Nov 18, 2020 03:33PM Micmel wrote:
id get the flu shot.
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Posted on: Jul 6, 2017 08:38PM - edited Oct 28, 2019 12:42PM by Micmel
As I go through this forced path I have been thrown down, I have come to realize the love I have always had for my husband was strong. He is amazing and I love him with my very soul and entire heart. Never would I ever imagine the thought of dying and him being alone. Then the worst part hit me!! I can't seem to shake the horrible sorrow of thinking of another woman taking my place in his life and his heart, and if I Am honest his bed. He is my best friend and the love of my life, I would never need another for any reason. He makes my life complete, and then this happens. How do I process that I most likely won't be the one growing old on the porch that we have talked about, how do I process, someone else sitting in that chair? I hate this trajectory path I've been spun onto, and everyday I feel grief and deep sorrow. How do I live everyday knowing in the back of my mind, I feel like a place holder, for another woman who will be stepping into my life when I die of this horrible disease, more sooner than later. Why would I even want to take any medicines or treatments, when the answer is pretty obviously in front of my face.? Why do we fight so hard for something we cannot control ? Why do we hurt so badly thinking about letting go, or giving up? It's a four letter word that holds so much power. That word is LOVE..... If you have ever felt this way. Share with me, because I understand, I feel this way everyday. I also don't know what to do with the sadness of loss or how to process the process of dying. However slow or fast it may be. Please share your love stories with me, how did you meet? How long together? I want to know your stories, everyone has their person. Everyone loves.....tell me about your family, your friends, your life too, as if this was your living room. ♥️
We are team FU cancer (Named by Parry, our sweet sister) and this is our Lol pub and living room. Welcome, put your feet up and just be you!
Posts 17911 - 17940 (19,336 total)
Nov 18, 2020 03:33PM Micmel wrote:
id get the flu shot.
Nov 18, 2020 07:23PM Karenfizedbo15 wrote:
Moth, hope things go well.
Had the flu shot too, albeit had to ask when should have been automatic.
Nov 18, 2020 08:47PM ShetlandPony wrote:
They offered me a flu shot at my oncologist appointment last month. I thought it was not a great idea to get it the same day I got Faslodex and herceptin, but I did it because it was convenient. That night I had a 103.6 degree fever and had to go get checked out at the cancer center’s urgent care. Which was not convenient.
Nov 18, 2020 08:52PM - edited Nov 18, 2020 08:54PM by ShetlandPony
Moth, how exhausting, all those extra appointments and extra waiting to find out things. Time to get comfy and get lost in a show while not caring how much you snack while watching it.
Bliss, I love the moose photos. Wildlife sightings always feel to me like a surprise gift from the universe. Mae, have you named any of the burros? At least name the grey.
Mara, I hope you can get away with just a signed statement and they don't make you appear.
Nov 18, 2020 09:43PM Micmel wrote:
Cold night ahead. Going to be a good sleep night with warm blankets and a warm bed. I feel Lucky having that. It was cold today. Barely above freezing. Don't like those days much. But I showered and that always makes me feel better even though I don't much enjoy seeing what's been left behind. The carnage. I am available for any pocket duty needed. Snacks and all!
I hope that once thanksgiving comes I can get into the spirit of Christmas. Because right now not so much. Someone I went to school with had a brain aneurysm yesterday and surgery didn't stop the bleeding. She's 50... two daughters and a DH. Talking organ donation now. My close friends aunt went into premature labor with 5 months and some weeks along and was forced to deliver. The baby was born alive. his lungs couldn't sustain even life support. So the baby passed. They have to name him and bury him. So damn sad. Breaks my heart. Just bad things happen to good people sometimes and I just don't understand how things go. Heavy heart night. Hope you ladies sleep well. It's our peace time.
Nov 18, 2020 10:00PM ShetlandPony wrote:
Mel, that is a lot of sadness today. Sending you a hug and a sigh in unison. Universe, we know life is precious; we don’t need all these reminders.
Nov 18, 2020 10:25PM - edited Nov 18, 2020 10:25PM by Micmel
Thank you Shetland. It's a lot for people to bare. Lifeis hard
Nov 18, 2020 10:51PM SandiBeach57 wrote:
Mel..that is a lot of sadness to absorb. We carry sadness all the time..then you add the pain from your friends lives. It is hard.
Nov 18, 2020 11:36PM mara51506 wrote:
I am so sorry about your friends Mel and you. Have a peaceful sleep.
Nov 18, 2020 11:45PM Bliss58 wrote:
Mel, that is a lot of sadness for one day. I'm so sorry for them and you. Sending hugs and love and wishing you a restful night's sleep.
Nov 18, 2020 11:48PM KBL wrote:
I’m so sorry, Mel. I don’t know what else to say. I’m thinking of you.
