Topic: My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer

Forum: Stage IV/Metastatic Breast Cancer, Open to All To Contribute — Topics here are started by members with a Stage IV/Metastatic Breast Cancer diagnosis, but open to all members to contribute to discussions. Please note that there is a separate forum, Stage IV/Metastatic Breast Cancer ONLY, where topics are open only to those members.

Posted on: Jul 6, 2017 08:38PM - edited Oct 28, 2019 12:42PM by micmel

Posted on: Jul 6, 2017 08:38PM - edited Oct 28, 2019 12:42PM by micmel

micmel wrote:

As I go through this forced path I have been thrown down, I have come to realize the love I have always had for my husband was strong. He is amazing and I love him with my very soul and entire heart. Never would I ever imagine the thought of dying and him being alone. Then the worst part hit me!! I can't seem to shake the horrible sorrow of thinking of another woman taking my place in his life and his heart, and if I Am honest his bed. He is my best friend and the love of my life, I would never need another for any reason. He makes my life complete, and then this happens. How do I process that I most likely won't be the one growing old on the porch that we have talked about, how do I process, someone else sitting in that chair? I hate this trajectory path I've been spun onto, and everyday I feel grief and deep sorrow. How do I live everyday knowing in the back of my mind, I feel like a place holder, for another woman who will be stepping into my life when I die of this horrible disease, more sooner than later. Why would I even want to take any medicines or treatments, when the answer is pretty obviously in front of my face.? Why do we fight so hard for something we cannot control ? Why do we hurt so badly thinking about letting go, or giving up? It's a four letter word that holds so much power. That word is LOVE..... If you have ever felt this way. Share with me, because I understand, I feel this way everyday. I also don't know what to do with the sadness of loss or how to process the process of dying. However slow or fast it may be. Please share your love stories with me, how did you meet? How long together? I want to know your stories, everyone has their person. Everyone loves.....tell me about your family, your friends, your life too, as if this was your living room. ♥️

We are team FU cancer (Named by Parry, our sweet sister) and this is our Lol pub and living room. Welcome, put your feet up and just be you!

Everyone has to dance, they just don’t know what song they will get. Dx 1/22/2016, IDC, Left, 4cm, Stage IV, metastasized to bone, Grade 2, 13/35 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2- Chemotherapy 2/10/2016 AC Surgery 6/21/2016 Lymph node removal; Lymph node removal (Left): Underarm/Axillary; Mastectomy; Mastectomy (Left) Chemotherapy 7/20/2016 Abraxane (albumin-bound or nab-paclitaxel) Targeted Therapy 11/7/2016 Ibrance (palbociclib) Surgery Chemotherapy Chemotherapy Hormonal Therapy Arimidex (anastrozole)
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Jan 31, 2019 06:45PM runor wrote:

Micmel, we can go on the road and MJH can bring cupcakes! I'm in!

Dx 3/23/2017, IDC, Left, 2cm, Stage IIB, Grade 2, 0/1 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 4/12/2017 Lumpectomy; Lumpectomy (Left); Lymph node removal Radiation Therapy 7/5/2017 Whole breast: Breast Hormonal Therapy Tamoxifen pills (Nolvadex, Apo-Tamox, Tamofen, Tamone)
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Jan 31, 2019 07:00PM micmel wrote:

sigh super big sigh! Sometimes it really annoys me that people just don't listen to me. I've been with my hospital for years and years. Even before my cancer. While visiting my father on Saturday my step monster was talking about getting him into a short term facility until her arm is better. I said she should look closer down towards my home because the area they live in is quite expensive and they would never be able to afford the facilities in that area. (I already knew this all because I researched it all before for my mother who also wants to live closer to me 😦😞🤫😳🤯🥺) so my father was moved and he hates it. He's crying wanting to come home and scared that there are people he doesn't know.

It makes me very upset. I cannot help him. I can help him if they move him closer to me. But do I want that stress on me. ? That means all calls will come to me first and he will connect the town he is in with where I live. . He comes and goes with sharpness. He knows my town. I called and filed to have him moved someplace else. I filed a complaint against the shitty social worker that represented hospice at that meeting. What a joke. She should not be in the position she is in. I am making it a personal featof mine to make sure my letter will be going into her file. I'm not playing games here. I'm trying to get my dad changed to my hospital. That way I'll know his surgeons and doctors and I want him to be assigned to my palliative/hospice team. My doctor is wonderfully amazing. I adore her and I see her Monday I'm going to see if she can't pull his records. Grrrr I'm so annoyed.

