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Topic: Need feedback on how to navigate holiday social events

Forum: All things COVID-19 or coronavirus —

A place to discuss the impact of COVID-19 (Coronavirus) on you and the ones you love.

Posted on: Aug 28, 2020 10:26AM

Moderators wrote:

Hey All,

Can you tell us how you are you feeling about the upcoming holiday season considering the persisting limitations posted by COVID-19? Are you struggling with whether or not you should be visiting with family during the holidays?

Our editorial team is developing an article about what's on our community members' minds as the holidays approach.

We'd love to hear your thoughts and insights!

Thank you!

The Mods

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Aug 28, 2020 10:40AM moth wrote:

As an immumocompromised person I'm continuing to avoid indoor gatherings with anyone not in my quarantine bubble. Two guests visiting outdoors on a spacious deck with 2m+ distancing is what we have done to date and that's the plan for any holidays, esp as the actice case numbers have risen a bit since phase 2 opening. I am particularly concerned about asymptomatic carriers.

I expect the cooler weather and school opening to further drive case numbers up. Canadian thanksgiving comes early so our American friends can see how it goes for all of us here
I take weekends off

Initial dx at 50. Seriously?? “Sometimes the future changes quickly and completely and we’re left with only the choice of what to do next." blog: Never Tell Me the Odds

Dx 12/2017, IDC, Left, 1cm, Stage IA, Grade 3, 0/5 nodes, ER-/PR-, HER2- (IHC) Surgery 12/12/2017 Lumpectomy: Left; Lymph node removal: Sentinel Chemotherapy 2/14/2018 AC + T (Taxol) Radiation Therapy 8/13/2018 Whole-breast: Breast Dx 2/2020, IDC, Stage IV, metastasized to liver/lungs, Grade 3, ER-/PR-, HER2- Chemotherapy 3/18/2020 Taxol (paclitaxel) Immunotherapy 3/19/2020 Tecentriq (atezolizumab) Chemotherapy 11/26/2020 Abraxane (albumin-bound or nab-paclitaxel) Dx 12/9/2020, IDC, Right, Stage IV, metastasized to lungs, Grade 3, ER+/PR-, HER2- (IHC) Radiation Therapy 12/9/2020 External Hormonal Therapy 12/16/2020 Femara (letrozole) Dx 1/28/2021, IDC, Left, Stage IV, metastasized to bone Radiation Therapy 3/3/2021 External: Bone
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Aug 28, 2020 11:07AM ctmbsikia wrote:

I'm already dreading the holidays, and yes covid restrictions just piles it on top. I think many traditions will be broken this year. Should my younger brother decide to have Thanksgiving as he always does, I may go. But, if it's going to be a house full, I may not. He's all over the covid though. My sister in law is food service director for a retirement home for nuns so they have been practically living in a bubble. I haven't seen them in months. I'm not sure at this time what they will decide to do.

I'm leaving town the day after Christmas, rented a beach house and staying the week with my kids, maybe a few guests but no more than 4. It will be like I'm moving. Part of the regulations in that state say I need to bring all my own linens, pillows, blankets, or for an extra fee there's a service in town that would do it.

Dx 12/14/2017, DCIS/IDC, Left, 4cm, Stage IIB, Grade 2, 1/2 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Dx 1/16/2018, LCIS, Right Surgery 1/31/2018 Lumpectomy: Left; Lymph node removal: Sentinel Radiation Therapy 4/11/2018 Whole-breast: Breast Hormonal Therapy 6/25/2018 Arimidex (anastrozole)
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Aug 28, 2020 12:59PM Betrayal wrote:

As much as I would like to celebrate Thanksgiving with my children and grandchildren, it probably will not happen this year. My DS usually sponsors Thanksgiving for the entire family with everyone bringing an assigned dish or two and we have designated Christmas days (between his in-laws and us) which most likely won't happen either. I am at higher risk due to age, AI I am taking, plus RA meds which lower my immunity. My grandchildren are in the age groups where they are considered to be possible asymptomatic carriers. So I see them from a distance but miss their hugs and kisses tremendously.

