Topic: My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer

Forum: Stage IV/Metastatic Breast Cancer, Open to All To Contribute — Topics here are started by members with a Stage IV/Metastatic Breast Cancer diagnosis, but open to all members to contribute to discussions. Please note that there is a separate forum, Stage IV/Metastatic Breast Cancer ONLY, where topics are open only to those members.

Posted on: Jul 6, 2017 05:38PM - edited Oct 28, 2019 09:42AM by micmel

Posted on: Jul 6, 2017 05:38PM - edited Oct 28, 2019 09:42AM by micmel

micmel wrote:

As I go through this forced path I have been thrown down, I have come to realize the love I have always had for my husband was strong. He is amazing and I love him with my very soul and entire heart. Never would I ever imagine the thought of dying and him being alone. Then the worst part hit me!! I can't seem to shake the horrible sorrow of thinking of another woman taking my place in his life and his heart, and if I Am honest his bed. He is my best friend and the love of my life, I would never need another for any reason. He makes my life complete, and then this happens. How do I process that I most likely won't be the one growing old on the porch that we have talked about, how do I process, someone else sitting in that chair? I hate this trajectory path I've been spun onto, and everyday I feel grief and deep sorrow. How do I live everyday knowing in the back of my mind, I feel like a place holder, for another woman who will be stepping into my life when I die of this horrible disease, more sooner than later. Why would I even want to take any medicines or treatments, when the answer is pretty obviously in front of my face.? Why do we fight so hard for something we cannot control ? Why do we hurt so badly thinking about letting go, or giving up? It's a four letter word that holds so much power. That word is LOVE..... If you have ever felt this way. Share with me, because I understand, I feel this way everyday. I also don't know what to do with the sadness of loss or how to process the process of dying. However slow or fast it may be. Please share your love stories with me, how did you meet? How long together? I want to know your stories, everyone has their person. Everyone loves.....tell me about your family, your friends, your life too, as if this was your living room. ♥️

We are team FU cancer (Named by Parry, our sweet sister) and this is our Lol pub and living room. Welcome, put your feet up and just be you!

Everyone has to dance, they just don’t know what song they will get. Dx 1/22/2016, IDC, Left, 4cm, Stage IV, metastasized to bone, Grade 2, 13/35 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2- Chemotherapy 2/9/2016 AC Surgery 6/20/2016 Lymph node removal; Lymph node removal (Left): Underarm/Axillary; Mastectomy; Mastectomy (Left) Chemotherapy 7/19/2016 Abraxane (albumin-bound or nab-paclitaxel) Targeted Therapy 11/6/2016 Ibrance (palbociclib) Surgery Chemotherapy Chemotherapy Hormonal Therapy Arimidex (anastrozole)
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Mar 21, 2019 07:27AM Donnabelle wrote:

Santabarbarian - thank you for your thoughtful post. You brought up a lot of good points that I will be reflecting on. As a Mom, my first thought is to shield my children (even tho they are adults) from pain. And I think I am a little guilty of downplaying the effects of this disease with my daughter. She is two hours away and doesn't have to live with it daily. I generally try to be upbeat and energetic when we are together. She is in the fourth year of a doctoral program and is so busy and stressed with her own challenges, I don't want to add onto that. She was matched for an internship starting in August in Pittsburgh, and will be moving across the country. I want her to feel comfortable doing that and not to think that she should stay in CA because of me. We had a long talk last night on the phone and I told her about my TX change to A/C and she became very upset. Although she knows the diagnosis, has even been to several doctors appts with me, and we communicate on an almost daily basis, she feels cut off and distrustful that she is getting the full picture from me. She also admitted that seeing me lose my hair again is a trigger for her because it is a visual reminder that I am sick. I tried so hard to be understanding and open to what she was saying and to acknowledge her feelings, but the conversation ended with a lot of things unresolved and vague. Your wise words, and your first hand experiences, have given me food for thought on my part in this. We have always enjoyed the most wonderful of mother/daughter relationships and I am determined that stupid cancer will not get away with interfering with that.

Donna

Dx 3/13/2013, IDC, Grade 3, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 4/9/2013 Mastectomy: Right Chemotherapy 5/5/2013 Cytoxan (cyclophosphamide), Taxotere (docetaxel) Hormonal Therapy 9/14/2013 Tamoxifen pills (Nolvadex, Apo-Tamox, Tamofen, Tamone) Dx 10/13/2017, Stage IV, metastasized to bone/liver/lungs, Grade 3, ER+/PR+, HER2- Chemotherapy 10/27/2017 Taxol (paclitaxel) Hormonal Therapy 1/5/2018 Faslodex (fulvestrant) Targeted Therapy 1/8/2018 Verzenio Chemotherapy 6/1/2018 Xeloda (capecitabine) Targeted Therapy 11/7/2018 Afinitor (everolimus) Chemotherapy 11/8/2018 Carboplatin (Paraplatin) Chemotherapy 3/29/2019 AC Chemotherapy 8/19/2019 Halaven (eribulin)
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Mar 21, 2019 07:39AM LoveFromPhilly wrote:

Hi everyone,

I don’t post here often (or ever?) but wanted to get in on the action, say hello and give hugs and love.

