Connect with those under 40 who have been diagnosed.
muska
Boston, MA
Joined:
Jul 2013
Posts:
1,093
Latest activity:
Jan 14, 2021
Log in to post a reply
Mar 16, 2016 02:02PM
muska
wrote:
Hi Lynda, I am not a young woman anymore but I have two daughters of about the same age as your son. I am not sure I understand what you want to hear from young women who unfortunately have to deal with this dreadful disease at the prime of their lives. Do you want to hear that your son's girlfriend will be fine and will be able to have kids? Do you want to hear that she is not going to be fine and you should convince your son to dump her?
You have been through it yourself and you know there are no guarantees. You say you don't want your son to get hurt. This young woman is someone's daughter and I am sure her mom has more reasons not wanting her to get hurt after what she had been through. As a mom I would say let it go and let your son figure it out on his own, don't interfere.
Dx at 54
Dx
5/9/2013, DCIS/IDC, Right, <1cm, Stage IIIA, Grade 3, 7/11 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- (FISH)
Dx
6/13/2013, LCIS, Both breasts
Surgery
6/13/2013 Mastectomy: Left, Right; Reconstruction (left): Tissue expander placement; Reconstruction (right): Tissue expander placement
Chemotherapy
7/25/2013 AC + T (Taxol)
Surgery
2/20/2014 Reconstruction (left); Reconstruction (right)
Hormonal Therapy
3/12/2014 Arimidex (anastrozole)
Radiation Therapy
3/23/2014 Breast, Lymph nodes, Bone
susan_02143…
Somerville, MA
Joined:
Aug 2005
Posts:
7,187
Latest activity:
Dec 7, 2019
Log in to post a reply
Mar 16, 2016 02:58PM
susan_02143
wrote:
I don't think that there is a young woman with breast cancer that will answer this stunning question. Your son is 31. He is an adult. He can decide for himself, as can his girlfriend, what this means to their relationship, if anything. It isn't any of your business.
*susan*
anotherplan.blogspot.com... and its back. May 3, 2010 mets found. Five years NED on Faslodex * 4/2015 progression to bone * 6/11/2015 Femara/Ibrance * 12/27/2015 Xeloda * 2/24/2016 Xgeva * another progression, another drug Taxol 2/14/2017
Dx
6/8/2005, IDC, 3cm, Stage IIB, Grade 1, 0/3 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-
Bounce
Joined:
Sep 2013
Posts:
571
Latest activity:
Jan 15, 2021
Log in to post a reply
Mar 16, 2016 03:48PM
Bounce
wrote:
Dear Gale1525
Your signature doesn't say anything about your diagnosis or treatment - but I am guessing you have been through a lot!
I can appreciate that it is hard for you to think of your son facing all the things you had to face.
As a mother of both a son and a daughter I can understand your desire to protect your son and see how almost everyone on this site will feel protective of his girlfriend.
I cannot imagine anyone here telling you he should dump her. I don't think anyone of us would want to be dumped by a boyfriend or a husband or a significant other due to illness.
However - your son's decision will be his to make - and he will have to live with the consequences of his decision either way.
There are no guarantees in life. If she is good for him overall perhaps the issue of children does not have to be a deal breaker. If I was you I would try to work out what my feelings are exactely and let him know that whatever he decides you will support his decision.
You may have an opportunity here to do some emotional healing of your own as well as helping your son and his girlfriend.
Sending best wishes for you all. Life is hard sometimes.
Dx
8/5/2013, IDC, <1cm, Stage IA, Grade 2, 0/2 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-
Surgery
8/31/2013 Lumpectomy: Right; Lymph node removal: Right, Sentinel
Radiation Therapy
11/3/2013 Breast
Hormonal Therapy
12/31/2013 Tamoxifen pills (Nolvadex, Apo-Tamox, Tamofen, Tamone)
gale1525
Joined:
Mar 2010
Posts:
223
Latest activity:
Oct 13, 2017
Log in to post a reply
Mar 16, 2016 03:56PM
gale1525
wrote:
Thanks for all your replies.
Bad_At_User…
Joined:
Dec 2013
Posts:
533
Latest activity:
Mar 15, 2019
Log in to post a reply
Mar 16, 2016 08:33PM
Bad_At_Usernames
wrote:
Several things here -
1) It is very common for young women to do chemo, even at early stage, so just because she had chemo doesn't mean her diagnosis was particularly worrisome.