Shetland, that sucks you got a fever after your day at the doctor. So sorry that happened.
Nov 19, 2020 12:31AM Tanya_Djamila wrote:
Candy nice numbers.happy for you.
Mel sorry about your friends.
I’m awake wawawa
Nov 19, 2020 07:50AM KBL wrote:
Tanya, I was awake with you. Couldn’t keep my eyes open at 8. Woke up at 12 and was awake until 2.
Nov 19, 2020 08:01AM GoldensRBest wrote:
Mel - so sorry about all the loss. You are such an empathetic person. Hope today brings some peace
Nov 19, 2020 08:22AM booboo1 wrote:Mel,
Nov 19, 2020 09:19AM candy-678 wrote:
Mel- So sorry. So much sadness around.
Last night I was flipping channels on the TV. Came across a show about a woman that lost 700 pounds over 3 years. She started at 750 and was at 150. It journaled her story. I admired her. I know that it could not have been easy. And I am sure she had up and down days and probably struggled and fell several times. But she was determined and had a good outlook. And looked forward to a goal for her future- she talked about what she wanted to do when she hit her target weight- go camping and start dating. At one point during her journey, she got to fly on a plane for the first time And how excited she was.
Then I thought about myself as I was trying to go to sleep. I (we) take the meds, go to the doc appts, get poked and prodded, endure the scanxiety. But our end goal is not a happy one. We do all this and the cancer will eventually grow. It will eventually kill. No happy end goal for us. (Well, yes, I will go to Heaven, but you know what I am meaning)
I just wish that with all we endure that we had a happy end to our story.
Today I am going to have a goal to walk the treadmill, open the windows for fresh air (supposed to be sunny and 70), and do some light housework.
Nov 19, 2020 09:19AM Micmel wrote:
Thank you ladies. I appreciate the support always. !
Nov 19, 2020 11:19AM mara51506 wrote:
Mel, still thinking of you as well.
I have done a brisk initial 20 mins on the treadmill, couple surveys, will do laundry later. Planning to go out and look for a pair of lighter winter shoes or possibly lighter boots. My winter boots are huge clodhoppers and I cannot stand that aspect of them. I want to walk in the winter too. I have a lot of traction cleats for that purpose that work well. If I cannot find what I want, I will simply have to wear sneakers instead. Other option will be to walk on the treadmill in both pairs of boots I have to get ready for it, slowly of course but that would get my feet ready. We will see what happens, may still train on the treadmill with all shoes purchased. I do have to be careful of footing on treadmill, it felt jerky at first today and shoes have not lost their tread. Will start slower and more gradually turn it up. The belt itself is fine.
Nov 19, 2020 11:31AM moth wrote:
Oh Mel, that is a whole lot of sad :(
Yesterday dd found out that a pt who had been at her outpatient clinic the day before... the pt's spouse tested positive for covid. Dd didn't deal with that pt at all so risk is very low but it's still an ugh. The other unit she works at is surgical and they're going to be requiring pts to have a neg covid test so I think it will be a safer environment. Wonder if they'll make that a rule at increasingly more outpatient clinics.
And I read about a report from China where they had a small outbreak - which they controlled very quickly - but they traced it back to a CT scan & said it was likely "environmental exposure" but I couldn't figure out if they meant aerosol (cause we know that it can in some circumstances stay in air for quite some time) or if they meant fomites (ie contaminated surfaces that were touched). Either way, to me it was both super interesting & kind of concerning.....
Nov 19, 2020 12:45PM - edited Nov 19, 2020 01:10PM by illimae
Progress on the cabin is slow but moving. It's primitive but we have a dish washing station, an outdoor shower and a partially built under stairs bathroom.
And DH is wonderful but he’s 2nd guessing everything, constantly misplacing tools and coming up with new ideas and changes throughout. I’ve tried to politely suggest he commit and follow through but I just want to sleep through this whole process, ugh.
Nov 19, 2020 02:10PM Tanya_Djamila wrote:
Mae that's what marriages are made of. Good night. Lived through many construction projects and lord sometimes.... at least you have a bathroom.
I hope all are doing well today.
Nov 19, 2020 02:12PM SandiBeach57 wrote:
Mae..was the cabin frame already built when you bought it or have you guys done it all? Whew..big project and doesn't DH travel a lot?..maybe not so much during COVID. Is your other home on the market? Where do you get your energy?
Nov 19, 2020 02:29PM illimae wrote:
Tanya, I agree
Sandibeach, Just land when we bought it. DH did all the building except for the roof, I didn’t want him to risk falling 40ft off a ladder onto rocks and hour from a local hospital and the deck, which we didn’t have time for. DH did drive rock bands but he’s basically retired due to Covid (no tours). The Houston house will be cleared next month for sale, hopefully. As for energy, I’d say I have moderate energy but high determination.
