Topic: My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer

Forum: Stage IV/Metastatic Breast Cancer, Open to All To Contribute — Topics here are started by members with a Stage IV/Metastatic Breast Cancer diagnosis, but open to all members to contribute to discussions. Please note that there is a separate forum, Stage IV/Metastatic Breast Cancer ONLY, where topics are open only to those members.

Posted on: Jul 6, 2017 08:38PM - edited Oct 28, 2019 12:42PM by micmel

Posted on: Jul 6, 2017 08:38PM - edited Oct 28, 2019 12:42PM by micmel

micmel wrote:

As I go through this forced path I have been thrown down, I have come to realize the love I have always had for my husband was strong. He is amazing and I love him with my very soul and entire heart. Never would I ever imagine the thought of dying and him being alone. Then the worst part hit me!! I can't seem to shake the horrible sorrow of thinking of another woman taking my place in his life and his heart, and if I Am honest his bed. He is my best friend and the love of my life, I would never need another for any reason. He makes my life complete, and then this happens. How do I process that I most likely won't be the one growing old on the porch that we have talked about, how do I process, someone else sitting in that chair? I hate this trajectory path I've been spun onto, and everyday I feel grief and deep sorrow. How do I live everyday knowing in the back of my mind, I feel like a place holder, for another woman who will be stepping into my life when I die of this horrible disease, more sooner than later. Why would I even want to take any medicines or treatments, when the answer is pretty obviously in front of my face.? Why do we fight so hard for something we cannot control ? Why do we hurt so badly thinking about letting go, or giving up? It's a four letter word that holds so much power. That word is LOVE..... If you have ever felt this way. Share with me, because I understand, I feel this way everyday. I also don't know what to do with the sadness of loss or how to process the process of dying. However slow or fast it may be. Please share your love stories with me, how did you meet? How long together? I want to know your stories, everyone has their person. Everyone loves.....tell me about your family, your friends, your life too, as if this was your living room. ♥️

We are team FU cancer (Named by Parry, our sweet sister) and this is our Lol pub and living room. Welcome, put your feet up and just be you!

Everyone has to dance, they just don’t know what song they will get. Dx 1/22/2016, IDC, Left, 4cm, Stage IV, metastasized to bone, Grade 2, 13/35 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2- Chemotherapy 2/10/2016 AC Surgery 6/21/2016 Lymph node removal; Lymph node removal (Left): Underarm/Axillary; Mastectomy; Mastectomy (Left) Chemotherapy 7/20/2016 Abraxane (albumin-bound or nab-paclitaxel) Targeted Therapy 11/7/2016 Ibrance (palbociclib) Surgery Chemotherapy Chemotherapy Hormonal Therapy Arimidex (anastrozole)
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Aug 19, 2022 12:41AM - edited Aug 19, 2022 12:42AM by hopeheal

I am so devastated to read about Moth. Sad I too don't have instagram so thank you Mel for letting us know and thank you to Moth's daughter for informing the online community. May she RIP. I hope she knew how important she was to all of us and am glad she was able to help so many women globally. She was my rock as I followed her blog to enjoy her eloquent and humorous posts. Sending peace and comfort to her family, friends & to us as we cope with her loss & the loss of others here.

BTW, as others experienced, the new boards also deleted parts of my history and it cannot be fixed much as i tried, so left it.

ER weakly positive, being classified as triple negative. Dx 3/1/2021, IDC, Left, 3cm, Stage IIB, Grade 2, ER+/PR-, HER2- Chemotherapy 3/1/2021 Xeloda (capecitabine) Chemotherapy 4/6/2021 AC Surgery 9/1/2021 Lumpectomy (Left) Radiation Therapy 11/16/2021 Whole breast: Left breast, Lymph nodes
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Aug 19, 2022 10:43AM mara51506 wrote:

Molliefish It is partly safety, he lives in a condo that has 3 sets of stairs to go up before you get to the kitchen but no railing and a big dog. I have never fallen but do not wish to lose my walking ability and I have terrible balance so railing would be good. I am over so rarely, I don't see them installing any. I also am not interested in a big group of people. My thought is to go to Swiss Chalet, just me DB and SIL for the festive special or something. Something quieter for us. I don't mind Christmas but prefer the quiet now. We will see, we are not exchanging gifts which is fine with me, will still send various cards but I could easy take them to dinner. We will see.

I did take a walk around the neighbourhood, did not make myself pretty, just slapped on a wig and went around after a short load of laundry. It was not at all hot but my face did turn red so it is not the heat doing that but it was nice and nostalgic walking my old route. I did mostly stop walking due to a fall last year but my wellness check, little tiny, brain injured lady who is riddled with arthritis gets out everyday and she serves as my inspiration. She is also the nicest thing ever too. Going to do 3 10 minute walks once I am less full from breakfast.

