Topic: My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer

Forum: Stage IV/Metastatic Breast Cancer, Open to All To Contribute — Topics here are started by members with a Stage IV/Metastatic Breast Cancer diagnosis, but open to all members to contribute to discussions. Please note that there is a separate forum, Stage IV/Metastatic Breast Cancer ONLY, where topics are open only to those members.

Posted on: Jul 6, 2017 08:38PM - edited Oct 28, 2019 12:42PM by micmel

Posted on: Jul 6, 2017 08:38PM - edited Oct 28, 2019 12:42PM by micmel

micmel wrote:

As I go through this forced path I have been thrown down, I have come to realize the love I have always had for my husband was strong. He is amazing and I love him with my very soul and entire heart. Never would I ever imagine the thought of dying and him being alone. Then the worst part hit me!! I can't seem to shake the horrible sorrow of thinking of another woman taking my place in his life and his heart, and if I Am honest his bed. He is my best friend and the love of my life, I would never need another for any reason. He makes my life complete, and then this happens. How do I process that I most likely won't be the one growing old on the porch that we have talked about, how do I process, someone else sitting in that chair? I hate this trajectory path I've been spun onto, and everyday I feel grief and deep sorrow. How do I live everyday knowing in the back of my mind, I feel like a place holder, for another woman who will be stepping into my life when I die of this horrible disease, more sooner than later. Why would I even want to take any medicines or treatments, when the answer is pretty obviously in front of my face.? Why do we fight so hard for something we cannot control ? Why do we hurt so badly thinking about letting go, or giving up? It's a four letter word that holds so much power. That word is LOVE..... If you have ever felt this way. Share with me, because I understand, I feel this way everyday. I also don't know what to do with the sadness of loss or how to process the process of dying. However slow or fast it may be. Please share your love stories with me, how did you meet? How long together? I want to know your stories, everyone has their person. Everyone loves.....tell me about your family, your friends, your life too, as if this was your living room. ♥️

We are team FU cancer (Named by Parry, our sweet sister) and this is our Lol pub and living room. Welcome, put your feet up and just be you!

Everyone has to dance, they just don’t know what song they will get. Dx 1/22/2016, IDC, Left, 4cm, Stage IV, metastasized to bone, Grade 2, 13/35 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2- Chemotherapy 2/10/2016 AC Surgery 6/21/2016 Lymph node removal; Lymph node removal (Left): Underarm/Axillary; Mastectomy; Mastectomy (Left) Chemotherapy 7/20/2016 Abraxane (albumin-bound or nab-paclitaxel) Targeted Therapy 11/7/2016 Ibrance (palbociclib) Surgery Chemotherapy Chemotherapy Hormonal Therapy Arimidex (anastrozole)
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Mar 4, 2019 12:25PM skitzblitz wrote:

oh Daniel I am so sorry. I will be praying for the both of you.


Sara

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Mar 4, 2019 02:18PM moderators wrote:

We are thinking of you All and sending you gentle hugs Medicating

To send a PM to the Mods: community.breastcancer.org/my/...
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Mar 4, 2019 02:32PM micmel wrote:

sending up as many positive thoughts and vibes as possible. For scwilly for Leslie and Daniel. Their handsome son. Come on Leslie our girl. Strong togetherness and family and support loving and waiting. 💙💙

Everyone has to dance, they just don’t know what song they will get. Dx 1/22/2016, IDC, Left, 4cm, Stage IV, metastasized to bone, Grade 2, 13/35 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2- Chemotherapy 2/10/2016 AC Surgery 6/21/2016 Lymph node removal; Lymph node removal (Left): Underarm/Axillary; Mastectomy; Mastectomy (Left) Chemotherapy 7/20/2016 Abraxane (albumin-bound or nab-paclitaxel) Targeted Therapy 11/7/2016 Ibrance (palbociclib) Surgery Chemotherapy Chemotherapy Hormonal Therapy Arimidex (anastrozole)
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Mar 4, 2019 02:51PM Parrynd1 wrote:

There aren’t any good thoughts to comfort coming to mind. It’s all so hard and terrifying.

