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USEFUL RESOURCES

Topic: My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer

Forum: Stage IV/Metastatic Breast Cancer, Open to All To Contribute — Topics here are started by members with a Stage IV/Metastatic Breast Cancer diagnosis, but open to all members to contribute to discussions. Please note that there is a separate forum, Stage IV/Metastatic Breast Cancer ONLY, where topics are open only to those members.

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Posted on: Jul 6, 2017 07:38PM - edited Oct 28, 2019 11:42AM by micmel

Posted on: Jul 6, 2017 07:38PM - edited Oct 28, 2019 11:42AM by micmel

micmel wrote:

As I go through this forced path I have been thrown down, I have come to realize the love I have always had for my husband was strong. He is amazing and I love him with my very soul and entire heart. Never would I ever imagine the thought of dying and him being alone. Then the worst part hit me!! I can't seem to shake the horrible sorrow of thinking of another woman taking my place in his life and his heart, and if I Am honest his bed. He is my best friend and the love of my life, I would never need another for any reason. He makes my life complete, and then this happens. How do I process that I most likely won't be the one growing old on the porch that we have talked about, how do I process, someone else sitting in that chair? I hate this trajectory path I've been spun onto, and everyday I feel grief and deep sorrow. How do I live everyday knowing in the back of my mind, I feel like a place holder, for another woman who will be stepping into my life when I die of this horrible disease, more sooner than later. Why would I even want to take any medicines or treatments, when the answer is pretty obviously in front of my face.? Why do we fight so hard for something we cannot control ? Why do we hurt so badly thinking about letting go, or giving up? It's a four letter word that holds so much power. That word is LOVE..... If you have ever felt this way. Share with me, because I understand, I feel this way everyday. I also don't know what to do with the sadness of loss or how to process the process of dying. However slow or fast it may be. Please share your love stories with me, how did you meet? How long together? I want to know your stories, everyone has their person. Everyone loves.....tell me about your family, your friends, your life too, as if this was your living room. ♥️

We are team FU cancer (Named by Parry, our sweet sister) and this is our Lol pub and living room. Welcome, put your feet up and just be you!

Everyone has to dance, they just don’t know what song they will get. Dx 1/22/2016, IDC, Left, 4cm, Stage IV, metastasized to bone, Grade 2, 13/35 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2- Chemotherapy 2/10/2016 AC Surgery 6/21/2016 Lymph node removal; Lymph node removal (Left): Underarm/Axillary; Mastectomy; Mastectomy (Left) Chemotherapy 7/19/2016 Abraxane (albumin-bound or nab-paclitaxel) Targeted Therapy 11/6/2016 Ibrance (palbociclib) Surgery Chemotherapy Chemotherapy Hormonal Therapy Arimidex (anastrozole)
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Mar 24, 2019 11:52AM tanya_djamila wrote:

Good afternoon ladies

Micmel I’m so happy for you that you were able to do so much for your dad and joe was able to respond. Bear hug coming your way. You deserve it. I know your heart feels good that your DD is involved too.

Grannax big sigh of relief. Your meeting may be just fine in April.

Lynnwood you are so right hospice nursing homes and hospitals full of germs.

Take care all

Tanya

Tanya Dx 8/19/2003, LCIS, Right, 6cm+, Stage IV, metastasized to bone/other, 28/28 nodes, ER+, HER2- Dx 4/19/2017, Stage IV, metastasized to bone/other, 0/0 nodes, ER+, HER2- Immunotherapy 6/1/2017
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Mar 24, 2019 12:43PM ABeautifulSunset wrote:

Philly, I also changed my name after the first year or so on BCO, when I realized how easy it was for anyone to find my posts.

Micmel, you hold this thread together, with your gigantic heart.