The year I was diagnosed was the last year I could bring myself to go all out with decorating for Christmas which had been my favorite holiday. Now I find December to be anxiety producing due to BC and the death of my Dad years before (from which I had recovered). The BC diagnosis was several days before Christmas, cruelly delivered and I am unable to not relive the traumas I suffered then. Yes, I did seek professional help and it was not helpful. So the best I can do is try to avoid the triggers and I was enjoying the decorations at others homes. We do luminarias in the neighborhood so I do enjoy doing that and taking a ride to see all the participating neighbors homes.

It's sad because I do not know how many years I have left and that is the worm niggling in my brain.

Surgery 1/31/2016 Lumpectomy: Left Surgery 1/31/2016 Lymph node removal: Sentinel Surgery 3/3/2016 Lumpectomy: Left Radiation Therapy 3/30/2016 Whole-breast: Breast Hormonal Therapy 6/24/2016 Arimidex (anastrozole) Hormonal Therapy 5/18/2017 Femara (letrozole) Hormonal Therapy 6/15/2020 Aromasin (exemestane)
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Aug 28, 2020 04:01PM MountainMia wrote:

I'm not struggling as honestly I haven't thought about it at all. I was diagnosed and treated in 2019. The holidays (Thanksgiving and Christmas) were super important to me then, but were a pretty mixed bag as to how they actually turned out. Ultimately they brought far more grief than happiness, though there was some of that, too. This year I have even fewer expectations than I usually do about them, other than I expect if we see anyone in person at all, it might be our nearby daughter and maybe her 2 kids.


The rain comes and the rain goes, but the mountain remains. I am the mountain.
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Aug 28, 2020 05:52PM nopink2019 wrote:

  • Grew up in small family and never had kids so holidays were mostly at someone else's house. I just brought food and gifts and showed up. Holidays have always been afterthought or pain in the butt to me anyway. Don't plan on leaving my bubble until COVID is under control. There are so many things that I used to do and can't now due to extreme fatigue and/or COVID (ski, hike, camp, travel, lift weights, host parties for 20). Holiday celebrations are WAY down on my list of things I'm not doing.
Dx 2008, IDC, Stage IA, Grade 3, ER+/PR-, HER2- Dx 2019, Stage IV, metastasized to bone/liver/lungs, ER+/PR-, HER2- Chemotherapy 8/22/2019 Taxotere (docetaxel) Chemotherapy 9/12/2019 Xeloda (capecitabine) Targeted Therapy 11/8/2019 Kisqali Hormonal Therapy 11/8/2019 Faslodex (fulvestrant) Targeted Therapy 5/10/2021 Afinitor (everolimus) Hormonal Therapy 5/10/2021 Aromasin (exemestane) Chemotherapy 11/14/2021 Xeloda (capecitabine)
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Aug 29, 2020 03:46PM bcincolorado wrote:

We used to have a huge get together with family (about 14 of us) but since husband is a transplant patient this year imagine we'll be home and see no one like always it seems. Depressing since we only get see some of them once or twice a year anyway.

Dx 8/2009, IDC, Left, 5cm, Stage IIA, Grade 1, 0/2 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 1/7/2010 Lumpectomy: Left; Lymph node removal: Left Hormonal Therapy 1/15/2010 Tamoxifen pills (Nolvadex, Apo-Tamox, Tamofen, Tamone) Hormonal Therapy 1/30/2016 Femara (letrozole)
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Aug 29, 2020 04:27PM - edited Aug 29, 2020 11:09PM by MinusTwo

I will not leave my "bubble" either. The one BFF that I always celebrated with died 15 years ago. And the one SIL I used to celebrate with is also gone - so no big Christmas gatherings in quite some time. My son always works over the holidays and they live several states away so we rarely get together at holidays. Not to mention that they are vegetarians so no turkeys in sight.

