Join Us

We are 219,486 members in 84 forums discussing 161,542 topics.

Help with Abbreviations

Topic: My son's new girl friend has BC

Forum: Young With Breast Cancer —

Connect with those under 40 who have been diagnosed.

Posted on: Mar 16, 2016 11:55AM - edited Mar 17, 2016 12:18AM by gale1525

gale1525 wrote:

This Post was deleted by gale1525.
Log in to post a reply

Page 1 of 1 (15 results)

Posts 1 - 15 (15 total)

Log in to post a reply

Mar 16, 2016 02:02PM muska wrote:

Hi Lynda, I am not a young woman anymore but I have two daughters of about the same age as your son. I am not sure I understand what you want to hear from young women who unfortunately have to deal with this dreadful disease at the prime of their lives. Do you want to hear that your son's girlfriend will be fine and will be able to have kids? Do you want to hear that she is not going to be fine and you should convince your son to dump her?

You have been through it yourself and you know there are no guarantees. You say you don't want your son to get hurt. This young woman is someone's daughter and I am sure her mom has more reasons not wanting her to get hurt after what she had been through. As a mom I would say let it go and let your son figure it out on his own, don't interfere.

Dx at 54 Dx 5/9/2013, DCIS/IDC, Right, <1cm, Stage IIIA, Grade 3, 7/11 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- (FISH) Dx 6/13/2013, LCIS, Both breasts Surgery 6/13/2013 Mastectomy: Left, Right; Reconstruction (left): Tissue expander placement; Reconstruction (right): Tissue expander placement Chemotherapy 7/25/2013 AC + T (Taxol) Surgery 2/20/2014 Reconstruction (left); Reconstruction (right) Hormonal Therapy 3/12/2014 Arimidex (anastrozole) Radiation Therapy 3/23/2014 Breast, Lymph nodes, Bone
Log in to post a reply

Mar 16, 2016 02:58PM susan_02143 wrote:

I don't think that there is a young woman with breast cancer that will answer this stunning question. Your son is 31. He is an adult. He can decide for himself, as can his girlfriend, what this means to their relationship, if anything. It isn't any of your business.

*susan*

anotherplan.blogspot.com... and its back. May 3, 2010 mets found. Five years NED on Faslodex * 4/2015 progression to bone * 6/11/2015 Femara/Ibrance * 12/27/2015 Xeloda * 2/24/2016 Xgeva * another progression, another drug Taxol 2/14/2017 Dx 6/8/2005, IDC, 3cm, Stage IIB, Grade 1, 0/3 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-
Log in to post a reply

Mar 16, 2016 03:48PM Bounce wrote:

Dear Gale1525

Your signature doesn't say anything about your diagnosis or treatment - but I am guessing you have been through a lot!

I can appreciate that it is hard for you to think of your son facing all the things you had to face.

As a mother of both a son and a daughter I can understand your desire to protect your son and see how almost everyone on this site will feel protective of his girlfriend.

I cannot imagine anyone here telling you he should dump her. I don't think anyone of us would want to be dumped by a boyfriend or a husband or a significant other due to illness.

However - your son's decision will be his to make - and he will have to live with the consequences of his decision either way.

There are no guarantees in life. If she is good for him overall perhaps the issue of children does not have to be a deal breaker. If I was you I would try to work out what my feelings are exactely and let him know that whatever he decides you will support his decision.

You may have an opportunity here to do some emotional healing of your own as well as helping your son and his girlfriend.

Sending best wishes for you all. Life is hard sometimes.




Dx 8/5/2013, IDC, <1cm, Stage IA, Grade 2, 0/2 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 8/31/2013 Lumpectomy: Right; Lymph node removal: Right, Sentinel Radiation Therapy 11/3/2013 Breast Hormonal Therapy 12/31/2013 Tamoxifen pills (Nolvadex, Apo-Tamox, Tamofen, Tamone)
Log in to post a reply

Mar 16, 2016 03:56PM gale1525 wrote:

Thanks for all your replies.

Log in to post a reply

Mar 16, 2016 08:33PM Bad_At_Usernames wrote:

Several things here -

1) It is very common for young women to do chemo, even at early stage, so just because she had chemo doesn't mean her diagnosis was particularly worrisome.

2) She very well may be able to have kids. Many women who have chemo before the age of 35 retain their fertility and if it doesn't happen the old-fashioned way, there's always fertility treatments and adoption.

3) They've only been together a month. You are getting a bit ahead of yourself. They may not end up together for reasons that have nothing to do with cancer.

4) Falling in love always comes with risks but also with great rewards. As his mom, all you can do is help him celebrate the happy moments and be there to pick up the pieces if the worst should happen.

