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Topic: I need a mentor

Forum: Prayers and Spiritual Support —

A safe place to find comfort in and share words of prayer, healing, and encouragement.

Posted on: Sep 21, 2008 05:09PM

Held wrote:

Is there anyone out there that would be willing to be my spirtiual mentor as I struggle with issues that have popped into my head during this journey.  Frequently I think things, ask myself questions, that I do not have the nerve to ask my Pastor or anyone I go to church with.  Is there anyone willing to listen to me spew my guts with 100% honesty and can talk me thru this as I am not strong enough to do it myself.

A good friend will come and bail you out of jail....but a true friend will be sitting next to you saying.....Damn....that was fun! Dx 9/6/2007, DCIS, 6cm+, Grade 3, 0/3 nodes, ER+/PR-
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Sep 21, 2008 05:56PM smithlme wrote:

Held,

I feel your anguish in every word. I, too, have questioned why all this is happening to me. I have no answers. I have been angry, really angry, at God for dealing me this hand. Over time, I realize that it isn't necessary for me to know the "why's". I can only live one day at a time and today is that day. I choose to live and I am determined to do it for as long as I can.

I hope you find a mentor who can help you through this part of your journey. My beliefs have been tested and I am now rebuilding them each and every day..

Linda

Dx 3/31/08, DCIS, ER+/PR- BRCA2+...I am NOT a survivor...I am a 2X breast cancer A$$ kicker! Dx 3/28/2007, IDC, Left, 2cm, Stage IIA, Grade 3, 0/9 nodes, ER-/PR-, HER2-
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Sep 21, 2008 06:01PM Held wrote:

My questions go far beyond the "why".  I think that is why I am reaching out. I am not strong enough to deal with my beliefs being tested by myself.

A good friend will come and bail you out of jail....but a true friend will be sitting next to you saying.....Damn....that was fun! Dx 9/6/2007, DCIS, 6cm+, Grade 3, 0/3 nodes, ER+/PR-
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Sep 21, 2008 06:06PM faithandfifty wrote:

Held. I think we first met in chat. It's scary to me to think that I could offer myself as a "spiritual mentor" but I PROMISE I can listen to spewing guts, and respond with 100% honesty.

How about if I volunteer, till someone more suitable shows up?

xx00xx00xx00xx00xx

I just posted one of my 'longish, rambling, question-filled' prayers on the Mets board under the thread: "WOMEN WITH FAITH." maybe you should read that thread -- and my contribution there before you sign me up as mentor-to-be.

I can certainly struggle along with you.......... you are not alone.

Keep up with my travels at: www.rainbowswithinreach.blogspot.com
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Sep 21, 2008 06:23PM Held wrote:

What makes you think you are not perfectly suitable?  But you might be sorry you volunteered.  At this point, my fear, anger, frustration and complete lack of understanding run pretty deep.  Can you handle my brutal honesty?

A good friend will come and bail you out of jail....but a true friend will be sitting next to you saying.....Damn....that was fun! Dx 9/6/2007, DCIS, 6cm+, Grade 3, 0/3 nodes, ER+/PR-
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Sep 21, 2008 07:48PM OrliNaaman wrote:

Oops...I don't know if I should add myself but perhaps you would (we would all) benifit from more then 'a mentor' but others just willing to listen and support?  If that would be good, I offer myself;  NOT because I am 'strong', but because I honestly do have real peace about all of this and not even questions.  I am not sure why, but I'm willing to discover with you...maybe there IS a key somewhere that can be passed along.  I'm not on line all that regularly but I volunteer to love you with His love and offer my ear and heart. 

Dx 6/11/2008, IDC, <1cm, Stage II, Grade 2, 0/6 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2+
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Sep 22, 2008 12:33PM faithandfifty wrote:

let's all mentor each other!! what a wealth of knowledge/experience we have here.................

what a great idea held & orli

Keep up with my travels at: www.rainbowswithinreach.blogspot.com
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Sep 22, 2008 03:25PM slonedeb wrote:

held you will never find no other woman field with the spirit than faith she has helped me so much and i know she will help you to i know the anguish you feel i lost my faith a few months ago and these women on here helped me so much i am back fighting this horrible disease and i know all on here are behind me all the way even though i have cancer really bad and dont know why i am still alive but these women here will be with us till the end   i am deb from ky and i am glad to meet you

Dx 10/7/2004, IDC, 3cm, Stage IV, Grade 3, mets, ER+/PR+, HER2-
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Sep 22, 2008 06:30PM Tigwin wrote:

Held, sorry to hear your fear or confusion.  I would suggest you reach out and speak with someone but continue to blog here as you may help someone else on their journey.  I think many of us have questions, fear, anger, depression, joy, happiness....tons of emotions during this time. Know that many ladies on this website are here to pray for you and support you.  My favorite saying is "Let go and Let God".  I repeat this over and over when I am frightened.  I will keep you in my prayers. 

