Oct 16, 2020 07:57PM SandiBeach57 wrote:
Micmel! I just popped in to see how all of you were doing and I saw my name. How thoughtful of you. You must have a huge list by your computer!
Topics here are started by members with a Stage IV/Metastatic Breast Cancer diagnosis, but open to all members to contribute to discussions. Please note that there is a separate forum, Stage IV/Metastatic Breast Cancer ONLY, where topics are open only to those members.
Posted on: Jul 6, 2017 05:38PM - edited Oct 28, 2019 09:42AM by Micmel
As I go through this forced path I have been thrown down, I have come to realize the love I have always had for my husband was strong. He is amazing and I love him with my very soul and entire heart. Never would I ever imagine the thought of dying and him being alone. Then the worst part hit me!! I can't seem to shake the horrible sorrow of thinking of another woman taking my place in his life and his heart, and if I Am honest his bed. He is my best friend and the love of my life, I would never need another for any reason. He makes my life complete, and then this happens. How do I process that I most likely won't be the one growing old on the porch that we have talked about, how do I process, someone else sitting in that chair? I hate this trajectory path I've been spun onto, and everyday I feel grief and deep sorrow. How do I live everyday knowing in the back of my mind, I feel like a place holder, for another woman who will be stepping into my life when I die of this horrible disease, more sooner than later. Why would I even want to take any medicines or treatments, when the answer is pretty obviously in front of my face.? Why do we fight so hard for something we cannot control ? Why do we hurt so badly thinking about letting go, or giving up? It's a four letter word that holds so much power. That word is LOVE..... If you have ever felt this way. Share with me, because I understand, I feel this way everyday. I also don't know what to do with the sadness of loss or how to process the process of dying. However slow or fast it may be. Please share your love stories with me, how did you meet? How long together? I want to know your stories, everyone has their person. Everyone loves.....tell me about your family, your friends, your life too, as if this was your living room. ♥️
We are team FU cancer (Named by Parry, our sweet sister) and this is our Lol pub and living room. Welcome, put your feet up and just be you!
Posts 17341 - 17370 (17,467 total)
Oct 16, 2020 07:57PM SandiBeach57 wrote:
Micmel! I just popped in to see how all of you were doing and I saw my name. How thoughtful of you. You must have a huge list by your computer!
Oct 16, 2020 08:40PM DodgersGirl wrote:
Moth, can’t wait for the Hallmark Christmas movies, too.
I think next Friday, Hallmark starts a holiday preview and on the 23rd, movies start.
It’s my escape from cancer and CoVid.
Are you close to the area they film in? I was thinking you had mentioned something like that earlier?
Oct 16, 2020 09:19PM moth wrote:
DodgersGirl, yes! Many of them film in the Greater Vancouver area. When the BC gov't lifted the total closure of the film industry, Hallmark was one of the first to rush back into filming here. I'm sure they must have filmed more in the US this year as they lost several months of filming in Canada. The Evergreen village ones are filmed just a few miles from me at the Burnaby Village Museum. A bunch more are filmed out in Fort Langley and further east in the fraser valley but it's all areas familiar to us :)
Oct 16, 2020 09:44PM - edited Oct 16, 2020 09:45PM by DodgersGirl
Moth, that is so neat. The scenery we see in the movies is just simplygorgeous.
Oct 17, 2020 04:33AM mara51506 wrote:
I get the hallmark movies off my primevideo. Part of my stack TV of around 12 channels I get. They are enjoyable. I also like signed, sealed and delivered movies too.
Oct 17, 2020 06:07AM GoldensRBest wrote:
I am really struggling with the upcoming holidays. We so want to go see our daughter’s family. They are 3 hours away and the only reason we moved to Wisconsin a year ago. Of course Wisconsin has now become the hotspot of Covid activity. I only go to doctor appointments. But I have one kidney and mets to my lungs which are easily susceptible to bronchitis/pneumonia. Then MBC. Our daughter understands our dilemma and reassured me it would only be 2 adults and 3 kids for the time we are there. But unless pure havoc breaks out and the schools are closed ahead of time, the kids will still have been in school. Is it safe to go and wear a mask and socially distance? Their house is big enough to do that. Should we skip Thanksgiving and just do Christmas? I have a virtual visit w/MO on the 29th. I already know her answer but it grieves me to not be with family. It is a heartbreaking decision so many of us face.