Life is complex, isn’t it?

I am sorry to hear about our communities recent losses :(

Last night I took my mom (who is 73) to dinner and to the theatre 🎭 it was a sweet mother daughter night! We ended up discussing which states it is legal to have compassionate death (euthanization). It turns out my mom has already researched this pretty extensively (for herself!) and we both agreed that if things get too uncomfortable for either of us (or my dad, who is 75) that we will seek this route.

Interesting convos to have! Important. I am so grateful that she’s on top of this! Felt like a relief to talk about it.

Love and hugs,

Brenda

MBC de novo March 2017; innumerable bone mets; possible mets in liver? MSH6 mutation; Treatments: Ibrance/letrozole, lupron, xygeva, zometa, tamoxifen; faslodex; Currently Gemzar; BC skin mets and progression to bone marrow. Dx 3/25/2017, IDC, Right, Stage IV, metastasized to bone, Grade 3, ER+/PR+, HER2-, Hormonal Therapy 4/4/2017 Femara (letrozole) Targeted Therapy Ibrance (palbociclib) Hormonal Therapy
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Mar 21, 2019 07:55AM micmel wrote:

Hello LovefromPhilly~I am in the burbs of Philly! Small world. Huh!? Welcome to our little family! It’s always nice to see your smiling face. I had seen you and your positive spirit on other threads. It’s always nice to officially know someone is local to me! Hope you’re avoiding the rain drops today. Hugs and love right back! Hope to see you around here again. And oh. 🥂 to a wonderful mother and daughter memory making evening at the theater! 🎭!! Sounds like heaven honestly.

Hello sweet Donna! 🌹🌹 much love !

Everyone has to dance, they just don’t know what song they will get. Dx 1/22/2016, IDC, Left, 4cm, Stage IV, metastasized to bone, Grade 2, 13/35 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2- Chemotherapy 2/9/2016 AC Surgery 6/20/2016 Lymph node removal; Lymph node removal (Left): Underarm/Axillary; Mastectomy; Mastectomy (Left) Chemotherapy 7/19/2016 Abraxane (albumin-bound or nab-paclitaxel) Targeted Therapy 11/6/2016 Ibrance (palbociclib) Surgery Chemotherapy Chemotherapy Hormonal Therapy Arimidex (anastrozole)
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Mar 21, 2019 08:01AM Lynnwood1960 wrote:

Micmel, yes to the fingerprint trouble! I was in a store trying to use the fingerprint thing and couldn’t get my fingerprint to register. My husband kept laughing and saying I just wasn’t doing it right and teasing me for being so technically challenged. I never connected it to Ibrance until I read of it here! We are not alone in this. The tips of my fingers are very rough and dry.
Dx 4/6/2015, ILC, Right, 3cm, Stage IV, Grade 2, 0/12 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Targeted Therapy Ibrance (palbociclib)
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Mar 21, 2019 08:23AM Lynnwood1960 wrote:

Santa, Donna and Micmel and Love from Philly ( I’m 20 minutes south of Philly) thank you for your stories about our children. .My kids are young adults, our oldest has Aspergers which is a challenge itself. We have always told them from the very beginning that we would never lie to them about what was going on. We always say, what we know, you guys know. I know they worry and they show it in their own way. Our youngest face times me every night although he lives a half hour away and we see him twice a week. Our middle son calls me on his way home from work “ just to check in”. Our oldest lives with us and is always wanting to help me. We all have Sunday dinner together every week, along with my mom, brother and sister in law. This year for the first time in years, they have all rearranged their schedules so that we can all take a short trip to the shore this summer together. Micmel and love from philly... Wildwood . Their Xmas gift to us this year was a 3 night stay at the hotel we have been staying in for 30 years.
Dx 4/6/2015, ILC, Right, 3cm, Stage IV, Grade 2, 0/12 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Targeted Therapy Ibrance (palbociclib)
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Mar 21, 2019 08:33AM ABeautifulSunset wrote:

Philly and its suburbs are my hometown. I live in LA, but grew up in King of Prussia and then in the Northeast. Went to HS in center city. My fave cousin still lives in BlueBell. A lot of other have movedto the shore....mostly in ventnor. So, I love LA but I will always be a Philly girl.

