Topic: My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer

Forum: Stage IV/Metastatic Breast Cancer, Open to All To Contribute — Topics here are started by members with a Stage IV/Metastatic Breast Cancer diagnosis, but open to all members to contribute to discussions. Please note that there is a separate forum, Stage IV/Metastatic Breast Cancer ONLY, where topics are open only to those members.

Posted on: Jul 6, 2017 08:38PM - edited Oct 28, 2019 12:42PM by micmel

Posted on: Jul 6, 2017 08:38PM - edited Oct 28, 2019 12:42PM by micmel

micmel wrote:

As I go through this forced path I have been thrown down, I have come to realize the love I have always had for my husband was strong. He is amazing and I love him with my very soul and entire heart. Never would I ever imagine the thought of dying and him being alone. Then the worst part hit me!! I can't seem to shake the horrible sorrow of thinking of another woman taking my place in his life and his heart, and if I Am honest his bed. He is my best friend and the love of my life, I would never need another for any reason. He makes my life complete, and then this happens. How do I process that I most likely won't be the one growing old on the porch that we have talked about, how do I process, someone else sitting in that chair? I hate this trajectory path I've been spun onto, and everyday I feel grief and deep sorrow. How do I live everyday knowing in the back of my mind, I feel like a place holder, for another woman who will be stepping into my life when I die of this horrible disease, more sooner than later. Why would I even want to take any medicines or treatments, when the answer is pretty obviously in front of my face.? Why do we fight so hard for something we cannot control ? Why do we hurt so badly thinking about letting go, or giving up? It's a four letter word that holds so much power. That word is LOVE..... If you have ever felt this way. Share with me, because I understand, I feel this way everyday. I also don't know what to do with the sadness of loss or how to process the process of dying. However slow or fast it may be. Please share your love stories with me, how did you meet? How long together? I want to know your stories, everyone has their person. Everyone loves.....tell me about your family, your friends, your life too, as if this was your living room. ♥️

We are team FU cancer (Named by Parry, our sweet sister) and this is our Lol pub and living room. Welcome, put your feet up and just be you!

Everyone has to dance, they just don’t know what song they will get. Dx 1/22/2016, IDC, Left, 4cm, Stage IV, metastasized to bone, Grade 2, 13/35 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2- Chemotherapy 2/10/2016 AC Surgery 6/21/2016 Lymph node removal; Lymph node removal (Left): Underarm/Axillary; Mastectomy; Mastectomy (Left) Chemotherapy 7/20/2016 Abraxane (albumin-bound or nab-paclitaxel) Targeted Therapy 11/7/2016 Ibrance (palbociclib) Surgery Chemotherapy Chemotherapy Hormonal Therapy Arimidex (anastrozole)
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Mar 20, 2019 06:20PM Donnabelle wrote:

Grannax - I hope that you are able to get some resolution to the issues with your DD tomorrow.

Lynnewood - maybe I missed something, but don't the scans show where and how large your mets are. Why does the doc think there may be progression now? Will you be getting different scans that may give more of an explanation. I'm with you in thinking that if Ibrance has been working, why the thoughts of changing? It is so hard changing TX.

Minnie and MarianElizabeth - thanks for posting the beautiful picture. How special that you got to meet!

Mae - loved your mountain pictures. Just breathing that fresh air must have felt so good. And the cancer card, lol! It sure would be fun to have one of those handy!

Micmel - I hope you are feeling better and being gentle with yourself. You do so much for so many. If you need a break, don't feel guilty.

Parry - always thinking of you and hoping for your comfort. I was at the doctor this morning and thinking of you and how unhappy you are with your MO. I feel blessed that I have an MO that is not only treating my cancer, but treating the whole me.

And speaking of that, time for another TX change, but I think it will ultimately be for the better - I hope! The CT scan showed that the largest liver tumor has grown to 10cm. It is pressing on things and causing pain. She had told me it might be time to bring on the big guns, so I am going on 4 treatments of A/C (pending an echo cardiogram). She practically guarantees that it will shrink the tumors and relieve the pain. The best part about it is that I will be done on May 30, in time for me to head out of town for 5 weeks for our annual trip back east. Hey 50's girl, I'm coming your way. We always spend 3 weeks at Newfound Lake in Bristol, NH! Anyhow, I digress....while I am away, she will give me a break from any treatment at all. I am so looking forward to feeling normal for a while. What a huge gift. When I get back, she is launching a trial that she wants to get me into, but if that is not ready to go, we will discuss the next step then. I have heard that A/C is not easy, but I am ready to go through it knowing that I will be getting a significant break on the other side. If any of you have thoughts on coping with A/C, I would appreciate it. Of course, losing my hair for the third time is ugh, but oh well.