Daniel, you guys are in my prayers all day today.

Hugs to everyone

Dx 9/4/2016, IDC, Right, 4cm, Stage IIIA, Grade 3, ER-/PR-, HER2- Chemotherapy 11/30/2016 Other Chemotherapy 2/22/2017 AC Surgery 5/18/2017 Lumpectomy: Right; Lymph node removal: Right, Sentinel Chemotherapy 6/15/2017 Carboplatin (Paraplatin), Taxol (paclitaxel) Radiation Therapy 10/5/2017 Whole breast: Breast, Lymph nodes Dx 3/2018, IDC, Right, 5cm, Stage IV, metastasized to brain/bone/lungs/other, Grade 3, 1/1 nodes, ER-/PR-, HER2- Radiation Therapy 5/24/2018 External: Brain Chemotherapy 6/28/2018 Other Targeted Therapy 10/1/2018 Avastin (bevacizumab) Radiation Therapy 12/28/2018 Whole breast: Breast Chemotherapy 12/30/2018 Halaven (eribulin) Dx 1/29/2019, IDC, <1cm, Stage IV, metastasized to other, Grade 3, 1/1 nodes, ER-/PR-, HER2-, Dx 2/5/2019, 3cm, Stage IV, metastasized to brain, Grade 3, ER-/PR-, HER2-, Surgery Chemotherapy Other
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Mar 4, 2019 03:07PM micmel wrote:

Hugs right back sweet Parry! You are on my

Mind as well for sure. I am storming the skies with thoughts and feelings of frustration and hope that things will just plain turn around. Enough is enough.

Love to all of you.

Everyone has to dance, they just don’t know what song they will get. Dx 1/22/2016, IDC, Left, 4cm, Stage IV, metastasized to bone, Grade 2, 13/35 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2- Chemotherapy 2/10/2016 AC Surgery 6/21/2016 Lymph node removal; Lymph node removal (Left): Underarm/Axillary; Mastectomy; Mastectomy (Left) Chemotherapy 7/20/2016 Abraxane (albumin-bound or nab-paclitaxel) Targeted Therapy 11/7/2016 Ibrance (palbociclib) Surgery Chemotherapy Chemotherapy Hormonal Therapy Arimidex (anastrozole)
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Mar 4, 2019 03:36PM ABeautifulSunset wrote:

The sad thing about today, obviously besides finding out Z is gone and Scwilly is in hospice, is that I realize after almost 5 years on here, I'm just not surprised anymore. I was shocked when Kandy died, Becs, lalady Clair, and Babs. I'm sure there were others. I was ready for Patty. She preparedness us well. But as sad as I am for Z, I am not surprised. I will never be surprised. We are mostly all on the same road. And that is sad.

Sunset

“Sunsets are proof that endings can be beautiful too.” Radiation Therapy External: Breast, Chest wall, Bone Chemotherapy TAC Targeted Therapy Ibrance (palbociclib) Surgery Mastectomy; Reconstruction (left): Fat grafting, Silicone implant, Tissue expander placement; Reconstruction (right): Fat grafting, Silicone implant, Tissue expander placement Hormonal Therapy Aromasin (exemestane), Faslodex (fulvestrant), Femara (letrozole) Targeted Therapy Afinitor (everolimus) Targeted Therapy Chemotherapy Xeloda (capecitabine) Chemotherapy Doxil (doxorubicin) Chemotherapy Chemotherapy Targeted Therapy Targeted Therapy Afinitor (everolimus) Chemotherapy Xeloda (capecitabine) Chemotherapy Gemzar (gemcitabine)
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Mar 4, 2019 05:41PM - edited Mar 4, 2019 05:57PM by micmel

Beautiful~ What you said does make perfect sense. I think my problem is not being able to accept them Not being around. Not seeing them converse here. It may not be a shock anymore, but like you said. Still so very sad.