Sunset



“Sunsets are proof that endings can be beautiful too.” Radiation Therapy External: Breast, Chest wall, Bone Chemotherapy TAC Targeted Therapy Ibrance (palbociclib) Surgery Mastectomy; Reconstruction (left): Fat grafting, Silicone implant, Tissue expander placement; Reconstruction (right): Fat grafting, Silicone implant, Tissue expander placement Hormonal Therapy Aromasin (exemestane), Faslodex (fulvestrant), Femara (letrozole) Targeted Therapy Afinitor (everolimus) Targeted Therapy Chemotherapy Xeloda (capecitabine) Chemotherapy Doxil (doxorubicin) Chemotherapy Chemotherapy Targeted Therapy Targeted Therapy Afinitor (everolimus) Chemotherapy Xeloda (capecitabine) Chemotherapy Gemzar (gemcitabine)
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Mar 24, 2019 02:28PM - edited Mar 24, 2019 04:01PM by micmel

Grannax~Hi Darling. I am also smack dab in some family turmoil, I am choosing to Ignore most of it. The love I have for my father overrides any drama. My DHs support means everything to me. I know it can't be easy....knowing all the pain they have caused me over the past 15 years. But he honors me everyday. I am very interested in The program you mentioned. I am so happy you got to see your family in a peaceful way. Precious woman. 💐

Stilllivin~Hello my friend. Ty for your kind thoughts and words. It means so much to have you here. 🥰

Daniel~ thank you so much. I still can't believe that it's really happening asif, haven't we ALL had enough shit roll onto our shoes.? Please give my love to Leslie. Always in my prayers. 🌹

Ichangedmyname~Gotcha! Choosing a name is kind of an art, it took me forever to choose mine. I don't want to be googled. Only my DH has my log in information and knows what to do, should there be the need. I totally understand what you mean about people and not really caring enough to even bother with them. I'd rather pick the people around me. In all honesty, if my mother lived downstairs from me, I might I have to jump out the window. Lol. I am thrilled though you have your parents close. That's so important. Special woman. So glad to have you here ! Happy Birthday!!

Tanya ~ hello beautiful! He was upset when I got there. The nurse grabbed me and said he's upset and doesn't want to be alone. When I went into his room he was shaking and confused and scared. I grabbed his hand and made immediate eye contact and calmed him down. I fed him some lunch, he ate something for me. Not a huge amount, but something. He told me he was scared. And I told him he wasn't alone. He said you look so good. I said. Thanks dad that means a lot. But my insides are broken. He then said. Maybe we can float together some day in the clouds. I love you Boo...

sunset~ thank you sweetheart! I just want to love and live..each person I meet has some importance to me. Life has more important and impact on me than ever before. I don't want to die... so while I'm alive. I am building my own family. Here. We need a place to cry together or yell together. It's such a vicious track we are on. You also have a big beautiful heart my friend. You are loved...

Gracie.... Still waiting. Parry.... Mae....Runor...Divine...Bigbhome....Masonsma........Blueshine......Our Minnie..... GP..Marianelizabeth.....Daywalker...Muddling,I know days are hard and I know you're tired. Please don't forget you're loved. Lynne(50's).....Kayla....Katyk.....sandibeaches.....hugs to all

If I've forgotten Anyone..... I'll be back for sure

Everyone has to dance, they just don’t know what song they will get. Dx 1/22/2016, IDC, Left, 4cm, Stage IV, metastasized to bone, Grade 2, 13/35 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2- Chemotherapy 2/10/2016 AC Surgery 6/21/2016 Lymph node removal; Lymph node removal (Left): Underarm/Axillary; Mastectomy; Mastectomy (Left) Chemotherapy 7/19/2016 Abraxane (albumin-bound or nab-paclitaxel) Targeted Therapy 11/6/2016 Ibrance (palbociclib) Surgery Chemotherapy Chemotherapy Hormonal Therapy Arimidex (anastrozole)
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Mar 24, 2019 03:53PM illimae wrote:

Happy Birthday former philly! 🎉

DH put on a crawfish boil today, all day eating event with friends 😃

Looking for a few volunteers to camp out in my pocket tomorrow for my quarterly CT scans. Not really worried but you know. Results in the afternoon since I’m leaving town later this week.


