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USEFUL RESOURCES

Topic: My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer

Forum: Stage IV/Metastatic Breast Cancer, Open to All to Contribute — Topics here are started by members with a Stage IV/Metastatic Breast Cancer diagnosis, but open to all members to contribute to discussions. Please note that there is a separate forum, Stage IV/Metastatic Breast Cancer ONLY, where topics are open only to those members.

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Posted on: Jul 7, 2017 01:38AM - edited Oct 28, 2019 04:42PM by micmel

Posted on: Jul 7, 2017 01:38AM - edited Oct 28, 2019 04:42PM by micmel

micmel wrote:

As I go through this forced path I have been thrown down, I have come to realize the love I have always had for my husband was strong. He is amazing and I love him with my very soul and entire heart. Never would I ever imagine the thought of dying and him being alone. Then the worst part hit me!! I can't seem to shake the horrible sorrow of thinking of another woman taking my place in his life and his heart, and if I Am honest his bed. He is my best friend and the love of my life, I would never need another for any reason. He makes my life complete, and then this happens. How do I process that I most likely won't be the one growing old on the porch that we have talked about, how do I process, someone else sitting in that chair? I hate this trajectory path I've been spun onto, and everyday I feel grief and deep sorrow. How do I live everyday knowing in the back of my mind, I feel like a place holder, for another woman who will be stepping into my life when I die of this horrible disease, more sooner than later. Why would I even want to take any medicines or treatments, when the answer is pretty obviously in front of my face.? Why do we fight so hard for something we cannot control ? Why do we hurt so badly thinking about letting go, or giving up? It's a four letter word that holds so much power. That word is LOVE..... If you have ever felt this way. Share with me, because I understand, I feel this way everyday. I also don't know what to do with the sadness of loss or how to process the process of dying. However slow or fast it may be. Please share your love stories with me, how did you meet? How long together? I want to know your stories, everyone has their person. Everyone loves.....tell me about your family, your friends, your life too, as if this was your living room. ♥️

We are team FU cancer (Named by Parry, our sweet sister) and this is our Lol pub and living room. Welcome, put your feet up and just be you!

Everyone has to dance, they just don’t know what song they will get. Dx 1/22/2016, IDC, Left, 4cm, Stage IV, metastasized to bone, Grade 2, 13/35 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2- Chemotherapy 2/10/2016 AC Surgery 6/21/2016 Lymph node removal; Lymph node removal (Left): Underarm/Axillary; Mastectomy; Mastectomy (Left) Chemotherapy 7/20/2016 Abraxane (albumin-bound or nab-paclitaxel) Targeted Therapy 11/7/2016 Ibrance (palbociclib) Surgery Chemotherapy Chemotherapy Hormonal Therapy Arimidex (anastrozole)
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Jul 14, 2017 03:59PM - edited Jan 26, 2018 08:35PM by 50sgirl

This Post was deleted by 50sgirl.
Dx 6/5/2015, ILC/IDC, Left, 3cm, Stage IV, metastasized to bone, ER+/PR+, HER2- Hormonal Therapy 6/10/2015 Arimidex (anastrozole) Dx 8/9/2016, ILC/IDC, Left, 3cm, Stage IV, metastasized to bone/liver/other, ER+/PR+, HER2- Hormonal Therapy 8/10/2016 Faslodex (fulvestrant) Targeted Therapy 8/31/2016 Ibrance (palbociclib) Hormonal Therapy 7/3/2018 Tamoxifen pills (Nolvadex, Apo-Tamox, Tamofen, Tamone) Chemotherapy 10/2/2018 Xeloda (capecitabine) Chemotherapy 2/11/2019 Taxol (paclitaxel) Hormonal Therapy 11/12/2019 Aromasin (exemestane) Targeted Therapy 11/13/2019 Afinitor (everolimus) Hormonal Therapy 12/27/2019 Femara (letrozole) Chemotherapy 3/8/2020 Adriamycin (doxorubicin) Targeted Therapy 2/6/2021 Verzenio Chemotherapy 4/13/2021 Halaven (eribulin) Chemotherapy 9/30/2021 Cytoxan (cyclophosphamide), Methotrexate (Amethopterin, Mexate, Folex) Chemotherapy 2/11/2022 Ixempra (ixabepilone) Local Metastases Whole brain radiation: Brain
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Jul 14, 2017 04:31PM - edited Jul 14, 2017 04:47PM by micmel

