Topic: My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer

Forum: Stage IV/Metastatic Breast Cancer, Open to All To Contribute — Topics here are started by members with a Stage IV/Metastatic Breast Cancer diagnosis, but open to all members to contribute to discussions. Please note that there is a separate forum, Stage IV/Metastatic Breast Cancer ONLY, where topics are open only to those members.

Posted on: Jul 6, 2017 06:38PM - edited Oct 28, 2019 10:42AM by micmel

Posted on: Jul 6, 2017 06:38PM - edited Oct 28, 2019 10:42AM by micmel

micmel wrote:

As I go through this forced path I have been thrown down, I have come to realize the love I have always had for my husband was strong. He is amazing and I love him with my very soul and entire heart. Never would I ever imagine the thought of dying and him being alone. Then the worst part hit me!! I can't seem to shake the horrible sorrow of thinking of another woman taking my place in his life and his heart, and if I Am honest his bed. He is my best friend and the love of my life, I would never need another for any reason. He makes my life complete, and then this happens. How do I process that I most likely won't be the one growing old on the porch that we have talked about, how do I process, someone else sitting in that chair? I hate this trajectory path I've been spun onto, and everyday I feel grief and deep sorrow. How do I live everyday knowing in the back of my mind, I feel like a place holder, for another woman who will be stepping into my life when I die of this horrible disease, more sooner than later. Why would I even want to take any medicines or treatments, when the answer is pretty obviously in front of my face.? Why do we fight so hard for something we cannot control ? Why do we hurt so badly thinking about letting go, or giving up? It's a four letter word that holds so much power. That word is LOVE..... If you have ever felt this way. Share with me, because I understand, I feel this way everyday. I also don't know what to do with the sadness of loss or how to process the process of dying. However slow or fast it may be. Please share your love stories with me, how did you meet? How long together? I want to know your stories, everyone has their person. Everyone loves.....tell me about your family, your friends, your life too, as if this was your living room. ♥️

We are team FU cancer (Named by Parry, our sweet sister) and this is our Lol pub and living room. Welcome, put your feet up and just be you!

Everyone has to dance, they just don’t know what song they will get. Dx 1/22/2016, IDC, Left, 4cm, Stage IV, metastasized to bone, Grade 2, 13/35 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2- Chemotherapy 2/9/2016 AC Surgery 6/20/2016 Lymph node removal; Lymph node removal (Left): Underarm/Axillary; Mastectomy; Mastectomy (Left) Chemotherapy 7/19/2016 Abraxane (albumin-bound or nab-paclitaxel) Targeted Therapy 11/6/2016 Ibrance (palbociclib) Surgery Chemotherapy Chemotherapy Hormonal Therapy Arimidex (anastrozole)
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Feb 10, 2019 07:48PM - edited Feb 10, 2019 07:59PM by micmel

Holmes~I am reading your post and thinking. Damn I don't know how I could ever be the one doing that.talk about strong ? My head is spinning around from all of this. I am hugging you just because. It takes a strong woman to do what someone wants and honored their requests. 🙇♀️ Please give me strength that you had....

This week is going to be extremely difficult. As if any of our weeks are smooth sailing (unless you're Mae lol). Monday 930 hair appointment that I honestly can't wait for.. then to my fathers to visit with him ....then to dispensary then I'm going to go home for a nap...Tuesday may be the only day I'll have to clean the house and do laundry. Of course visit my dad. Wednesday, 930 am meeting with facility team, with step monster... which happens once a week for the staff to hear concerns and problems and the Doctor updates us on. His condition. Then i am going to bed. I have to nap And I am realizing this. Thursday. XGeva shot and bloodwork. Visit dad Then sleep. Friday visit dad and my sweet DH comes home. Ahhh just get me to Friday and into His arms. Please give me the sgreto make it through another week.

Hope everyone is doing well.

I have noticed that Sheila Marie hasn't been around. Very concerned there. Thinking of you ! Sheila Marie! Much love to all ~M~

Everyone has to dance, they just don’t know what song they will get. Dx 1/22/2016, IDC, Left, 4cm, Stage IV, metastasized to bone, Grade 2, 13/35 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2- Chemotherapy 2/9/2016 AC Surgery 6/20/2016 Lymph node removal; Lymph node removal (Left): Underarm/Axillary; Mastectomy; Mastectomy (Left) Chemotherapy 7/19/2016 Abraxane (albumin-bound or nab-paclitaxel) Targeted Therapy 11/6/2016 Ibrance (palbociclib) Surgery Chemotherapy Chemotherapy Hormonal Therapy Arimidex (anastrozole)
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Feb 10, 2019 07:55PM GracieM2007 wrote:

Micmel, I gotta tell you, I am worried about you taking all this on. The stress is overwhelming, and I know because I took care of my mom the last year or her life, my husband the last year of his life and my brother for two years after his stage four diagnosis. Please make sure you are getting enough rest, and take time once a week to do something really nice for yourself! Sending you big hugs!!

dx 4/11/2007, rt. mast 4/27/2007, 1.7cm IDC, stage 2, Grade 3, 1.4cm tumor in one node,, ER/PR+, Her2-, 4 DD AC, 4 DD T, Arimidex/ 2016 mets to bone, extensive. Femera, Xgeva. 1/18 Faslodex, Ibrance. July 2018, Abraxane.
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Feb 10, 2019 08:01PM micmel wrote:

Gracie~ ty honey. To be honest, I am also really scared too. I don’t have a choice, I’m going to have to pace myself for sure!!!! Ty for even caring. You ladies are so special to me. Hugs and love. !
Everyone has to dance, they just don’t know what song they will get. Dx 1/22/2016, IDC, Left, 4cm, Stage IV, metastasized to bone, Grade 2, 13/35 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2- Chemotherapy 2/9/2016 AC Surgery 6/20/2016 Lymph node removal; Lymph node removal (Left): Underarm/Axillary; Mastectomy; Mastectomy (Left) Chemotherapy 7/19/2016 Abraxane (albumin-bound or nab-paclitaxel) Targeted Therapy 11/6/2016 Ibrance (palbociclib) Surgery Chemotherapy Chemotherapy Hormonal Therapy Arimidex (anastrozole)
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Feb 10, 2019 08:55PM GracieM2007 wrote:

Big hugs!!!!

dx 4/11/2007, rt. mast 4/27/2007, 1.7cm IDC, stage 2, Grade 3, 1.4cm tumor in one node,, ER/PR+, Her2-, 4 DD AC, 4 DD T, Arimidex/ 2016 mets to bone, extensive. Femera, Xgeva. 1/18 Faslodex, Ibrance. July 2018, Abraxane.
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Feb 10, 2019 09:13PM tanya_djamila wrote:

Hi all

Mae you are a rock star!!

Micmel you always have some reserves and come out strong.

I fell Wednesday. Some kind man lifted me up and a young lady thanks. While I figure in this new pain to my days and silently reading from my new perch. Have a good one all

Tanya Dx 8/19/2003, LCIS, Right, 6cm+, Stage IV, metastasized to bone/other, 28/28 nodes, ER+, HER2- Dx 4/19/2017, Stage IV, metastasized to bone/other, 0/0 nodes, ER+, HER2- Immunotherapy 6/1/2017
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Feb 10, 2019 09:27PM Parrynd1 wrote:

Mae that’s super cool!

Micmel what a busy week...I was tired just reading about it. Sending good vibes and energy your way to make it through.

Tanya ouch. Hope it wasn’t too bad and will heal quick.

First round of Gemzar tomorrow. Skin mets pain has been unmanageable with pain meds and lidocaine patches so that will be a talk with my MO tomorrow. I’m scared. I don’t want to be addicted to prescription drugs. I already feel like a druggie with the 3 different ones now. Plus I hate how they knock me out except at night. Does anyone else wake up or start to feel the pain surge an hour to half hour before next dose? Depending on the med it’s like clockwork exactly 1 hour or 30 minutes. This is life now. I did get to see a good friend today. Got some great local honey and rosemary olive oil bread from a farmers market. She is the only friend I have in my city who is a true friend and has such a big sweet heart. It’s always nice to see her and get out of the house, but I couldn’t take my pain meds and drive so that sucked. So worth it though.
Dx 9/4/2016, IDC, Right, 4cm, Stage IIIA, Grade 3, ER-/PR-, HER2- Chemotherapy 11/29/2016 Other Chemotherapy 2/21/2017 AC Surgery 5/17/2017 Lumpectomy: Right; Lymph node removal: Right, Sentinel Chemotherapy 6/14/2017 Carboplatin (Paraplatin), Taxol (paclitaxel) Radiation Therapy 10/4/2017 Whole breast: Breast, Lymph nodes Dx 3/2018, IDC, Right, 5cm, Stage IV, metastasized to brain/bone/lungs/other, Grade 3, 1/1 nodes, ER-/PR-, HER2- Radiation Therapy 5/23/2018 External: Brain Chemotherapy 6/27/2018 Other Targeted Therapy 10/1/2018 Avastin (bevacizumab) Radiation Therapy 12/28/2018 Whole breast: Breast Chemotherapy 12/30/2018 Halaven (eribulin) Dx 1/29/2019, IDC, <1cm, Stage IV, metastasized to other, Grade 3, 1/1 nodes, ER-/PR-, HER2-, Dx 2/5/2019, 3cm, Stage IV, metastasized to brain, Grade 3, ER-/PR-, HER2-, Surgery Chemotherapy Other
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Feb 10, 2019 09:48PM tanya_djamila wrote:

parry I pray your gemzar is easy on you and busts your cancer to smithereens!