Dx 2/28/2008, IDC, Stage II, 0/1 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Dx 11/12/2015, Both breasts, Stage IV, metastasized to bone
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Sep 23, 2008 12:08AM Held wrote:

The only concern I have with asking for spiritual help so publically is that my questions, if I am totally honest my piss someone off, which is not my intention.  I am just confused and concerned and want to be able to ask whatever is on my heart without fear of judgement.  Does that make sense?

A good friend will come and bail you out of jail....but a true friend will be sitting next to you saying.....Damn....that was fun! Dx 9/6/2007, DCIS, 6cm+, Grade 3, 0/3 nodes, ER+/PR-
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Sep 23, 2008 12:53AM faithandfifty wrote:

Hmmmmmmmmmm. It's very kind of you to be considerate of other people's feelings, held.

You need to seek answers in a manner that makes you feel comfortable. I can appreciate that.

We need to put up a large disclaimer that says: NO JUDGEMENT allowed..... for the seekers who are willing to share & keep their hearts and minds open.

Slonedeb, you sweetheart you. We've taught each other much, haven't we?

Tigwin, that's always been a 'pithy-little' sentiment to get me thru as well. (When I remember it.) Thanks for reminding me.

xx00xx00xx00xx

Keep up with my travels at: www.rainbowswithinreach.blogspot.com
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Sep 23, 2008 12:55AM badboob67 wrote:

Held,

I'm not sure I qualify for "mentor" status, but I have a willing ear anytime you'd like to send me a pm.

(((HUGS)))
Diane

When you're down to nothing, GOD is up to something! bb67.wikispaces.com/ Dx 2/15/2006, IDC, 5cm, Stage IV, Grade 2, 24/27 nodes, mets, ER+/PR-, HER2-
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Sep 23, 2008 01:11AM Held wrote:

faith - i hope you don't think i am not thinking of your feelings!  I didn't offend you did I?

A good friend will come and bail you out of jail....but a true friend will be sitting next to you saying.....Damn....that was fun! Dx 9/6/2007, DCIS, 6cm+, Grade 3, 0/3 nodes, ER+/PR-
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Sep 23, 2008 01:16AM faithandfifty wrote:

oh gosh, no. not offended in the slightest.....

i just meant that somehow, we needed to 'advertise' this thread for those who are open-minded

i was being sincere, no sarcasm.

it's nice that you're thinking of others.......

Keep up with my travels at: www.rainbowswithinreach.blogspot.com
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Sep 23, 2008 02:44AM Held wrote:

Well ladies, faith and I had been discussing my frustration with all those saying such as:

"you don't have because you don't ask" WANNA BET!?  I asked so many times, I am sick of listening to MYSELF!!

"God only gives you what you can handle" - God grossly overestimates me, frequently

"You just need to BELIEVE God can heal you".  I DO believe that - it just seems He doesn't want to, or maybe I am just not a strong enough believer, so that''s why I am still sick.

"It is all in His plan".  Is it ok if I think His plan sucks right now?  Am I going to hell for thinking this?

You  might be sorry you said I could be totally honest.....

A good friend will come and bail you out of jail....but a true friend will be sitting next to you saying.....Damn....that was fun! Dx 9/6/2007, DCIS, 6cm+, Grade 3, 0/3 nodes, ER+/PR-
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Sep 23, 2008 05:13AM SonCallsMeEarl wrote:

  Hmmm?  I read this tread until all of the sudden it stopped. I am lost for words right now, words for you, held. I believe you "need" to talk with your Pastor, because some of your thoughts and questions are those that are above us mere humans. I sense that you've lost a lot of your faith, and somehow you need to find it again.

     My favorite saying (also)    "Let go and Let God."

I will go to bed with you at the top of my prayer list.

Earl Dx 8/11/2008, DCIS, 1cm, Stage 0, Grade 1, 0/0 nodes, ER+
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Sep 23, 2008 05:33AM delorisann wrote:

Held , I think we met a few times in the Chat room. I am a very strong believer in Prayer and I have a very close relationship with our Heavenly Father. I have been healed twice of breast cancer and then last august I fell and crushed my vertabrae and they found a malignant tumor in the vertabrae which they estimate had been there a few years. I was in misery, I called my church family , Pastor and praying friends and we all touched God. I only had to have 11 radiation treatments and I was a lot better, for six months I could not walk without a walker, was in a wheelchair and then one day I woke up and had no more pain and I never fail to thank God for that. My test all come back good. I do have to take monthly treatments of zometa. But I have really been touched by God and found wonderful friends in the chat room and in the discussion boards. I am here for you if you want to vent, if you want someone to pray with you or just listen to you, I will voulunteer. I know God still heals and sometimes it is not in the time frame we would like, but if he does not heal us in this life, we will have total healing in Heaven. I will pray for  you tonight that you find some kind of peace and like I said, if you want to talk, I will listen and offer any help I can give you

