Posted on: Jul 8, 2008 07:26AM - edited Jun 14, 2016 08:15AM by moderators
Jul 11, 2008 02:20PM JerseyGal wrote:
The doctor replies, 'Ma'am, you had twins.... a boy and a girl. The babies are fine, however, they were poorly at birth and had to be christened immediately so your brother Paddy came in and named them.
The woman thinks to herself, ' Oh suffering Jesus, no, not me brother, he's a fecking clueless idiot...
Expecting the worst, she asks the doctor,' Well, what's my daughter's name?'
' Denise' says the doctor. The new mother is somewhat relieved, 'Wow, that's a beautiful name, I guess I was wrong about my brother', she thought....'I really like Denise '
Then she asks, ' What's the boy's name?'
The doctor replies ' Denephew '
Jul 11, 2008 02:27PM JerseyGal wrote:I don't intend to offend anyone of Oriental ancestry. Hope you take this in the way is was intended: a friend sent it to me, and I laughed out loud. It could be any nationality, but somehow Italian pizza or Irish lager just doesn't seem to work. Plus, I am an imbecile in trying to recreate any accent. Sooo...I am just forwarding it as received and hope it will be looked at as an international laugh out loud! Enjoy!
The Chinese Wedding Night
A young Chinese couple gets married. She's a virgin. Truth be told, he is a virgin too, but she doesn't know that. On their wedding night, she cowers naked under the sheets as her husband undresses in the darkness.
He climbs into bed next to her and tries to be reassuring. 'My darring,' he whispers, 'I know dis your firss time and you berry frighten. I pomise you, I give you anyting you want, I do anyting - juss anyting you want. you juss ask... so... whatchu want?' he says, trying to sound experienced and worldly, which he hopes will impress her.
A thoughtful silence follows and he waits patiently (and eagerly) for her request. She eventually shyly whispers back, 'I want to try someting I have heard about from other gurls... Numbaa 69.'
More thoughtful silence, this time from him. Eventually, in a puzzled tone he asks her...
'You want... Garlic Chicken with steam vegtable?'
Jul 11, 2008 07:20PM jaybird627 wrote:
But, not to ruin a good joke, wouldn't they be speaking in their native language and not English???
Hey, I'm a dumb blonde and even I sometimes laugh at dumb blonde jokes!
Jul 17, 2008 12:59PM NaughtybyNature wrote:
To all you Sweet Taters
Click on the tater:
Jul 17, 2008 01:03PM lvtwoqlt wrote:
Bubba Had Shingles
Those of us who spend much time in a doctor's office should appreciate
this! Doesn't it seem more and more that physicians are running their
practices like an assembly line? Here's what happened to Bubba:
Bubba walked into a doctor's office and the receptionist asked him
what he had. Bubba said: 'Shingles.' So she wrote down his name,
address, medical insurance number and told him to have a seat.
Fifteen minutes later a nurse's aide came out and asked Bubba what he
Bubba said, 'Shingles.' So she wrote down his height, weight, a
complete medical history and told Bubba to wait in the examining room.
A half hour later a nurse came in and asked Bubba what he had. Bubba
said, 'Shingles.' So the nurse gave Bubba a blood test, a blood
pressure test, an electrocardiogram, and told Bubba to take off all
his clothes and wait for the doctor.
An hour later the doctor came in and found Bubba sitting patiently in
the nude and asked Bubba what he had. Bubba said, 'Shingles.' The
doctor asked, 'Where?'
Bubba said, 'Outside on the truck. Where do you want me to unload
Jul 21, 2008 12:20PM NaughtybyNature wrote:
I urgently needed a few days off work, But, I knew the Boss would not allow me to take leave. I thought that maybe if I acted 'Crazy' then he would tell me to take a few days off.
So, I hung upside-down on the ceiling and made funny noises. My co-worker (who's blonde) asked me what I was doing. I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb, so that the Boss might think I was 'Crazy' and give me a few days off.
A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked, 'What in the name of God are you doing?'
I told him I was a light bulb.
He said, 'You are clearly stressed out. Go home and recuperate for a couple of days.'
I jumped down and walked out of the office...
When my co-worker (the blonde) followed me, the Boss called out, '..And where do you think you're going?!'
(You're gonna love this....)
She said, 'I'm going home too. I can't work in the dark.
Jul 21, 2008 04:12PM JerseyGal wrote:The Old Sailor
An old sailor in a brothel is trying to make love to one of the girls 'How am I doing' he asks. 'Three knots' replied the girl. 'What do you mean, three knots?' says the sailor. The girl responds 'You're not hard, you're not in and you're not getting your money back!'
Two doctors are having sex. He says to her 'You must be a surgeon, you washed your hands before and after.' She replies 'Well, you must be an anaesthetist, 'cause I didn't feel a thing!'