Posted on: Jul 6, 2017 05:38PM - edited Oct 28, 2019 09:42AM by micmel
Posted on: Jul 6, 2017 05:38PM - edited Oct 28, 2019 09:42AM by micmel
micmel wrote:
As I go through this forced path I have been thrown down, I have come to realize the love I have always had for my husband was strong. He is amazing and I love him with my very soul and entire heart. Never would I ever imagine the thought of dying and him being alone. Then the worst part hit me!! I can't seem to shake the horrible sorrow of thinking of another woman taking my place in his life and his heart, and if I Am honest his bed. He is my best friend and the love of my life, I would never need another for any reason. He makes my life complete, and then this happens. How do I process that I most likely won't be the one growing old on the porch that we have talked about, how do I process, someone else sitting in that chair? I hate this trajectory path I've been spun onto, and everyday I feel grief and deep sorrow. How do I live everyday knowing in the back of my mind, I feel like a place holder, for another woman who will be stepping into my life when I die of this horrible disease, more sooner than later. Why would I even want to take any medicines or treatments, when the answer is pretty obviously in front of my face.? Why do we fight so hard for something we cannot control ? Why do we hurt so badly thinking about letting go, or giving up? It's a four letter word that holds so much power. That word is LOVE..... If you have ever felt this way. Share with me, because I understand, I feel this way everyday. I also don't know what to do with the sadness of loss or how to process the process of dying. However slow or fast it may be. Please share your love stories with me, how did you meet? How long together? I want to know your stories, everyone has their person. Everyone loves.....tell me about your family, your friends, your life too, as if this was your living room. ♥️
We are team FU cancer (Named by Parry, our sweet sister) and this is our Lol pub and living room. Welcome, put your feet up and just be you!
Mar 26, 2019 10:37AM tanya_djamila wrote:
Mar 26, 2019 11:10AM Lynnwood1960 wrote:
Tanya, great photos!!! Nothing like a trip to the beach to soothe my soul. I love seeing the sunshine and the happiness in your pictures. Just looking at them makes me feel good. Thanks so much for sharing
Mar 26, 2019 12:41PM MuddlingThrough wrote:
Tanya, thank you for the beach pictures. Sitting here with cold temps, wishing I could be at a warm beach!
Micmel, glad your dad calmed down with the drink. You said "ginger ale and bourbon". Never tried that combo, but maybe I will.
Grannax, yay. Fingers crossed for everything coming along in the next few weeks.
Mae! So happy to hear stable.
Donna, that's a pretty picture of you and the flowers.
A weird story about me. Night before last I thought there was a chance I was dying (physical stuff I don't need to go into). Obviously I didn't but during the night I was concerned and a little scared. I decided not to wake up my husband and I was actually relieved if that had turned out to have been my time. Still, I'm okay to still be here today.
Mar 26, 2019 01:45PM micmel wrote:
Grannax~Hallelujah on finding that new MO. A portal means everything to us patients for sure! I’m so pleased for you. It must be a weight off of your shoulders. You deserve great care.
Rosie~ I definitely was too exhausted to visit today. I slept all afternoon. From 12–4. I am just worn out. All that emotional stuff wore me out. I can’t get upset like that. It really isn’t good for me at all. I feel like crap today for sure. I’m resting today for sure. Good advice!
Tanya~ that grandson looks so happy to be on that beach. How special that is. I wanted to tell you that pic with looking out into the ocean. It’s magnificent. Quite gorgeous in fact . Whoever took that must have had a heck of a special moment. Wow beautiful!
Lynnwood~ the Sun! 🌞🌞😜wow And I slept all day long but oh well I obviously needed it badly. I Made sure my stepmother was going tonight I can’t hack everyday and I honestly don’t want to fight with him That’s sooo draining . I agree with Tanya, the elderly can be very angry and irritated a lot! It was eye opening for sure But I saw some hidden strength in him He was going to get up , he wasn’t kidding , have you dealt with this?
Muddling~ I know I’m VERY thankful you’re here today my goodness, that’s a scary thing to feel and process in your mind. I guess deep down we kinda know. I’m bracing myself for progression this scan, like I do every month. It is not until May, but I’m still watching the blocks on the calendar everyday marking them off subconsciously... it’s a shit. Stew... but your sisters love you
Mar 26, 2019 01:50PM illimae wrote:
grannax, congrats on the new MO!
Donna/Rosie, I’ve the people that don’t get MBC either. Today is stopped by the office (been on sick leave since August) and everyone thinks I’m in remission because I have hair again. I only explain to those who care.
Great pics Tanya 😀
Thanks for the well wishes, hello to all.
Mar 26, 2019 05:51PM - edited Mar 26, 2019 05:54PM by micmel
Murphy's law checking in!! Had such a nice restful day. My step mother visited with my dad so I was having a day off. I was sitting there drinking water like everyday. It went down the wrong hole. I started to choke on the water. Then I started to throw up from choking. Since I only have one lung. I didn't have enough oxygen to get a breath in to cough the water out of my system. So I choked more. I was alone.. I started to get dizzy.. and the fuzzies started in my eye sight area. I was passing out.
The last thing I remember was feeling an odd gastric feeling of pain and a sour stomach and taste. Turns out I have aspirated fluids and particles into my bad lung and I am being observed for possible complications for my breathing and pneumonia developing. Good thing is I'm already on antibiotics. Bad thing is. The pain is off the charts. My chest is raw and hurts and burns. I have never had this happen before. I have to sleep upright tonight because of the fear of it trying to drain while sleeping. Which I could choke all over again. I'm trying to cough it out. My poor chest and stomach. Looks like if I can't get it out myself. I go Tomorrow and have an X-ray and see what happens next. Any experiences with this. Would be awesome. Lynnwood?? ! 😞I've read people can die from this. It's always something !
Hope all is well. With all. Much love !
I'm afraid to go to sleep. I don't want to choke!
Mar 26, 2019 05:59PM tanya_djamila wrote:
Micmel sounds awful. I had no idea that anything like that could happen. Did you tell your DH?
Please call Onc emerg services or for help emergency style if you need it. That’s really dangerous aspirating into your lung.
Don’t be a hero tonight.
Tanya
Mar 26, 2019 06:48PM micmel wrote:
Yeah quite scary. I’m
Not enjoying it at all!! Thanks for caring.
Hope all is well with you and your wonderful family. Love those pics!! ~M~
Mar 26, 2019 07:10PM JoE777 wrote:
Well Ladies, tomorrow is my 4 month pet/ct scan - cap to mid thigh. Always a little nervous but I've been on a kisqali break since December so we'll see if letrozole can hold the line. Looking for Texas size pockets
Mar 26, 2019 07:17PM Gumdoctor wrote:
Jo - Will be there with you.
Gumdoctor
