Topic: My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer

Forum: Stage IV/Metastatic Breast Cancer, Open to All To Contribute — Topics here are started by members with a Stage IV/Metastatic Breast Cancer diagnosis, but open to all members to contribute to discussions. Please note that there is a separate forum, Stage IV/Metastatic Breast Cancer ONLY, where topics are open only to those members.

Posted on: Jul 6, 2017 08:38PM - edited Oct 28, 2019 12:42PM by micmel

Posted on: Jul 6, 2017 08:38PM - edited Oct 28, 2019 12:42PM by micmel

micmel wrote:

As I go through this forced path I have been thrown down, I have come to realize the love I have always had for my husband was strong. He is amazing and I love him with my very soul and entire heart. Never would I ever imagine the thought of dying and him being alone. Then the worst part hit me!! I can't seem to shake the horrible sorrow of thinking of another woman taking my place in his life and his heart, and if I Am honest his bed. He is my best friend and the love of my life, I would never need another for any reason. He makes my life complete, and then this happens. How do I process that I most likely won't be the one growing old on the porch that we have talked about, how do I process, someone else sitting in that chair? I hate this trajectory path I've been spun onto, and everyday I feel grief and deep sorrow. How do I live everyday knowing in the back of my mind, I feel like a place holder, for another woman who will be stepping into my life when I die of this horrible disease, more sooner than later. Why would I even want to take any medicines or treatments, when the answer is pretty obviously in front of my face.? Why do we fight so hard for something we cannot control ? Why do we hurt so badly thinking about letting go, or giving up? It's a four letter word that holds so much power. That word is LOVE..... If you have ever felt this way. Share with me, because I understand, I feel this way everyday. I also don't know what to do with the sadness of loss or how to process the process of dying. However slow or fast it may be. Please share your love stories with me, how did you meet? How long together? I want to know your stories, everyone has their person. Everyone loves.....tell me about your family, your friends, your life too, as if this was your living room. ♥️

We are team FU cancer (Named by Parry, our sweet sister) and this is our Lol pub and living room. Welcome, put your feet up and just be you!

Everyone has to dance, they just don’t know what song they will get. Dx 1/22/2016, IDC, Left, 4cm, Stage IV, metastasized to bone, Grade 2, 13/35 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2- Chemotherapy 2/10/2016 AC Surgery 6/21/2016 Lymph node removal; Lymph node removal (Left): Underarm/Axillary; Mastectomy; Mastectomy (Left) Chemotherapy 7/20/2016 Abraxane (albumin-bound or nab-paclitaxel) Targeted Therapy 11/7/2016 Ibrance (palbociclib) Surgery Chemotherapy Chemotherapy Hormonal Therapy Arimidex (anastrozole)
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Mar 26, 2019 08:20AM micmel wrote:

Santabarbarian~Good morning. Hope everything is shining bright in your world today. Little chilly here, don't really want to get out of bed honestly. But who does really It's nice to see you here ! Hugs to you friend ! ~M~

Everyone has to dance, they just don’t know what song they will get. Dx 1/22/2016, IDC, Left, 4cm, Stage IV, metastasized to bone, Grade 2, 13/35 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2- Chemotherapy 2/10/2016 AC Surgery 6/21/2016 Lymph node removal; Lymph node removal (Left): Underarm/Axillary; Mastectomy; Mastectomy (Left) Chemotherapy 7/20/2016 Abraxane (albumin-bound or nab-paclitaxel) Targeted Therapy 11/7/2016 Ibrance (palbociclib) Surgery Chemotherapy Chemotherapy Hormonal Therapy Arimidex (anastrozole)
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Mar 26, 2019 09:02AM rosie24 wrote:

Mae, So good to hear you’re stable!

Gumdoctor, Hoping like heck for your news to be good too!

Donna, The blooms are fabulous, and you look fabulous too! My sis just called after hiking in Joshua Tree and said the wildflowers are especially beautiful this year.

Micmel, Keep on keepin on, as they say. Really hoping you reach a better level soon.

I had an annoying conversation yesterday that has stuck in my head. I’ve made some great friends in my water exercise class who know about my slew of tests and diagnosis. As we stood around waiting for class, one asked if I’m going to have (traditional) chemo so I tried to explain the goal for MBC being stability not curative, that it may be down the line of treatments. Then we turned to which hospital system I’m at because most people here use one of two big systems. Then a know-it-all acquaintance-not-friend said, oh they’re more aggressive at the other place. Sure. They’d cure me while mine isn’t trying. I let it go, not wanting to waste my energy. But then I keep replaying the conversation in my mind over and over.
Dx 1/23/2019, DCIS/IDC, Left, 3cm, Stage IV, metastasized to liver, Grade 2, ER+/PR-, HER2- Hormonal Therapy 1/24/2019 Femara (letrozole) Targeted Therapy 1/24/2019 Ibrance (palbociclib) Surgery 12/4/2019 Lumpectomy; Lumpectomy (Left) Surgery 12/4/2019 Lymph node removal Radiation Therapy 3/18/2020 Whole breast
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Mar 26, 2019 09:04AM - edited Mar 26, 2019 09:04AM by rosie24

