I just cannot get it out of my head that my battle is not over. I know this is crazy, I acknowledge that it is not healthy. My psychiatrist knows I am having a hard time moving on.
I still go for full checkups every three months and every three months there's OF COURSE the relief that everything looks good, but there's always a small bit of frustration maybe, I don't know how to describe it, that I have to continue to wait longer for round two.
I was diagnosed at 46, almost 47. My mom was the only other person I know that battled cancer(and lost) and in my head this is how this goes. She was diagnosed at Stage IV with brain Mets at the age of 52 and she passed away 2 years later at 54.I am now 50.
In addition to cancer, I have struggled my entire life weigh my weight and am morbidly obese.
Since December I have lost 46 lbs. literally with zero effort and no exercise at all. In fact I just had Lumbar nerve ablation the end of July because I was in so much pain I just moved when I had to..from car to chair, chair to chair etc.
Now here I am wondering WTF is going on. I am half excited at this weight loss, it's the most weight I have ever lost in my life, otherwise I feel fine.... now I am upset that I basically “wished"(?) Myself into a met, recurrence, secondary cancer. Ugh.
The mental struggle is very very real. Yes I am medicated :) it's just hard. Being the daughter of a stage IV and only knowing that pattern and then being diagnosed yourself. It's just so hard.
Anybody have any experience with any of this? The unexplained weight loss with no other obvious symptoms? The mental struggle of thinking it's not over or focusing more on somebody else's battle and thinking that is how your battle will go as well? Ugh.
2/3/2017, IDC, Right, 4cm, Stage IIB, Grade 3, 2/3 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-
2/22/2017 Lumpectomy: Right; Lymph node removal: Sentinel, Underarm/Axillary
3/28/2017 Cytoxan (cyclophosphamide), Taxotere (docetaxel)
6/26/2017 Whole-breast: Breast, Lymph nodes
9/13/2017 Femara (letrozole)
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