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Apr 20, 2022 08:12PM
I'm sad. Yet, I read these and try desperately to suck it up.
I followed my husband to CA for a great job-----Left ALL my friends, my child, my Littles, and sold all our belongings, our home across from a cow mooing meadow.
we said goodbye to our life- and Jumped!
THEN, nine days after we arrived here in British Columbia, we were in lockdown for the next 18 mos(No travel in or out of BC)
This past Feb 17th I found a 1.5cm lump in the shower (IDC) HR + Her (-) for the moment, right?
I'd been feeling really off, and I'd been feeling 'odd' for a long while and started Googling 'heavy boob feel'
The covid vaccine caused a serious health flare. UGH but I did it
.Against medical advice, trying to get to our son's Bosotn wedding after 2 yrs without friend or family ...I risked it.
Please, don't judge, after over 700 days with only us 2...24/7...
and now IDC-
The biopsy one month ago and excision surgery April 11th-I know I'm lucky to even have surgery with the pandemic's surgery wait list and bumping !
The Pandemic brought an already burdened medical system to it's knees here in British Columbia.
A GIANT wait list , my retired neighbor is on a 3 yr ankle surgery wait list.
She was a Banff forester , she can't walk farther that a few feet)
My breast cancer surgeon in Vancouver has scheduled and rescheduled and failed to phone me back at all since my surgery on April 11.
Even 3 msg (one a day they request)
of me trying to self diagnose bruises from neck to crotch (lumpectomy left 1.5cm)
(Thank you mods for reaching out, I was scared out of my mind. Thank you rah for answering, I teared up)
The entire internet does not have any images that looked like me after my lumpectomy- I took the picture down, it was scary- wtf?
and now a seroma??? It is the size/shape of a DOVE soap bar (Sent. Node removal.) Painful but no fever.
Today, 8 days later the nurse phoned to say the office is overwhelmed, he's in the er, and to go to an emergency room. NO worries, while there is no answering service, the phone message says go to the er too)
or see a family dr (he too is unable to see me or anyone on short notice, but booking out a month.)
--I will if This is an actual emergency but it is sketchy, we've been 2x over the last 2 years....
I'm unsure what happens IF I don't get this drained though
(I've read the threads under the topic seroma :-()
But, (pls don't judge, I'm wrecked and lonely)
I'm driving 8 hrs to see my daughter in Washington right now, where she is flying in ...I have to.
I'm also aware, I'm lucky to have what I do, a home, a paid for car, and my husband is working and while the pandemic has /is taking a toll on my mind and my poor marriage..
This pandemic has sucked the marrow from the bones of civilization in myriad ways.
I KNOW this moment before a DX is the best time, the medical data is in someone's lab (ty) or by now on someones desk. for now my family is ok, right now.(ty ty ty)
(BTW: my pap smear from January is still an unknown, taking 16 weeks on average I'm told)
The pandemic allowed me to 'entertain' 2 cancers breast being only the one.
The poor People who perished in a car accident just now in Surry-- didn't get even this much warning
I've been warned. Suck it up buttercup. I tell me this a lot.
The pandemic has made life a microscope view of now, don't look back, don't dream forward without the caveats
Cancer has made a bright yellow highlighter mark with a black thick sharpie exclamation point on life.
I miss me, my idealistic hopeful insides and can't believe that the pandemic losses, the missed everything, the attempt by MOST of us - with a can do attitude, and a hail to science..could entertain this so Ted Lasso like -It's " The Hope that kills you"
Sorry to be sad on this rainy cold day, but thanks for the pandemic subject to give a rant to reflect on what has been a 100 yr historic 2x4 to society.
Best to every soul,