I had black beans and chickpeas but I am thinking I don't like the texture of whole chick peas, next time, going to make into a paste and fry that in the frypan with a generous supply of garlic. Todays breakfast was pleasant, black beans and chickpeas baked in the breville at 375 for 20 minutes, seasoned with italian, taco and salt. Toppings were wheat brai, cornflakes ground to a powder with queso and sour cream. Other than the texture of the chickpeas even after baking, I am going to use them up by grounding into a paste, may add to future helpings of the refried beans.

2015 chemos AC plus T Herceptin august 12 2016 craniotomy for brain met Sept 23 whole brain radiation November 2016 Herceptin, Perjeta and Taxol. Dec 2016, Dropped the Taxol due to extreme side effects, continuing Herceptin and Perjeta. Dx 3/15/2015, DCIS, Right, Stage 0, Grade 3, ER-/PR-, HER2+ Surgery 4/22/2015 Lymph node removal; Mastectomy; Mastectomy (Right) Dx 5/15/2015, IBC, Right, Stage IIIB, Grade 3, ER-/PR-, HER2+ Dx 7/29/2016, IBC, Right, 6cm+, Stage IV, metastasized to brain, Grade 3, ER-/PR-, HER2+
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Aug 19, 2022 12:37PM sunshine99 wrote:

mara, one of my best Thanksgivings was when I was in grad school. I was alone, my family was too far away, and I didn't really have any close friends who were nearby. I ended up fixing a Cornish game hen and probably had some mashed potatoes and stuffing. I think I may have watched football and worked on a quilt that I spread out over my apartment living room floor. It was actually a wonderful day.

Re: your door with the wonky lock/no handle thing - is there a non-emergency fire department number you could call? Could you ask them what they'd recommend as far as getting it fixed? This can't be even NEAR legal. The owners should have a big fat fine slapped on them!

Stay safe, my friend!

my-sunny-side-up.com Cancer has progressed to my bones. I pray that it never enters my soul. Dx 11/2/2007, IDC, 3cm, Stage IIA, 0/3 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Dx 3/26/2020, IDC, Stage IV, metastasized to bone, ER+/PR-, HER2- Hormonal Therapy 4/22/2020 Arimidex (anastrozole) Radiation Therapy 5/5/2020 External Local Metastases 5/5/2020 Radiation therapy: Bone Radiation Therapy 5/12/2020 External Local Metastases 5/12/2020 Radiation therapy: Bone Targeted Therapy 6/10/2020 Ibrance (palbociclib)
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Aug 19, 2022 01:52PM mara51506 wrote:

Sunshine, I did get an email back about the handle. I was able to get it open easily today, will keep practicing. Property person says they are working on it. Thankfully the only thing I really need if I ever decide to use it is the garbage can for my unit. Only thing I like about it is if I forget my keys, I know the code to get in.

I agree about celebrating on my own. We don't celebrate all the holidays or birthdays. Told my older brother that though I don't want a gift, grasshopper pie would be a wonderful thing to have.

2015 chemos AC plus T Herceptin august 12 2016 craniotomy for brain met Sept 23 whole brain radiation November 2016 Herceptin, Perjeta and Taxol. Dec 2016, Dropped the Taxol due to extreme side effects, continuing Herceptin and Perjeta. Dx 3/15/2015, DCIS, Right, Stage 0, Grade 3, ER-/PR-, HER2+ Surgery 4/22/2015 Lymph node removal; Mastectomy; Mastectomy (Right) Dx 5/15/2015, IBC, Right, Stage IIIB, Grade 3, ER-/PR-, HER2+ Dx 7/29/2016, IBC, Right, 6cm+, Stage IV, metastasized to brain, Grade 3, ER-/PR-, HER2+
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Aug 19, 2022 01:55PM sunshine99 wrote:

Grasshopper or Key Lime pie would always be welcome!


my-sunny-side-up.com Cancer has progressed to my bones. I pray that it never enters my soul. Dx 11/2/2007, IDC, 3cm, Stage IIA, 0/3 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Dx 3/26/2020, IDC, Stage IV, metastasized to bone, ER+/PR-, HER2- Hormonal Therapy 4/22/2020 Arimidex (anastrozole) Radiation Therapy 5/5/2020 External Local Metastases 5/5/2020 Radiation therapy: Bone Radiation Therapy 5/12/2020 External Local Metastases 5/12/2020 Radiation therapy: Bone Targeted Therapy 6/10/2020 Ibrance (palbociclib)
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Aug 19, 2022 08:31PM emac877 wrote:

Mara - I loved Mae's phrasing for a conversation with your DB. I think something along those lines would work well. I agree with others here that you have to do what you feel safe and comfortable doing. Also, Grasshopper pie sounds amazing.

SondraF - It's a tough balance working and managing cancer. I have had to take time away from things also. I've been more active here lately because I'm on a medical leave to finish this radiation treatment. I hope you find the balance you need soon.