Love to all~M~

Everyone has to dance, they just don’t know what song they will get. Dx 1/22/2016, IDC, Left, 4cm, Stage IV, metastasized to bone, Grade 2, 13/35 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2- Chemotherapy 2/10/2016 AC Surgery 6/21/2016 Lymph node removal; Lymph node removal (Left): Underarm/Axillary; Mastectomy; Mastectomy (Left) Chemotherapy 7/20/2016 Abraxane (albumin-bound or nab-paclitaxel) Targeted Therapy 11/7/2016 Ibrance (palbociclib) Surgery Chemotherapy Chemotherapy Hormonal Therapy Arimidex (anastrozole)
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Jan 31, 2019 07:03PM micmel wrote:

Grannax~ thinking of you and in your pocket ! Hugs !

Everyone has to dance, they just don’t know what song they will get. Dx 1/22/2016, IDC, Left, 4cm, Stage IV, metastasized to bone, Grade 2, 13/35 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2- Chemotherapy 2/10/2016 AC Surgery 6/21/2016 Lymph node removal; Lymph node removal (Left): Underarm/Axillary; Mastectomy; Mastectomy (Left) Chemotherapy 7/20/2016 Abraxane (albumin-bound or nab-paclitaxel) Targeted Therapy 11/7/2016 Ibrance (palbociclib) Surgery Chemotherapy Chemotherapy Hormonal Therapy Arimidex (anastrozole)
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Jan 31, 2019 09:12PM tanya_djamila wrote:

Good evening ladies

MJH those pictures are wonderful. What a way to catch up with months. I love cup cakes antique cars and visits to anywhere!

Grannax I’m looking forward to your Feb 16 fashion show. I pray you feel better after the AA.

Parry I hear your concerns and I’m agreeing with all the positive speak here. I just want you to know that I hear you and sometimes I just don’t know what to say.

Micmel good for you advocating for your dad. Navigating through family poop piles is terrible. I let all my siblings make their own decisions about this kind of stuff. I have to live with myself after all.

Have a good evenin all.

Can’t believe it’s February tomorrow.

Tanya

Tanya Dx 8/19/2003, ILC, Right, 6cm+, Stage IIIA, metastasized to bone/other, 28/28 nodes, ER+, HER2- Dx 4/19/2017, Stage IV, metastasized to bone/other, 0/0 nodes, ER+, HER2- Hormonal Therapy 6/20/2017 Faslodex (fulvestrant)
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Jan 31, 2019 10:32PM micmel wrote:

Tanya~Thank you very much for those words. I can’t physically make a difference. But I can make the calls and talk to people . I don’t like that people try to hide from their own doings. I didn’t like her that day. I callled her supervisor. Bad bad treatment. He’s gotta be moved. Stressful and articulate weather here. Yuck! Sleep tight everyone. Lots of blankets snuggle your pets. Love you ladies !
Everyone has to dance, they just don’t know what song they will get. Dx 1/22/2016, IDC, Left, 4cm, Stage IV, metastasized to bone, Grade 2, 13/35 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2- Chemotherapy 2/10/2016 AC Surgery 6/21/2016 Lymph node removal; Lymph node removal (Left): Underarm/Axillary; Mastectomy; Mastectomy (Left) Chemotherapy 7/20/2016 Abraxane (albumin-bound or nab-paclitaxel) Targeted Therapy 11/7/2016 Ibrance (palbociclib) Surgery Chemotherapy Chemotherapy Hormonal Therapy Arimidex (anastrozole)
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Feb 1, 2019 03:49PM - edited Feb 1, 2019 03:50PM by micmel

it is official my dad is coming to My townto a facility 4 miles from me. He's being moved today or tomorrow. I find it amamzing how things come full circle. It's just crazy. I called this facility last night and then this morning called my hospice/palliative care group and they got his records and maneuvered a bed for him with 24 hours. I have been with this hospital for a long time. They are good. I know basically everyone. I know a lot of doctors and nurses also. They are so helpful! They made it happen! So now I won't have to travel as far to see him and won't be so worn out when I get there. He will be 4 miles. Away. It's so weird how things play out sometimes. Boggles the mind. But at least I can spend time alone with him. And not have to deal with anyone but him. I can read to him. Basically rediscover who my dad is now. Weird weird weird. Can't believe it honestly. Hope all is well !