2) She very well may be able to have kids. Many women who have chemo before the age of 35 retain their fertility and if it doesn't happen the old-fashioned way, there's always fertility treatments and adoption.
3) They've only been together a month. You are getting a bit ahead of yourself. They may not end up together for reasons that have nothing to do with cancer.
4) Falling in love always comes with risks but also with great rewards. As his mom, all you can do is help him celebrate the happy moments and be there to pick up the pieces if the worst should happen.
"...to survive this disease, you had to be an eternal optimist and very aggressive..." -Vince DeVita
Dx
12/23/2013, IDC, 6cm+, Stage IIIC, Grade 3, ER+/PR+, HER2+
Chemotherapy
1/16/2014 AC + T (Taxol)
Targeted Therapy
3/16/2014 Perjeta (pertuzumab)
Targeted Therapy
3/17/2014 Herceptin (trastuzumab)
Surgery
7/11/2014 Lymph node removal: Left, Underarm/Axillary; Mastectomy: Left
Radiation Therapy
8/28/2014 Breast, Lymph nodes
Targeted Therapy
9/22/2014 Kadcyla (T-DM1, ado-trastuzumab)
Hormonal Therapy
11/17/2014 Zoladex (goserelin)
Hormonal Therapy
1/31/2015 Femara (letrozole)
Dx
1/7/2016, IDC, Stage IV, metastasized to brain
Targeted Therapy
1/15/2016 Verzenio
Radiation Therapy
7/27/2016 External: Brain
Targeted Therapy
11/15/2016 Tykerb (lapatinib)
Dx
3/23/2017, IDC, Stage IV, metastasized to liver
Chemotherapy
3/28/2017 Xeloda (capecitabine)
Chemotherapy
8/30/2017 Taxotere (docetaxel)
Radiation Therapy
2/27/2018 External: Brain
Lou10
Joined:
Feb 2011
Posts:
325
Latest activity:
Nov 15, 2020
Log in to post a reply
Mar 16, 2016 09:15PM
Lou10
wrote:
Stunning question indeed. (Silly me, I was expecting the OP to be looking for ways to support the girlfriend or couple.)
Diagnosis: 12/15/2010, IDC (plus DCIS & ILC), 2.5cm IDC, Stage IIb or III (unknown -- radiation to lymph nodes instead of ALND surgery), Grade 2, 2/2 nodes (sentinel and intramammary fully involved with extracapsular extension), ER+++/PR+++, HER2-
Surgery
1/25/2011 Lumpectomy: Right; Lymph node removal: Right, Sentinel
Chemotherapy
4/13/2011 Cytoxan (cyclophosphamide), Ellence (epirubicin), Fluorouracil (5-fluorouracil, 5-FU, Adrucil), Taxotere (docetaxel)
Radiation Therapy
9/14/2011 Breast, Lymph nodes
Hormonal Therapy
11/7/2011 Tamoxifen pills (Nolvadex, Apo-Tamox, Tamofen, Tamone)
Hormonal Therapy
8/22/2012 Femara (letrozole)
Hormonal Therapy
7/10/2013 Aromasin (exemestane)
Hormonal Therapy
7/12/2014 Femara (letrozole)
Cowgirl13
SF Bay Area
Joined:
Oct 2009
Posts:
1,608
Latest activity:
Jan 13, 2021
Log in to post a reply
Mar 16, 2016 09:19PM
Cowgirl13
wrote:
Let your son find his way and don't be a downer on his new relationship.
Be the kind of woman that when your feet hit the floor each morning the Devil says: 'Oh crap! She's up!
