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Topic: Repetitive Comfort

Forum: Humor and Games — Breast cancer is no laughing matter, but sometimes a good joke or a game is the best medicine.

Posted on: Jan 30, 2012 05:12AM

TonLee wrote:

I don't know about anyone else here, but during this entire BC journey starting in 2010, people try to comfort me by making comments. 

Some of those comments are so recurring that I have to wonder if everyone with BC gets them.

My top two are:

1.  You are so positive!

2.  You really have the face for short hair.  I could NEVER pull it off.

Does anyone else get these?

If not, what are yours?

IDC, 2cm, Stage IIIa, Grade 2, 4/4 nodes, ER+/PR+/HER2+, Skin Sparing uni-MX with TE, TCH, Rads Dx 9/14/2010, IDC, 2cm, Stage IIIA, Grade 2, 4/4 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2+
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Jan 30, 2012 05:12AM TonLee wrote:

Oh and of course the...

"BC?  I'm sorry to hear that.  Are you cured?"

IDC, 2cm, Stage IIIa, Grade 2, 4/4 nodes, ER+/PR+/HER2+, Skin Sparing uni-MX with TE, TCH, Rads Dx 9/14/2010, IDC, 2cm, Stage IIIA, Grade 2, 4/4 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2+
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Jan 30, 2012 05:30AM chrissyb wrote:

and then you get

 'but you look so well!'

I found my peace which gave me strength. 52 at dx. Dx 12/8/2003, IDC, 4cm, Stage IV, Grade 2, 0/12 nodes, mets, ER+/PR+, HER2-
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Jan 30, 2012 06:01AM sewingnut wrote:

"did they get it all?"  because I look so good......

Dx 12/2010, IDC, 5cm, Stage IIIA, Grade 3, 1/7 nodes, ER-/PR-, HER2+
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Jan 30, 2012 06:06AM TonLee wrote:

Chrissy,

I know right?  lol

Sewingnut,

Since I didn't get a PET or any other scan when they ask me if I am cured I can only say..."hope so"  unless I'm feeling frisky..then I might say something like..."WHAT?  There's a cure for cancer?  Awesome!  Where do I sign up?!?"

buwhahahahah

IDC, 2cm, Stage IIIa, Grade 2, 4/4 nodes, ER+/PR+/HER2+, Skin Sparing uni-MX with TE, TCH, Rads Dx 9/14/2010, IDC, 2cm, Stage IIIA, Grade 2, 4/4 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2+
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Jan 30, 2012 06:13AM chrissyb wrote:

TonLee I really get p'd off when I hear that, I also get ' you have such a good attitude to all of this'.  I always just say 'it is what it is so what's the use of fretting over it when I can't change a thing'.  It tends to shut them up or change the subject as they have no come back for that.

Love your last comment.......hahahaha!

I found my peace which gave me strength. 52 at dx. Dx 12/8/2003, IDC, 4cm, Stage IV, Grade 2, 0/12 nodes, mets, ER+/PR+, HER2-
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Jan 30, 2012 08:26AM SpecialK wrote:

Here are mine:

1.  During chemo I got - "you look so great, no one would ever know..." which I interpreted as , crap this is what I look like all the time?

2.  "I could never have gotten through everything you have..."   My question to them was always what is the alternative?  You do what you have to do.

3.  "How do you keep your house so clean when you are so sick..."  That one was from people who came over to bring me stuff.  After that I felt guilty like I was not so helpless that I needed them to bring anything - which I didn't - they wanted to because it made them feel better!  Arggg!

BMX w/ TE 11/1/10, ALND 12/6/10. 15 additional surgeries. TCHx6 2/17-6/2/11. Herceptin until 1/19/12. Femara 8/1/11, Arimidex 6/20/12, back to Femara 6/18/13-present. Dx 9/27/2010, DCIS, Stage 0, Grade 3 Dx 9/27/2010, IDC, Right, 2cm, Stage IIB, Grade 3, 2/14 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2+ (IHC)
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Jan 30, 2012 03:14PM Faith316 wrote:

The one that gets me the most is ............ having a positive attitude is half the battle!

I always want to ask, "So, all the people who die from cancer don't have a positive enough attitude???"

DX 4/08 IDC, ER-, PR-, HER2+, IIB, Grade 3,lumpectomy,2/8 nodes,4 AC,12 wks.Taxol,Herceptin,30 rads. DX IBC 6/09 while still in treatment. Now Stage III. 6 mo. of Xeloda done, still on Tykerb. Uni-mx & another node dissection 2/4/10.
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Jan 30, 2012 03:17PM BarbaraA wrote:

I got "but you're cured now, right?" ARGGGHH!!