They don't have children and they recently bought a house, so I'll send them gift cards to places that will be useful - like Home Depot & Costco & Total Wine. I agreed with my three nieces and nephews a couple of years ago - no presents. I only send small presents for the kids to open. We all have too much stuff anyway. Otherwise each family gets one edible gift - like oranges or pears or sourdough bread or pecan nuts. I've been spending holidays alone for a long time and that's OK with me. People call that I haven't visited with in awhile & I can dive into a book I've held back. I'm not at all lonely, although I miss the plethora of different foods that large gatherings provide.

Interesting note - one of my best birthdays was when no one could join me. (maybe 40??) I cooked a pork roast (when they used to have fat on them) and had a wonderful time eating right off the entire roast on my plate.

Are any of our lives like we all supposed it would turn out when we were little & dreaming of the future? No, who ever suspected breast cancer?? But life's been rich many different ways.

2/15/11 BMX-DCIS 2SNB clear-TEs; 9/15/11-410gummies; 3/20/13 recurrance-5.5cm,mets to lymphs, Stage IIIB IDC ER/PRneg,HER2+; TCH/Perjeta/Neulasta x6; ALND 9/24/13 1/18 nodes 4.5cm; AC chemo 10/30/13 x3; herceptin again; Rads Feb2014
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Aug 30, 2020 02:50AM Super66 wrote:

2020 holiday season is a wonderful time for all of us immunocompromised lovelies to celebrate in our home bubble and with our family virtually. Unfortunately with cancer and all the fun it is and all that it’s done plus I also have lupus so I’m a bonus I’m not going anywhere. It is hopefully one year and being cautious and protective of our beautiful selves during this time in our world of strife will protect and keep us around for future holidays!! What are we fighting for if not a future

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Aug 30, 2020 05:22PM Simsarama22 wrote:

I’m definitely concerned about the holidays. For some family Lowe have a system where everyone gets tested, then quarantines and then gathers so we minimize possible COVID-19 risk of infection. For any travel, I check my blood work and message my doctors (both oncology and palliative care) to see if I’m ok to see others. Lately my white blood count is fine, just RDW is a little high and platelets are low so they don’t see an issue. They say it’s fine if I can maintain distance.

This brings up my other family members, who aren’t taking the virus seriously and claim they are being careful when I ask so we will visit, but I find out they aren’t wearing masks, distancing, or really believe the health officials about the risks. While I feel bad my children can’t have the holiday celebrations full of tons of family that I had, I can’t take that kind of risk so as long as there’s no vaccine, we will be staying away from them.

While I can be honest with the family that is honest with me and willing to take all precautions, for the others, I just don’t bring up holidays or change the subject. When it gets closer, as with birthdays over the summer, I’ll just tell them I can’t take the risk with my health and offer to set up a video call.

Acceptance is key in all this. In the past, this would have really upset me, especially when it involved my mom (who is part of the second family group I mentioned). Now, I’ve learned to accept them all for who they are, love them anyway, but prioritize myself and my children no matter what. I’m reading this book, Untamed, and she says that it’s more important to make sure you aren’t disappointing yourself than avoid disappointing others at your expense. After 43 years, I’ve finally gotten there (or at least have started to...the holidays will be a great test of putting myself first)

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Aug 30, 2020 09:22PM illimae wrote:

It’s just DH and me and we aren’t big on holidays but when we do have a gathering it’s usually limited to a few couples. This year we may celebrate with one or two couples but only if they’ve been living cautiously themselves.