Finding joy......

Donna

Dx 3/13/2013, IDC, Grade 3, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 4/10/2013 Mastectomy: Right Chemotherapy 5/6/2013 Cytoxan (cyclophosphamide), Taxotere (docetaxel) Hormonal Therapy 9/15/2013 Tamoxifen pills (Nolvadex, Apo-Tamox, Tamofen, Tamone) Dx 10/13/2017, Stage IV, metastasized to bone/liver/lungs, Grade 3, ER+/PR+, HER2- Chemotherapy 10/28/2017 Taxol (paclitaxel) Hormonal Therapy 1/5/2018 Faslodex (fulvestrant) Targeted Therapy 1/9/2018 Verzenio Chemotherapy 6/2/2018 Xeloda (capecitabine) Targeted Therapy 11/8/2018 Afinitor (everolimus) Chemotherapy 11/9/2018 Carboplatin (Paraplatin) Chemotherapy 3/29/2019 AC Chemotherapy 8/20/2019 Halaven (eribulin)
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Mar 20, 2019 06:34PM Lynnwood1960 wrote:

Hi Donna, the onc thinks I’m having progression because my tumor markers have been on a steady rise for about a year and a half. My markers have always been accurate for me. My onc says that the bone scan shows where the mets are but not how active they are, only a pet scan can show that. I’ve had about 8 ct scans and an MRI to try to find the reason and all come back stable. Frustrating! I’m glad you will be getting a break off of chemo just in time for your vacation! Sounds like a lovely trip. I know you will love feeling normal again. Sometimes a break helps so much mentally!

Dx 4/6/2015, ILC, Right, 3cm, Stage IV, Grade 2, 0/12 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Targeted Therapy Ibrance (palbociclib)
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Mar 20, 2019 07:18PM Parrynd1 wrote:

Thanks everyone. Glad to hear from those of you doing well getting out there see places and meeting new friends. I’m shocked and sad about Shelia and the many lately.

Donna I’m so glad to hear from you. I was shocked and saddened by your deep hole lost and wished so much i could reach out and hug you. I’m 31 right now and was just so struck. To see you keeping on even in the face of this disease helps ease some of the pain and guilt I have about leaving my own family. Thanks for the recommendation...I’m just more motivated to get to Texas and find a MO there. My MO at UCSD has always been great about how she goes about treatments and me and everything, but lately it’s like a coin flipped and I just think she is overwhelmed. I saw her Monday. More progression and she didn’t have an answer for my next option just that she is working on a trial I might qualify for. She doesn’t want me to stop this chemo yet in case it’s slowing things down. Asked again about chemo if this trial doesn’t go through and still nothing solid. Pushed her again and she said maybe Xempra.

Grannax I hope the meeting with the counselor goes well and not the fight it might seem like it’s gearing up to be. I’m sure the counselor has more understanding about hot chemo can mess with us and I hope she give DD a wake up call that you have some big things going on in your life that can effect many different aspects of your life and she could use some flexibility in understanding what you are going through. You don’t need this added bs stress from family no less!

Aside from the progression this last weekend was scary. I woke up and felt so off I couldn’t put it in words. I was in tears with DH saying I think I need to go to the ER. I didn’t tell him but it felt like if I went in they wouldn’t let me leave. Turns out I was pretty anemic and hitting nadir among other things going on. Feeling much better now. More good news is MO raised my pain meds and I was able to do some laundry yesterday. I even go some new clothes I can wear instead of just sweatshirts to cover my messed up chest & bandages & f’d up boobs (both are just a mess) so that raises self confidence a bit.