I went into the facility to see my dad again. And I stayed with him for a few hours. He was glad I was back. I brought him chicken noodle soup and a Panera huge fresh baked muffin. He tore through it like was no ones business . He was dipping it in his coffee. It scares me when he coughs as he eats. I worry he will aspirate more particles into his lungs. Very scary stuff when you can't get it out. Thus the pneumonia. Which we were told ends upkilling the elderly more often than the original problem. So I am watching him like a hawk. With worry and fear. I needed to see him today. I wanted to remind myself life is out there and I need to find a way to live it. With life only a few things are certain. Love, breathing,pain,laughter ,loss and death. And you're born into some sort of family. No matter what. I have been trying to forgive.. trying to love more.... trying to let go of things that really don't matter when you're writing a posting like this about loss of women you really love and have friendship with.

Daniel~And Leslie~ we are here waiting. Oh yes we are. ❤️🥺

Everyone has to dance, they just don’t know what song they will get. Dx 1/22/2016, IDC, Left, 4cm, Stage IV, metastasized to bone, Grade 2, 13/35 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2- Chemotherapy 2/10/2016 AC Surgery 6/21/2016 Lymph node removal; Lymph node removal (Left): Underarm/Axillary; Mastectomy; Mastectomy (Left) Chemotherapy 7/20/2016 Abraxane (albumin-bound or nab-paclitaxel) Targeted Therapy 11/7/2016 Ibrance (palbociclib) Surgery Chemotherapy Chemotherapy Hormonal Therapy Arimidex (anastrozole)
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Mar 4, 2019 05:48PM Minnie31 wrote:

Thoughts are with Daniel and Lesley x

Dx 10/20/2016, Stage IV, metastasized to bone/liver, HER2+
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Mar 4, 2019 05:57PM micmel wrote:

Hello beautiful Minnie~. I hope you’re doing well. Always good to see your smiling face....

Everyone has to dance, they just don’t know what song they will get. Dx 1/22/2016, IDC, Left, 4cm, Stage IV, metastasized to bone, Grade 2, 13/35 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2- Chemotherapy 2/10/2016 AC Surgery 6/21/2016 Lymph node removal; Lymph node removal (Left): Underarm/Axillary; Mastectomy; Mastectomy (Left) Chemotherapy 7/20/2016 Abraxane (albumin-bound or nab-paclitaxel) Targeted Therapy 11/7/2016 Ibrance (palbociclib) Surgery Chemotherapy Chemotherapy Hormonal Therapy Arimidex (anastrozole)
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Mar 4, 2019 07:36PM Donnabelle wrote:

No words. Z was one of the first to welcome me to these boards. She was gifted and curious and never settled for the easy answer. She will be terribly missed. And having read so many of Scwilly’s posts, it is so very upsetting to hear that she is in hospice. I hope she is comfortable and surrounded by family and love.

I have crawled into my March black hole. We lost our amazing son two years ago in March at age 31. I am hanging onto the edge of the hole by my fingertips, but it’s hard not to just give in to the despair.

So much loss. Yet we are supposed to carry on.

Donna

Dx 3/13/2013, IDC, Grade 3, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 4/10/2013 Mastectomy: Right Chemotherapy 5/6/2013 Cytoxan (cyclophosphamide), Taxotere (docetaxel) Hormonal Therapy 9/15/2013 Tamoxifen pills (Nolvadex, Apo-Tamox, Tamofen, Tamone) Dx 10/13/2017, Stage IV, metastasized to bone/liver/lungs, Grade 3, ER+/PR+, HER2- Chemotherapy 10/28/2017 Taxol (paclitaxel) Hormonal Therapy 1/5/2018 Faslodex (fulvestrant) Targeted Therapy 1/9/2018 Verzenio Chemotherapy 6/2/2018 Xeloda (capecitabine) Targeted Therapy 11/8/2018 Afinitor (everolimus) Chemotherapy 11/9/2018 Carboplatin (Paraplatin) Chemotherapy 3/29/2019 AC Chemotherapy 8/20/2019 Halaven (eribulin)

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