Oct 17, 2020 06:13AM KBL wrote:
GoldensRBest, your circumstances are much different than mine. I do not have underlying health conditions other than the MBC, which I know is enough, but I can’t even imagine how hard it is for you to not see them. That’s a decision only you can make. I don’t know what I would do in your position. I’m so sorry you’re in this truly sucky situation.
Oct 17, 2020 06:49AM - edited Oct 17, 2020 07:00AM by candy-678
Just logged back in and read all the recent posts.
Back to the Covid and doing things topic--- as I have posted before, my dysfunctional family doesn't really do Holidays much, so Thanksgiving and Christmas will be the same this year as all years, lonely. I guess I was just thinking more about doing things to keep oneself up appearance wise. I mean, I do go to doctors visits, do Zoom meetings, etc. I would like to look ok-- hair cut, new outfit, a prosthesis that fits well (old one doesn't match like it used to-- natural boob is more droopy and prosthesis is perky, LOL). I don't want the other person, even on Zoom, thinking Covid is keeping me from caring for myself. And it helps with my self esteem. So I was thinking of chancing the haircut appointment, with just me and the hairdresser in the room. Doing the appointment with the mastectomy fitter as it would just be me and her. And once mastectomy fitting is done, then that is just yearly so won't have to do again until Oct 2021 or so.
Yet again, I see my friends continuing their lives--- restaurants, cookouts, church, jobs. And I just sit at home, except to go out to get a scan or blood drawn. I know they think I am weird--- a recluse.
I am going back and forth on my decisions. But, Covid is here to stay. Do I ever get my hair cut again? Have to at some point. I cannot cut it myself.
I was thinking last night-- do I FEAR the virus? YES I do. I do not want to die yet. I do not want to be unable to breathe, in a hospital alone. I actually FEAR Covid.
Edited to add--- When your MO's say that we are high risk and to stay at home, do they say stay home period? I know that crowds, church services, groups, etc are bad, but has anyone asked about minimal contact activities? Haircuts? Activities where there is just you and the other person? I know it just takes 1 to transmit the virus, but if that other person is not sick..... Just wondering. Have to be around people at some point--- example would be if something broke and need workman in house.
Oct 17, 2020 09:30AM - edited Oct 17, 2020 09:45AM by mara51506
If there was a way for your daughter and family to get tested for covid prior to your visit and if negative, it would be easier for you to feel more comfortable.
If it was me, I would visit BUT I don't have all the health issues you do. Socially distancing over Christmas is difficult. Might be better to visit just a couple of the family versus most of them and perhaps not right on Christmas but earlier. Eat virtually together. Order a meal from a meal prep place and all have the same thing and set up a virtual dinner. That would be a nice way to stay completely safe.
I am going to see family this Christmas as I am alone and my older brother would NOT want me on my own. I am staying home Christmas Eve though. It was too much to do the two days together.
Candy, you are handling the pandemic the way you feel comfortable. It does not matter what your friends think of you or if they think you are weird. Keep doing what you are doing. If you want to go somewhere, go for a small walk outdoors to start with. That is perfectly safe. Try to enjoy yourself while indoors so you don't keep thinking how bad it is. If you choose to stay in, make it the best time you can, get yourself a nice meal delivered every once in a while. Cancer sucks but so does depression. I speak from experience as I experience depressive symptoms frequently. Edited to add, I would suggest the virtual dinners with friends as well or dinner and a movie where you all watch a movie after dinner together, you can chat and watch it. I know you have done DandD together which is great. Something can work for you as well as being cautious but stimulated.
My activity is where I want to go. I am fairly healthy and I do observe all protocols including constantly sanitizing my hands, steam clean masks before wearing and disinifect shopping bags. If I stay in constantly, I will head into a major depression so I try to find something I will enjoy like the cake I got. It is a treat for once a week or so, then I will get more. I do not go to a ton of places, mostly grocery which includes dollar stores, bed bath and beyong and walmart which is also a grocery shop. That makes me happy.
Oct 17, 2020 10:44AM moth wrote:
So.... one way that a small get together (for Goldens or anyone else) could be done is this:
-everyone self-quarantines for 14 days before the social event. Total self-quarantine. At home 100%, nobody going out/nobody coming in, no going to shops, no going to anywhere, groceries delivered, not seeing neighbours, kids at home, not playing with neighbours' kids, not going to school. All the people self-quarantine at home. Outdoor walking masked w/ minimum 2m apart from someone else would be ok.
-if no symptoms at all - no runny noses, no coughs, no loss of smell, no shortness of breath... then it's probably very low risk to meet.