Sometimes you're the bug and sometimes you're the windshield. Dx 4/30/2010, IDC, 1cm, Stage IB, Grade 2, 1/4 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2- Hormonal Therapy 11/24/2014 Femara (letrozole) Dx 11/25/2014, IDC, Stage IV, metastasized to bone, ER+
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Jan 30, 2012 04:17PM - edited Jan 30, 2012 04:17PM by TonLee

SK,

The house cleaning thing.  I did that too, but no one noticed because no one offered to make me meals!!  They all assumed I could handle it.

And I did :)

Still ~sniff~ a few meals woulda been nice.

Chrissy,

Good attitude shmat-itude.  I think that is probably the most used line EVER.

Barb,

I know, right? 

In all honesty, I didn't know jack about BC before my diagnosis.  I probably would say something worse if I knew someone with it.

But I was the first person I knew with it.

lol

IDC, 2cm, Stage IIIa, Grade 2, 4/4 nodes, ER+/PR+/HER2+, Skin Sparing uni-MX with TE, TCH, Rads Dx 9/14/2010, IDC, 2cm, Stage IIIA, Grade 2, 4/4 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2+
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May 20, 2012 05:07AM AnewBeginning wrote:

The is best was.....and your still smoking?????

AJ Dx 12/2011, DCIS, Left, Stage 0 Dx 2/2015, IDC, Left, Stage IIIA, 4/21 nodes, ER-/PR-, HER2+ Chemotherapy 4/14/2015 AC Targeted Therapy 6/9/2015 Herceptin (trastuzumab) Radiation Therapy Hormonal Therapy Chemotherapy AC
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May 20, 2012 02:38PM - edited May 20, 2012 02:39PM by TonLee

Smoking.....that's a hard one...never done it myself, but I understand it is a beast to stop.

IDC, 2cm, Stage IIIa, Grade 2, 4/4 nodes, ER+/PR+/HER2+, Skin Sparing uni-MX with TE, TCH, Rads Dx 9/14/2010, IDC, 2cm, Stage IIIA, Grade 2, 4/4 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2+
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May 20, 2012 03:28PM kltb04 wrote:

I am smack in the middle of my neoadjuvant chemo and anytime I go out and see people I know I get - in this order - "how *are* you?" (very doe eyed with sympathetic arm touch) Followed by "well, you look great!"

I posted my avatar pic I have on here on FB just to change my profile pic - I made no comments about it, just cause I thought it was a decent pic; and people know not to discuss BC on my public wall.  I got a bazillion compliments from "you look ten years younger" to "that is the best picture you have ever posted" which all were interpreted by me to mean "nice wig."

I hear you about the meals Special K - inevitably people have brought things over during my "good week" when I am up and around and I feel guilty for not looking/feeling sicker.  And I hate the stay positive crap too.

Dx 2/17/2012, IDC, 3cm, Stage IIB, Grade 3, 1/4 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2+ Surgery 2/26/2012 Lymph node removal: Right, Sentinel Chemotherapy 3/18/2012 AC Targeted Therapy 6/10/2012 Herceptin (trastuzumab) Chemotherapy 6/10/2012 Taxotere (docetaxel) Surgery 9/30/2012 Mastectomy: Right; Prophylactic mastectomy: Left; Reconstruction (left): Tissue expander placement; Reconstruction (right): Tissue expander placement Radiation Therapy 11/12/2012 Breast, Lymph nodes Hormonal Therapy 11/17/2012
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May 20, 2012 04:11PM SpecialK wrote:

I ran into trouble too with visiting my co-workers.  I had chemo/Herceptin in the building right next to my workplace - all on the same hospital campus.  I took great care to look nice when I went out, mostly for myself - because it did make me feel more normal.  What I got from my co-workers, who were honestly really great to me all through, was that I looked fantastic - why was I not back at work already?  I felt guilty so I started going to visit less frequently.

BMX w/ TE 11/1/10, ALND 12/6/10. 15 additional surgeries. TCHx6 2/17-6/2/11. Herceptin until 1/19/12. Femara 8/1/11, Arimidex 6/20/12, back to Femara 6/18/13-present. Dx 9/27/2010, DCIS, Stage 0, Grade 3 Dx 9/27/2010, IDC, Right, 2cm, Stage IIB, Grade 3, 2/14 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2+ (IHC)
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May 20, 2012 04:28PM camillegal wrote:

I don't understand why people can't just say normal things to us--it's not as if we left the atmosphere and came back---But the usual and I hate it is "U look so good" Now I know how I look--I look like a dog that needs to be rescued, black eyes, skin color is different and some blotches, no eyelashes, have to fill in eyebrows, my stomach looks like I'm pregnant with a 7 yr old. and I'm all swollen (LE) with sleeves and hand puppets on and I walk like a 90 yr old most of the time. I would just prefer the old Hi, how are u---Fine thanks and U?  that's it.

Dx 2007, Stage IV, 24/38 nodes, HER2+

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