This Post was deleted by rosie24.
Dx 1/23/2019, DCIS/IDC, Left, 3cm, Stage IV, metastasized to liver, Grade 2, ER+/PR-, HER2- Hormonal Therapy 1/24/2019 Femara (letrozole) Targeted Therapy 1/24/2019 Ibrance (palbociclib) Surgery 12/4/2019 Lumpectomy; Lumpectomy (Left) Surgery 12/4/2019 Lymph node removal Radiation Therapy 3/18/2020 Whole breast
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Mar 26, 2019 09:12AM Lynnwood1960 wrote:

Micmel, I’m with you on the sun!! I can’t wait to see it again!! It teases us from time to time but I’m ready to see shine!!! I swear I feel so much better when the sun shines.

Dx 4/6/2015, ILC, Right, 3cm, Stage IV, Grade 2, 0/12 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Targeted Therapy Ibrance (palbociclib)
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Mar 26, 2019 09:36AM divinemrsm wrote:

Glorious superbloom, Donnabelle!

Rosie, re: the know-it-all-woman...grrrr. There’s a thread on this forum which I believe is called Bonfire of the Goddesses. Basically, you get to vent about any troubles or problems at all, no holds barred, and “toss”whatever you want into “the bonfire.” The first year of my diagnosis, I had horrible encounter with a Nurse Hatchett that left me quite upset, and I went on the Bonfire thread and described what she put me through. The next person replied to my post, writing: “Stand back. I am going to kick that bitch into the fire for you!” It is surprising how good that made me feel and I’ve never forgotten it. So I’m pushing the know-it-all into the bonfire for you!


found lump 12-22-10—ilc—er+/pr+/her2—stage iv bone mets—chemo~lumpectomy~radiation~arimidex—March 2019-ibrance/aromasin* —Sept 2019-verzenio* —March 2020-xeloda*
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Mar 26, 2019 10:08AM micmel wrote:

Hello Lovely ladies. The sun is finally shining. Wow. But it’s still chilly outside. I’m a sleepy bear today. I need a break from going out today. I’m hoping my step mother will be visiting today. It will be three days in a row for me , if I go today. I’m a little tired. I guess I’ll wait and see.

Hoping for all good results. You wonderful ladies are in my thoughts and heart always. Good people here for sure.

Much love ~M~

Everyone has to dance, they just don’t know what song they will get. Dx 1/22/2016, IDC, Left, 4cm, Stage IV, metastasized to bone, Grade 2, 13/35 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2- Chemotherapy 2/10/2016 AC Surgery 6/21/2016 Lymph node removal; Lymph node removal (Left): Underarm/Axillary; Mastectomy; Mastectomy (Left) Chemotherapy 7/20/2016 Abraxane (albumin-bound or nab-paclitaxel) Targeted Therapy 11/7/2016 Ibrance (palbociclib) Surgery Chemotherapy Chemotherapy Hormonal Therapy Arimidex (anastrozole)
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Mar 26, 2019 10:34AM Grannax2 wrote:

Sucess, long awaited sucess. My new MO and cancer center Rocks. I'm finally in the right place. Why did I wait so long to make this change?!?!

Efficiency, oh how I've missed you for two long years. My own portal, I've missed you too. Sometimes waiting two weeks to get a lab report. I already have two lab reports from yesterday. What a difference..

Okay, so I feel like I was lost and now am found, feels like home. She was very impressed that I was such a good historian that I could rattle off my whole BC, MBC history. She was writing it all down saying this is saving me so much time. It was all in my portal but to verbally give her my 27 year history to summarize for her was helpful. My children say I have a vault like memory, maybe that's a good thing.

The plan: PET on April 8, Appointment with MO April 11. This is the only part I was disappointed about. I thought in such a big cancer center I would be able to get in sooner for PET.So, I have over two weeks of scanxiety. Garr. But at least I'll be able to see it on my portal.

She says X might be what she puts me back on. That would be great. But, she was glad I had a wash out period so that I might be eligible for some clinical trials. She's going to check into that and let me know next visit.

Life is looking up for this MBCer. 💞

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Mar 26, 2019 11:10AM Donnabelle wrote:

Divine, what a funny story! Kick that bitch into the fire indeed!