Take care ladies

Dx 9/4/2016, IDC, Right, 4cm, Stage IIIA, Grade 3, ER-/PR-, HER2- Chemotherapy 11/30/2016 Other Chemotherapy 2/22/2017 AC Surgery 5/18/2017 Lumpectomy: Right; Lymph node removal: Right, Sentinel Chemotherapy 6/15/2017 Carboplatin (Paraplatin), Taxol (paclitaxel) Radiation Therapy 10/5/2017 Whole breast: Breast, Lymph nodes Dx 3/2018, IDC, Right, 5cm, Stage IV, metastasized to brain/bone/lungs/other, Grade 3, 1/1 nodes, ER-/PR-, HER2- Radiation Therapy 5/24/2018 External: Brain Chemotherapy 6/28/2018 Other Targeted Therapy 10/1/2018 Avastin (bevacizumab) Radiation Therapy 12/28/2018 Whole breast: Breast Chemotherapy 12/30/2018 Halaven (eribulin) Dx 1/29/2019, IDC, <1cm, Stage IV, metastasized to other, Grade 3, 1/1 nodes, ER-/PR-, HER2-, Dx 2/5/2019, 3cm, Stage IV, metastasized to brain, Grade 3, ER-/PR-, HER2-, Surgery Chemotherapy Other
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Mar 20, 2019 10:18PM Lynnwood1960 wrote:

Parry, glad to hear that you are feeling some better. Better pain management makes a world of difference! I hope your onc comes up with a plan for you. I so hate the uncertainty of it all! I’m a control freak and this is the one thing that I can’t control despite me trying to anyway! I got some new clothes this weekend too, nothing fancy just a few t shirts that kohl’s had on sale for $7.99. I have such an issue with clothes, I’m tall, fat, and can’t have too low of a neckline because of my mastectomy. Quite a challenge!

Dx 4/6/2015, ILC, Right, 3cm, Stage IV, Grade 2, 0/12 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Targeted Therapy Ibrance (palbociclib)
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Mar 20, 2019 11:22PM micmel wrote:

Donna~Hi there darling, so very nice to see you and I have been thinking of you and your family. Sending many hugs your way. Hope you have large pockets for the team to crawl in for support. It's so frustrating when they have things to say that are mixed bag... you don't know what to think. Good luck tomorrow and I hope you get some solid good news. You deserve it!

Minnie and MarianElizabeth~The scenery is breathtaking and that blue delicious looking water blows my mind. I'm so happy you two ladies could meet. Funny how things work out. Even when you're so far from home. So nice to see you beauties! Little cutie patootie as well! Abigail!! Love the name! Be safe for the rest of your trip. Hugs to both !

Lynnwood ~I hope you get to stay on ibrance. I hope they continue to watch closely and change another element. You've done so well. Maybe it's be anti hormonal that isn't doing the trick alongside of ibrance. My onc also said to me that xeloda wouldn't be my next treatment. He told me there were many others orally. He knows I am not in the market for iv chemo ever again. That ship has sailed! I am thinking nothing but good thoughts for you my friend.

Joe777~I honestly hope that isn't a myth because I've read it also. We have to have something to believe in! Ugh! Good to see you 💐

JFL~Hello lovely! Hope all is well in your world. Always good to see you here. Ready for spring? I know I am. But only the 55 to 65 please for a good long while. Too hot is also never good !

Lynne(50's)~Hello beautiful!! Hope you're feeling well and knowing spring was official should help, but aren't you on tap for some spring snow? I sure hope not!!

Grannax~ I am right by yourside with the family swirling issues. You're not alone. I'm appalled when people think of all a sudden they have obtained a degree in mental heath, PTSD, depression and every side effect we could get from not only chemos. But combined side effects from all the shit we go through, and all other medicines we take! Unreal. You keep your eyes wide open and try to remember you have Effing stage four cancer they should be so very very ashamed of themselves. Like I always say you only Get one mother. I wish these damn kids would wake the hell up and realize our time is limited. The way they chose to spend it, is baffling me. It's semi happening to me too, except I'm the crazy cancer lady. But that is ok. I'm allowed to be. Having cancer will change how you act from day to day. Sorry people get over it! That's what I think. ! I wish you many easier days ahead. Don't let them gang up on you. No way! You don't need that stress. Hugs to you my sweet friend. Remind them that they are making you feel manic. They won't leave you alone. Who says you're not having a hard time living knowing that people don't understand the hell we live in. How even one good day makes us so happy. Poo poo on them!