Everyone has to dance, they just don’t know what song they will get. Dx 1/22/2016, IDC, Left, 4cm, Stage IV, metastasized to bone, Grade 2, 13/35 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2- Chemotherapy 2/10/2016 AC Surgery 6/21/2016 Lymph node removal; Lymph node removal (Left): Underarm/Axillary; Mastectomy; Mastectomy (Left) Chemotherapy 7/20/2016 Abraxane (albumin-bound or nab-paclitaxel) Targeted Therapy 11/7/2016 Ibrance (palbociclib) Surgery Chemotherapy Chemotherapy Hormonal Therapy Arimidex (anastrozole)
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Feb 1, 2019 04:17PM jkl2017 wrote:

Hi, Micmel. I've been on vacation and just now catching up on BCO. I am thrilled that you were able to move your dad! You are a force to be reckoned with, girl!!!!

Glad you and your sister have reconnected and that your girl power team is now taking care of your father. No matter what has happened In the past, you will be glad that you have made this effort on his behalf. No matter how he acted previously, it is clear that he has always loved his "Boo" and that you two have something that no one could destroy. Cherish your time with him and know that you are giving both of you a tremendous gift.

I'm keeping you both in my prayers.

MJH and Jo, love your car photos. I have a SIL who is a car guy (he currently has 3 old beauties that demand most of his free time) and I know he would swoon over those pics!

Tanya, your story made me laugh out loud! Don't ever lose that sense of humor!!

Parry, you were a beautiful bride, almost as beautiful as the story of your relationship with your very special DH.

I first came to this thread after exchanging PMs with Micmel but I keep coming back because you are all such amazing, inspiring women. Thank you for that.


Dx 2/2/2017, ILC, Right, 2cm, Stage IIA, Grade 2, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 3/7/2017 Lumpectomy; Lumpectomy (Right); Lymph node removal Radiation Therapy 3/20/2017 Internal catheter: Breast Hormonal Therapy 5/24/2017 Arimidex (anastrozole), Aromasin (exemestane)
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Feb 1, 2019 05:38PM - edited Feb 1, 2019 05:38PM by micmel

JKL~ What a wonderful thing to say to me. I need to feel power sometimes. It's very upsetting to think that all this time has been lost but I don't mess around at all. I knew all about the area places because I've researched them all. They said last night he wouldn't talk to anyone and curled up like a bawl and cried. That was motivation for me to call the palliative care/hospice group and ask my friend who is a nurse to pull some strings to get his bed arranged. She did it for sure. I feel glad to be able to help in any small way. I knew I would be able to get someone working on moving him. They already called me with his room number. Relief. I worry he won't like it there either. I am going to visit everyday. Hopefully knowing that my kids will also be coming by a lot. That will also make him feel us all around. That can only be good. Boy I'm beat. Lol

JKL I hope you had a lovely vacation. You deserve it my sweet friend. So glad you're back safe and sound. Thanks for always keeping in touch. It means so much!

Everyone has to dance, they just don’t know what song they will get. Dx 1/22/2016, IDC, Left, 4cm, Stage IV, metastasized to bone, Grade 2, 13/35 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2- Chemotherapy 2/10/2016 AC Surgery 6/21/2016 Lymph node removal; Lymph node removal (Left): Underarm/Axillary; Mastectomy; Mastectomy (Left) Chemotherapy 7/20/2016 Abraxane (albumin-bound or nab-paclitaxel) Targeted Therapy 11/7/2016 Ibrance (palbociclib) Surgery Chemotherapy Chemotherapy Hormonal Therapy Arimidex (anastrozole)
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Feb 1, 2019 09:34PM Donnabelle wrote:

Hello lovely ladies -

I don't post very much, but I found this thread and am amazed at how caring and compassionate you all are for each other. I hope I can join you! I am feeling in the need of some support!

