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Sep 24, 2008 09:59PM
Hugs Held! we should all mentor each other! I will learn from you......
I am so encouraged by ALL the posts here. We are all different in our experiences & spiritual journeys, yet the common thread is one of love, concern & support---truly The Message!
So...After my mets dx I had been on this hampster wheel for 3 years: if Jesus healed ppl & said, "Your faith has healed you" yet I have not been healed, then I must not have enough faith! Right?? But medical science says I am incurable & if I profess my faith, yet I'm not healed---then I make God look bad to others-RIGHT?? SO MANY questions!! I hear ya sister!! And I never liked "God won't give you more than you can handle" cuz when you have a meltdown what in heaven or earth can be the explanation???? Finally the one I abhorr: "It's God's will!" REALLY????
Here is my take in a nutshell: God's Will? God, like ALL loving parents, only wants good for us---he/she does NOT will bad on us!! The bad things come from OUR free will! I believe that any horrible situation I have examined has an explantion in human free will---I have bc due to choices ppl have made b4 I was born & choices I made myself---the environment I lived in, air I breathed, water I drank, artificial ingredients I have ingested, drugs my mother or I took, cigarettes I smoked, high fat diet I ate.....etc. Add to that the unfortunate combination of some parents' genes & you have MY explanation for much of the evils in this life.
So, she/he does not give us these trials and NEVER promised that we wouldn't face $__t in this life! The promise is--that we will never face it alone! That promise is evident to me when I pray- when I had a meltdown in my car yesterday & I started to cry-- I just hollered--GOD, PLEASE!! I felt myself calm & started to pray harder. Then I felt some peace & my mind cleared of the terror that had been skimming my brain for 2 days: "maybe this tx is not working"
The other lesson that got me off that hampster wheel came from a very wise woman who was talking about the scripture where the man tells Jesus that He does not have to go to his daughter to heal her, he knows that HE can heal her by just saying the word. She told me, "healing" does not mean "cured" --Lights went off in my head & I could barely breathe! HERE was my answer! I have been healed of SO much over the last 4 1/2 years. Tho many are offended by the idea, I have called them "cancer gifts"----I have come to a very good place by accepting the reality of my dx. It took me a while! Give your self time. Love yourself & your body, despite the fact that it may seem it has betrayed you. Most importantly ASK your questions! I think some of them are more basic than Religion can answer, but Faith is a gift. Once given, you may misplace it, but it is still yours. Just take some time to find it----dig down & see it is still there.
I have been working on this a long time. My prayer is no longer specific, but I pray in broad terms. I am mindful of a loving God who will give me peace & strength to face what I must. It does NOT mean I won't get scared again; that I won't have doubts or that I won't die of this, it does mean that I will cling to the knowledge that my prayer WILL be answered & I am not alone........
St Augustine said, "pray constantly." Even non-believers & science have recognized that prayer works to calm you physically & mentally. Those of us who believe know that it is more than that!! My advice----pray. As someone else said--exercise that muscle. Even when you doubt it's value, keep praying (as I will for you)
Life is not about waiting for the storms to end, but learning to dance in the rain! Orig dx Nov '00 stg1 gr3 0/27 pos nodes er/pr+ her2- mets dx apr '04 eyes & bones new dx jan '07 lung
ILC, 1cm, Stage IV, Grade 3, 0/27 nodes, mets, ER+/PR+, HER2-