Sunset

“Sunsets are proof that endings can be beautiful too.” Radiation Therapy External: Breast, Chest wall, Bone Chemotherapy TAC Targeted Therapy Ibrance (palbociclib) Surgery Mastectomy; Reconstruction (left): Fat grafting, Silicone implant, Tissue expander placement; Reconstruction (right): Fat grafting, Silicone implant, Tissue expander placement Hormonal Therapy Aromasin (exemestane), Faslodex (fulvestrant), Femara (letrozole) Targeted Therapy Afinitor (everolimus) Targeted Therapy Chemotherapy Xeloda (capecitabine) Chemotherapy Doxil (doxorubicin) Chemotherapy Chemotherapy Targeted Therapy Targeted Therapy Afinitor (everolimus) Chemotherapy Xeloda (capecitabine) Chemotherapy Gemzar (gemcitabine)
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Mar 21, 2019 09:44AM - edited Mar 21, 2019 09:45AM by micmel

sunset~Small world for sure! Outside of Doylestown for me!! Love the wooded areas. Born and raised in burbs I love the area for sure. Give a holler if you're ever traveling to visit favorite cousin!!! I'm about less than an hour from Kop! Busy lil place now, huge malls. Homes. You name it. I kinda like your beach idea for sure... I don't do well in the sun. Anymore but I could donn a big floppy hat and an umbrella over my head with a tropical 🏝 drink 🍹 in my hands! Hugs to all!

Everyone has to dance, they just don’t know what song they will get. Dx 1/22/2016, IDC, Left, 4cm, Stage IV, metastasized to bone, Grade 2, 13/35 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2- Chemotherapy 2/9/2016 AC Surgery 6/20/2016 Lymph node removal; Lymph node removal (Left): Underarm/Axillary; Mastectomy; Mastectomy (Left) Chemotherapy 7/19/2016 Abraxane (albumin-bound or nab-paclitaxel) Targeted Therapy 11/6/2016 Ibrance (palbociclib) Surgery Chemotherapy Chemotherapy Hormonal Therapy Arimidex (anastrozole)
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Mar 21, 2019 01:57PM MuddlingThrough wrote:

Santa, thank you for posting. I'm the one minimizing things for DS. He lives several hundred miles away and I don't want him to worry yet. Then, illogically, I feel neglected, lol. I'm going to stick with the same program though. I'll know when to sound the alarm.

Parry, hugs and hopes for a new plan.

Philly!! Good to see you here.

I feel bad. Like you Micmel, I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. Don't know how long I can keep it up. I'm trying.

Under hospice care as of Oct. 16, 2019. Don't be sad for me; it's really the best now that I fought until I knew I was done- "no more" . Dx 1/4/2018, IDC, Stage IV, metastasized to bone/liver/other, ER+/PR+, HER2- Hormonal Therapy 3/28/2018 Femara (letrozole) Targeted Therapy 3/28/2018 Ibrance (palbociclib) Chemotherapy Taxol (paclitaxel)
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Mar 21, 2019 02:01PM micmel wrote:

I feel like everything on me is backwards. Ugh

Everyone has to dance, they just don’t know what song they will get. Dx 1/22/2016, IDC, Left, 4cm, Stage IV, metastasized to bone, Grade 2, 13/35 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2- Chemotherapy 2/9/2016 AC Surgery 6/20/2016 Lymph node removal; Lymph node removal (Left): Underarm/Axillary; Mastectomy; Mastectomy (Left) Chemotherapy 7/19/2016 Abraxane (albumin-bound or nab-paclitaxel) Targeted Therapy 11/6/2016 Ibrance (palbociclib) Surgery Chemotherapy Chemotherapy Hormonal Therapy Arimidex (anastrozole)
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Mar 21, 2019 06:11PM micmel wrote:

..... we gotta a pouncer folks!

Everyone has to dance, they just don’t know what song they will get. Dx 1/22/2016, IDC, Left, 4cm, Stage IV, metastasized to bone, Grade 2, 13/35 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2- Chemotherapy 2/9/2016 AC Surgery 6/20/2016 Lymph node removal; Lymph node removal (Left): Underarm/Axillary; Mastectomy; Mastectomy (Left) Chemotherapy 7/19/2016 Abraxane (albumin-bound or nab-paclitaxel) Targeted Therapy 11/6/2016 Ibrance (palbociclib) Surgery Chemotherapy Chemotherapy Hormonal Therapy Arimidex (anastrozole)

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