Topic: My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer

Forum: Stage IV/Metastatic Breast Cancer, Open to All To Contribute — Topics here are started by members with a Stage IV/Metastatic Breast Cancer diagnosis, but open to all members to contribute to discussions. Please note that there is a separate forum, Stage IV/Metastatic Breast Cancer ONLY, where topics are open only to those members.

Posted on: Jul 6, 2017 08:38PM - edited Oct 28, 2019 12:42PM by micmel

Posted on: Jul 6, 2017 08:38PM - edited Oct 28, 2019 12:42PM by micmel

micmel wrote:

As I go through this forced path I have been thrown down, I have come to realize the love I have always had for my husband was strong. He is amazing and I love him with my very soul and entire heart. Never would I ever imagine the thought of dying and him being alone. Then the worst part hit me!! I can't seem to shake the horrible sorrow of thinking of another woman taking my place in his life and his heart, and if I Am honest his bed. He is my best friend and the love of my life, I would never need another for any reason. He makes my life complete, and then this happens. How do I process that I most likely won't be the one growing old on the porch that we have talked about, how do I process, someone else sitting in that chair? I hate this trajectory path I've been spun onto, and everyday I feel grief and deep sorrow. How do I live everyday knowing in the back of my mind, I feel like a place holder, for another woman who will be stepping into my life when I die of this horrible disease, more sooner than later. Why would I even want to take any medicines or treatments, when the answer is pretty obviously in front of my face.? Why do we fight so hard for something we cannot control ? Why do we hurt so badly thinking about letting go, or giving up? It's a four letter word that holds so much power. That word is LOVE..... If you have ever felt this way. Share with me, because I understand, I feel this way everyday. I also don't know what to do with the sadness of loss or how to process the process of dying. However slow or fast it may be. Please share your love stories with me, how did you meet? How long together? I want to know your stories, everyone has their person. Everyone loves.....tell me about your family, your friends, your life too, as if this was your living room. ♥️

We are team FU cancer (Named by Parry, our sweet sister) and this is our Lol pub and living room. Welcome, put your feet up and just be you!

Everyone has to dance, they just don’t know what song they will get. Dx 1/22/2016, IDC, Left, 4cm, Stage IV, metastasized to bone, Grade 2, 13/35 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2- Chemotherapy 2/10/2016 AC Surgery 6/21/2016 Lymph node removal; Lymph node removal (Left): Underarm/Axillary; Mastectomy; Mastectomy (Left) Chemotherapy 7/20/2016 Abraxane (albumin-bound or nab-paclitaxel) Targeted Therapy 11/7/2016 Ibrance (palbociclib) Surgery Chemotherapy Chemotherapy Hormonal Therapy Arimidex (anastrozole)
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Mar 23, 2019 03:05PM micmel wrote:

My DD went to visit my father today. He didn’t look good. And was sleeping the entire time on and off and falling asleep mid sentence. He doesn’t usually do this. She said his liver side is hurting when he breathes deeply. None of this is sounding good at all. The toxins are starting to back up in his system. He isn’t eating meals anymore, light sweets and only liquids. Mainly water and gingerale. Even that is slowing down now.

I am realizing that I have to prepare myself that I am facing this impending loss of a parent. Watching it happen. I haven’t been there because of the damn. Bronchial issues and sinus infection. Yet again courtesy of ibrance! So I missed a week of seeing him. I have to go Tomorrow no matter what. I’ll crawl if I have to. I believe we are loosing him, I was really hoping for more time with him. Not just with his sickness. But to really have Time with him again. Time I’ll never have a chance to get back. I’m so unsteady. With everything. 💔🥺😫
Everyone has to dance, they just don’t know what song they will get. Dx 1/22/2016, IDC, Left, 4cm, Stage IV, metastasized to bone, Grade 2, 13/35 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2- Chemotherapy 2/10/2016 AC Surgery 6/21/2016 Lymph node removal; Lymph node removal (Left): Underarm/Axillary; Mastectomy; Mastectomy (Left) Chemotherapy 7/20/2016 Abraxane (albumin-bound or nab-paclitaxel) Targeted Therapy 11/7/2016 Ibrance (palbociclib) Surgery Chemotherapy Chemotherapy Hormonal Therapy Arimidex (anastrozole)
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Mar 23, 2019 03:59PM illimae wrote:

Sorry micmel, thinking of you 💛

Diagnosed at 41 Stage IV De Novo Dx 11/16/2016, IDC, Left, 5cm, Stage IV, metastasized to bone, Grade 3, 3/13 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2+ Chemotherapy 1/1/2017 Abraxane (albumin-bound or nab-paclitaxel) Targeted Therapy 1/1/2017 Herceptin (trastuzumab) Targeted Therapy 1/1/2017 Perjeta (pertuzumab) Surgery 6/26/2017 Lumpectomy; Lumpectomy (Left); Lymph node removal Radiation Therapy 8/10/2017 Breast, Lymph nodes Dx 10/5/2017, IDC, Left, 5cm, Stage IV, metastasized to brain, Grade 3, 3/13 nodes, ER+, HER2- Radiation Therapy 10/19/2017 External Local Metastases 10/19/2017 Brain Radiation Therapy 4/18/2018 External Local Metastases 4/18/2018 Brain Radiation Therapy 5/22/2019 External Local Metastases 5/22/2019 Brain Surgery 1/21/2020 Radiation Therapy 2/16/2020 External Local Metastases 2/16/2020 Brain Radiation Therapy 7/20/2020 External Local Metastases 7/20/2020 Radiation therapy: Bone Radiation Therapy 12/4/2020 External Local Metastases 12/4/2020 Brain Targeted Therapy Tukysa (tucatinib) Chemotherapy Xeloda (capecitabine) Hormonal Therapy Tamoxifen pills (Nolvadex, Apo-Tamox, Tamofen, Tamone)
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Mar 23, 2019 05:25PM jkl2017 wrote:

So sorry about your dad, Mel. But it’s such a blessing that he’s back in your life and seems to understand how much you’ve been doing for him. I hope that gives you comfort. I’m keeping you both in my prayers and sending you strength during this difficult time. Take care of yourself.


Dx 2/2/2017, ILC, Right, 2cm, Stage IIA, Grade 2, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 3/7/2017 Lumpectomy; Lumpectomy (Right); Lymph node removal Radiation Therapy 3/20/2017 Internal catheter: Breast Hormonal Therapy 5/24/2017 Arimidex (anastrozole), Aromasin (exemestane)
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Mar 23, 2019 08:28PM Lynnwood1960 wrote:

Micmel please take care of yourself. You won’t be able to help your Dad if you end up in the hospital. Nursing homes are crawling with germs. Your Dad knows how much you care and has appreciated everything you have done for him. If he is sleeping he may not even know that you are there. I call his state half in this world and half in the next. His body is preparing for his transition. I’m sure the nurses are keeping his pain under control, if you are worried about his pain give them a call. Hospice no doubt has pain meds already ordered for him and probably some anxiety meds too. I know how hard this is for you , with your reconciliation there is now no unfinished business between you two. Take comfort in the fact that you have been there for him in his time of need. Sending you a big hug my friend.
Dx 4/6/2015, ILC, Right, 3cm, Stage IV, Grade 2, 0/12 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Targeted Therapy Ibrance (palbociclib)
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Mar 24, 2019 02:40AM runor wrote:

Hugging you tight, Micmel. Hugging your dad too.

Dx 3/23/2017, IDC, Left, 2cm, Stage IIB, Grade 2, 0/1 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 4/12/2017 Lumpectomy; Lumpectomy (Left); Lymph node removal Radiation Therapy 7/5/2017 Whole breast: Breast Hormonal Therapy Tamoxifen pills (Nolvadex, Apo-Tamox, Tamofen, Tamone)
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Mar 24, 2019 09:51AM micmel wrote:

Thank you ladies. I feel numb I believe.