Diagnosed at 41 Stage IV De Novo Dx 11/16/2016, IDC, Left, 5cm, Stage IV, metastasized to bone, Grade 3, 3/13 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2+ (IHC) Chemotherapy 1/1/2017 Abraxane (albumin-bound or nab-paclitaxel) Targeted Therapy 1/1/2017 Herceptin (trastuzumab) Targeted Therapy 1/1/2017 Perjeta (pertuzumab) Surgery 6/26/2017 Lumpectomy: Left; Lymph node removal: Underarm/Axillary Radiation Therapy 8/10/2017 Breast, Lymph nodes Dx 10/5/2017, IDC, Left, 5cm, Stage IV, metastasized to brain, Grade 3, 3/13 nodes, ER+, HER2+ (IHC) Radiation Therapy 10/19/2017 External: Brain Radiation Therapy 4/18/2018 External: Brain Radiation Therapy 5/22/2019 External: Brain Surgery 1/21/2020 Radiation Therapy 2/16/2020 External: Brain Radiation Therapy 7/20/2020 External: Bone Radiation Therapy 12/4/2020 External: Brain Hormonal Therapy Tamoxifen pills (Nolvadex, Apo-Tamox, Tamofen, Tamone) Targeted Therapy Tukysa (tucatinib) Chemotherapy Xeloda (capecitabine)
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Aug 31, 2020 12:43AM - edited Aug 31, 2020 12:44AM by AliceBastable

My husband's huge family has had their big annual get-together on the Sunday of Labor Day weekend, usually a fish fry, occasionally a barbeque if no-one has gone fishing. It's always a lot of fun, and this will be our first year of not having one in decades. We used to do Thanksgiving at different houses each year, but the family got too large for an indoor-only event. Hubby's siblings & partners have an early Christmas each year, but it probably won't happen this year. It's a shame since we're all getting older, about half in our 70s now.

My family consists of me, Hubby, our grown son, my sister, her two grown kids and their partners and the children of one of them. Eight adults and two or three kids, depending on custody arrangements. Somehow, we haven't been able to get together anytime between Thanksgiving and New Years, although we all live within about ten miles of each other. Apparently it's just too HAAAARRD for them. I haven't seen my sister in two years and the others in about two and a half. The last two years, Hubby, son, and I did a picnic on Thanksgiving, and had a nice, quiet, low-key Christmas at home. We've made our own new traditions.

Endometrial cancer 2010, basal cell multiples, breast cancer 2018, kidney cancer 2018. Boring. Hope it stays that way. Dx 5/2018, ILC, Left, 2cm, Stage IA, Grade 1, 1/1 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 7/10/2018 Lumpectomy: Left; Lymph node removal: Sentinel Surgery 8/7/2018 Radiation Therapy 10/28/2018 Whole-breast: Breast, Lymph nodes
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Sep 1, 2020 05:58PM - edited Sep 1, 2020 06:03PM by Seilien

i have a social obligation to be at all holidays as i am the only reason my family and my in laws choose to get together. I've been sick for the last few years so I am sure the same joke that all major holidays is supposed to be pass to the eldest sons family (my husband) will be made and someone will make a off handed joke about why we can't. I will say because I don't want that responsibility and my brotherinlaw will say it is due to the cancer. I honestly dread the holidays, my family and my in laws are just the worst and they can't read the room( racial difference). I will probably lock myself in a room until its time to eat and go home. People constantly come and see me right now because I'm sick so i don't think I'll mind in a few months. Everyone wears masks everywhere here

Dx 7/30/2018, Right, Stage IV, metastasized to brain, ER+/PR-, HER2+ Radiation Therapy 5/31/2019 Whole-breast: Breast, Brain Surgery 11/21/2019 Reconstruction (right): Tissue expander placement Chemotherapy 7/27/2020 Xeloda (capecitabine) Surgery 8/27/2020 Reconstruction (left)
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Sep 13, 2020 08:23PM 2019whatayear wrote:

It will just be me, the hubs and our 3 kids. I'm already planning how to do my shopping and baking so we can do contactless drop offs for local family and friends and mailing of packages to far away family. I have always loved the holiday season and this year I'm going to savor it and enjoy it even though it can't be what I imagined for my first post cancer treatment fall/winter.

