Oct 8, 2019 07:29PM Micmel wrote:
Tanya~Yahoooooo!! Atta girl.... I am thrilled. Go Ibrance go! 🎊🎉🍾🌹🎈 great news !
Topics here are started by members with a Stage IV/Metastatic Breast Cancer diagnosis, but open to all members to contribute to discussions. Please note that there is a separate forum, Stage IV/Metastatic Breast Cancer ONLY, where topics are open only to those members.
Posted on: Jul 6, 2017 07:38PM - edited Oct 28, 2019 11:42AM by Micmel
As I go through this forced path I have been thrown down, I have come to realize the love I have always had for my husband was strong. He is amazing and I love him with my very soul and entire heart. Never would I ever imagine the thought of dying and him being alone. Then the worst part hit me!! I can't seem to shake the horrible sorrow of thinking of another woman taking my place in his life and his heart, and if I Am honest his bed. He is my best friend and the love of my life, I would never need another for any reason. He makes my life complete, and then this happens. How do I process that I most likely won't be the one growing old on the porch that we have talked about, how do I process, someone else sitting in that chair? I hate this trajectory path I've been spun onto, and everyday I feel grief and deep sorrow. How do I live everyday knowing in the back of my mind, I feel like a place holder, for another woman who will be stepping into my life when I die of this horrible disease, more sooner than later. Why would I even want to take any medicines or treatments, when the answer is pretty obviously in front of my face.? Why do we fight so hard for something we cannot control ? Why do we hurt so badly thinking about letting go, or giving up? It's a four letter word that holds so much power. That word is LOVE..... If you have ever felt this way. Share with me, because I understand, I feel this way everyday. I also don't know what to do with the sadness of loss or how to process the process of dying. However slow or fast it may be. Please share your love stories with me, how did you meet? How long together? I want to know your stories, everyone has their person. Everyone loves.....tell me about your family, your friends, your life too, as if this was your living room. ♥️
We are team FU cancer (Named by Parry, our sweet sister) and this is our Lol pub and living room. Welcome, put your feet up and just be you!
Posts 11281 - 11310 (13,579 total)
Oct 8, 2019 07:29PM Micmel wrote:
Tanya~Yahoooooo!! Atta girl.... I am thrilled. Go Ibrance go! 🎊🎉🍾🌹🎈 great news !
Oct 8, 2019 07:34PM - edited Oct 8, 2019 07:39PM by Micmel
Moomala~Hope your pocket wasn't to messy. We tend to snack a lot! Will be holding your hand, and sending positive vibes !! Always. !
Mae~ did you say bored ? Mae? You? Wow that says a lot. Honey, you're amazing. I wish I had half your energy. Honestly. I don't want you to be bored. I'll take the boredom on for you. Because I already am daily!!
Oct 9, 2019 08:38AM candy-678 wrote:
Tanya- Woohoo on the stable MRI. Hoping for continued good news on the PET.
I will have my scans - CT - later this month. Still waiting on auth with ins company. Then can schedule.
Haven't heard from Philly in a while.... Jaycee..... Will have to see if they are posting on another Thread.
Mel- we need another roll call. You are soooo good at that.
Need to round up the peeps.
Oct 9, 2019 08:50AM Micmel wrote:
Good Morning Candy!! It’s a lovely fall morning here. I am still laying in bed. Mister adderall should take care of that soon enough.
I am hoping that everyone is out living life. But I will commence role call shortly lol. Ebb and flow. Usually. Sometimes I even end up writing to myself and that is ok! I hope you had a good nights sleep. I’m battling this stiff neck of mine. It’s traveled into my shoulder blade also. Has this ever happened to anyone else ??? Ugh like I need more pain ! Hugs to you sweet friend.....
Oct 9, 2019 09:07AM Micmel wrote:
I honestly want to read this book. I really need more attitude like this. I am way to sensitive these days and people can be so mean. Not on purpose I’m sure But man there are clueless young people everywhere, they don’t know what respect is anymore. Maybe they have read this already . Lol ugh
Oct 9, 2019 09:22AM Moomala wrote:
Philly was off leaf peeping for a long weekend if I am recalling correctly.