Lynne~ wow! I have tears streaming down my face, that is a beautiful and tragic story, I don't even really have words to say how lovely reading that was for me. It makes me realize that there are such good love stories out there, that need to be told and put in a place for it to be forever here. Even if we aren't anymore. I agree I'm aiming for the 20 years. I pray everyday that we all see it. I honestly do. You ladies have become an extended family and I wanted to know all the happiness and support Around you all, because love a lot of the time is what gets us through everyday. I know for me it truly is. My DH is such a beautiful creature both Inside and out, I have never loved another, so now, I think it would seem.I love that you support each other and love unconditionally, that is what good things are made of. I know I feel like sometimes when I am here on these boards sometimes. It's always talking about side effects and scan anxiety and worries. I wanted there to be a place for us to tell funny stories about our loves, our families, our lives, outside of this dreadful, clear, bee inside a jar life we've been sucked into. Here I want us to laugh about funny things they do to us,or the romantic things they do for us. Our kids funny stories. Or just plain not the medications or illness results. I hate them!!! But love all you guys and want us to feel like here. We are sitting around a large table together having coffee or wine or whatever our hearts desire. Because we deserve it. Hugs Lynne. And thank you. ~M~

Everyone has to dance, they just don’t know what song they will get. Dx 1/22/2016, IDC, Left, 4cm, Stage IV, metastasized to bone, Grade 2, 13/35 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2- Chemotherapy 2/10/2016 AC Surgery 6/21/2016 Lymph node removal; Lymph node removal (Left): Underarm/Axillary; Mastectomy; Mastectomy (Left) Chemotherapy 7/20/2016 Abraxane (albumin-bound or nab-paclitaxel) Targeted Therapy 11/7/2016 Ibrance (palbociclib) Surgery Chemotherapy Chemotherapy Hormonal Therapy Arimidex (anastrozole)
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Jul 15, 2017 01:35AM - edited Jul 15, 2017 02:01AM by Nan812

wow...with all the fighting yelling and horrible divorces' there are, it is absolutely wonderful to hear about these love stories that will outlast all of us....please dont let me be the only one to post a pic,(DH and me 30 years apart, no more 80s hair) i would love to see all your yesterday and today pics (i just snapped a pic of the pic with my iphone to post it)...got the idea to post it from when lita posted that old pic of her and her love (just warms your heart)....

my biggest worry is that something that happened to my dad would happen to my DH...my mom passed from BC at the age of 48, they met here in the USA but are both right off the boat from germany....my dad had quadruple bypass surgery the year my mom passed(dad age 49) his heart actually broke...well he met who we thought was a nice german lady who took good care of him for 14 years until my dad had a massive stroke at age 60...after it was determined that he would regain nothing (like a closed head injury with 1/2 your body paralized) and he would need 24 hour care forever, she wrote him a dear john letter saying "we each need to get on with our lives"....CAN YOU IMAGINE!!!....he took such good care of her, he took her around the world, and she wrote him a note that he could barley read....to have your heart broken like that was worse than if he had been alone all that time...im sure some ladies/guys on here have gone thru that kind of pain with their cancer dx but they probably arent reading this thread...the crazy thing was i never asked her for any help caring for him, she never spent one night to help out nor was she asked to....she begged him and begged him for an engagement ring, he dropped $3,500.00 on one 2 weeks before his stroke and she never put it back on...what she did to him when he needed her the most still breaks my heart, and i could still go on and on about it.

I'm sorry that wasnt a happy story but never take your love for granted....tell them every day how much they mean to you and how much you appreciate their love and friendship....that is what i fear for my husband, to be left alone when he thought he had a friend he could count on....i would definitely haunt that bitch then..lol

please post those pics....lets see how true love grows

p.s. mic, lets meet up in heaven and haunt any snakes going after our hubbies (that would be a fun way to spend our waiting time, and shine our love on our sisters still battling this disease) we can look after our babies and their babies too till we meet again......p.s.s..how is hubbys' foot?...

DX 03/13/15;stg4;TN;BRAC1; both breasts,lymph,lungs,bones,adrenal,spleen,brain; 2x8moths chemo,Abraxane /Cytoxan/Adriamycin 2015; gammaknife 5 brain tumors 2015; GK 1 brain 2016; Rad/adrenal 2016; craniotomy2017; GK2017,havalen & lymparza2017
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Jul 15, 2017 02:13AM Nan812 wrote:

lynne, im so happy that you two have each other....there are some things just to hard to do alone.....imho cancer is one of them, even tho i will only let a few in like DH, DD, and all my cyber soulmates just from BC.org...i agree with micmel in that no one else truly understands....why is it that with all the "others" you end up comforting them instead of the other way around....cancer is such a lonely disease....I'm gonna haunt everyone and really scare the shiit out of a few ...LMAO

DX 03/13/15;stg4;TN;BRAC1; both breasts,lymph,lungs,bones,adrenal,spleen,brain; 2x8moths chemo,Abraxane /Cytoxan/Adriamycin 2015; gammaknife 5 brain tumors 2015; GK 1 brain 2016; Rad/adrenal 2016; craniotomy2017; GK2017,havalen & lymparza2017
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Jul 15, 2017 02:30AM bigbhome wrote:

Nan - LMAO at that vision!! I am so on-board with that! Poor women don't stand a chance! First we loved them well and then we haunt any future potentials, while keeping our hands firmly on their shoulders.