-but if even one person breaks out of the bubble by going to a shop or to get takout or even a dr appointment, then the security quarantine is breached and the 14 day clock would have to be re-started.
-if one person gets symptoms, then stop the clock, and wait for 7 days after symptoms end (even if it's just a 'cold')
-be careful of tests and what they show. The WH outbreak showed that people could test negative for several days after exposure before finally testing positive. If relying on a test, I'd do something like a test 9 days before and then another test 2 days before (to give time to get results - assuming you have access to testing with decent turn around times). Self quarantine during waiting for results.
All of this would be onerous &/or not cheap (private tests here for people who are asymptomatic and need them for work/travel or to visit in long term care run between $300-400 each) but it would provide a way to get together with what I think is as low risk as possible.
Oct 17, 2020 11:23AM Micmel wrote:
I also wrestle with the holidays. My onc meant. If they don’t see you everyday because they live there. Then no. I want my Dd for dinner and Christmas. I cannot imagine that without her, now that all of that nonsense with the do I celebrate birthdays or Christmas or not? One year of none of that fixed that quickly. I’m thankful. I love my kids home for the holidays. That will never change. It’s the in laws and friends you wonder about because it means more exposure to others , and who those others may have come in contact with. I am going to go No where before. And have my family over. We will social distance and eat far apart. It’s our only choice. I’m even wondering about masks?
Oct 17, 2020 11:51AM Trishyla wrote:
I don't post on this thread, but I do sometimes read along. I just had to chime in, though, when I saw the discussion of the Hallmark Christmas movies.You guys actually like them? Seriously? They're basically the same plot, over and over. I know this because I wrote a number of them (pre diagnosis - haven't been able to write since chemo) and my husband did sound on over 130 Hallmark movies, including 35 of their Christmas movies.
Maybe I'm jaded but I have never understood their appeal. Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining since they paid our bills for 15 years, and helped send our kids to college. But I simply can't watch them. Not even the ones I wrote.
So here's my question. What is it that you like about them? I truly do want to know.
Oct 17, 2020 11:58AM mara51506 wrote:
It just takes you to a simple story most of the time that is enjoyable without a lot of the intensity of life or other TV shows. I can forget my own problems while watching them as well.
Oct 17, 2020 12:28PM - edited Oct 17, 2020 12:28PM by Micmel
Trish~welcome to my second home. I'll watch anything that makes me feel better about having cancer. I don't necessarily wait for them. But Ifthere is an actor I like or something catches my eye. I may give it a try. It can't be any worse than the lifetime channel where every woman has lost it and is some. Crazed nanny murderer. Or the mean step father/killer. I'll search and search for something to watch or record my shows on the dvr. I can see them getting ready for the holiday season. I prefer the old cartoon types. Like Santa Claus is coming to town and old ones like that. I'll watch them every year. It reminds me of my kids being young. They wide eyed watched it every year .
Oct 17, 2020 12:43PM moth wrote:
It's *because* they're the same plot. So comforting. Like listening to the same bedtime story again and again as a child.
I find them sometimes incredibly hilarious. Like sometimes the hero is so obv either gay or a serial killer (but he's not according to the plot but holy cow - you could put it in a suspense film and he would be, but he should be). I like a good bingo card.... tree lighting ceremony? visit to the tree lot? dog? cheesy sweater? cookie decorating? precocious child? stupid misunderstanding that would have been resolved with one 30 second conversation? some lame nod to the military?
Oh & I think the Debbie Macomber ones are genuinely good - but I'm a romance geek so obviously biased lol
Oct 17, 2020 01:45PM Trishyla wrote:
Okay. I kinda get it. Familiarity and no surprises. As a writer, that's so not what you want your work to be. Boring and predictable 🙂
And moth? Many of those actors are gay. My husband, who is very open and accepting, has commented more than once about just how flaming some of the actors are in real life. It surprises him that women find them romantic. I pointed out that it's really the best of both worlds. A good looking guy who you talk to just like your female friends. Win/win. (Disclaimer: We have a lot of gay friends)
Thanks for the feedback. When I was writing the Hallmark movies, the only person I knew who watched them was my husband's elderly aunt. Since then I've talked to hundreds of young women who love them. One even asked me for my autograph. First time ever. It was for her Grandma, but still.😁 It made my day.
Oct 17, 2020 02:23PM moth wrote:
I'm an unpubbed member of RWA (I'd have to really hurry my ass to get a ms finished if I want to tick off that bucketlist item). Category romance is all about predictability & the tropes :P Friends to lovers! Secret babies!
