Topic: My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer

Forum: Stage IV/Metastatic Breast Cancer, Open to All To Contribute — Topics here are started by members with a Stage IV/Metastatic Breast Cancer diagnosis, but open to all members to contribute to discussions. Please note that there is a separate forum, Stage IV/Metastatic Breast Cancer ONLY, where topics are open only to those members.

Posted on: Jul 6, 2017 09:38PM - edited Oct 28, 2019 01:42PM by micmel

Posted on: Jul 6, 2017 09:38PM - edited Oct 28, 2019 01:42PM by micmel

micmel wrote:

As I go through this forced path I have been thrown down, I have come to realize the love I have always had for my husband was strong. He is amazing and I love him with my very soul and entire heart. Never would I ever imagine the thought of dying and him being alone. Then the worst part hit me!! I can't seem to shake the horrible sorrow of thinking of another woman taking my place in his life and his heart, and if I Am honest his bed. He is my best friend and the love of my life, I would never need another for any reason. He makes my life complete, and then this happens. How do I process that I most likely won't be the one growing old on the porch that we have talked about, how do I process, someone else sitting in that chair? I hate this trajectory path I've been spun onto, and everyday I feel grief and deep sorrow. How do I live everyday knowing in the back of my mind, I feel like a place holder, for another woman who will be stepping into my life when I die of this horrible disease, more sooner than later. Why would I even want to take any medicines or treatments, when the answer is pretty obviously in front of my face.? Why do we fight so hard for something we cannot control ? Why do we hurt so badly thinking about letting go, or giving up? It's a four letter word that holds so much power. That word is LOVE..... If you have ever felt this way. Share with me, because I understand, I feel this way everyday. I also don't know what to do with the sadness of loss or how to process the process of dying. However slow or fast it may be. Please share your love stories with me, how did you meet? How long together? I want to know your stories, everyone has their person. Everyone loves.....tell me about your family, your friends, your life too, as if this was your living room. ♥️

We are team FU cancer (Named by Parry, our sweet sister) and this is our Lol pub and living room. Welcome, put your feet up and just be you!

Everyone has to dance, they just don’t know what song they will get. Dx 1/22/2016, IDC, Left, 4cm, Stage IV, metastasized to bone, Grade 2, 13/35 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2- Chemotherapy 2/10/2016 AC Surgery 6/21/2016 Lymph node removal; Lymph node removal (Left): Underarm/Axillary; Mastectomy; Mastectomy (Left) Chemotherapy 7/20/2016 Abraxane (albumin-bound or nab-paclitaxel) Targeted Therapy 11/7/2016 Ibrance (palbociclib) Surgery Chemotherapy Chemotherapy Hormonal Therapy Arimidex (anastrozole)
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Feb 10, 2019 12:43AM micmel wrote:

Rosabella~I honestly believe that I should be there when it happens. I need that for my own understanding of what will actually happen. I must see it first hand so I can tuck inside my mind how it really was. Maybe it will help my fears, maybe it won't. But I can promise you my father is a very private person, and if he has his choice, no one would be around. He has always preferred being alone. Even now. My visits are spent making sure he's ok. Making sure he has his drinks. His blankets are clean.. he's clean. Talk to him about certain things he needs and then he's done. He likes being alone. But now I am laying in bed thinking he's four miles down the road. Right. Now. So sad. I don't know how much more my body and mind can take. Sigh 😔 and on we go......💜 to all

Everyone has to dance, they just don’t know what song they will get. Dx 1/22/2016, IDC, Left, 4cm, Stage IV, metastasized to bone, Grade 2, 13/35 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2- Chemotherapy 2/10/2016 AC Surgery 6/21/2016 Lymph node removal; Lymph node removal (Left): Underarm/Axillary; Mastectomy; Mastectomy (Left) Chemotherapy 7/20/2016 Abraxane (albumin-bound or nab-paclitaxel) Targeted Therapy 11/7/2016 Ibrance (palbociclib) Surgery Chemotherapy Chemotherapy Hormonal Therapy Arimidex (anastrozole)
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Feb 10, 2019 10:30AM micmel wrote:

sun is shining... and I still have cancer. I am up and moving! Hope today is a good day for us all.