My brief history: Discovered a tumor in my right breast in March of 2013. Had a mastectomy, no lymph node involvement. If not for a high Oncatype score of 32, all would have been ok, but because it was so high I did 4 rounds of Taxotere/Cytoxin and then was on tamoxafin for almost 4 years when I felt a lump under my ribs, right in the spot where you would do CPR. Test after test and the bottom line was I had large liver mets and also lung and bone mets, which were small. This was in October of 2017. Before both of these diagnosis, I was under a lot of stress, particularly the Stage IV reveal, so you can sign me up as a person who believes that stress can play havoc on your health.

Since then I have blown through 3 lines of treatment and am currently on Carboplatin and Afinitor, which I think is a weird combo from what I have read, but my MO is innovative and I trust her completely. Now, I am nervous, which is unusual for me, I pretty much roll with the punches. I have a PET scan on Monday and an appointment with the MO on Tuesday for the results. I don't think this is working. I can feel that my liver is enlarged, it feels like it wants to jump out of my body. Also, if I poke around, I can feel a hard lump in the right lobe. And my tumor markers have almost tripled. I'm worried that I will have to change treatment again, and that I am failing at too many too soon. My MO says my mets have "attitude." Sigh.....

I am keeping you all in my thoughts with wishes for positive news for everyone. If any of you can spare a moment to send positive mojo my way I will love you forever!

Donna

Dx 3/13/2013, IDC, Grade 3, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 4/10/2013 Mastectomy: Right Chemotherapy 5/6/2013 Cytoxan (cyclophosphamide), Taxotere (docetaxel) Hormonal Therapy 9/15/2013 Tamoxifen pills (Nolvadex, Apo-Tamox, Tamofen, Tamone) Dx 10/13/2017, Stage IV, metastasized to bone/liver/lungs, Grade 3, ER+/PR+, HER2- Chemotherapy 10/28/2017 Taxol (paclitaxel) Hormonal Therapy 1/5/2018 Faslodex (fulvestrant) Targeted Therapy 1/9/2018 Verzenio Chemotherapy 6/2/2018 Xeloda (capecitabine) Targeted Therapy 11/8/2018 Afinitor (everolimus) Chemotherapy 11/9/2018 Carboplatin (Paraplatin) Chemotherapy 3/29/2019 AC Chemotherapy 8/20/2019 Halaven (eribulin)
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Feb 1, 2019 09:44PM Parrynd1 wrote:

Welcome Donna. I’m hoping your scan goes well and that maybe you are just having a SE with the combo you are on. My MO calls my mets her problem child out of all her patients, lol. I’m gonna tell her they just have attitude from own on though...maybe we can approach it as solving this attitude problem.

Micmel I’m so glad to read your news about your dad. Good things do happen :) I hope your back is feeling better too.

Thanks for all the support from everyone. I was feeling very down and discouraged. I thought we would have found something that works almost a year into it so that was really affecting me. Plus the new mets. Also this cold has been the worst I’ve had. I hope everyone is staying away from anyone coughing or sick.I hope you all are well. Lots of hugs your way.

Dx 9/4/2016, IDC, Right, 4cm, Stage IIIA, Grade 3, ER-/PR-, HER2- Chemotherapy 11/30/2016 Other Chemotherapy 2/22/2017 AC Surgery 5/18/2017 Lumpectomy: Right; Lymph node removal: Right, Sentinel Chemotherapy 6/15/2017 Carboplatin (Paraplatin), Taxol (paclitaxel) Radiation Therapy 10/5/2017 Whole breast: Breast, Lymph nodes Dx 3/2018, IDC, Right, 5cm, Stage IV, metastasized to brain/bone/lungs/other, Grade 3, 1/1 nodes, ER-/PR-, HER2- Radiation Therapy 5/24/2018 External: Brain Chemotherapy 6/28/2018 Other Targeted Therapy 10/1/2018 Avastin (bevacizumab) Radiation Therapy 12/28/2018 Whole breast: Breast Chemotherapy 12/30/2018 Halaven (eribulin) Dx 1/29/2019, IDC, <1cm, Stage IV, metastasized to other, Grade 3, 1/1 nodes, ER-/PR-, HER2-, Dx 2/5/2019, 3cm, Stage IV, metastasized to brain, Grade 3, ER-/PR-, HER2-, Surgery Chemotherapy Other

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