"...to survive this disease, you had to be an eternal optimist and very aggressive..." -Vince DeVita Dx 12/23/2013, IDC, 6cm+, Stage IIIC, Grade 3, ER+/PR+, HER2+ Chemotherapy 1/16/2014 AC + T (Taxol) Targeted Therapy 3/16/2014 Perjeta (pertuzumab) Targeted Therapy 3/17/2014 Herceptin (trastuzumab) Surgery 7/11/2014 Lymph node removal: Left, Underarm/Axillary; Mastectomy: Left Radiation Therapy 8/28/2014 Breast, Lymph nodes Targeted Therapy 9/22/2014 Kadcyla (T-DM1, ado-trastuzumab) Hormonal Therapy 11/17/2014 Zoladex (goserelin) Hormonal Therapy 1/31/2015 Femara (letrozole) Dx 1/7/2016, IDC, Stage IV, metastasized to brain Targeted Therapy 1/15/2016 Verzenio Radiation Therapy 7/27/2016 External: Brain Targeted Therapy 11/15/2016 Tykerb (lapatinib) Dx 3/23/2017, IDC, Stage IV, metastasized to liver Chemotherapy 3/28/2017 Xeloda (capecitabine) Chemotherapy 8/30/2017 Taxotere (docetaxel) Radiation Therapy 2/27/2018 External: Brain
Log in to post a reply

Mar 16, 2016 09:15PM Lou10 wrote:

Stunning question indeed. (Silly me, I was expecting the OP to be looking for ways to support the girlfriend or couple.)

Diagnosis: 12/15/2010, IDC (plus DCIS & ILC), 2.5cm IDC, Stage IIb or III (unknown -- radiation to lymph nodes instead of ALND surgery), Grade 2, 2/2 nodes (sentinel and intramammary fully involved with extracapsular extension), ER+++/PR+++, HER2- Surgery 1/25/2011 Lumpectomy: Right; Lymph node removal: Right, Sentinel Chemotherapy 4/13/2011 Cytoxan (cyclophosphamide), Ellence (epirubicin), Fluorouracil (5-fluorouracil, 5-FU, Adrucil), Taxotere (docetaxel) Radiation Therapy 9/14/2011 Breast, Lymph nodes Hormonal Therapy 11/7/2011 Tamoxifen pills (Nolvadex, Apo-Tamox, Tamofen, Tamone) Hormonal Therapy 8/22/2012 Femara (letrozole) Hormonal Therapy 7/10/2013 Aromasin (exemestane) Hormonal Therapy 7/12/2014 Femara (letrozole)
Log in to post a reply

Mar 16, 2016 09:19PM Cowgirl13 wrote:

Let your son find his way and don't be a downer on his new relationship.

Be the kind of woman that when your feet hit the floor each morning the Devil says: 'Oh crap! She's up! Dx 5/28/2009, IDC, Left, 2cm, Stage IIA, Grade 3, 0/4 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2+ Surgery 6/17/2009 Chemotherapy 8/3/2009 Carboplatin (Paraplatin), Taxotere (docetaxel) Radiation Therapy 12/21/2009 Hormonal Therapy 2/22/2010 Arimidex (anastrozole)
Log in to post a reply

Mar 16, 2016 09:28PM - edited Mar 16, 2016 09:29PM by DSW1976

I will put this as straight forward as I can that is selfish post. Read it out load to your self again and again until you understand just how offensive it is and heartless. Don't you get this is exactly the fear these young women have never being able to ever bring a life into this world if they survive. And you are a mother and a breast cancer survivor on top of that???? So your question is what??? Sorry I am a younger one and am lucky to have a son and shame on you for hurting those who have just been diagnosed or are going I to chemo or have finished and are struggling!!

Someone always has it worse no matter how hard it seems.. Dx 9/18/2014, IDC, Right, <1cm, Stage IIA, Grade 2, 1/11 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2+ (FISH) Dx 9/18/2014, DCIS, Right, <1cm, Stage 0, Grade 3, ER+/PR+, HER2+ (FISH) Chemotherapy 11/2/2014 AC Targeted Therapy 12/28/2014 Herceptin (trastuzumab) Chemotherapy 12/28/2014 Taxol (paclitaxel) Chemotherapy 1/3/2015 AC + T (Taxol)
Log in to post a reply

Mar 16, 2016 09:31PM - edited Mar 16, 2016 09:31PM by Bad_At_Usernames

Also, you will get more productive answers from young women if you don't imply that young women with breast cancer are damaged goods. And that's exactly how your post comes across..

"...to survive this disease, you had to be an eternal optimist and very aggressive..." -Vince DeVita Dx 12/23/2013, IDC, 6cm+, Stage IIIC, Grade 3, ER+/PR+, HER2+ Chemotherapy 1/16/2014 AC + T (Taxol) Targeted Therapy 3/16/2014 Perjeta (pertuzumab) Targeted Therapy 3/17/2014 Herceptin (trastuzumab) Surgery 7/11/2014 Lymph node removal: Left, Underarm/Axillary; Mastectomy: Left Radiation Therapy 8/28/2014 Breast, Lymph nodes Targeted Therapy 9/22/2014 Kadcyla (T-DM1, ado-trastuzumab) Hormonal Therapy 11/17/2014 Zoladex (goserelin) Hormonal Therapy 1/31/2015 Femara (letrozole) Dx 1/7/2016, IDC, Stage IV, metastasized to brain Targeted Therapy 1/15/2016 Verzenio Radiation Therapy 7/27/2016 External: Brain Targeted Therapy 11/15/2016 Tykerb (lapatinib) Dx 3/23/2017, IDC, Stage IV, metastasized to liver Chemotherapy 3/28/2017 Xeloda (capecitabine) Chemotherapy 8/30/2017 Taxotere (docetaxel) Radiation Therapy 2/27/2018 External: Brain
Log in to post a reply

Mar 16, 2016 10:00PM Skittlegirl wrote:

I think it's pretty typical to be aggressive with treatment in young women with BC. I had chemo, BMX, and am currently going through radiation. All so that I will be around to watch my children grow up. I had a complete pathological response to chemo. My team is very optimistic about my long term prognosis.

