Topic: My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer

Forum: Stage IV/Metastatic Breast Cancer, Open to All To Contribute — Topics here are started by members with a Stage IV/Metastatic Breast Cancer diagnosis, but open to all members to contribute to discussions. Please note that there is a separate forum, Stage IV/Metastatic Breast Cancer ONLY, where topics are open only to those members.

Posted on: Jul 6, 2017 08:38PM - edited Oct 28, 2019 12:42PM by micmel

Posted on: Jul 6, 2017 08:38PM - edited Oct 28, 2019 12:42PM by micmel

micmel wrote:

As I go through this forced path I have been thrown down, I have come to realize the love I have always had for my husband was strong. He is amazing and I love him with my very soul and entire heart. Never would I ever imagine the thought of dying and him being alone. Then the worst part hit me!! I can't seem to shake the horrible sorrow of thinking of another woman taking my place in his life and his heart, and if I Am honest his bed. He is my best friend and the love of my life, I would never need another for any reason. He makes my life complete, and then this happens. How do I process that I most likely won't be the one growing old on the porch that we have talked about, how do I process, someone else sitting in that chair? I hate this trajectory path I've been spun onto, and everyday I feel grief and deep sorrow. How do I live everyday knowing in the back of my mind, I feel like a place holder, for another woman who will be stepping into my life when I die of this horrible disease, more sooner than later. Why would I even want to take any medicines or treatments, when the answer is pretty obviously in front of my face.? Why do we fight so hard for something we cannot control ? Why do we hurt so badly thinking about letting go, or giving up? It's a four letter word that holds so much power. That word is LOVE..... If you have ever felt this way. Share with me, because I understand, I feel this way everyday. I also don't know what to do with the sadness of loss or how to process the process of dying. However slow or fast it may be. Please share your love stories with me, how did you meet? How long together? I want to know your stories, everyone has their person. Everyone loves.....tell me about your family, your friends, your life too, as if this was your living room. ♥️

We are team FU cancer (Named by Parry, our sweet sister) and this is our Lol pub and living room. Welcome, put your feet up and just be you!

Everyone has to dance, they just don’t know what song they will get. Dx 1/22/2016, IDC, Left, 4cm, Stage IV, metastasized to bone, Grade 2, 13/35 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2- Chemotherapy 2/10/2016 AC Surgery 6/21/2016 Lymph node removal; Lymph node removal (Left): Underarm/Axillary; Mastectomy; Mastectomy (Left) Chemotherapy 7/20/2016 Abraxane (albumin-bound or nab-paclitaxel) Targeted Therapy 11/7/2016 Ibrance (palbociclib) Surgery Chemotherapy Chemotherapy Hormonal Therapy Arimidex (anastrozole)
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Jun 21, 2022 08:29PM micmel wrote:

I'm convinced I miss everything with this new format. I really hate it.
Runor. Hello sweet friend. I'm doing a lot better. I'm painting a lot and realizing I need to be happier. I went to the doctors. toGo get Xgeva. Well the nurses. Infusion center angels. All swarmed me and gave me nothing but love and hugs and compliments on how long my hair is now. How good I looked and how well everything in my file looked. They made me feel so good. That I am doing well 6 and half years into this. I get tired for sure. But I love my family. My sweet daughter who has come around to become a thoughtful loving beautiful woman. Who shows me her feelings and tells me All the time how she feels about me and our relationship. My sweet teddy bear Of a son who I love just seeing his smile and his blue beautiful eyes. He's so funny. My sweet, smart step son who I love like one of my own. Who I laugh with and have watched him grow since he was three and a half. My loving DH who I couldn't bear to be without. He's my soul and heart. That circle of people bring me meaning. I am thankful for the love. I am thankful for you ladies. That are walking the same plank with me. I'm learning to cope. Good days bad days. It all. Comes along with it. But fighting this cellular asshole, is what we do.