Nov 19, 2020 03:34PM candy-678 wrote:
Just feeling lonely and bored.
I opened my windows today-- windy here. Fresh air though. I walked on the treadmill-- 20 minutes, more of a stroll. I vacuumed and light dusted.
Just soooo quiet here.
I texted a friend. She texted back she was at work. Oh well I tried.
I am thankful--- thankful for my house, a book to read, my computer. Thankful for food in the fridge. Thankful that I am Covid free (so far) and not in a hospital. Thankful for everything.
But also, I am lonely and bored. Thinking of my old pre cancer life-- work, busyness, etc. Thinking of pre Covid life-- shopping, church, etc. Wondering if my scans in 1 month, Dec 21, will show progression. Will I still be stable on Ibrance for some more time. Will we get a vaccine in the Spring. Will I feel good enough to resume some sort of a life next summer.
Just feeling blue.
Nov 19, 2020 04:03PM mara51506 wrote:
Mae, great progress on the cabin, you and your husband are quite talented. You will love it once done. I understand you on having more determination than energy as I am quite similar in my life.
Candy, I am so sorry you are feeling blue. Even though we can have blessings such as our homes, food and such, it does not mean the feelings always go away. Hopefully they will ease up soon.
I did have a decent day. Got a great pair of winter boots, only the size and weight of shoes but waterproof with soles made from vibram so they will be good antislip as well. So comfortable as well.. Looking forward to them. Got quite a bit of walking on treadmill, to and from bus stops and up to the store as well. Not crazy long, but enough that I stayed busy. It was nice out today as well.
Nov 19, 2020 05:53PM Karenfizedbo15 wrote:
Mel, isn’t it always the way that when one piece of bad news come another follows. In my family we tend to think of things coming in 3’s. It’s HARD and very understandable to struggle. Hopefully something good will happen soon
Candy I too am trying to be grateful, easier said than done, but does work with practice!
Did anyone see the BBC interview with Michael J Fox? Done with frank humour.
He was asked how he coped with thoughts of the future with deteriorating Parkinson’s... he said trying live in the present and what is the future anyway? The future is now....and now....and now...you get my meaning. I need to practice that.
WOooh watching the TV news and just announced that Scottish author Douglas Stuart ( now living in NYC) has won the Booker prize for his book Shuggie Bain....I’ll be reading that one!
Mae, how brave are you to take on your cabin project...I do hope it’s cosy and comfy soon!
Nov 19, 2020 07:25PM BevJen wrote:
Interesting that you mention trying to be grateful. Recently, I had an hour and a half appointment with an integrative medicine MD. One of the things she asked me was whether I had a gratitude practice. Many of you probably know what that is, but I was taken aback and told her no, that I wasn't exactly sure what that was. I mean, when I wake up in the morning, I try to think positively and thank the universe, God, or whatever one believes in for the new day. But that's as far as it goes.
She suggested keeping a journal (something that I am notoriously BAD at) and at the end of each day, write down three things that happened that day for which I was grateful. She said that over time, it would become more automatic, and that I would get the hang of it.
I think it's a great idea. So far, I haven't done it (as I said, I am notoriously bad at journaling) but I think it's a good idea.
Nov 19, 2020 07:28PM candy-678 wrote:
I saw Michael J. Fox on the Rachel Ray show and The View. Bless him. I remember him on the show Family Ties and of course Back to the Future. I appreciated when he said his new book is about not always feeling optimistic. I admire him. Kind of like Alex Trebek.
Nov 19, 2020 07:35PM mara51506 wrote:
BevJen, I totally agree with the grateful journal so you can look back and see what you are grateful for. I am grateful for my wee apartment that I don't pay electricity for, glad to do laundry in my apartment. Glad that I really like beans and spinach with cheese and queso. All of these things are inexpensive. Glad I can do surveys to make enough money to afford my apartment, food and TV channels and some extras. Glad I know how to stretch certain things. Glad I have my health outside of cancer. I try to remind myself of these things when having a blue day. It does not always work to pull me out, but sometimes it does. If worst comes to worst, I go to bed earlier and try to get more sleep.
Nov 19, 2020 07:40PM moth wrote:
I got a call late this afternoon about a lung biopsy spot opening up tomorrow morning so I grabbed it. Meant I had to quickly run to get bloodwork as they needed a current INR/PTT. But anything that moves things up is good from my perspective. The phlebotomist was taken aback by how cheerful I was...she said "oh wow, you're excited about getting bloodwork?" and I was like "yes! I get to have a biopsy tomorrow!" which no doubt just convinced her she was dealing with Ms Crazypants lol
The faster I get the biopsy, the faster I can get radiation mapping, the faster rads can start....& also the faster we get info about this met & what's possibly driving it. Means a long boring day alone in interventional radiology tomorrow though. I'm downloading extra episodes of podcasts because the wifi is dodgy there.