Diagnosed at 41 Stage IV De Novo Dx 11/16/2016, IDC, Left, 5cm, Stage IV, metastasized to bone, Grade 3, 3/13 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2+ Targeted Therapy 1/1/2017 Perjeta (pertuzumab) Chemotherapy 1/2/2017 Abraxane (albumin-bound or nab-paclitaxel) Targeted Therapy 1/2/2017 Herceptin (trastuzumab) Surgery 6/26/2017 Lumpectomy; Lumpectomy (Left); Lymph node removal Radiation Therapy 8/10/2017 Breast, Lymph nodes Dx 10/5/2017, IDC, Left, 5cm, Stage IV, metastasized to brain, Grade 3, 3/13 nodes, ER+, HER2+ Radiation Therapy 10/19/2017 External Local Metastases 10/19/2017 Brain Radiation Therapy 4/18/2018 External Local Metastases 4/18/2018 Brain Radiation Therapy 5/23/2019 External Local Metastases 5/23/2019 Brain Surgery 1/22/2020 Radiation Therapy 2/16/2020 External Local Metastases 2/16/2020 Brain Radiation Therapy 7/20/2020 External Local Metastases 7/20/2020 Radiation therapy: Bone Radiation Therapy 12/4/2020 External Local Metastases 12/4/2020 Brain Targeted Therapy Tukysa (tucatinib) Chemotherapy Xeloda (capecitabine) Hormonal Therapy Tamoxifen pills (Nolvadex, Apo-Tamox, Tamofen, Tamone)
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Mar 24, 2019 04:03PM - edited Mar 24, 2019 04:19PM by micmel

Mae~I think you know you better have large pockets. You have a big family here. I had lol at your former Philly comment.... you crack me up! Good luck sweet friend. Oh and I'm so damn. Jealous of your cook out! WOW yummy 🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞 chop chop!

Everyone has to dance, they just don’t know what song they will get. Dx 1/22/2016, IDC, Left, 4cm, Stage IV, metastasized to bone, Grade 2, 13/35 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2- Chemotherapy 2/10/2016 AC Surgery 6/21/2016 Lymph node removal; Lymph node removal (Left): Underarm/Axillary; Mastectomy; Mastectomy (Left) Chemotherapy 7/19/2016 Abraxane (albumin-bound or nab-paclitaxel) Targeted Therapy 11/6/2016 Ibrance (palbociclib) Surgery Chemotherapy Chemotherapy Hormonal Therapy Arimidex (anastrozole)
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Mar 24, 2019 04:47PM Kayla250 wrote:

Good Afternoon all,

Grannax - so glad to hear your family seems to be showing their “sorry"s by their actions and hopefully by the 6th they'll be able to say the words; this is my hope.

Mae - you are such a brave soul. My thoughts are with tomorrow too.

Philly - oops sorry, “formerly known as”, f.k.a. Philly.....Kayla is not my real name either lol.

Micmel - Happiest of Sundays to you. What you are walking thru is one of the hardest times of our lives. When I was younger, I never seemed to notice how the previous generation handled the loss of their parents and grandparents. I really wished my mother would have prepared me, I could not put in the words the pain I felt when she passed. If you cannot find comfort with your family, you will find comfort here.

Too all, have an amazing week!

Heart

Dx 6/2013, IDC, Right, 3cm, Stage IIB, Grade 2, 1/3 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2- Surgery 6/19/2013 Lumpectomy: Right Chemotherapy 10/1/2013 Hormonal Therapy 3/17/2014 Femara (letrozole) Hormonal Therapy 10/14/2014 Arimidex (anastrozole) Dx 1/2017, IDC, Right, 1cm, Stage IIB, Grade 2, 1/3 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2- Surgery 3/29/2017 Mastectomy: Right; Prophylactic mastectomy: Left; Reconstruction (left): Pedicled TRAM flap; Reconstruction (right): Pedicled TRAM flap Radiation Therapy 6/20/2017 Dx 10/2018, IDC, Stage IV, metastasized to liver Targeted Therapy 11/27/2018 Ibrance (palbociclib) Hormonal Therapy 11/27/2018 Femara (letrozole) Chemotherapy 4/10/2019 Xeloda (capecitabine) Chemotherapy 7/11/2019 Navelbine (vinorelbine) Chemotherapy 9/17/2019 Halaven (eribulin) Chemotherapy 12/25/2019 Doxil (doxorubicin)
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Mar 24, 2019 05:25PM MuddlingThrough wrote:

Guess I'd better answer the roll call, LOL. Micmel, I'm doing okay. Just at the end of the 21 days on, and t-i-r-e-d. Not feeling quite as down today. Very distracted with lots of sports to watch helps. What you're going through with your dad is hard, I know. Worse for me was being hundreds of miles away and having to hear my poor sister's distress during phone calls until that final call in Nov.

Mae, I will be there in your pocket for CT's. I'll even try to behave.

Grannax, glad for a happy family day. Waving to Tanya and Philly-with-a-new-name. Actually waving to everyone.