Everyone has to dance, they just don’t know what song they will get. Dx 1/22/2016, IDC, Left, 4cm, Stage IV, metastasized to bone, Grade 2, 13/35 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2- Chemotherapy 2/10/2016 AC Surgery 6/21/2016 Lymph node removal; Lymph node removal (Left): Underarm/Axillary; Mastectomy; Mastectomy (Left) Chemotherapy 7/20/2016 Abraxane (albumin-bound or nab-paclitaxel) Targeted Therapy 11/7/2016 Ibrance (palbociclib) Surgery Chemotherapy Chemotherapy Hormonal Therapy Arimidex (anastrozole)
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Jun 21, 2022 09:47PM kbl wrote:

Runor, I’m so glad you came back and posted. Your words are amazing, and I can almost feel some weight lifted off your shoulders after the three days in the basement. I am thinking of you and your daughter and hope she can really think hard on her decision. I am sending you a gentle hug and hoping things work out for her. All we want for our children is happiness.

Mara, I’m glad you turned around.

Mel, I’m thinking of you. I am loving your paint by numbers.

Mae, I loved yours too.

Waving hi to everyone.

De Novo ILC - No primary found. Mets to full spine, femurs, skull, and stomach. Dx 5/1/2019, ILC, Stage IV, metastasized to bone/other, ER+/PR+, HER2- Hormonal Therapy 9/20/2021 Faslodex (fulvestrant) Chemotherapy 9/27/2021 Xeloda (capecitabine) Hormonal Therapy Femara (letrozole) Targeted Therapy Ibrance (palbociclib)
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Jun 21, 2022 10:14PM - edited Jun 21, 2022 10:15PM by molliefish

Mel, darling you sound so tired. Rest. Be well enjoy the love you children bestow on you.

Runor… right on fucking point as always, love the furnace. Wish I had one.

Back to lurking I go. Can't seem to get the GP on the phone. Says I'mbooked for a us but no one has passed on the date and time. That's kinda important. Grrrr


Mara, take it easy, it's hot as blazes out there,

Xoxoxo to al

Dx 5/24/2015, IDC, Left, 1cm, Stage IA, Grade 3, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 6/8/2015 Lumpectomy; Lumpectomy (Left) Chemotherapy 8/14/2015 Cytoxan (cyclophosphamide), Taxotere (docetaxel) Hormonal Therapy 1/10/2016 Tamoxifen pills (Nolvadex, Apo-Tamox, Tamofen, Tamone) Radiation Therapy Whole breast: Breast
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Jun 22, 2022 04:55AM denny10 wrote:

Runor, I applaud your determination when you cleared out your basement. Why do we keep stuff we no longer use, need or look at? I am going through family photos at the moment, but am looking at every single one before I finally make a decision if it goes or stays; it's taking weeks so far!

I hope everyone can enjoy the warmer weather, but take care, particularly you mara.

Hugs to anybody who needs one, I certainly do.


12/2021 Stage IV TN Dx 2007, Left, Stage IIB, HER2- Dx 12/2013, Right, Stage IV, metastasized to liver/lungs/other, ER+ Hormonal Therapy Faslodex (fulvestrant), Femara (letrozole), Tamoxifen pills (Nolvadex, Apo-Tamox, Tamofen, Tamone)
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Jun 22, 2022 07:25AM - edited Jun 22, 2022 07:25AM by mara51506

Thank you Denny. I am taking the bus today, not walking there. The walk to the bus stop is maybe 5 mins so I will get to cool down plus I am going to roll up my leggings (don't own shorts) so my legs will not be fully covered. I will still wear the neck fan but not bother with the umbrella. PIA to carry and did not do much yesterday, maybe just find some of my fabric caps since baseball caps look dumb and hate those really big hats. We will see. Thankfully, the Herceptin is this morning so I can wait inside the cancer clinic until the bus comes to the stop out front. Tomorrow is supposed to improve in temps so we will see about walking then.