Muddling ~ always good to see you here. Hope you're well my friend. Goodnight !!

much love ~M~

Everyone has to dance, they just don’t know what song they will get. Dx 1/22/2016, IDC, Left, 4cm, Stage IV, metastasized to bone, Grade 2, 13/35 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2- Chemotherapy 2/10/2016 AC Surgery 6/21/2016 Lymph node removal; Lymph node removal (Left): Underarm/Axillary; Mastectomy; Mastectomy (Left) Chemotherapy 7/20/2016 Abraxane (albumin-bound or nab-paclitaxel) Targeted Therapy 11/7/2016 Ibrance (palbociclib) Surgery Chemotherapy Chemotherapy Hormonal Therapy Arimidex (anastrozole)
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Mar 20, 2019 11:27PM - edited Mar 20, 2019 11:28PM by micmel

Parry~I am glad to hear that you seem to have better pain management. That makes all the difference for sure! I am speechless at all you have been enduring this past month especially. I can understand if your onc is overwhelmed, but then they consult with other oncologists and they discuss it as a group for a more deep approach with everyone's opinion. I would keep the communication and concern directly in their laps. There must be another way to beat it back. Thinking of you! Goodnight!

Gracie~Missing you!!

Everyone has to dance, they just don’t know what song they will get. Dx 1/22/2016, IDC, Left, 4cm, Stage IV, metastasized to bone, Grade 2, 13/35 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2- Chemotherapy 2/10/2016 AC Surgery 6/21/2016 Lymph node removal; Lymph node removal (Left): Underarm/Axillary; Mastectomy; Mastectomy (Left) Chemotherapy 7/20/2016 Abraxane (albumin-bound or nab-paclitaxel) Targeted Therapy 11/7/2016 Ibrance (palbociclib) Surgery Chemotherapy Chemotherapy Hormonal Therapy Arimidex (anastrozole)
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Mar 21, 2019 02:02AM JFL wrote:

Hi Micmel! Spring is interesting where I live as winter is our ideal weather. Tropical climate here in South Florida. I look forward to spring for longer days and for the summer for the streets to quiet down when tourist season is over. However, with summer comes hurricane season and constant 93 degree days. Today it was uncharacteristically "cold" at 74 degrees. All is relative. I came from NY where anything above 20 degrees in the winter felt "warm". Our blood seems to adjust to the temperature where we live as I truly feel cold when it is in the low 70s now. Strange for anyone in a normal climate to hear, I am sure! However, on the flip side, I have grown comfortable running in 85 degree weather and can even tolerate 90s for a few miles. When my sister, who lives is a temperate, somewhat moderate climate teases me for feeling cold when it is 70, I remind her about the running as she can't run in anything over 65. I started a clinical trial last month of an FGFR inhibitor and had a stretch with some tough side effects and extreme swings in my bloodwork, but hoping everything is under control now after taking a break from the medication, which I will resume at a lower dose on Friday.

I am sad to hear about Sheila. I suspect that Kaption is no longer with us as well. Her last post was the end of November and I know she wasn't doing so great before then. I think about how amazing it is to see how everyone has honored Patty (Peppermint) while she was with us and after she went to heaven. All one has to do is look at her dedicated thread to see just how much people have honored her with their thoughts and well wishes. I saw today that her thread is still active, despite the time that has elapsed since she left this world. I find myself thinking that everyone who has passed here deserves that same level of honoring.

Grannax, I hope things resolve with your family. I am surprised the Tramadol was causing rapid speech and "upper" symptoms. However, one never knows how these medications will effect us. I had some issues on Afinitor with insomnia, heart pounding, and too much anxious energy (although at the same time feeling a bit weak/fatigued; can't explain it). I take a medication for treatment-induced fatigue and had realized I would need to significantly lower the dose had I stayed on Afinitor. Given my time on Afinitor was short-lived at three months, I didn't need to do that. It is amazing what an impact these medications can have on our energy levels and different bodily functions and, by extension, personality and communication in some respects. It must be so frustrating and heart breaking for those impacts to be questioned as MDD or something else. I have a close family member with MDD and trust me, it goes WAY beyond rapid speech and other more superficial manifestations like that. One cannot begin to comprehend the extent of MDD without seeing it firsthand.