Del

Delorisann
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Sep 23, 2008 05:49AM ebann wrote:

I recommend a great book called When GOD & cancer meet by Lynn Eib

from book: During those first early dark days after cacner. I often thought of the sheperd boy David as he went into battle against the giant Goliath. Do you know what his battle cry was? He wasn't like The Little Engine That Could, chugging along and repeating, "I think I can, I think I can." No. I believe he was thinking, " I know I can't I know I can't." he was the youngest and the smallest boy in his family.  Goliath was more than nine feet tall, but David's battle cry was, "I know God can, I know God can." If you read 1 Samuel 17:47 you'll hear his cancer words: "The battle is the Lord's" That  phrase appears many times throughout the Old Testament, and it was what I said to myself as I awoke on most postdiagnosis mornings.

I feel like a little sheperd with a slingshot facing a giant named Cancer, and it is more than I can handle," I told the Lord. "But I am so glad it is not more than You can handle. The battle belongs to You, Lord. Fight for me and through me. Do what I cannot do on my own.  And he did.

Just like He did for Susan and for every other person in this book. Sometimes you may get more than you can handle in your own strength. That's okay. Whatever has happened to you has not taken God by surprise or caught Him off guard. He's prepared for the battle and will equip you with whatever you need not to become a victimo fthis giant called Cancer, but instead, to become a victor over it!

Be encouraged: Even though we sometimes may be given more than we can handle, we never will be given more than God can handle.

Held I have had my questions too. For three years I have had so many problems. In 2006 I was in a car accident and hurt my back and neck, was in PT for a year. Then in 2007 I broke my left arm and had surgery started PT and then broke my shoulder in July continued PT. Then this year in April was diagnosis with IBC in my left breast Stage 3B tumor 11cm, and my right breast DCIS, Stage 1 2cm. Believe me I  have felt like I can not take anymore. I have learned that God has shown me that these things are a process and we are healed in many different ways. We maybe healed emotionally, physically, mentally or spiritually, but we need to be open to whatever God intends to heal us from. It may not be what we are thinking of at all. I was angry with God and just did not understand. This is normal to feel this way. It could  be worse and that is the truth. I do not know what his plan is, but I am open to whatever it is he is choosing. If it is his will for me to go then I shall go. I choose life. I will fight and God will help me fight the battle. I pray that you will be open to this battle and will be a victor instead of a victim. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Blessings

Elizabeth

dove

Elizabeth (EB Ann) Dx 4/10/2008, IBC, 6cm+, Stage IV, Grade 3, 3/16 nodes, mets, ER-/PR-, HER2-
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Sep 23, 2008 05:52AM cjh wrote:

Held,

I agree that the plan sucks right now, but not sure if it is God's plan. I cannot imagine a God that allows such horrific plans. I have a sense of spirit and a peace about this journey, but know my creator is not happy about this pain and suffering going on in his/her offspring.  I definately flunked the mentor screening...

cj Dx 7/22/2008, ILC, 4cm, Stage IIIC, Grade 3, 10/32 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-
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Sep 23, 2008 11:37AM Held wrote:

SonscallmeEarl - your response is the exact reason I did not want to do this in an open forum.  I am here because I can NOT talk to my Pastor.  I can not face his judgement, and don't need yours.  And the last time I checked, he IS human.  Perhaps I have lost my faith, or atleast most of it.  I believe that is why I have reached out to you ladies. 

del, ebann, cjh - I am comforted by your words.  I don't have much time to respond right this minute because I have to get my babies off to school and then go to work, but I will have more time tonight.

Thanks you all so much for your encouragment, thoughts, words of wisdom and most of all prayers.  I have no doubt your prayers gave me the ability to sleep, thru the night for the first time in more than a year.  Thank you.

A good friend will come and bail you out of jail....but a true friend will be sitting next to you saying.....Damn....that was fun! Dx 9/6/2007, DCIS, 6cm+, Grade 3, 0/3 nodes, ER+/PR-
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Sep 23, 2008 01:43PM - edited Sep 23, 2008 01:47PM by faithandfifty

ebann. thanks so much for taking the time to share from an author who has been there/done that.

i have shared privately w/held that my fervant prayers for my first marriage were seemingly "unanswered" many years ago. i lived thru a dramatically public, humiliating divorce process. (my first husband, father of my children was an ordained minister.) the other details of that era are just too "crazy" to consider -- even all these many years later.

i learned to change the content of my prayer from 'fix this so that we are happily married' to 'guide me thru this mess and bring me healing and peace.'

i was always on good footing with our Creator..... but the organized church had it's pitfalls.

it's 15 years later and i've learned much about myself and my faith in the process.