5/6/2019 IDC 2cm, micromet 1/9 nodes, BRCA2+, ER+, PR+, HER- BMX 6/2019, A/C & Taxol 2019, Radiation, BSO - preventative 2/2020, Letrozole 3/1/2020, Started Lynparza for 1 year preventative on 7/18/2021
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Sep 15, 2020 08:33PM Cloudygarden wrote:

I am looking forward to the holidays. I plan to spend them with our small family group in our social distancing bubble, our son, daughter-in-law, and two year old granddaughter. We will spend time at our house & their house, cooking turkey & holiday recipes, watching fun cheerful movies, and taking long walks. We plan to drop off food donations to our local food bank and homeless shelter. We miss our extended family & church but will continue to stay safe. We will Face Time & talk to family on the phone. I am pen pals with my sisters & grandkids which is fun! I also plan to count my many blessings including being a breast cancer survivor since 1999, including two relapses. Take care, stay safe! Hugs & regards to all my BC sisters.

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Sep 17, 2020 09:59AM JTRN wrote:

I have stage 4 breast cancer metastasized to the bones, it's a terminal diagnosis. As a registered nurse I fully understand the risks associated with COVID, I know statistically if I get infected I'm likely to not survive. However, I have a 2 yr old and a 5yr old and I want them to have as normal a life as possible, and it's especially important to me that we make as many happy memories as possible while I'm here with them. We will likely not travel to visit our family but instead just have my parents stay with us and visit the few friends we have kept within our social circle. We will be sure to participate in outdoor activities, like parades and, if not cancelled, our outdoor Christmas village. It won't be the same as a big family holiday celebration down south but it will be fun, and most importantly it will be safer for us. And thankfully we will be able to video chat with family and friends far away.

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Sep 17, 2020 11:00AM moth wrote:

Hi JTRN, since it's your 1st post just wanted to quickly welcome you to the boards. Sorry to hear about your st4 dx. Come visit with us on the stage 4 subforums. There's an active bone mets thread.

Your holiday plans sound great

I take weekends off

Initial dx at 50. Seriously?? “Sometimes the future changes quickly and completely and we’re left with only the choice of what to do next." blog: Never Tell Me the Odds

Dx 12/2017, IDC, Left, 1cm, Stage IA, Grade 3, 0/5 nodes, ER-/PR-, HER2- (IHC) Surgery 12/12/2017 Lumpectomy: Left; Lymph node removal: Sentinel Chemotherapy 2/14/2018 AC + T (Taxol) Radiation Therapy 8/13/2018 Whole-breast: Breast Dx 2/2020, IDC, Stage IV, metastasized to liver/lungs, Grade 3, ER-/PR-, HER2- Chemotherapy 3/18/2020 Taxol (paclitaxel) Immunotherapy 3/19/2020 Tecentriq (atezolizumab) Chemotherapy 11/26/2020 Abraxane (albumin-bound or nab-paclitaxel) Dx 12/9/2020, IDC, Right, Stage IV, metastasized to lungs, Grade 3, ER+/PR-, HER2- (IHC) Radiation Therapy 12/9/2020 External Hormonal Therapy 12/16/2020 Femara (letrozole) Dx 1/28/2021, IDC, Left, Stage IV, metastasized to bone Radiation Therapy 3/3/2021 External: Bone
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Sep 19, 2020 09:03AM SarahSmilesatMe wrote:

I think I have a Thanksgiving plan. There are 7 of us... daughter and son-in-law are in public service jobs so they are constantly exposed to COVID. Grandkids are 6 and 13. We’re going to plan a “first Thanksgiving” outdoor lunch. Since it will be weather dependent, it may not actually be on Thanksgiving Day, but, oh well. (We normally have Thanksgiving dinner, but since it’ll be outside, temps will be warmer at lunch time). I’m thinking large, outdoor, portable tables decorated with pilgrim hats, corn, and maybe hand warmers (we’re in VA, so it may be warm or cold!). Turkey already sliced and any hot vegetables in a thermos or two. (I’ll figure something out). Plan B is Thanksgiving in the garage with the garage door open, chairs spaced appropriately, a portable heater, and balancing your plate on your lap.