Dx
5/28/2009, IDC, Left, 2cm, Stage IIA, Grade 3, 0/4 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2+
Surgery
6/17/2009
Chemotherapy
8/3/2009 Carboplatin (Paraplatin), Taxotere (docetaxel)
Radiation Therapy
12/21/2009
Hormonal Therapy
2/22/2010 Arimidex (anastrozole)
DSW1976
elgin, Il
Joined:
Sep 2014
Posts:
118
Latest activity:
Mar 14, 2019
Log in to post a reply
Mar 16, 2016 09:28PM
- edited
Mar 16, 2016 09:29PM
by
DSW1976
I will put this as straight forward as I can that is selfish post. Read it out load to your self again and again until you understand just how offensive it is and heartless. Don't you get this is exactly the fear these young women have never being able to ever bring a life into this world if they survive. And you are a mother and a breast cancer survivor on top of that???? So your question is what??? Sorry I am a younger one and am lucky to have a son and shame on you for hurting those who have just been diagnosed or are going I to chemo or have finished and are struggling!!
Someone always has it worse no matter how hard it seems..
Dx
9/18/2014, IDC, Right, <1cm, Stage IIA, Grade 2, 1/11 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2+ (FISH)
Dx
9/18/2014, DCIS, Right, <1cm, Stage 0, Grade 3, ER+/PR+, HER2+ (FISH)
Chemotherapy
11/2/2014 AC
Targeted Therapy
12/28/2014 Herceptin (trastuzumab)
Chemotherapy
12/28/2014 Taxol (paclitaxel)
Chemotherapy
1/3/2015 AC + T (Taxol)
Bad_At_User…
Joined:
Dec 2013
Posts:
533
Latest activity:
Mar 15, 2019
Log in to post a reply
Mar 16, 2016 09:31PM
- edited
Mar 16, 2016 09:31PM
by
Bad_At_Usernames
Also, you will get more productive answers from young women if you don't imply that young women with breast cancer are damaged goods. And that's exactly how your post comes across..
"...to survive this disease, you had to be an eternal optimist and very aggressive..." -Vince DeVita
Dx
12/23/2013, IDC, 6cm+, Stage IIIC, Grade 3, ER+/PR+, HER2+
Chemotherapy
1/16/2014 AC + T (Taxol)
Targeted Therapy
3/16/2014 Perjeta (pertuzumab)
Targeted Therapy
3/17/2014 Herceptin (trastuzumab)
Surgery
7/11/2014 Lymph node removal: Left, Underarm/Axillary; Mastectomy: Left
Radiation Therapy
8/28/2014 Breast, Lymph nodes
Targeted Therapy
9/22/2014 Kadcyla (T-DM1, ado-trastuzumab)
Hormonal Therapy
11/17/2014 Zoladex (goserelin)
Hormonal Therapy
1/31/2015 Femara (letrozole)
Dx
1/7/2016, IDC, Stage IV, metastasized to brain
Targeted Therapy
1/15/2016 Verzenio
Radiation Therapy
7/27/2016 External: Brain
Targeted Therapy
11/15/2016 Tykerb (lapatinib)
Dx
3/23/2017, IDC, Stage IV, metastasized to liver
Chemotherapy
3/28/2017 Xeloda (capecitabine)
Chemotherapy
8/30/2017 Taxotere (docetaxel)
Radiation Therapy
2/27/2018 External: Brain
Skittlegirl…
Joined:
Sep 2015
Posts:
428
Latest activity:
Jul 27, 2016
Log in to post a reply
Mar 16, 2016 10:00PM
Skittlegirl
wrote:
I think it's pretty typical to be aggressive with treatment in young women with BC. I had chemo, BMX, and am currently going through radiation. All so that I will be around to watch my children grow up. I had a complete pathological response to chemo. My team is very optimistic about my long term prognosis.
Dx at 32. Mom to 3 kids (8, 6, and 3).
Dx
9/4/2015, IDC, Right, 2cm, Stage IIB, Grade 3, ER-/PR-, HER2+ (IHC)
Targeted Therapy
9/30/2015 Herceptin (trastuzumab)
Targeted Therapy
9/30/2015 Perjeta (pertuzumab)
Chemotherapy
9/30/2015 Carboplatin (Paraplatin), Taxotere (docetaxel)
Surgery
2/10/2016 Mastectomy: Left, Right
Radiation Therapy
3/14/2016
wrenn
British columbia
Joined:
Jul 2013
Posts:
2,047
Latest activity:
Jan 15, 2021
Log in to post a reply
Mar 16, 2016 10:21PM
wrenn
wrote:
Insensitive post. Made me wince.
Metaplastic IDC Triple negative...Tumour is 1.5cm. BMX Aug. 16th. Chemo cancelled after one dose due to complications.