2015 chemos AC plus T Herceptin august 12 2016 craniotomy for brain met Sept 23 whole brain radiation November 2016 Herceptin, Perjeta and Taxol. Dec 2016, Dropped the Taxol due to extreme side effects, continuing Herceptin and Perjeta. Dx 3/15/2015, DCIS, Right, Stage 0, Grade 3, ER-/PR-, HER2+ Surgery 4/22/2015 Lymph node removal; Mastectomy; Mastectomy (Right) Dx 5/15/2015, IBC, Right, Stage IIIB, Grade 3, ER-/PR-, HER2+ Dx 7/29/2016, IBC, Right, 6cm+, Stage IV, metastasized to brain, Grade 3, ER-/PR-, HER2+
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Jun 22, 2022 10:44AM dodgersgirl wrote:

Illimae — thought about you as I enjoy a couple of pieces of See’s Chocolates. So smooth and tasty.

Hope you are doing well

Dx 3/10/2017, IDC: Mucinous, Right, Stage IIIB, Grade 2, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 9/11/2017 Mastectomy; Mastectomy (Right) Dx 12/2019, IDC, Right, Stage IV, metastasized to bone Radiation Therapy Whole breast: Breast, Lymph nodes, Chest wall Chemotherapy AC + T (Taxol) Hormonal Therapy Arimidex (anastrozole)
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Jun 22, 2022 10:58AM sunshine99 wrote:

Good morning, everyone! I love this living room. I love that we can come and say how we're feeling, whether it be great, awful, or just plain pissy! (Dear Spell Check, PISSY is a word, so don't try to tell me it's not!!) I love that we can rant, and no one judges us. I love that we can be sad, and no one tells us to just be happy (grrrr!)

I think I'll just sit in the corner and growl. Not at any of you, of course.

Elderberry, I hope you are continuing to recover from your fall! I took a spill several years ago over a curb than was higher than I expected. Really wrenched my neck. I was stiff for months. A neighbor said I reminder her of Ed Sullivan! We got a laugh out of that one.

Runor, wow, just wow! What a sh!tload of stuff to be going through. Three days of purging must have been mentally and physically exhausting! Then weeding, mowing, etc! Holy smokes, I'd have to sleep for at least a week after that.

Tanya, thank you for the info on prariesea, AKA Dr. Kathryn Oberdeck's obituary. She was indeed a remarkable lady.

Mara, I hope your trip to get your Herceptin is uneventful today. I hope the temps drop a bit, too.

Emac, it's always good to see your name pop up. Good luck with your MRI on Thursday.

Sondra, it's nice to find a routine that works, right?

Mel, thank you for just being you. Thank you for starting this thread and thank you for opening up your living room to all of us!

Molliefish, don't you just love scheduling appointments? Do you have a patient portal when they post your appointments and tests? Can you message your GP? My MO's nurse is actually really good about responding to my messages through the patient portal. I'm probably a PITA, but so be it.

Denny, hugs (and chocolate, if you'd like.)

Dodgersgirl, my DH got some chocolate covered cocoa beans at Trader Joe's. They're pretty tasty!
my-sunny-side-up.com Cancer has progressed to my bones. I pray that it never enters my soul. Dx 11/2/2007, IDC, 3cm, Stage IIA, 0/3 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Dx 3/26/2020, IDC, Stage IV, metastasized to bone, ER+/PR-, HER2- Hormonal Therapy 4/22/2020 Arimidex (anastrozole) Radiation Therapy 5/5/2020 External Local Metastases 5/5/2020 Radiation therapy: Bone Radiation Therapy 5/12/2020 External Local Metastases 5/12/2020 Radiation therapy: Bone Targeted Therapy 6/10/2020 Ibrance (palbociclib)
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Jun 22, 2022 11:43AM sf-cakes wrote:

Sunshine, I'm going to join you with growling, please.

t's been insanely hot here (90 degrees in San Francisco), everything is super dry outside, and some idiot started shooting off fireworks last night. MY NEIGHBOR'S YARD CAUGHT ON FIRE, right next door to us! My neighbor and I both ran out there, yelling our heads off into the dark, hoping whoever did this stupid shit could hear us. Fortunately it was a small fire and it's out now, but good grief. It was a great bonding moment for me and my nice neighbor, yelling obscenities together, lol.

Not looking forward to the 4th, please nobody set my house on fire! Also, fireworks are illegal here, ha ha, like that matters.