Philly you changed your name ? Literally ? Lol smiles to you always.

Mae~ morning to you hugs and love !

Hi Donna~ ty for what you said about the guilt. It’s there front and center and I just don’t know why. I have cried many nights to sleep with sorrow of wondering why. All those years lost for it to end this way ? Like wow! It’s starting to really sink in. My father is dying. I don’t even want to say it out loud. No less about myself.

Parry~~ Hi beauty. Runor~ ❤️🥺 JKL ~ thanks for caring

You are very special ladies. Thankgou

Everyone has to dance, they just don’t know what song they will get. Dx 1/22/2016, IDC, Left, 4cm, Stage IV, metastasized to bone, Grade 2, 13/35 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2- Chemotherapy 2/10/2016 AC Surgery 6/21/2016 Lymph node removal; Lymph node removal (Left): Underarm/Axillary; Mastectomy; Mastectomy (Left) Chemotherapy 7/20/2016 Abraxane (albumin-bound or nab-paclitaxel) Targeted Therapy 11/7/2016 Ibrance (palbociclib) Surgery Chemotherapy Chemotherapy Hormonal Therapy Arimidex (anastrozole)
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Mar 24, 2019 10:10AM Grannax2 wrote:

I'm happy to tell you that I had a great time yesterday with my family. Amazing how one day can change things. It was my grandson's State Gymnastics Meet. I rode over with my DD, sat by DS and DD and got to hug my little Blake. My DIL and granddaughter were down in Corpus Christi at a Destination Imagination State competition. Have any of you heard of that organization? It's a very big deal here in Texas. It combines Engineering w Theatre to solve problems. The team has to put on a skit in front of the judges to explain how they would solve the problem they were given. Theirs was about PET rescue and solution.

We still will have meeting on April 6 to resolve the issues. But I'm more hopeful today.

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Mar 24, 2019 12:17PM Stllivin wrote:

Thinking of you today. I hope your visit with your father goes well. Hugs

Stllivin Dx 12/20/1997, IDC, Left, 2cm, metastasized to bone/lungs, 7/11 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-
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Mar 24, 2019 12:31PM Daniel86 wrote:

Melissa, very sorry to hear about your dad. Sending you hugs and lots of positive energy your way from overseas. xxx

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Mar 24, 2019 12:51PM LoveFromPhilly wrote:

hi micmel so sorry to hear about your dad. :( I dread the day I will have to say goodbye to my parents. We are incredibly close and actually live in the same building, just separated by two floors! I moved in to their building when I was diagnosed because I thought the worst was going to happen to me. Turns out, I’m pretty okay here (some ups and downs) and now I am becoming my parents caretaker and they’ve legally made me in charge of any medical decisions for them. What an honor and also ugh!!!

I will keep your father and your family in my thoughts.

I DID change my name! LOL!!!

It was my 42nd bday yesterday and also 2 year cancerversary (yup diagnosed right smack dab on my 40th bday!). I sent an email out to my all loved ones and shared the thread about the myths and misconceptions of MBC with them and realized that I wanted to be a little more “anonymous.” Of course they all totally knew exactly which post was mine (when you know someone, you know them!) But the act of the sharing made me feel more vulnerable and overall, that I wanted to be less easily identifiable on the internet.

I’m an extreme extrovert with deep rooted introverted tendencies.

Happy Sunday to everyone!! Here is to another beautiful day for us all, around the sun, on this crazy rock we call Earth! 🌏 ❤️
MBC de novo March 2017; innumerable bone mets; possible mets in liver? MSH6 mutation; Treatments: Ibrance/letrozole, lupron, xygeva, zometa, tamoxifen; faslodex; Currently Gemzar; BC skin mets and progression to bone marrow. Dx 3/25/2017, IDC, Right, Stage IV, metastasized to bone, Grade 3, ER+/PR+, HER2-, Hormonal Therapy 4/5/2017 Femara (letrozole) Targeted Therapy Ibrance (palbociclib) Hormonal Therapy

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