 6/20/2016 Lymph node removal; Lymph node removal (Left): Underarm/Axillary; Mastectomy; Mastectomy (Left) Chemotherapy 7/19/2016 Abraxane (albumin-bound or nab-paclitaxel) Targeted Therapy 11/6/2016 Ibrance (palbociclib) Surgery Chemotherapy Chemotherapy Hormonal Therapy Arimidex (anastrozole)

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