Off to see my father soon...

love to all

Everyone has to dance, they just don’t know what song they will get. Dx 1/22/2016, IDC, Left, 4cm, Stage IV, metastasized to bone, Grade 2, 13/35 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2- Chemotherapy 2/10/2016 AC Surgery 6/21/2016 Lymph node removal; Lymph node removal (Left): Underarm/Axillary; Mastectomy; Mastectomy (Left) Chemotherapy 7/20/2016 Abraxane (albumin-bound or nab-paclitaxel) Targeted Therapy 11/7/2016 Ibrance (palbociclib) Surgery Chemotherapy Chemotherapy Hormonal Therapy Arimidex (anastrozole)
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Feb 10, 2019 11:08AM Lynnwood1960 wrote:

Grannax, your post so reminds me of the feelings my husband has regarding his toxic childhood and the damage done to him. It has haunted him his whole life

Dx 4/6/2015, ILC, Right, 3cm, Stage IV, Grade 2, 0/12 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Targeted Therapy Ibrance (palbociclib)
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Feb 10, 2019 12:37PM illimae wrote:

Good morning! DH and I visited an old friend of his yesterday and had a great lunch with a Pina Colada and slice of key lime pie. Then, we went to Manatee Lagoon but none were there, so we looked around the gift shop (the friend who’s like a second mom to DH surprised me with a pair of manatee socks!). Before leaving we checked one more time and saw one swimming away (the dark spot circled in red), it was fun.

Disclaimer: the wind blew up in my face while the picture was taken, I don’t usually look like Larry from the three stooges, lol



Diagnosed at 41 Stage IV De Novo Dx 11/16/2016, IDC, Left, 5cm, Stage IV, metastasized to bone, Grade 3, 3/13 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2+ Chemotherapy 1/2/2017 Abraxane (albumin-bound or nab-paclitaxel) Targeted Therapy 1/2/2017 Herceptin (trastuzumab) Targeted Therapy 1/2/2017 Perjeta (pertuzumab) Surgery 6/26/2017 Lumpectomy; Lumpectomy (Left); Lymph node removal Radiation Therapy 8/10/2017 Breast, Lymph nodes Dx 10/5/2017, IDC, Left, 5cm, Stage IV, metastasized to brain, Grade 3, 3/13 nodes, ER+, HER2+ Radiation Therapy 10/20/2017 External Local Metastases 10/20/2017 Brain Radiation Therapy 4/18/2018 External Local Metastases 4/18/2018 Brain Radiation Therapy 5/23/2019 External Local Metastases 5/23/2019 Brain Surgery 1/22/2020 Radiation Therapy 2/17/2020 External Local Metastases 2/17/2020 Brain Radiation Therapy 7/20/2020 External Local Metastases 7/20/2020 Radiation therapy: Bone Radiation Therapy 12/4/2020 External Local Metastases 12/4/2020 Brain Targeted Therapy Tukysa (tucatinib) Chemotherapy Xeloda (capecitabine) Hormonal Therapy Tamoxifen pills (Nolvadex, Apo-Tamox, Tamofen, Tamone)
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Feb 10, 2019 01:29PM micmel wrote:

lol at you!! Mae!!! Good reporting. I love the water. It looks beyond peaceful. It’s amazing to see that. I am jealous of you and wish. I could travel like you do. I will like vicariously through you. I’m loving your collage of pictures. Can’t wait for more ! 💙 be safe on you’re travels. Lol @ three stooges. I always got stuck watching them with my parents. Step father actually.

Love to all!

Everyone has to dance, they just don’t know what song they will get. Dx 1/22/2016, IDC, Left, 4cm, Stage IV, metastasized to bone, Grade 2, 13/35 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2- Chemotherapy 2/10/2016 AC Surgery 6/21/2016 Lymph node removal; Lymph node removal (Left): Underarm/Axillary; Mastectomy; Mastectomy (Left) Chemotherapy 7/20/2016 Abraxane (albumin-bound or nab-paclitaxel) Targeted Therapy 11/7/2016 Ibrance (palbociclib) Surgery Chemotherapy Chemotherapy Hormonal Therapy Arimidex (anastrozole)
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Feb 10, 2019 02:56PM Parrynd1 wrote:

Mae pina colada is my fav! Yum yum. Great pictures & reporting so we can live vicariously through your adventures:) I know it’s not customary but you may feel you’re pocket a little heavy from my rock hitching a ride lo

Dx 9/4/2016, IDC, Right, 4cm, Stage IIIA, Grade 3, ER-/PR-, HER2- Chemotherapy 11/30/2016 Other Chemotherapy 2/22/2017 AC Surgery 5/18/2017 Lumpectomy: Right; Lymph node removal: Right, Sentinel Chemotherapy 6/15/2017 Carboplatin (Paraplatin), Taxol (paclitaxel) Radiation Therapy 10/5/2017 Whole breast: Breast, Lymph nodes Dx 3/2018, IDC, Right, 5cm, Stage IV, metastasized to brain/bone/lungs/other, Grade 3, 1/1 nodes, ER-/PR-, HER2- Radiation Therapy 5/24/2018 External: Brain Chemotherapy 6/28/2018 Other Targeted Therapy 10/1/2018 Avastin (bevacizumab) Radiation Therapy 12/28/2018 Whole breast: Breast Chemotherapy 12/30/2018 Halaven (eribulin) Dx 1/29/2019, IDC, <1cm, Stage IV, metastasized to other, Grade 3, 1/1 nodes, ER-/PR-, HER2-, Dx 2/5/2019, 3cm, Stage IV, metastasized to brain, Grade 3, ER-/PR-, HER2-, Surgery Chemotherapy Other
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Feb 10, 2019 06:33PM illimae wrote:

So, I was saving this info until I got permission to share but DH and I are on this cruise as guests of Alan Parsons (Alan Parsons Project, producer of albums by The Beatles and Pink Floyd and more).