Chart your own course. Dx at 30. Dx with mets at 38 while pregnant - extensive liver & bone involvement. Currently on Enhertu & XGeva. ER+/PR+, HER2-low (IHC equivocal, +2/FISH negative). Y90 liver radioembolization in 2018. Dx 9/2006, IDC, Right, 1cm, Stage IIB, Grade 3, 1/16 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-, Surgery 9/22/2006 Mastectomy: Left, Right Chemotherapy 11/6/2006 Adriamycin (doxorubicin), Cytoxan (cyclophosphamide), Taxotere (docetaxel) Hormonal Therapy 3/15/2007 Tamoxifen pills (Nolvadex, Apo-Tamox, Tamofen, Tamone) Dx 12/2014, IDC, Stage IV, metastasized to bone/liver/other, Grade 3, ER+/PR-, HER2- Surgery 12/26/2014 Prophylactic ovary removal Hormonal Therapy 12/26/2014 Aromasin (exemestane), Faslodex (fulvestrant) Targeted Therapy 6/18/2015 Ibrance (palbociclib) Chemotherapy 3/10/2016 Xeloda (capecitabine) Hormonal Therapy 5/14/2017 Aromasin (exemestane) Targeted Therapy 5/14/2017 Afinitor (everolimus) Chemotherapy 8/18/2017 Abraxane (albumin-bound or nab-paclitaxel) Chemotherapy 3/23/2018 Doxil (doxorubicin) Chemotherapy 4/26/2019 Navelbine (vinorelbine) Hormonal Therapy 4/26/2019 Tamoxifen pills (Nolvadex, Apo-Tamox, Tamofen, Tamone) Chemotherapy 11/27/2019 Gemzar (gemcitabine) Hormonal Therapy 8/25/2020 Faslodex (fulvestrant) Targeted Therapy 8/25/2020 Piqray (alpelisib) Targeted Therapy 10/2/2020 Enhertu (fam-trastuzumab deruxtecan-nxki)
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Mar 21, 2019 09:18AM santabarbarian wrote:

Hi everyone, I am not a stage 4 patient but something I just read prompted me to post... "I wish these damn kids would wake the hell up and realize our time is limited."

So.... my step-daughter's mom was diagnosed stage 4 de novo in 2006... at the time, my step daughter was in college on the opposite coast, and I know her mother was intentionally very "light" about her diagnosis, kind of downplaying the seriousness, and shielding her from worry, so she could focus on school, graduating, etc. And in fact, she did very very well with treatment for a long time and things were not serious in terms of SEs, nor life threatening. Given these 'oh it's not serious yet' cues, our daughter did not phone to check in frequently, because her Mom had brushed the seriousness to the side, and downplayed it, and that was the message she took in.

Over time, this light attitude on the part of our daughter bothered her Mom more and more (which she shared with me). In a way it was extremely hard for her to switch gears and say "now I really need your support, this is terminal, this is scary" and so our daughter was stuck in a little happy cloud of denial that her Mom actually had set up to begin with. When her Mom did finally share it, she was at a point of anger and disappointment -- and that felt rather unfair to our daughter, as she had been misled somewhat and felt like her lecture was coming out of nowhere.

Anyhow, she is a good person and she clicked in, and became more regular about checking in-- taking things more seriously and being more available-- and then *more years* passed of things not seemingly getting any worse or any better. This too was hard on our daughter (like: is it an emergency, or not??). She was on the hook as the closest relative and supporter of her mom through something long and chronic and she was only in her 20s at this time. (It's an emotional marathon for our supporters too.)

Then her mom's condition got worse, and I was a witness to the worsening as I was on her emergency call list etc. I had stepped in to help because our D was living out of state for work (a job her Mom had encouraged her to take) and I knew it would take pressure off her if she knew I was keeping an eye on her Mom. I could see her mom's condition was deteriorating, but her Mom still was being stoic and not admitting it (not to herself even). So I phoned to say, "I think she is in serious condition, and you should come visit," which our D considered "overreacting and being a downer" since it did not jibe with the "I'm fine!" message her Mom was giving her. But she came to visit for two weeks, and I was so glad she did, because her Mom passed away very suddenly a few months later. Nobody saw that coming.

This was in 2014. In 2018, I got diagnosed with BC. My daughter has been supportive and kind, but not particularly attentive. My sons have been incredibly attentive. I just know it is my D's history with her bio Mom and the long haul of her Mom's treatment that is affecting her. (Her Dad talked to her and he told me she said, "how can this happen again, how can I maybe lose both my Mothers??") I am not angry about it because I can see where this comes from... She spent her 20's as a cancer patient's supporter and now it's her 30's and the same rigamarole happens with her step Mom... I get it. She is replaying that experience, she is in denial, and she is waiting for an 'urgency' signal from me... plus she is in her own feeling of crisis and worry.

Part of me doing my rads near my D was to have some low key time together and enjoy her company without it feeling like an obligation or a crisis. It has been nice to feel close and to enjoy time with her.