Oh I have no doubt about the actors. They have that lovely beta male vibe. (except Dermot Mulroney in The Christmas Train. That had too much of a May / December creep vibe...)
ok, so this is one of my faves. A Veteran's Christmas. The guy lives alone in some house in the woods and has a guesthouse where his office is & which he offers to the heroine when she's stranded in a snowstorm car breakdown thing. Romantic suspense fan me is screaming NO.... he's a serial killer!!!! Don't go in!
But then we see the guesthouse which is fully 1000000% decorated for Christmas. He has a santa suit. He has a xmas bathrobe and matching xmas mug. I mean, girlfriend, OPEN YOUR EYES. This movie needs another hero not a heroine :D
Trishyla, if you want to share which are yours I'd love to know - esp if they're one of the ones they're repeating this years. I'd totally want your autograph.
Oct 17, 2020 03:21PM candy-678 wrote:
I am more the Lifetime Movie Channel with Christmas "Slay Bells", New Years "Deadly Resolutions", "4th of You Lie" , and Thanksgiving "Hateful and Grateful". Those are all kind of the same type of story lines. But fun. My dark side.
Oct 17, 2020 03:55PM Trishyla wrote:
Thanks for the welcome, Mel. I'm one of your regular lurkers. I pop in one in a while to check in on the ladies. You really do have a special group here.
'm with you on that, Candy. I really don't like the syrupy sweet stuff, even when I wrote it. Not a fan of gore, but I love a good psychological thriller.
I haven't done anything recent, moth. The production company my husband and I worked for closed their doors (for no reason) while I was going through chemo in 2016. Got a call from the HR department telling me that not only were we both unemployed, but that our insurance was being canceled in three days. So I really don't have fond memories of that company or the work I did for them.
Fortunately my husband works with a much better production company right now and I make and sell jewelry. Much better for my sanity right now.
Oct 17, 2020 04:18PM SandiBeach57 wrote:
My older sister loves the Hallmark movies.
She and her DH uses Hallmark as a date night, cuddle up with a bottle of wine and just get cozy. They are both 75. They don't have to analyze the movie..just enjoy it and each other's company and fantasize about romance.
I always thought a Hallmark movie should be written about them..met as young teens.
Oct 17, 2020 04:32PM DodgersGirl wrote:
Moth, “A Veteran’s Christmas”, was a good movie! Always like the movies with puppies in them. Loved the scene when she learns she gets to keep her military dog, Christmas.
Trishyla, sorry for the troubles you and hubby went thru when the production company closed like that. A tip of the hat to you for the movies you were a part of. Provides a great escape where everything works out, people are happy, and it’s ok if I have chemo brain and not likely to follow along with more movie plot twists. Just sit back and enjoy the escape from life plus all the holiday lights
Oct 18, 2020 10:08AM mara51506 wrote:
Well, it is gray, drizzly and generally yucky looking. Cool and damp. I decided I wanted to try walking to walmart, only one way for a 3 mile walk. Got about 30 mins in and tired out. Gave up and just waited for a bus. Got heavier than intended groceries and took another bus home as intended. Not a bad trip altogether.
Oct 18, 2020 10:27AM Tanya_Djamila wrote:
Mara you’re out and about early. Have a great day.
Oct 18, 2020 02:23PM Rosie24 wrote:
Hi all. I’ve been reading along but I have such a lousy memory I can’t remember a lot of details. Ugh. I think I need to respond more often.
I agree that we each need to decide on how much we carry on with old routines. I know I’m very glad to not be working anymore, but probably would have called it quits when I was dx if I wasn’t already retired. I do go to stores, have haircuts and see some friends for patio meals. DH and I are getting more concerned with cases increasing and will be stopping some unnecessary outings. I may be putting too much faith in the masks, but they’re worn by people everywhere in my area and I’ve been comfortable enough.
I think I mentioned a shoulder problem I’ve been dealing with. Primary care doc called it rotator cuff impingement. I have no idea what I did to cause it. I had 3 sessions with deep tissue massage and it’s made a big difference. (Another risky outing I will cut back.).
The massage therapist asked if I was familiar with essential oils and I said I was somewhat familiar, as in with the room diffuser I have. She knows about my cancer dx and said she suggests frankincense and lemon. She gave me a tiny sample but I haven’t used it yet. I’ve tried to read up on it, and apparently frankincense builds immunity and has cancer fighting qualities, if I remember right. I’m not even sure what to do with it 😳.