Anx789 - I think it's worth a discussion about the PET vs MRI limitations with your oncologist. They are two different beasts, so to speak. The PET is going to find anything in the body that is metabolically active. The MRI is a very specific image of organs, tendons and bones and anything abnormal in them at that moment but does not give any data on activity of the tumor or growth. If your MO is looking to identify what kind of tumor cell it is/or isn't I believe a bone biopsy would be the only way to tell that. I hope you get some answers soon. The waiting was (and is) always the hardest part. Mel's living room is great when you need us to be there for support or as we call it "in your pocket."

Dx 2/8/2018, IDC, Right, 2cm, Stage IIB, Grade 2, 1/3 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 3/22/2018 Lumpectomy; Lumpectomy (Right); Lymph node removal Chemotherapy 6/8/2018 Cytoxan (cyclophosphamide), Taxotere (docetaxel) Radiation Therapy 8/26/2018 Whole breast: Breast, Chest wall Dx 12/4/2019, IDC, Stage IV, metastasized to bone Surgery 12/11/2019 Radiation Therapy 12/23/2019 External Local Metastases 12/23/2019 Radiation therapy: Bone Targeted Therapy 1/7/2020 Verzenio Hormonal Therapy 6/22/2021 Faslodex (fulvestrant)
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Aug 19, 2022 11:03PM anx789 wrote:

Emac- thank you for explaining Pet v. Mri. I saw my Onco today, he didn’t explain anything about it. All he said was he thinks the radiologist over read the results. He thinks it’s osteomyelitis, which is highly unlikely because i have no sign of infection. He also ruled out leukemia because my lab works are stable except for calcium. He ordered Pet/Ct scan and referred me to ortho onco. The Mri findings were bone marrow edema (BME) and periosteal edema involving 20 cm of my fibula. (That’s long) It’s use the phrase “aggressive marrow infiltrating process noted.” My Onco seems to have limited knowledge about BME or he’s just trying to calm my nerves. Waiting for authorization for now…Worried about my daughter and dog. Thank you for welcoming me here, I usually just browse and read.

Dx 9/25/2018, IDC, Left, 2cm, Stage IA, Grade 3, 0/1 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-
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Aug 20, 2022 09:29AM illimae wrote:

Anx, good luck with your scans and the time leading up to them. It’s got to be very difficult to have some information and no real solid answers.

Another week of rain here slowing down the beach bar progress, oh well. Today, I’m doing a crock pot roast and we’ll take that down the mountain to have dinner with our friend.

Pups are good but we had to get strict on the potty training (we let them run around on their own too much) and fortunately they really enjoy their new crate. The boys are 6 months old now and about 3lbs.



Diagnosed at 41 Stage IV De Novo Dx 11/16/2016, IDC, Left, 5cm, Stage IV, metastasized to bone, Grade 3, 3/13 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2+ Chemotherapy 1/2/2017 Abraxane (albumin-bound or nab-paclitaxel) Targeted Therapy 1/2/2017 Herceptin (trastuzumab) Targeted Therapy 1/2/2017 Perjeta (pertuzumab) Surgery 6/26/2017 Lumpectomy; Lumpectomy (Left); Lymph node removal Radiation Therapy 8/10/2017 Breast, Lymph nodes Dx 10/5/2017, IDC, Left, 5cm, Stage IV, metastasized to brain, Grade 3, 3/13 nodes, ER+, HER2+ Radiation Therapy 10/20/2017 External Local Metastases 10/20/2017 Brain Radiation Therapy 4/18/2018 External Local Metastases 4/18/2018 Brain Radiation Therapy 5/23/2019 External Local Metastases 5/23/2019 Brain Surgery 1/22/2020 Radiation Therapy 2/17/2020 External Local Metastases 2/17/2020 Brain Radiation Therapy 7/20/2020 External Local Metastases 7/20/2020 Radiation therapy: Bone Radiation Therapy 12/4/2020 External Local Metastases 12/4/2020 Brain Targeted Therapy Tukysa (tucatinib) Chemotherapy Xeloda (capecitabine) Hormonal Therapy Tamoxifen pills (Nolvadex, Apo-Tamox, Tamofen, Tamone)
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Aug 20, 2022 11:54AM - edited Aug 20, 2022 12:02PM by anx789

illimae- thank you, I've been on this journey before and it sucks! Those pups are adorable. We have a 16 yearold terrier mix, I love her very much! We have her since she was 6 months old. Wishing everyone a great weekend!

Dx 9/25/2018, IDC, Left, 2cm, Stage IA, Grade 3, 0/1 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-
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Aug 20, 2022 01:47PM elderberry wrote:

mae: Those pups are just so gosh darn cute!! Those eyes melt my heart.

anx789: Hang in there. Getting answers will help. It is the "not knowing" that makes all the anxiety that much worse.

De Novo - this isn't a "brave battle" - it is a "furious struggle" Dx 3/6/2019, IDC, Left, 5cm, Stage IV, metastasized to liver, HER2+ Targeted Therapy Herceptin (trastuzumab) Chemotherapy Taxol (paclitaxel) Targeted Therapy Perjeta (pertuzumab)

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