Dx at 32. Mom to 3 kids (8, 6, and 3). Dx 9/4/2015, IDC, Right, 2cm, Stage IIB, Grade 3, ER-/PR-, HER2+ (IHC) Targeted Therapy 9/30/2015 Herceptin (trastuzumab) Targeted Therapy 9/30/2015 Perjeta (pertuzumab) Chemotherapy 9/30/2015 Carboplatin (Paraplatin), Taxotere (docetaxel) Surgery 2/10/2016 Mastectomy: Left, Right Radiation Therapy 3/14/2016
Log in to post a reply

Mar 16, 2016 10:21PM wrenn wrote:

Insensitive post. Made me wince.

Metaplastic IDC Triple negative...Tumour is 1.5cm. BMX Aug. 16th. Chemo cancelled after one dose due to complications. Dx 7/25/2013, IDC, Left, 1cm, Stage IA, Grade 3, 0/6 nodes, ER-/PR-, HER2- Surgery 8/16/2013 Lymph node removal: Left, Sentinel, Underarm/Axillary; Mastectomy: Left, Right
Log in to post a reply

Mar 16, 2016 10:30PM Stephmoen wrote:

wow is this post for real what a terrible thing to say about a young woman who is battling Cancer she deserves to be surrounded around people who support her not people who worry she isn't good enough

Dx 3/17/2015, DCIS, Left, Stage 0, Grade 3 Dx 3/17/2015, IDC, Left, 1cm, Stage IB, Grade 3, ER+/PR+, HER2+ (IHC) Chemotherapy 4/15/2015 Carboplatin (Paraplatin), Taxotere (docetaxel) Targeted Therapy 4/15/2015 Herceptin (trastuzumab) Targeted Therapy Perjeta (pertuzumab)
Log in to post a reply

Mar 16, 2016 11:03PM ruthbru wrote:

Goodness, it is impossible to say whether ANY relationship is going to work after only one month! If, by chance, it is true love & they make it through this very difficult test (much more difficult for her than him, I will point out), then I would say that they have a real & deep connection. What mother wouldn't want that for her child? There are many reasons why people choose not to have children....or why they are unable to have children. And being in perfect health is no guarantee that you will be alive to see any children you do have grow up, and having health issues is no guarantee that you won't. Really, what one's children decide about becoming parents themselves is really none of our business.... under any circumstances. Being a survivor yourself, you can choose to be a great source of support and encouragement to them both.

"Invisible threads are the strongest ties." Friedrich Nietzsche Dx 2/2007, Stage IIA, Grade 3, 0/11 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2-
Log in to post a reply

Mar 17, 2016 06:01PM littleblueflowers wrote:

Young survivor here. What exactly are you worried about? Lack of grand kids? Or your son's girlfriend dying on him. Not to be insensitive, but the way you came across makes me think that its much more likely she will leave him because of a controlling mother, rather than dying young.

If it stops the nightmares, it probably won't kill me Dx 3/9/2015, IDC, Left, 1cm, Stage IB, Grade 3, 2/16 nodes, ER-/PR-, HER2- Surgery 3/9/2015 Mastectomy: Left, Right Radiation Therapy Lymph nodes Chemotherapy AC + T (Taxol)
Log in to post a reply

Mar 23, 2016 04:04PM ann273 wrote:

As someone who has been in her situation, I advise you to please stay away. I understand your concern for your son. My mother in law had the same idea and expressed doubts to my husband regarding my long term prognosis and while mine might be far worse than this young woman's, it is best not to make decisions during such trying times. My husband eventually decided that he could not deal with my illness. It was harder for me to get past the idea that he did'nt want to stay than to deal with Breast Cancer. We are all survivors of this disease and are fighting every day to lead a longer life. We need to be surrounded by people who make us believe everyday that life is worth fighting for.

Dx 8/1/2013, IDC, 5cm, Stage IIIC, Grade 2, 11/23 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Chemotherapy 9/1/2013 Halaven (eribulin) Chemotherapy 11/15/2013 FAC Surgery 2/12/2014 Hormonal Therapy 4/30/2014 Tamoxifen pills (Nolvadex, Apo-Tamox, Tamofen, Tamone) Dx 4/3/2015, IDC, Stage IV, Grade 2, ER+/PR-, HER2- Targeted Therapy 6/1/2015 Afinitor (everolimus) Hormonal Therapy 6/1/2015 Aromasin (exemestane) Targeted Therapy 8/1/2018 Ibrance (palbociclib)

Page 1 of 1 (15 results)