I am sharing this story to say when we are sick, our kids definitely have their own internal crisis... they may use denial as a coping skill and if so we may feel ignored. They can be carrying a lot of invisible weight we may not realize-- just as we carry invisible weight they do not realize. Both parties, the sick person and the family member of the sick person, have a lot of fear and pain to contend with. There can be a role reversal the kids are not ready for, which might prompt anger. Neglect may be an unintended consequence of denial and frozenness. I have seen this in my family... So I offer this story to say, your kids may not intend to be callous but they may have some scar tissue protecting THEIR hearts that comes off as callousness when it is actually denial and numb fear. Or a "why am I the only 25 year old with a mom in stage 4?" feeling of unfairness.

We can get a lot more of what we want by being vulnerable rather than stoic or angry. Try not to convey "I'm fine" if that is not true. I think it's probably most important to say, "our relationship is very important to me, and I would like to feel closer to you and let you feel closer to me; how can I help that happen?"

SB

pCR after neoadjuvant chemo w/ integrative practices; Proton rads. Dx 7/13/2018, IDC, Left, 3cm, Stage IIB, Grade 3, ER-/PR-, HER2- Chemotherapy 8/13/2018 Carboplatin (Paraplatin), Taxotere (docetaxel) Surgery 12/27/2018 Lumpectomy; Lumpectomy (Left) Radiation Therapy 2/11/2019 Whole breast: Breast, Lymph nodes
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Mar 21, 2019 09:40AM micmel wrote:

JFL~I Hope you're feeling more stable with your blood work. I known this is all so. Exhausting... I am sick of being sick and tired of being tired. I need nice temperatures. But one thing I don't like is mud!! It's everywhere. The dogs feet. The back yard. Every where.

I agree that everyone should be honored. It makes me happy to feel like that is our place to talk to her. I hope she knows how loved She is. They all are.

I am convinced. Ibrance has taken my fingerprints away. I am noticing they are slowly fading and other dry spots and cracks are appearing. I could use a gallon of lotion., and it just soaks it right up like no ones business. Wow! Lynnwood, did you or do you have this ?

Hope everyone is well today raining here so it's raw and a little chilly. Went back to docs, pluerisy has morphed into a bronchial infection and sinus infection. Glad though because my lungs have improved. Bam! Hopefully, I'll finally kick this. I'm getting sick because of the constant exposure of germs from the hospice unit while always visiting my dad. How complicated does this seriously need to be just so I can visit my dying father? Ugh so difficult just trying to survive.

Much love to all

You too Gracie! ❤️ Waiting for you!

Everyone has to dance, they just don’t know what song they will get. Dx 1/22/2016, IDC, Left, 4cm, Stage IV, metastasized to bone, Grade 2, 13/35 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2- Chemotherapy 2/10/2016 AC Surgery 6/21/2016 Lymph node removal; Lymph node removal (Left): Underarm/Axillary; Mastectomy; Mastectomy (Left) Chemotherapy 7/20/2016 Abraxane (albumin-bound or nab-paclitaxel) Targeted Therapy 11/7/2016 Ibrance (palbociclib) Surgery Chemotherapy Chemotherapy Hormonal Therapy Arimidex (anastrozole)
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Mar 21, 2019 09:50AM micmel wrote:

Santa~Thank you for sharing your story and thoughts about this subject. I am going through it heavily now. I have always allowed my young adults. (22 and 23) to be apart of the doctors visits and chemo sessions so they could see it for themselves. I would never want to say I am fine when physically and mentally I'm not. My son had been in denial since my diagnosis. He just never allowed it in. The other night he did. It was a terrifying, beautiful moment. He was very honest and scared. It made me want to fight harder. It's just a terrible disease and it absolutely effects everyone differently. There is no blue print to follow for any of this. That is why I have to love unconditionally. I need to. Thank you again for the look at each possible feeling and perspective of everyone. It's important to remember the ones left behind actually have it the worst in the end. That is what scares me and breaks my heart the most. Much love ~M~

Everyone has to dance, they just don’t know what song they will get. Dx 1/22/2016, IDC, Left, 4cm, Stage IV, metastasized to bone, Grade 2, 13/35 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2- Chemotherapy 2/10/2016 AC Surgery 6/21/2016 Lymph node removal; Lymph node removal (Left): Underarm/Axillary; Mastectomy; Mastectomy (Left) Chemotherapy 7/20/2016 Abraxane (albumin-bound or nab-paclitaxel) Targeted Therapy 11/7/2016 Ibrance (palbociclib) Surgery Chemotherapy Chemotherapy Hormonal Therapy Arimidex (anastrozole)

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