Topic: My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer

Forum: Stage IV/Metastatic Breast Cancer, Open to All To Contribute — Topics here are started by members with a Stage IV/Metastatic Breast Cancer diagnosis, but open to all members to contribute to discussions. Please note that there is a separate forum, Stage IV/Metastatic Breast Cancer ONLY, where topics are open only to those members.

Posted on: Jul 6, 2017 08:38PM - edited Oct 28, 2019 12:42PM by micmel

Posted on: Jul 6, 2017 08:38PM - edited Oct 28, 2019 12:42PM by micmel

micmel wrote:

As I go through this forced path I have been thrown down, I have come to realize the love I have always had for my husband was strong. He is amazing and I love him with my very soul and entire heart. Never would I ever imagine the thought of dying and him being alone. Then the worst part hit me!! I can't seem to shake the horrible sorrow of thinking of another woman taking my place in his life and his heart, and if I Am honest his bed. He is my best friend and the love of my life, I would never need another for any reason. He makes my life complete, and then this happens. How do I process that I most likely won't be the one growing old on the porch that we have talked about, how do I process, someone else sitting in that chair? I hate this trajectory path I've been spun onto, and everyday I feel grief and deep sorrow. How do I live everyday knowing in the back of my mind, I feel like a place holder, for another woman who will be stepping into my life when I die of this horrible disease, more sooner than later. Why would I even want to take any medicines or treatments, when the answer is pretty obviously in front of my face.? Why do we fight so hard for something we cannot control ? Why do we hurt so badly thinking about letting go, or giving up? It's a four letter word that holds so much power. That word is LOVE..... If you have ever felt this way. Share with me, because I understand, I feel this way everyday. I also don't know what to do with the sadness of loss or how to process the process of dying. However slow or fast it may be. Please share your love stories with me, how did you meet? How long together? I want to know your stories, everyone has their person. Everyone loves.....tell me about your family, your friends, your life too, as if this was your living room. ♥️

We are team FU cancer (Named by Parry, our sweet sister) and this is our Lol pub and living room. Welcome, put your feet up and just be you!

Everyone has to dance, they just don’t know what song they will get. Dx 1/22/2016, IDC, Left, 4cm, Stage IV, metastasized to bone, Grade 2, 13/35 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2- Chemotherapy 2/10/2016 AC Surgery 6/21/2016 Lymph node removal; Lymph node removal (Left): Underarm/Axillary; Mastectomy; Mastectomy (Left) Chemotherapy 7/19/2016 Abraxane (albumin-bound or nab-paclitaxel) Targeted Therapy 11/6/2016 Ibrance (palbociclib) Surgery Chemotherapy Chemotherapy Hormonal Therapy Arimidex (anastrozole)
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Aug 18, 2022 10:01AM livingivlife wrote:

Goldens- I hope your husband's heart issues can be treated successfully. Also in your pocket for the Ortho meeting. Hopefully you don't have to wait too long to get relief for your knee pain.

Sondra- sometimes stepping back from a number of things will allow you to reboot your thought process.


Deb
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Aug 18, 2022 10:23AM mara51506 wrote:

Needing some advice now that we will be getting into various holidays coming up. It is my wish to spend things like Thanksgiving and Christmas alone. Not because I am mad at anyone but would prefer to do celebrations on my own. I would still want to see older DB, SIL and sometimes niece if they wanted to go shopping but older DB is resistant. I guess I just need to be upfront about my feelings but I would prefer to get chicken and boxed stuffing that I could add a little mustard too and celebrate with renting movies or whatever, ordering popcorn, just having my own day.

Other option for Christmas would be meeting at Swiss Chalet for a festive special with DB and SIL instead of with 9 or 10 people. My niece and nephews are all adults and have their own lives now. I don't know, advice would be good though.