I was at PT this morning and my therapist is SO good. Best one I've ever been to. She talked to me today about chronic pain and aging and how to move from being a fitness junkie to a functional older person with a chronic illness that causes daily pain. I'm pretty happy with this approach. She shows me how to open things up in my body so that I can just function well each day. I love doing my walks because I feel so much like me when I do any little workout like that. But I also have a propensity toward challenging myself and then I get hurt. This week leading up to my scans and the possibility of having to change medications - well she told me this morning that all that anxiety and the overdoing it followed by sitting was just causing a clusterf*ck in my lower back and hip. I'm older now and with all the damage in my skeleton from the cancer and the osteoporosis - well my fitness goals have to change and my expectation of myself has to change as well. The best I can do now is to feed myself well and to do exercises that contribute to my overall functional well-being. So I go from fitness junkie to just being happy to be able to walk and complete my chores, work part-time and have nice days with my family. I'll have to re-adjust that one day too but for now I really must devleop a better more kind attitude toward myself and how out of my own control the changes in my life have been the last six months.
I don't want to go off Ibrance and Letrozole. It's so hard to think about when I am tolerating it so well. But the ONE thing I've been super bad at my entire life is CHANGE. Well in this case CHANGE would be a good thing becuase I do need to be on a medication that is working if the I/L is not.
Have a nice day everyone! It's a crispy fall morning in western NY but the leaves have not changed on bit. Very strange. I love the green having around for awhile but I'm hoping we will have a nice long fall with all the splendid colors.
Oct 9, 2019 09:24AM Moomala wrote:
Mel I started reading that book and I couldn't get past his not so subtle potty mouth. I swear like a sailor but this dude was doing it just for shock purpose or something. A lot of people swear by that book though. I just couldn't get through the first chapter.
Oct 9, 2019 09:33AM santabarbarian wrote:
Micmel, this is a lot easier than a book..... try it. I loved it!!
Oct 9, 2019 09:33AM - edited Oct 9, 2019 09:49AM by Micmel
Hmmmm~ I'm glad I asked. I don't like it to be over bareing either. Thank you for telling me! I also was a fitness junkie for sure. Cardio crazy and free weights, leg machines, I miss it terribly I mourn it every single morning when I know I would be there enjoying my playlist and running like the wind It made me feel powerful I could put work some 20 year olds Including my Own daughter, she would say, are you done yet?? And I wasn't! I loved it. I understand what you mean about having to change our mindset on what we can do I need to figure out something to do! I miss my walks, so I guess I'll start there. I just miss feeling strong! It bothers me to feel so unsteady on my feet sometimes.
Gum doctor ~ Hope You’re doing well
Any pocket duty needed today?
Oct 9, 2019 09:35AM Micmel wrote:
Thank you Santa🤗! Maybe I should get a swear jar out and get some shopping money! For myself. I have $16 to spend at cvs. Extra dollar bucks lol Cvs cracks me up with those body length receipts! Lol
Oct 9, 2019 09:43AM Moomala wrote:
OMG Santa I just meditated to that thank you!!!!!!! I wish it was longer!
Oct 9, 2019 09:45AM santabarbarian wrote:
Glad you liked it! Kind of naughty but so funny.
Oct 9, 2019 09:47AM - edited Oct 9, 2019 09:48AM by Micmel
Santa~That definitely helped my Morning lol. Isn't there always some bullshit to wade through?? lol thanks for sharing Lol !
Oct 9, 2019 10:15AM illimae wrote:
Yay for stable Tanya!🎉
Moomala, good vibes coming at ya for Thursday
An interesting thing happened, a few advocates from my young w/stage IV group made us all a sort of poster/pics for sharing and BCO reposted mine in instagram this morning.
Oct 9, 2019 10:20AM Micmel wrote:
Mae~We have another ⭐️ in our presence! How cool is that! I’m touched by reading that. That’s our Mae! Very cool Of BCO, to use it on Instagram! Yeah baby!
Oct 9, 2019 12:53PM mara51506 wrote:
Santa that was an awesome meditation. It would be good to listen to before I sleep as well.