Note the “Artist” on my badge. This is going to be amazing 😀


Diagnosed at 41 Stage IV De Novo Dx 11/16/2016, IDC, Left, 5cm, Stage IV, metastasized to bone, Grade 3, 3/13 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2+ Chemotherapy 1/2/2017 Abraxane (albumin-bound or nab-paclitaxel) Targeted Therapy 1/2/2017 Herceptin (trastuzumab) Targeted Therapy 1/2/2017 Perjeta (pertuzumab) Surgery 6/26/2017 Lumpectomy; Lumpectomy (Left); Lymph node removal Radiation Therapy 8/10/2017 Breast, Lymph nodes Dx 10/5/2017, IDC, Left, 5cm, Stage IV, metastasized to brain, Grade 3, 3/13 nodes, ER+, HER2+ Radiation Therapy 10/20/2017 External Local Metastases 10/20/2017 Brain Radiation Therapy 4/18/2018 External Local Metastases 4/18/2018 Brain Radiation Therapy 5/23/2019 External Local Metastases 5/23/2019 Brain Surgery 1/22/2020 Radiation Therapy 2/17/2020 External Local Metastases 2/17/2020 Brain Radiation Therapy 7/20/2020 External Local Metastases 7/20/2020 Radiation therapy: Bone Radiation Therapy 12/4/2020 External Local Metastases 12/4/2020 Brain Targeted Therapy Tukysa (tucatinib) Chemotherapy Xeloda (capecitabine) Hormonal Therapy Tamoxifen pills (Nolvadex, Apo-Tamox, Tamofen, Tamone)
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Feb 10, 2019 06:34PM holmes13 wrote:

micmel-u know how hard it is to watch your father pass. i had to give permission for them to take my father off the ventilator because i knew he didn’t want to be on it. it took 4 hours and then his vitals started going down and at that moment i wanted to yell “put him back on!” it felt like i lost my best friend but i knew what he wanted. your father is lucky to have you.

grannax i’m glad you’re feeling better. can’t wait to see the pictures!

mae have a pina coloda for me. i am hoping to go to florida next year for my birthday

Dx 2/2/2018, Left, 1cm, Stage IV, metastasized to bone/lungs, 7/10 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2- Hormonal Therapy 2/26/2018 Faslodex (fulvestrant) Targeted Therapy 2/26/2018 Ibrance (palbociclib)
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Feb 10, 2019 09:39PM micmel wrote:

Mae~ I knew you were awesome but that is kick ass, I am so excited for you as if this wasn't some kind of bucket list item? Please have a blast. And drink a fruity with an umbrella in it. And some pineapple. I'll be trying to manage my constant. BAck issues. That hit me this morning yet again. Ugh and ugh. I am struggling here and I am wondering how the hell I am going to get through.... it's been one week and already I feel exhausted. The back thing is an issue for sure. I'm hating it! Like I said I am vicariously living through you .have a blast be safe. Enjoy. You so deserve it. Cheers to DH 🥂.. golden globe reporting......nomination for you my dear!!

Everyone has to dance, they just don’t know what song they will get. Dx 1/22/2016, IDC, Left, 4cm, Stage IV, metastasized to bone, Grade 2, 13/35 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2- Chemotherapy 2/10/2016 AC Surgery 6/21/2016 Lymph node removal; Lymph node removal (Left): Underarm/Axillary; Mastectomy; Mastectomy (Left) Chemotherapy 7/20/2016 Abraxane (albumin-bound or nab-paclitaxel) Targeted Therapy 11/7/2016 Ibrance (palbociclib) Surgery Chemotherapy Chemotherapy Hormonal Therapy Arimidex (anastrozole)
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Feb 10, 2019 10:46PM GracieM2007 wrote:

Oh my gosh Mae!!! Not only are the pics wonderful, but I raised my kids listening to Alan Parsons “Tales of Mystery and Imagination”! My son writes music today and credits Alan Parsons for the kind of music he writes! How cool for you not only to be there, but also why!!!

dx 4/11/2007, rt. mast 4/27/2007, 1.7cm IDC, stage 2, Grade 3, 1.4cm tumor in one node,, ER/PR+, Her2-, 4 DD AC, 4 DD T, Arimidex/ 2016 mets to bone, extensive. Femera, Xgeva. 1/18 Faslodex, Ibrance. July 2018, Abraxane.

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