This is some bullshit. Dx 6/2020, ILC, Left, 6cm+, Stage IIB, Grade 3, 2/4 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2- Surgery 7/1/2020 Mastectomy; Mastectomy (Left) Chemotherapy 8/4/2020 Cytoxan (cyclophosphamide), Taxotere (docetaxel) Radiation Therapy 11/3/2020 Chest wall Dx 1/2021, ILC, Left, 6cm+, Stage IV, metastasized to bone, Grade 3, ER+/PR-, HER2- Radiation Therapy 2/10/2021 External Local Metastases 2/10/2021 Radiation therapy: Bone Hormonal Therapy Femara (letrozole) Targeted Therapy Ibrance (palbociclib)
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Jun 22, 2022 12:00PM illimae wrote:

SFcakes, darn stupid people! There’s been a drought in California for as long as I can remember, which goes back to a grade school assembly and Ricky the raindrop.

I’m doing ok. It’s day 3 of the 2nd cycle of Enhertu and I did throw up while prepping a bagel for breakfast but I took meds am feel fine now.

Working on electrical for the beach bar today, hopefully it’ll be ready for insulation this weekend.

Diagnosed at 41 Stage IV De Novo Dx 11/16/2016, IDC, Left, 5cm, Stage IV, metastasized to bone, Grade 3, 3/13 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2+ Chemotherapy 1/2/2017 Abraxane (albumin-bound or nab-paclitaxel) Targeted Therapy 1/2/2017 Herceptin (trastuzumab) Targeted Therapy 1/2/2017 Perjeta (pertuzumab) Surgery 6/26/2017 Lumpectomy; Lumpectomy (Left); Lymph node removal Radiation Therapy 8/10/2017 Breast, Lymph nodes Dx 10/5/2017, IDC, Left, 5cm, Stage IV, metastasized to brain, Grade 3, 3/13 nodes, ER+, HER2+ Radiation Therapy 10/20/2017 External Local Metastases 10/20/2017 Brain Radiation Therapy 4/18/2018 External Local Metastases 4/18/2018 Brain Radiation Therapy 5/23/2019 External Local Metastases 5/23/2019 Brain Surgery 1/22/2020 Radiation Therapy 2/17/2020 External Local Metastases 2/17/2020 Brain Radiation Therapy 7/20/2020 External Local Metastases 7/20/2020 Radiation therapy: Bone Radiation Therapy 12/4/2020 External Local Metastases 12/4/2020 Brain Targeted Therapy Tukysa (tucatinib) Chemotherapy Xeloda (capecitabine) Hormonal Therapy Tamoxifen pills (Nolvadex, Apo-Tamox, Tamofen, Tamone)
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Jun 22, 2022 12:00PM emac877 wrote:

I think Oregon must finally be figuring out the season. On Monday night the mountains had a freeze warning for sensitive plants with a high in the 50s. By this weekend we will be over 100 degrees. Yesterday it was set to be just under 90 so I was out in the morning before it got too hot to make sure the garden had water. By that evening I looked like a broiled tomato. The lotion I put on my arms just soaked in and disappeared! It's not as obvious on my arms this morning but my face is still red and sore. I was relying on my foundation to have adequate SPF but I think I will skip the foundation and just go with the sunscreen here on out. It's still really nice in the mornings for walking. I've had a string of days on for work and now have just over a week off so I am going to enjoy it.

Dx 2/8/2018, IDC, Right, 2cm, Stage IIB, Grade 2, 1/3 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 3/22/2018 Lumpectomy; Lumpectomy (Right); Lymph node removal Chemotherapy 6/8/2018 Cytoxan (cyclophosphamide), Taxotere (docetaxel) Radiation Therapy 8/26/2018 Whole breast: Breast, Chest wall Dx 12/4/2019, IDC, Stage IV, metastasized to bone Surgery 12/11/2019 Radiation Therapy 12/23/2019 External Local Metastases 12/23/2019 Radiation therapy: Bone Targeted Therapy 1/7/2020 Verzenio Hormonal Therapy 6/22/2021 Faslodex (fulvestrant)

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