I did my testimony at the preliminary hearing of the murder trial. I was quite nervous and a little clumsy climbing into the witness box. The judge was very nice. Accused looks like just another normal person. My sister in law was there for me so I looked mostly at her and the lawyers. Thankfully not facing the accused. This part is over, will probably be a few months before the actual trial would begin. I was nervous and was clasping my hands down below but did a great job according to SIL. Glad this part is done.
Oct 9, 2019 01:18PM movingsoccermom wrote:
Candy belated Happy Birthday
Tanya, great news!!
Mae, that is spectacular!!!
Mara, hope you are doing better today.
All--best wishes for a great day.
Oct 9, 2019 02:43PM - edited Oct 9, 2019 02:48PM by mara51506
Movingsoccermom, yes I am doing better today. Back in regular undies for now so no issues with that. Thank you for asking.
Did a lot of walking to and from the courthouse and bus stops. SIL is so nice, she walked me to one before going to her bus. I felt good so I had a small lunch and went to get a couple of groceries nearby, maybe a 15 min walk each way. Getting there was fine but I bought 2 heavier items without thinking through which bag I should have brought. Should have used my knapsack and put the stuff in there. Instead I shifted it from hand to hand, got really tired and stopped a few times on the way home for a few seconds. But I made it, albeit still panting a bit on the couch for a couple of minutes. I feel really good now so I guess I should push myself harder sometimes since it does not always feel like I can do it, I feel better after trying something. I don't like shopping carts because it bothers me to pull it along if it is heavy. Knapsack will be used next time.
Mae that is awesome to see you representing us all. I feel the same, just want time with qol. No real goals beyond that. I am 47 so not much older than you. It also boggles my mind that people think by thinking positive and not talking about being terminal will ensure my survival. I also let people know I will NOT be cured when they tell me I will pull through it. I do it gently because though people mean well, they still need to know that metastatic of any kind cannot be cured. Just hopefully controlled with good qol. I also let them know that I am OK with that fact for myself.
Oct 9, 2019 03:52PM LoveFromPhilly wrote:
hello dear beautiful people!
Dropping in real quick to say hello and send virtual hugs!
Back from vacation. Was awesome! Took a break from my phone. Slowly reintegrating it all back after being in places with no service. I love that!!! A technology detox!!
Oct 9, 2019 05:36PM Tanya_Djamila wrote:
Welcome home Philly!!!
Mae that pic and the caption says it all. You look so young to be saying those words though. Ugh!!!! You do make the most of traveling and having good times. Proud of you. I hope it goes viral!!!!
Moomala I love your physical therapist. I will try to take her advice. It is a good point. I used to run marathons in my 50's, worked 2 jobs; now with 60's and MBC I need to find a balance of exercise that I can do that is gentle bc I have back and bone pain. A nurse once told me to take pain meds so that I can move. I hate pain meds and I don't think regular tylenol and alleve really helps at this point. MM definitely takes care of pain but then I can't drive anywhere. I have to figure it out though. Thanks for sharing your story today.
Mel my daughter read that book I saw it in her car. Last week I saw it on my 86 year old mother's book shelf. I didn't ask any questions bc I think it's a gimic to have that as a title. Also when I read some people's shares in this thread I think they've conquered this art, they will remain nameless but ....
Oct 9, 2019 05:59PM Micmel wrote:
Hi Philly ~ rest up sweetheart, so glad you had a nice trip. Busy people living life My exciting time is a visit to Cvs really. I’m not a traveler.
Tanya~I am not going to read it, I have enough people who cuss around me. I don’t need to read it. I realize I sometimes let it rip I’m sorry if I upset anyone ever. Would never be my intention, sometimes I just want to scream and never stop. I have a been raised to let it all out! I love you woman you keep me in line!
Mara~Wow at the courthouse! I had jury duty and I didn’t know it. I hope they don’t come get me. Ugh! Good for you standing up For what’s right!
Moving~Waving hello 👋 hope you’re day was a good one also. I have a bear of a stiff neck. It’s gone down into my shoulder blade. Annoying!!!!!!
Oct 9, 2019 06:46PM - edited Oct 9, 2019 06:46PM by Micmel
My aunt posting her final day in Spain. She said the water is gorgeous and she wishes she could stay forever. She's coming home for a biopsy. She found a swollen node in her armpit. So she's freaking. I hope it's not cancer!!! The crap always rolls down hill. I hate cancer!