Dx
7/25/2013, IDC, Left, 1cm, Stage IA, Grade 3, 0/6 nodes, ER-/PR-, HER2-
Surgery
8/16/2013 Lymph node removal: Left, Sentinel, Underarm/Axillary; Mastectomy: Left, Right
Stephmoen
Joined:
Apr 2015
Posts:
560
Latest activity:
Nov 26, 2019
Log in to post a reply
Mar 16, 2016 10:30PM
Stephmoen
wrote:
wow is this post for real what a terrible thing to say about a young woman who is battling Cancer she deserves to be surrounded around people who support her not people who worry she isn't good enough
Dx
3/17/2015, DCIS, Left, Stage 0, Grade 3
Dx
3/17/2015, IDC, Left, 1cm, Stage IB, Grade 3, ER+/PR+, HER2+ (IHC)
Chemotherapy
4/15/2015 Carboplatin (Paraplatin), Taxotere (docetaxel)
Targeted Therapy
4/15/2015 Herceptin (trastuzumab)
Targeted Therapy
Perjeta (pertuzumab)
ruthbru
ND
Joined:
Dec 2009
Posts:
56,796
Latest activity:
Jan 15, 2021
Log in to post a reply
Mar 16, 2016 11:03PM
ruthbru
wrote:
Goodness, it is impossible to say whether ANY relationship is going to work after only one month! If, by chance, it is true love & they make it through this very difficult test (much more difficult for her than him, I will point out), then I would say that they have a real & deep connection. What mother wouldn't want that for her child? There are many reasons why people choose not to have children....or why they are unable to have children. And being in perfect health is no guarantee that you will be alive to see any children you do have grow up, and having health issues is no guarantee that you won't. Really, what one's children decide about becoming parents themselves is really none of our business.... under any circumstances. Being a survivor yourself, you can choose to be a great source of support and encouragement to them both.
"Invisible threads are the strongest ties." Friedrich Nietzsche
Dx
2/2007, Stage IIA, Grade 3, 0/11 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2-
littlebluef…
Montana
Joined:
Feb 2015
Posts:
1,970
Latest activity:
Dec 13, 2020
Log in to post a reply
Mar 17, 2016 06:01PM
littleblueflowers
wrote:
Young survivor here. What exactly are you worried about? Lack of grand kids? Or your son's girlfriend dying on him. Not to be insensitive, but the way you came across makes me think that its much more likely she will leave him because of a controlling mother, rather than dying young.
If it stops the nightmares, it probably won't kill me
Dx
3/9/2015, IDC, Left, 1cm, Stage IB, Grade 3, 2/16 nodes, ER-/PR-, HER2-
Surgery
3/9/2015 Mastectomy: Left, Right
Radiation Therapy
Lymph nodes
Chemotherapy
AC + T (Taxol)
ann273
Joined:
Feb 2014
Posts:
208
Latest activity:
Apr 17, 2020
Log in to post a reply
Mar 23, 2016 04:04PM
ann273
wrote:
As someone who has been in her situation, I advise you to please stay away. I understand your concern for your son. My mother in law had the same idea and expressed doubts to my husband regarding my long term prognosis and while mine might be far worse than this young woman's, it is best not to make decisions during such trying times. My husband eventually decided that he could not deal with my illness. It was harder for me to get past the idea that he did'nt want to stay than to deal with Breast Cancer. We are all survivors of this disease and are fighting every day to lead a longer life. We need to be surrounded by people who make us believe everyday that life is worth fighting for.
Dx
8/1/2013, IDC, 5cm, Stage IIIC, Grade 2, 11/23 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-
Chemotherapy
9/1/2013 Halaven (eribulin)
Chemotherapy
11/15/2013 FAC
Surgery
2/12/2014
Hormonal Therapy
4/30/2014 Tamoxifen pills (Nolvadex, Apo-Tamox, Tamofen, Tamone)
Dx
4/3/2015, IDC, Stage IV, Grade 2, ER+/PR-, HER2-
Targeted Therapy
6/1/2015 Afinitor (everolimus)
Hormonal Therapy
6/1/2015 Aromasin (exemestane)
Targeted Therapy
8/1/2018 Ibrance (palbociclib)