Christmas is harder. DH and I will skip the daughter’s large, combined family Christmas Eve party. We usually go to their house on Christmas morning to see what Santa left and to have breakfast. I love that but will probably miss it. Christmas dinner (usually at our house) may be a garage event also with the door open. May be the first time ever I “decorate” the garage a bit. I just don’t know...

Dx 6/2019, IDC, Left, 1cm, Stage IA, Grade 3, 0/6 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2- (FISH)
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Sep 19, 2020 11:52AM Nsbrown54 wrote:

Thanksgiving is the big get together for our immediate and extended family. Unfortunately, with cancer, chemo and covid, my husband and I will just do a simple holiday alone. I’ll order a cooked turkey and fixings from our local grocery. We’ll probably video chat with family. It won’t be the same but it’s best to be safe.

Dx 6/16/2020, IDC, Right, 6cm+, Stage IIB, ER+/PR+, HER2+ Chemotherapy 6/28/2020 Carboplatin (Paraplatin), Taxotere (docetaxel) Surgery 11/18/2020 Mastectomy Targeted Therapy 1/4/2021 Herceptin (trastuzumab) Targeted Therapy 1/25/2021 Perjeta (pertuzumab) Hormonal Therapy 6/1/2021 Arimidex (anastrozole)
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Sep 19, 2020 12:21PM Moderators wrote:

How difficult these times are for so many. Fabulous that we have technology to help keep us together.

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Sep 19, 2020 03:39PM flashlight wrote:

We are going to celebrate the holidays, the same as last year, with just our immediate family. We hope to have some sense of normality especially for my grandson. I always host and look forward to having a simple celebration with my family.

Dx 11/15/2018, IDC, Left, 1cm, Stage IA, Grade 2, 0/1 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2- Dx DCIS, Left, <1cm, Stage 0, Grade 1, 0/1 nodes Radiation Therapy Whole-breast Hormonal Therapy Tamoxifen pills (Nolvadex, Apo-Tamox, Tamofen, Tamone) Surgery Lumpectomy: Left
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Nov 5, 2020 10:25AM - edited Nov 13, 2020 01:30PM by Moderators

We're inviting you to sign up for Real Talk: Holidays Are Hard — Managing Cancer, COVID, and Seasonal Blues on Nov 19 at 4:00 PM ET. Whether you're concerned about loneliness, separation from family, or getting people to understand your needs, experts will answer your questions and discuss ideas for getting through the seasonal blues. Attendee names will be private during the webinar, and everyone who registers will receive a video recording.


To send a Private Message to the Mods: community.breastcancer.org/mem...
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Nov 24, 2020 09:40AM Moderators wrote:

Hello All,

Here is a link to our webinar from last week on Managing Cancer, COVID, and Seasonal Blues.


To send a Private Message to the Mods: community.breastcancer.org/mem...
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Nov 24, 2020 12:20PM MountainMia wrote:

I hope the people celebrating with just "immediate family" know for sure that those people have had no covid exposure in the last couple of weeks. The recommendations for lowest risk now are to celebrate with your immediate household, or only the people you already live with. Here is the link to the CDC:

https://www.cdc.gov/coronavirus/2019-ncov/daily-li...

My husband and I will be home for Thanksgiving. Our adult daughter, who has already had covid, will join us. Even though she presumably won't be contagious, we will keep our distance. The restrictions are tiring and seem never-ending, but they will end soonest and with the fewest casualties if people would just "sacrifice" their own desires for a bit longer. No need to turn Thanksgiving or Christmas into "it was only my immediate family" superspreader events.