Just a couple days ago, my sister emailed about a show she saw about healing mushrooms, specifically turkey tail. I read up on that too, and it has even even more links to cancer fighting properties. I’ve never taken or used any supplements like these. I’m thinking maybe they can’t hurt? I’ll run them by my MO but I don’t see her until after Thanksgiving. My previous MO was fine with multi vitamins, biotin, and vit D but didn’t suggest anything else.
Does anyone have any experience or opinions on things like this?? I’m really a stranger to anything more than a few vitamins and my MBC meds!
I hope everyone is doing ok!
Oct 18, 2020 02:40PM - edited Oct 18, 2020 02:42PM by mara51506
I don't specifically know other than having heard the name of the turkey tail but I pulled up an article that gives benefits and side effects of such things.
Edited to add that you should run it by MO or PCP to make sure it will not conflict with any treatment you may be having. It does tout a lot of health benefit though I must admit.
Oct 18, 2020 04:15PM Rosie24 wrote:
Mara, I will definitely run it by my MO. I saw the same article you linked, which made me think it could be worth a closer look. I’m usually not one to seek out more meds or daily supplements but my sister was convinced by the program she saw. Thanks for your response
Oct 18, 2020 06:51PM - edited Oct 18, 2020 06:52PM by Micmel
hello everyone Hope your Sunday was a good one. Was not bad outside. Helped my DS attack his room. Closet , top of dresser and entertainment center. Side table. Wow. It was something else. We sorted clothes got rid of some, still have some to Go though. I dusted everything that had a visible surface , he can organize his inside cabinet of his entertainment center. Everything was taken off and dusted everything. It was a task. Most work I've done since my basement years ago. He needed the organization ideas and instructions. I sat and he did all the heavy things. But it had to be done. My DH reached his point. He wasn't happy. I just hope he can keep it organized, I gav him a great starting platform. We even did the closet. Emptied everything. I got storage cubes for change of season things. So all of his sweatshirts are organized and ready. But stacked on the floor of his closet. Looks uncluttered. I'm just glad it's done. It was a lot of work. Only to have it go right back again. We can't have it this time. I feel like I should be tired, I had no nap. Bodies are weird like that. Hope everyone had a productive day like myself.
Mara~ sorry about the crappy weather
Rosie~ hello stranger! Good to see you.
Waving to Tanya!
Oct 19, 2020 09:00AM SondraF wrote:
First day of my week off and I powered through the To Do list. Bulk of the week is focused on sorting/tossing/rearranging our stuff, so today I tackled Bathroom. Finally got the big box of bathroom stuff off the dresser and put away properly, or thrown out if it was all too old. The sun was out and it was warm, so I took a walk along the river. Tonight doing leftover bbq sandwiches, coleslaw, and cowboy beans from this weekend - which is good because my feet are barkin!
Hello to all and I hope everyone has a good Monday!
Oct 19, 2020 09:09AM mara51506 wrote:
Mel, sometimes are bodies are unpredictable as to how much or little we can do. I think part of it is definitely mental in that when we don't think while doing a task, whether exercise, a large chore or anything else, we can get more done than we think we can.
When I think about walking or sometimes while I am walking, my usual thought creeps in, I'm so tired. I try to replace it with no you are not tired, you can do this, just do it. I have to have an inner monologue going most of the time or I would not try anything physical.
I also need to have the inner monologue with myself about readjusting my eating habits. I ate so much breakfast after my first walk that I almost passed out. I am not doing athlete level things. I really need to shrink down what is being eaten and remain active still. My clothes really are not fitting and then I get into the whole, I'm fat negative talk which does not help. That is the next thing I need to work on for myself. I also need to cut out white pasta as that has a BAD sugar drop that lowers my BP. Anyway, I went to lie down for a few minutes until the feeling passed, going to get back on the treadmill and not worry so much about what happened. I am lucky I did not actually pass out. I am smart enough to recognize what is happening and take care of it.
Oct 19, 2020 11:11AM Micmel wrote:
Mara~ I’m glad you’re ok. I hate that feeling. Man it just hits ya!! And look out I have to sit immediately, or I’m goin down. I only eat once a day usually. I fast for the rest. Always have. It tends to be ok with the ibrance because I’m starting my 48 month in two weeks. Only water. I’m Not a hungry person. I do have a small dessert after dinner. But I don’t have huge portions at all and get full pretty quickly. If I am Hungry. I’ll eat. But usually I’m not.
Sondra~ you go girl. Put them barking puppies up! Ouch! I hope you enjoyed your walk though...