Under hospice care as of Oct. 16, 2019. Don't be sad for me; it's really the best now that I fought until I knew I was done- "no more" . Dx 1/4/2018, IDC, Stage IV, metastasized to bone/liver/other, ER+/PR+, HER2- Hormonal Therapy 3/28/2018 Femara (letrozole) Targeted Therapy 3/28/2018 Ibrance (palbociclib) Chemotherapy Taxol (paclitaxel)
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Mar 24, 2019 06:31PM Donnabelle wrote:

Hi Mae - I will be happy to dive into your pocket tomorrow, especially if you put some of those crawfish in there for a snack! And maybe one of those tropical drinks 🍹 you love, too!

Wow, lots of Philly ladies here. It’s one city I haven’t had the pleasure to visit, but with my daughter moving to Pittsburgh this summer, maybe I will get to the other side of the state.

Grannax, so happy that you had a fun day with your family. I hope it is a positive harbinger of good things to come. Love will find a way.

Micmel, as always, sending big hugs your way. You are so strong. You’ve got this.

Parry, my friend, how exciting that you will get to go on a trip and spend some quality time with your sister. A change in routine might be just the prescription to forget about the big C for a little bit. DH and I just returned from a weekend in Santa Barbara and it did me a world of good, and I hope the same for you.

Skitz, thank you for the response about A/C. I am sorry it was not the magic that you hoped. My MO seems to have a lot of faith in it, but I am a doubter, especially since nothing else has worked for very long. And the heart thing is scary, plus any time there is a TX change it is hard going into the unknown. I’m hoping for the best. First infusion is on Wednesday. Nervous 😩.

Hope everyone has a happy peaceful Sunday and finds a little piece of joy along the way.

Donna


Dx 3/13/2013, IDC, Grade 3, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 4/9/2013 Mastectomy: Right Chemotherapy 5/5/2013 Cytoxan (cyclophosphamide), Taxotere (docetaxel) Hormonal Therapy 9/14/2013 Tamoxifen pills (Nolvadex, Apo-Tamox, Tamofen, Tamone) Dx 10/13/2017, Stage IV, metastasized to bone/liver/lungs, Grade 3, ER+/PR+, HER2- Chemotherapy 10/27/2017 Taxol (paclitaxel) Hormonal Therapy 1/5/2018 Faslodex (fulvestrant) Targeted Therapy 1/8/2018 Verzenio Chemotherapy 6/2/2018 Xeloda (capecitabine) Targeted Therapy 11/7/2018 Afinitor (everolimus) Chemotherapy 11/9/2018 Carboplatin (Paraplatin) Chemotherapy 3/29/2019 AC Chemotherapy 8/20/2019 Halaven (eribulin)
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Mar 24, 2019 06:47PM Gumdoctor wrote:

Mae - Best wishes tomorrow for your quarterly CT and results.

I know how you feel...I have mine tomorrow too...will get results 1 wk later...

I am concerned...

Gumdoctor

Dx 7/9/2014, IDC, Both breasts, 5cm, Stage IIIA, Grade 3, 5/6 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-, Surgery 7/29/2014 Lymph node removal: Sentinel; Mastectomy: Left, Right Dx 12/20/2017, IDC, Both breasts, 5cm, Stage IV, metastasized to bone, Grade 3, 5/6 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-, Surgery Reconstruction (left): Nipple tattoo; Reconstruction (right): Nipple tattoo Surgery Reconstruction (left): Fat grafting; Reconstruction (right): Fat grafting Hormonal Therapy Arimidex (anastrozole) Chemotherapy Cytoxan (cyclophosphamide), Ellence (epirubicin), Fluorouracil (5-fluorouracil, 5-FU, Adrucil), Taxotere (docetaxel) Surgery Reconstruction (left): DIEP flap Surgery Reconstruction (left): Fat grafting, Nipple reconstruction; Reconstruction (right): Fat grafting, Nipple reconstruction Surgery Reconstruction (left): DIEP flap; Reconstruction (right): DIEP flap Hormonal Therapy Faslodex (fulvestrant) Targeted Therapy Ibrance (palbociclib) Radiation Therapy Whole breast: Breast, Lymph nodes, Chest wall
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Mar 24, 2019 06:52PM Lynnwood1960 wrote:

Mae, in your pocket tomorrow!
Dx 4/6/2015, ILC, Right, 3cm, Stage IV, Grade 2, 0/12 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Targeted Therapy Ibrance (palbociclib)

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