2015 chemos AC plus T Herceptin august 12 2016 craniotomy for brain met Sept 23 whole brain radiation November 2016 Herceptin, Perjeta and Taxol. Dec 2016, Dropped the Taxol due to extreme side effects, continuing Herceptin and Perjeta. Dx 3/15/2015, DCIS, Right, Stage 0, Grade 3, ER-/PR-, HER2+ Surgery 4/22/2015 Lymph node removal; Mastectomy; Mastectomy (Right) Dx 5/15/2015, IBC, Right, Stage IIIB, Grade 3, ER-/PR-, HER2+ Dx 7/29/2016, IBC, Right, 6cm+, Stage IV, metastasized to brain, Grade 3, ER-/PR-, HER2+
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Aug 18, 2022 01:11PM elderberry wrote:

LivingIVLife: I am sorry to hear about your friend's son. A lot of the time there is nothing you can do to help. It is painful to watch someone going down and be unable to stop it. A waste of a life and the damage he caused to those women and their children.

mara: your situation is intolerable. Can the PO set up a letter box outside the front door and the dwellers have a key to one of the boxes?

Sondra: I was in a crazy making situation at work once. I would leave messages on my phone at work in the middle of the night at home so I would stop running things over in my head (don't forget to do this, remember to do that, phone so and so etc) I finally took stress leave, came back determined that they would never do that to me again. Fortunately I was able to change jobs within the organization but that may not be an option for you. Take a break from cancer chat too if it helps you get your equilibrium back. We'll know why you are MIA and not worry.

goldens: I hope your husband does well. My DH has had several cardioversion (?? I think that is what it is called) and two ablations. He has been doing really well these days.

Intolight: Congrats on NEAD and may it continue for years and years.

anx789: A PET scan would fine mets. Has your MO suggested that?

De Novo - this isn't a "brave battle" - it is a "furious struggle" Dx 3/6/2019, IDC, Left, 5cm, Stage IV, metastasized to liver, HER2+ Targeted Therapy Herceptin (trastuzumab) Chemotherapy Taxol (paclitaxel) Targeted Therapy Perjeta (pertuzumab)
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Aug 18, 2022 01:54PM illimae wrote:

Mara, I’d just be upfront about it. Personally, I’d just say “I’ve been thinking about the holidays and I’d like to go something different this year, just on my own and trying out some food/recipes” or something to that effect.

Diagnosed at 41 Stage IV De Novo Dx 11/16/2016, IDC, Left, 5cm, Stage IV, metastasized to bone, Grade 3, 3/13 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2+ Chemotherapy 1/2/2017 Abraxane (albumin-bound or nab-paclitaxel) Targeted Therapy 1/2/2017 Herceptin (trastuzumab) Targeted Therapy 1/2/2017 Perjeta (pertuzumab) Surgery 6/26/2017 Lumpectomy; Lumpectomy (Left); Lymph node removal Radiation Therapy 8/10/2017 Breast, Lymph nodes Dx 10/5/2017, IDC, Left, 5cm, Stage IV, metastasized to brain, Grade 3, 3/13 nodes, ER+, HER2+ Radiation Therapy 10/20/2017 External Local Metastases 10/20/2017 Brain Radiation Therapy 4/18/2018 External Local Metastases 4/18/2018 Brain Radiation Therapy 5/23/2019 External Local Metastases 5/23/2019 Brain Surgery 1/22/2020 Radiation Therapy 2/17/2020 External Local Metastases 2/17/2020 Brain Radiation Therapy 7/20/2020 External Local Metastases 7/20/2020 Radiation therapy: Bone Radiation Therapy 12/4/2020 External Local Metastases 12/4/2020 Brain Targeted Therapy Tukysa (tucatinib) Chemotherapy Xeloda (capecitabine) Hormonal Therapy Tamoxifen pills (Nolvadex, Apo-Tamox, Tamofen, Tamone)
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Aug 18, 2022 02:39PM mara51506 wrote:

Mae, I agree with you, I will just be honest with them.

Elderberry, got an email back saying PO office could use their own key. Until it's restored, checking every week or two on Fridays and just get over it.

2015 chemos AC plus T Herceptin august 12 2016 craniotomy for brain met Sept 23 whole brain radiation November 2016 Herceptin, Perjeta and Taxol. Dec 2016, Dropped the Taxol due to extreme side effects, continuing Herceptin and Perjeta. Dx 3/15/2015, DCIS, Right, Stage 0, Grade 3, ER-/PR-, HER2+ Surgery 4/22/2015 Lymph node removal; Mastectomy; Mastectomy (Right) Dx 5/15/2015, IBC, Right, Stage IIIB, Grade 3, ER-/PR-, HER2+ Dx 7/29/2016, IBC, Right, 6cm+, Stage IV, metastasized to brain, Grade 3, ER-/PR-, HER2+
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Aug 18, 2022 04:37PM karenfizedbo15 wrote:

Thanks all for the thoughts and the advice. Reading along if not posting much. Had second Taxol session today which is a long haul at 4 hours in the ward, but very fortunate that I do not have the travelling that some of you have to do. Exhausting for you! Loving Mae’s mountain pics and Mara’s recipies.