That's what I see. As sure as I'm sitting here, I know my father put his hand on my shoulder on a very dark day. That is what I will do for dh.

Hugs and prayers

Claudia



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Jul 15, 2017 03:26AM illimae wrote:

Nan, here you go.... We haven't taken a photo together in a while but on the left is us in 1999 and on the right are from this year. We still have fun despite cancer, we recently got busted playing doctor with the medical equipment on the wall when the oncologist walked in, I was looking in his ear, it was awkward but we just laughed.


Diagnosed at 41 Stage IV De Novo Dx 11/16/2016, IDC, Left, 5cm, Stage IV, metastasized to bone, Grade 3, 3/13 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2+ Chemotherapy 1/2/2017 Abraxane (albumin-bound or nab-paclitaxel) Targeted Therapy 1/2/2017 Herceptin (trastuzumab) Targeted Therapy 1/2/2017 Perjeta (pertuzumab) Surgery 6/26/2017 Lumpectomy; Lumpectomy (Left); Lymph node removal Radiation Therapy 8/10/2017 Breast, Lymph nodes Dx 10/5/2017, IDC, Left, 5cm, Stage IV, metastasized to brain, Grade 3, 3/13 nodes, ER+, HER2+ Radiation Therapy 10/20/2017 External Local Metastases 10/20/2017 Brain Radiation Therapy 4/18/2018 External Local Metastases 4/18/2018 Brain Radiation Therapy 5/23/2019 External Local Metastases 5/23/2019 Brain Surgery 1/22/2020 Radiation Therapy 2/17/2020 External Local Metastases 2/17/2020 Brain Radiation Therapy 7/20/2020 External Local Metastases 7/20/2020 Radiation therapy: Bone Radiation Therapy 12/4/2020 External Local Metastases 12/4/2020 Brain Targeted Therapy Tukysa (tucatinib) Chemotherapy Xeloda (capecitabine) Hormonal Therapy Tamoxifen pills (Nolvadex, Apo-Tamox, Tamofen, Tamone)
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Jul 15, 2017 03:33AM - edited Jul 15, 2017 03:46AM by micmel

You ladies are a trip!! I actually did lmao and I haven't done that for a long time without my DH being the cause of it. Nan we certainly will be friends in heaven as we are right here honey! I'll dig out some pics. I don't have any on his phone because DH got me a new phone for xmas, iPhone 6+ which I wanted so badly. He bought it for me xmas eve. Which is his birthday. He's so thoughtful and romantic. Words cannot express. He got the results back and his foot has some ligament issues. Thank god that is all it was. He said he needed to be ok, to take care of me. He just kissed my forehead and went upstairs to our bedroom. I will sleep down here tonight, because of my lymphedema Is pissing me off so I need the good old hospital bed. Another parting gift from Mr cancer himself. I am also way in on the haunting, lmao. I mean that is classic! I am up for some haunting. Thank you Nan for asking about his foot. That is very kind. I would like nothing more than for us to someday, somehow be able to tell each other in person how many days you have helped, what otherwise would have been a mental breakdown day. There is so much love on this thread and I hope everyone will keep sharing their stories and love. My DS has a nickname for me and it is Pretty Face. He has called me that since he was like three. Today he came home from work, and said Hi Prettyface can I have a hug. This is a 20 year old young teddy bear of a man. Warmed my soul. Made me smile. I love my family. I love my DH. I love you guys too. Good night ! Hugs ~M~

Everyone has to dance, they just don’t know what song they will get. Dx 1/22/2016, IDC, Left, 4cm, Stage IV, metastasized to bone, Grade 2, 13/35 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2- Chemotherapy 2/10/2016 AC Surgery 6/21/2016 Lymph node removal; Lymph node removal (Left): Underarm/Axillary; Mastectomy; Mastectomy (Left) Chemotherapy 7/20/2016 Abraxane (albumin-bound or nab-paclitaxel) Targeted Therapy 11/7/2016 Ibrance (palbociclib) Surgery Chemotherapy Chemotherapy Hormonal Therapy Arimidex (anastrozole)
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Jul 15, 2017 03:41AM micmel wrote:

Mae~ I love it!!! Beautiful lady and your handsome Love of your life. I am so enjoying seeing this part of you all and knowing the things that make your souls shine. Like my sweet man does. He is the air that I breathe. I absolutely love how you also rock hats!! I miss doing fun things like that. I never have the energy anymore. But I am really working on it, Ritilan helps some days. You ladies are a lot of fun. Huge group hug! Wish we could all throw away our cancer in some garbage bin outside a local pub and all bring our loves and sit together and just be friends! No problems, no worries, just laughter and good company. That is my prayer. To go to sleep on tonight. Thank you ladies for making this thread worth starting. 💜 You all! ~M ~

Everyone has to dance, they just don’t know what song they will get. Dx 1/22/2016, IDC, Left, 4cm, Stage IV, metastasized to bone, Grade 2, 13/35 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2- Chemotherapy 2/10/2016 AC Surgery 6/21/2016 Lymph node removal; Lymph node removal (Left): Underarm/Axillary; Mastectomy; Mastectomy (Left) Chemotherapy 7/20/2016 Abraxane (albumin-bound or nab-paclitaxel) Targeted Therapy 11/7/2016 Ibrance (palbociclib) Surgery Chemotherapy Chemotherapy Hormonal Therapy Arimidex (anastrozole)
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Jul 16, 2017 01:56AM Nan812 wrote:

illimae....for a minute i thought you wrote obstetrician (dont ask me why)....and you got caught playing .....lmao, im still giggling ....i need my old lady glasses ;)

DX 03/13/15;stg4;TN;BRAC1; both breasts,lymph,lungs,bones,adrenal,spleen,brain; 2x8moths chemo,Abraxane /Cytoxan/Adriamycin 2015; gammaknife 5 brain tumors 2015; GK 1 brain 2016; Rad/adrenal 2016; craniotomy2017; GK2017,havalen & lymparza2017
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Jul 16, 2017 02:06PM JFL wrote:

The idea of women trying to angle for someone's DH while she is still here is just shameful! Some people have no shame.

I would want DH to find someone else so as not to be alone (so it isn't as if I fully ruined his life). I have a young child (2.5 years) which is the hardest part. I hate the thought of missing all the milestones. I am not even sure I will make it to a point where he would be old enough to remember me. He is deeply attached to me and we have so much fun together. So sad he may remember none of it. I would like my son to have a mother figure when I am gone. My only request for DH would be he finds someone who loves my son and would be a good "mother" to him.

I don't so much worry about someone else having a better connection than we had. No one can take away the experiences we have had so far. Each relationship is different. Sure, there could be things about the next woman that he likes better but it is so difficult to find someone you truly connect with and can create a life together with for years and years. I don't see anyone erasing that special bond. We have been married nearly 9 years.

I have a friend who married a man after his wife passed of cancer. She has always felt like she can't compare to his first wife and that he will never love her as much as the first wife. There were many years in the beginning where he resisted getting married because he was not over wife's passing/not ready to get remarried.I suspect that type of scenario is more likely than a new person coming in and the prior wife simply forgotten.

Chart your own course. Dx at 30. Dx with mets at 38 while pregnant - extensive liver & bone involvement. Currently on Enhertu & XGeva. ER+/PR+, HER2-low (IHC equivocal, +2/FISH negative). Y90 liver radioembolization in 2018. Dx 9/2006, IDC, Right, 1cm, Stage IIB, Grade 3, 1/16 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-, Surgery 9/22/2006 Mastectomy: Left, Right Chemotherapy 11/6/2006 Adriamycin (doxorubicin), Cytoxan (cyclophosphamide), Taxotere (docetaxel) Hormonal Therapy 3/15/2007 Tamoxifen pills (Nolvadex, Apo-Tamox, Tamofen, Tamone) Dx 12/2014, IDC, Stage IV, metastasized to bone/liver/other, Grade 3, ER+/PR-, HER2- Surgery 12/26/2014 Prophylactic ovary removal Hormonal Therapy 12/26/2014 Aromasin (exemestane), Faslodex (fulvestrant) Targeted Therapy 6/18/2015 Ibrance (palbociclib) Chemotherapy 3/10/2016 Xeloda (capecitabine) Hormonal Therapy 5/14/2017 Aromasin (exemestane) Targeted Therapy 5/14/2017 Afinitor (everolimus) Chemotherapy 8/18/2017 Abraxane (albumin-bound or nab-paclitaxel) Chemotherapy 3/23/2018 Doxil (liposomal doxorubicin) Chemotherapy 4/26/2019 Navelbine (vinorelbine) Hormonal Therapy 4/26/2019 Tamoxifen pills (Nolvadex, Apo-Tamox, Tamofen, Tamone) Chemotherapy 11/27/2019 Gemzar (gemcitabine) Hormonal Therapy 8/25/2020 Faslodex (fulvestrant) Targeted Therapy 8/25/2020 Piqray (alpelisib) Targeted Therapy 10/2/2020 Enhertu (fam-trastuzumab deruxtecan-nxki)

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