Tanya

Tanya Dx 8/19/2003, LCIS, Right, 6cm+, Stage IV, metastasized to bone/other, 28/28 nodes, ER+, HER2- Dx 4/19/2017, Stage IV, metastasized to bone/other, 0/0 nodes, ER+, HER2- Immunotherapy 6/1/2017
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Feb 11, 2019 03:59AM Parrynd1 wrote:

Yeah! Me too ;) thanks

Dx 9/4/2016, IDC, Right, 4cm, Stage IIIA, Grade 3, ER-/PR-, HER2- Chemotherapy 11/29/2016 Other Chemotherapy 2/21/2017 AC Surgery 5/17/2017 Lumpectomy: Right; Lymph node removal: Right, Sentinel Chemotherapy 6/14/2017 Carboplatin (Paraplatin), Taxol (paclitaxel) Radiation Therapy 10/4/2017 Whole breast: Breast, Lymph nodes Dx 3/2018, IDC, Right, 5cm, Stage IV, metastasized to brain/bone/lungs/other, Grade 3, 1/1 nodes, ER-/PR-, HER2- Radiation Therapy 5/23/2018 External: Brain Chemotherapy 6/27/2018 Other Targeted Therapy 10/1/2018 Avastin (bevacizumab) Radiation Therapy 12/28/2018 Whole breast: Breast Chemotherapy 12/30/2018 Halaven (eribulin) Dx 1/29/2019, IDC, <1cm, Stage IV, metastasized to other, Grade 3, 1/1 nodes, ER-/PR-, HER2-, Dx 2/5/2019, 3cm, Stage IV, metastasized to brain, Grade 3, ER-/PR-, HER2-, Surgery Chemotherapy Other
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Feb 11, 2019 06:03AM 50sgirl wrote:

Parry, I will be in your pocket today as you see your MO and have your Gemzar treatment. I will be the one with cold hands and feet since I am starting taxol today and will be icing my hands and feet during infusion. I hope they find a way to control your pain.

Tanya, That must have been a nasty fall. I am glad someone was there to help you up. Be careful so you don’t get hurt again.

Mae,I love the pictures. I want to be there in the warm blue water. It sounds like you are hobnobbing with the rich and famous. That his great. It seemslike you are having a really good trip.

Micmel, You have a busy week,but it sounds like you will pace yourself.

I have to head off for my MO appointment and chemo. Have a good day, everyone.

Hugs and prayers from,Lynne




Dx 6/5/2015, ILC/IDC, Left, 3cm, Stage IV, metastasized to bone, ER+/PR+, HER2- Hormonal Therapy 6/9/2015 Arimidex (anastrozole) Dx 8/9/2016, ILC/IDC, Left, 3cm, Stage IV, metastasized to bone/liver/other, ER+/PR+, HER2- Hormonal Therapy 8/10/2016 Faslodex (fulvestrant) Targeted Therapy 8/30/2016 Ibrance (palbociclib) Hormonal Therapy 7/2/2018 Tamoxifen pills (Nolvadex, Apo-Tamox, Tamofen, Tamone) Chemotherapy 10/2/2018 Xeloda (capecitabine) Chemotherapy 2/10/2019 Taxol (paclitaxel) Hormonal Therapy 11/12/2019 Aromasin (exemestane) Targeted Therapy 11/13/2019 Afinitor (everolimus) Hormonal Therapy 12/26/2019 Femara (letrozole) Chemotherapy 3/8/2020 Adriamycin (doxorubicin) Targeted Therapy 2/6/2021 Verzenio Chemotherapy 4/12/2021 Halaven (eribulin) Chemotherapy 9/30/2021 Cytoxan (cyclophosphamide), Methotrexate (Amethopterin, Mexate, Folex) Chemotherapy 2/11/2022 Ixempra (ixabepilone) Local Metastases Whole brain radiation: Brain
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Feb 11, 2019 10:05AM tanya_djamila wrote:

50’s girl Lynn I am thinking of you today as you embark on this new path of treatment. I truly empathize with all the feelings and pray for best outcomes.

Tanya

Tanya Dx 8/19/2003, LCIS, Right, 6cm+, Stage IV, metastasized to bone/other, 28/28 nodes, ER+, HER2- Dx 4/19/2017, Stage IV, metastasized to bone/other, 0/0 nodes, ER+, HER2- Immunotherapy 6/1/2017

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