Rosie, it does shock me sometimes that people are willing to offer their opinions even when they don’t have the knowledge to make a judgement. I have found that the vast majority of people that I talk with have no clue about MBC. They hear that there are good statistics about curing breast cancer and that is what sticks with them. A lot of times I just smile and nod my head. Too much to go into to educate everyone. I am convinced that even some close friends and family have an idea that I am on the road to a cure. It is exhausting to go into the whole story. I went to the dentist yesterday and even she asked me if I was close to the end of my treatment. Umm, no. I will be in treatment for as long as I live. On the tooth, she gave me an option of a filling that would last 3-5 years, or a crown. Haha, I told her the filling would be fine.

Donna

Dx 3/13/2013, IDC, Grade 3, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 4/10/2013 Mastectomy: Right Chemotherapy 5/6/2013 Cytoxan (cyclophosphamide), Taxotere (docetaxel) Hormonal Therapy 9/15/2013 Tamoxifen pills (Nolvadex, Apo-Tamox, Tamofen, Tamone) Dx 10/13/2017, Stage IV, metastasized to bone/liver/lungs, Grade 3, ER+/PR+, HER2- Chemotherapy 10/28/2017 Taxol (paclitaxel) Hormonal Therapy 1/5/2018 Faslodex (fulvestrant) Targeted Therapy 1/9/2018 Verzenio Chemotherapy 6/2/2018 Xeloda (capecitabine) Targeted Therapy 11/8/2018 Afinitor (everolimus) Chemotherapy 11/9/2018 Carboplatin (Paraplatin) Chemotherapy 3/29/2019 AC Chemotherapy 8/20/2019 Halaven (eribulin)
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Mar 26, 2019 01:21PM rosie24 wrote:

Divine, that’s hilarious!! I’m not one to literally wish that on anyone but for blowing off steam, sure! Thanks for having my back.

Donna, so true that people don’t understand what an MBC diagnosis really means. I admit that I don’t often come right out and say Stage 4, because I just don’t want the sad eyes, but I’m very open about it being metastatic and that it’s spread to other parts of my body. I’ve also had quite a few people tell me that I look good, so I guess they were expecting worse. That one I let go figuring they’re trying to be nice. Right now I’m actually feeling pretty normal, probably because I’m pretty new at it all.

Grannax, wow, that’s great you had such a good experience with your new MO. I hope your next appoint is just as good! (And that the wait goes fast for you)

Micmel, how is your day going? Maybe after the fireworks yesterday you need a day off from visiting. Sending you the best vibes and a burst of energy

Dx 1/23/2019, DCIS/IDC, Left, 3cm, Stage IV, metastasized to liver, Grade 2, ER+/PR-, HER2- Hormonal Therapy 1/24/2019 Femara (letrozole) Targeted Therapy 1/24/2019 Ibrance (palbociclib) Surgery 12/4/2019 Lumpectomy; Lumpectomy (Left) Surgery 12/4/2019 Lymph node removal Radiation Therapy 3/18/2020 Whole breast
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Mar 26, 2019 01:34PM tanya_djamila wrote:

congratulations Mae stable is wonderful

Gum doctor I’m happy you’re done and thanks for recognizing our skill set.

Rosie 24 I am not fond of know it all’s like that. Maybe she can go to that cancer place if she needs it in the future after she’s kicked into the bonfire. Thanks divine for that bonfire image. I’ve run into numerous know it alls they don’t stop flapping until you tell them something really rude and salty.

My insurance company oncology nurse called me this morning to go over what services are available and also standards of care. She gave me this website NCCN.org and it’s a website where we can see if our doctors are meeting the agreed upon standards of care. That website is not affiliated with my insurance. Also she told me that “cancer centers of excellence”, is also a listing which allows us to see what the top centers are.

With all that said where I go is not a center of excellence but I am happy with the care and rapport I have. They have referred me twice for surgery at the excellent center.

Donnabelle your picture is wonderful. Sunny here in FL and the mosquitoes are biting too.

Grannax thank God thongs are moving forward and you’ve found efficiency in your new place of healing.

Micmel your father sounds like all the elder folk in hospitals. I’m sure Lynnwood could share some stories about them.

I think Parry said she was going on a trip with her sister/visit.

Welcome santabarbarian. Looking forward to getting to know you.

Hi dorimak and Runor.

Hello everyone else. Yesterday I took a spontaneous trip to the beach with my grandchildren.


Tanya Dx 8/19/2003, ILC, Right, 6cm+, Stage IIIA, metastasized to bone/other, 28/28 nodes, ER+, HER2- Dx 4/19/2017, Stage IV, metastasized to bone/other, 0/0 nodes, ER+, HER2- Hormonal Therapy 6/20/2017 Faslodex (fulvestrant)

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