The rain comes and the rain goes, but the mountain remains. I am the mountain.
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Nov 25, 2020 10:35AM Poppy_90 wrote:

As a relative newbie, I was hoping for some advice. With the start of the holiday season, I find the emotions of treatment have gotten even stronger. Silly things make me cry, and I was never a cryer before this year. Sometimes I’m flooded by nostalgia, sometimes with such a feeling of gratefulness, and sometimes I just want to hide in my bed with the covers over my head with my dog.

I think this is a combination of the end of treatment coming, which is scarier than I would’ve imagined since I’ve been in a cocoon of medical care for 10 months and the sentimentality of the holidays. Plus, let’s add this year. 2020 has been a challenge for us all.

I’m just looking for any feedback on if others have felt or are feeling this andand how they’ve managed. Also, I just want to say thank you. I don’t post much, but have found so much strength and inspiration from you all on this board. I’m really grateful to you all. Thank you!

Dx 5/1/2020, IDC, Right, 2cm, ER-/PR-, HER2- Chemotherapy 5/28/2020 AC + T (Taxol) Surgery 10/4/2020 Lumpectomy: Right Radiation Therapy 11/4/2020 Breast
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Nov 25, 2020 11:26AM keepthefaith wrote:

I have been out of treatment for several yrs, but the anxiety of the COVID has taken it's toll for sure. I told my DD I will be a Reclusive, hoarding germo-phobe before it's all over! Lol. I live alone and I am not a social butterfly by any means. I do miss my outings and lunches, shopping trips with my few close friends. The worst for me is not being able to have my grandkids spend the night, hang out, etc. I have 6 and I miss them dearly. I have been in self-isolation for the past 10 days so I can spend TG with my DS, DIL and their 2 kids. They work from home and home-school, they curbside shop and don't have friends over. My DD and her family live a bit further away, but SIL sees patients all day and oldest GS is in person school. The younger kids play with neighbors often. I hate that I can't be with them also, as, normally we would all get together at one place. I have no idea what C-mas will be like. I will probably isolate again and go to my sons'. Maybe take gifts to my DD's and have them open them in the garage while I sit in my car. I don't know, but I am thankful that the end is in sight and hopefully this is a one time thing this yr. I hope you all can make the best of things and have hope for the future.

Kristen, sorry you are going through this, esp right now. I can only say that you need to take it one day, sometimes one minute at a time. Know that you will get to the other side, but nobody can do it for you. You are stronger than you think. Some days will be easier than others. I took long walks, read and journaled. It might be a good time to take up a new creative activity! It's nice that you have a furry friend to hold on to!:) Pretty soon it will be in your rearview mirror and you will be able to reciprocate! ((HUGS))

Dx 9/17/2013, IDC, 1cm, Stage IA, Grade 2, 0/3 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 10/17/2013 Lumpectomy: Right; Lymph node removal: Right, Sentinel Chemotherapy 12/2/2013 Cytoxan (cyclophosphamide), Taxotere (docetaxel) Chemotherapy 12/25/2013 Cytoxan (cyclophosphamide), Taxotere (docetaxel) Chemotherapy 1/15/2014 Cytoxan (cyclophosphamide), Taxotere (docetaxel) Chemotherapy 2/10/2014 Cytoxan (cyclophosphamide), Taxotere (docetaxel) Radiation Therapy 3/31/2014 Breast Hormonal Therapy 5/22/2014
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Nov 25, 2020 11:42AM Poppy_90 wrote:

Keep the faith—thank you so much. It’s so nice to connect with someone who understands. Thank you for the great ideas. Walking every day has helped me a lot, but I love your other ideas. I’m so excited for this weekend. I have four days with no work and no treatment. I’m planning on a lot of naps. :) I wonder sometimes if working through chemo and radiation may have worn me down more than I realize and if once I hit the end of treatment i might stop being so emotional. Thanks for connecting and wishing you a truly wonderful thanksgiving. It sounds like you have the prefect plan set—enjoy!