Surgery 9/7/2007 Lymph node removal; Mastectomy; Mastectomy (Right); Reconstruction (Right): Latissimus dorsi flap Dx 4/2018, IDC, Right, Stage IV, metastasized to lungs, 1/17 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Dx 2021, Stage IV, metastasized to bone Chemotherapy 2/4/2021 Xeloda (capecitabine) Hormonal Therapy Femara (letrozole) Hormonal Therapy Faslodex (fulvestrant) Targeted Therapy Ibrance (palbociclib)
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Aug 18, 2022 05:13PM wren44 wrote:

For problems with the door knobs would be very interesting to the fire department. I'll bet they would light a candle under them.

Lumpectomy and re-excision followed by mastectomy of right breast. Five years of anastrasole completed. Chemotherapy 6/17/2022 Other Surgery Lumpectomy (Right) Surgery Mastectomy (Right)
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Aug 18, 2022 05:43PM anx789 wrote:

Holidays has not been the same for me after BC. No more big celebration, simple and intimate celebration with people that care.

elderberry, yes, my oncoproposed a PET scan but I hesitated due to radiation exposure; ortho requested MRI. I probably read the mri results 100x since last night, nothing conclusive, “suspicious “ is the term they used. Will Pet scan have a definitive answer or should I go for biopsy to have a definite diagnosis? I am still hoping that it’s not met.

Dx 9/25/2018, IDC, Left, 2cm, Stage IA, Grade 3, 0/1 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-
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Aug 18, 2022 09:55PM molliefish wrote:

HI Mara, is it just the 'day' or the season? Perhaps if it is the day, just let him know you'd be happy to something another day through the season. We rarely do Thanksgiving with my MIL anymore, she likes to be on her own. But Christmas we all like to be together, but not necessarily on Christmas or Boxing day. My DH and I insisted for years on spending Christmas day at home with the kids letting them spend the day opening and enjoying every gift.. We still do now.. even though they are 20 and 17.

Dx 5/24/2015, IDC, Left, 1cm, Stage IA, Grade 3, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 6/8/2015 Lumpectomy; Lumpectomy (Left) Chemotherapy 8/14/2015 Cytoxan (cyclophosphamide), Taxotere (docetaxel) Hormonal Therapy 1/10/2016 Tamoxifen pills (Nolvadex, Apo-Tamox, Tamofen, Tamone) Radiation Therapy Whole breast: Breast
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Aug 19, 2022 12:14AM seeq wrote:

Hello ladies of the living room (lol)

I'm back from my cruise and finally caught up here. At first, I thought I'd try to respond as I read, but that was just not feasible as there has been so much going on. I know I will not remember everyone, but I have read and celebrate or worried or stomped my foot with each of you.

First, the loss of our dear moth. While I expected it, it was still very sad to hear. My deepest condolences to her family, and thanks to her daughter to reach out to us in the midst of her own grief.

Karenfizedbo - glad to hear from you, but sorry for your progression. I hope the new tx is gentle on you.

And a visit from Runor- with good news to go on and live life without meds and follow ups and such. Hurray!

Sondra - do what you need to do to reduce your stress. We'll see you when you come back.

Goldens - hope your hubby is busted out tomorrow. I've been to the WI state fair a few times - it was closer to where I lived in IL than the IL state fair. Later, I spent a lot of time around Oconomowoc, and went to the fair from there.

Mae - your mountain pic was beautiful. I hadn't thought about fire danger for you. Those storms are a blessing and a worry. We had wildfires started by lightning strikes during our storms a few weeks ago., and not enough rain to put them out. We should get 4-5 inches of rain this week, and we need it badly.

Well, shit. I had more responses in mind, but they've escaped me, of course. I'll try to put some pics from my cruise tomorrow.

Waving to all around the room.


De novo diagnosis with large/numerous liver mets. Breast lump identified one month later. Hormonal Therapy 7/3/2020 Arimidex (anastrozole) Targeted Therapy 7/10/2020 Verzenio

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