Oct 9, 2019 06:46PM illimae wrote:
Thanks Tanya, I want dying young to not make sense, I’ll take whatever spark I can muster to show how unfair and unfortunate it all is. We all deserve more time but if this gets extra attention, great.
Oh, I’m watching Goliath on prime, I’ve only just finished the 2nd episode but wow! 😮 The coverup story and the cast, amazing.
Oct 9, 2019 09:06PM mara51506 wrote:
Beautiful picture Mel, hoping along with you that it is not cancer. Too much to deal with.
Oct 10, 2019 03:03AM runor wrote:
Mae, seeing your post and pic this came to my mind,
by Rob Thomas
I'm not afraid of getting older, I'm one less day from dying young
I see the light go past my shoulder, I'm one less day from dying young
...and I've seen my friends fall away before their time
and I've been afraid that I may follow in their light
so I drink and love and whisper all the things I know are right
someday I will leave this world but maybe not tonight.
This song made me feel hopeful and okay in a way that I have not for quite a while now. Hugs to all.
Oct 10, 2019 09:05AM Micmel wrote:
Mae, thanks for the suggestion of something new to watch I’m always looking for something else to watch. I finishing Big Love. I adored Bill Paxton. It’s pretty good. I have amazon prime. So why not try Thanks again!
Mara~I would Love to be able To take a swim in the Mediterranean! That’s quite something to see. hope you have a great day.
Minnie your country is beautiful!
Runor~ hi darling. Always good to see you. Hope all is well. I have a stiff freaking neck moving into my shoulder. Yowie! If it’s not one thing it’s another. I know it’s from sitting on the bench for the hockey game this past Sunday with my BF! Can’t sit there again It toasted my neck and back! I can’t cat DH a break! Can any of us really ?
Hugs and much love
Oct 10, 2019 09:33AM Micmel wrote:my puppers isn’t doing too well. So I’m naturally upset. My DH has been making calls and contacted someone who comes to the home and you decide where you want your dog to “nap forever” they come and administer a treat type of drug that your dog eats and falls asleep in his own environment and surroundings with those he loves. The person leaves the room to allow privacy and to not freak the dog out until he passes. Roughly an hour or less depending on size. So we’ve decided that Is what we will do once his legs finally give out, which is what’s happening. Every.morning he can’t quite make it until regular feeding time. He is having accidents a lot more. Daily, if I’m honest. I don’t want him to go. I love this dog. I know we all love our dogs. I spend a lot of time with them obviously, as we all do. He’s just such a Good quiet well behaved dog. My other dog is crazy. So it looks like it won’t be that long. How sad. To loose your fuzzy lil buddy from age. Yuck. We gave him his good. Forever home! Sigh.
Oct 10, 2019 10:53AM illimae wrote:
Runor, I love that, thanks for sharing!
Micmel, As you know I’ve been through this 6 times in as many years and my heart breaks for you. Losing them is harder for me than humans. Sending ❤️
Oct 10, 2019 11:26AM Micmel wrote:Mae~Thanks. I am not handling it all that well. He can get down the stairs barely lately and he walks away from his food before it’s empty. His appetite is dwindling. His legs fold if he moves to fast and getting up is really difficult for him. Getting back up the stairs is also, not fun, especially when he falls down a flight of steps. Carpet. But still. Just gets up and tries again. It upsets me. I just don’t know when he’s had it. He still wags his tail and gives so much affection. 💔 😕😞 I hate this part of owning a pet. I agree sometimes it is harder Mae., because they don’t put demands on us or request things from us. Or ask for money, or say mean things like some family can. Just don’t know what to do . Or more like when ! ?
Oct 10, 2019 01:11PM mara51506 wrote:
Mel, my heart goes out to you, your family and of course your dog. I agree with Mae that losing our animal family members can sometimes be harder than human family members since overall, animals accept us the way we are, don't argue or hold grudges. They are there for us when we are happy, sad, angry or something in between, looking after us when we are sick. My cats do that and I am sure your dogs have done that for you. Wrapping my arms around you to give you all a big hug.