Dx 5/1/2020, IDC, Right, 2cm, ER-/PR-, HER2- Chemotherapy 5/28/2020 AC + T (Taxol) Surgery 10/4/2020 Lumpectomy: Right Radiation Therapy 11/4/2020 Breast
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Nov 25, 2020 01:05PM MountainMia wrote:

Kristen, yes, the surgery, chemo, radiation are all exhausting, and that doesn't even include the mental/emotional stresses of going through this process. Add in basic work stress and 2020 and you have the right combo for being more emotional. All that means is that you (your body and brain) are going through a lot and only have enough energy and other resources to deal with parts of it. Right now the physical part takes priority. There is no shame in that, and it's completely normal. I read something yesterday about the difference between resilience and flexibility. Resilience is being able to come back from something stressful, which is important for sure. Flexibility is being able to respond in the moment to the stressor. It is a moment by moment thing, and if you aren't flexible (being able to stretch) you won't be able to snap back with resilience. So just take it moment by moment. Do what you can NOW to feel better NOW.


I'm a bit low today, as my Thanksgiving last year was with son, DIL, and their baby boy, halfway across the country. DIL does not like me, which neither husband nor I understand. We thought our visit at their home went well. By a few days later, we were told I had basically ruined everything, and that I was a miserable guest. (I had just had reduction surgery a few days before, after spending the prior few months with lumpectomy, chemo, and radiation. So I guess I wasn't energetic, positive, and cheery enough.) Our relationship with both of them has been poor to marginally better since then. So today I am remembering a year ago, and how everything turned to mud. I am glad we will not see them this year, but I am sad that things are so bad between us. Holidays, the most wonderful time of the year...

The rain comes and the rain goes, but the mountain remains. I am the mountain.
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Nov 25, 2020 04:35PM flashlight wrote:

Tomorrow we are just having our immediate family over. There will be 5-adults and 1-child. Everyone lives within 30 miles and has been tested for covid. My grandson was hospitalized with a knee injury and they tested him for flu and covid in the ED. My SNL's mother just died and they wouldn't let him see her in hospice until he was tested. My daughter was tested due to the new state policy because she had gone with him. My younger daughter had covid in October. It will be a sad holiday. My neighbor across the street usually has a crowd from 3-states. We do not visit. MountainMia, It is their loss. My husband's family has never welcomed me into the family. When I was diagnosed I decided enough. We decided not to attend their functions. With my brother you are never allowed to talk about being sick or ill. I really don't see him very often. I think as we grow older we need to be with the people that care and we enjoy.


Dx 11/15/2018, IDC, Left, 1cm, Stage IA, Grade 2, 0/1 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2- Dx DCIS, Left, <1cm, Stage 0, Grade 1, 0/1 nodes Radiation Therapy Whole-breast Hormonal Therapy Tamoxifen pills (Nolvadex, Apo-Tamox, Tamofen, Tamone) Surgery Lumpectomy: Left
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Nov 25, 2020 07:06PM Poppy_90 wrote:

Mountain Mia—thank you so much for your very kind reply. You and keep the faith have helped me feel so much better for being so emotional. I am sorry you’re having a tough time. Family stress is so difficult especially at the holidays. I can tell by following these forums over the past few months what a big heart you have. You deserve so much better. I know you have a lot of deep relationships here, but if you ever need a place to vent, I’m here for you, too. I’ll be around tomorrow if you need somebody to remind you how fabulous you are. Thanks for being there for me today

Dx 5/1/2020, IDC, Right, 2cm, ER-/PR-, HER2- Chemotherapy 5/28/2020 AC + T (Taxol) Surgery 10/4/2020 Lumpectomy: Right Radiation Therapy 11/4/2020 Breast

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