my own feeling is that God wept with me throughout the horrific nonsense that divided an entire congregation of his followers. i believe he weeps with us thru the accidents and illness(es) that we encounter, too.

i struggle with the role of suffering in our lives, particularly suffering in children........

i think that we can offer much to one another here...

thanks for joining our conversation, everyone

must run. see you tonight........ 

edited to add some encouragement from photobucket:

Keep up with my travels at: www.rainbowswithinreach.blogspot.com
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Sep 23, 2008 02:28PM SonCallsMeEarl wrote:

   Held, I am "new" to this forum, and I am also going through many feelings, emotional, angry, sad, happy, lost....the list can go on and on. But I only told you what I felt was right. It hurts me that you reply back to me in such a cruel manner.I AM NOT judging you, only giving my opinion. Your Pastor "works" for God, it is his job to help you. Perhaps you need to speak to another Pastor that is not from your church. Mine has helped me tremendously and yes, he's human too. All I wanted to do was reply back to you because after your last post of spilling out your guts.....no one said anything.  Now I'm sorry that I said anything, your anger need not be directed towards me, but at least I was right about one thing, you admit that "perhaps" you've lost your faith. And faith is what you must have to get through this journey.

Again, we are in this together, sorry if I offended you. Frown

God Bless, my prayers are with you. Cry

Earl Dx 8/11/2008, DCIS, 1cm, Stage 0, Grade 1, 0/0 nodes, ER+
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Sep 23, 2008 04:12PM badboob67 wrote:

Oh, Held...you ask such good questions! I have been accepting of the fact that my experience with cancer (and everything else) is part of an overall plan. I do believe that all things work together for good to those that love the lord. My fear has been that my idea of "for good" might be vastly different than what God has in mind.  I mean, what if me being around would be a great hindrance to one of my children later on? What if the "for good" isn't what I WANT--and, frankly what most anybody would want...not to die from this rotten disease and to be around to raise their kids? What if my desire to see my children into adulthood is counter God's will? Am I sinning and offending Him everytime I pray to see that?

Talking to a pastor can help, but it's like so many other things related to cancer--you really can't know unless you've been there. I prayed last night that God would give me the right thoughts and ideas to share with you. I've heard lots of explanations about the WHYs of cancer. I think that knowing the WHYs can help...but what you really need, Held, is the HOWs, right? HOW do I get through this with my faith in tact? HOW do I not be angry with God? HOW will I ever be myself again?

The first "HOW" that I did when I was diagnosed is the "HOW" that has helped the most. For me, it was not a terrible struggle but I imagine it's not always that easy for everyone. I consider the lack of struggle to be one of the gifts God has given me through this ordeal. What I did was to go to the Lord in prayer and freely give over to him the pain/fear/anger/uncertainty that I was feeling and that would inevitably arise. I asked Him to take it from me and to allow me to focus on the smaller picture...getting through the day. Sometimes the smaller picture means getting through the moment. I did feel a burden lifted from me that day. The difficult part is to remember that you must LEAVE the burdens at his feet. Too many of us cannot help but take some of that burden back and then we're back to where we started. God really does want to ease our burdens; he is our Father and truly does want what's best for us. Sometimes we don't understand how what we're going through is best and that's ok. That's part of our human nature and He understands our fears and doubts. He hurts when WE don't allow him to help us--like when we keep picking that burden back up instead of letting Him take care of it for us.

At first, it felt strange (and a bit like Scarlett O'Hara) to tell myself, "I'm not going to worry about that--it's God's job now." I suppose there are people who would feel like I'm just in some sort of extreme denial. I'm not burying my head in the sand. I understand full-well what my dx of mets means and my daily struggles are certainly not something one can ignore. I have chosen, with God's help, to not FOCUS on the struggle and the fears. I've chosen instead to focus on the good and on Him. I've prayed that my experience--even though one wouldn't characterize it as "good"--allows good things to happen through me and to me. Basically, I asked the Lord to help me with the recipe for lemonade to make from these lemons and He has lovingly oblidged. 

I think it is perfectly understandable to have a crisis of faith when something like cancer comes into your life. The thing is, I don't think anyone call TELL you how to get that faith back...but you CAN get it back. It's sort of like starting an exercise routine. You wouldn't start out the first day after an injury by running 20 miles, right? First, you would walk a little bit. Then, as your strength grows you might jog. After a while you'll be running. It's not quick, it's not easy, and sometimes there are two steps taken backwards for each taken in the right direction. The key is to TRY. Your efforts will be rewarded. God does promise you that. 

So, in order to "get" your faith back, you need to BE faithful in smaller, less difficult ways. Exercise that faith muscle. It will get stronger. As you start to see that God is faithful to you, your trust will grow again and the struggle won't be so difficult.

When you think about what you are feeling right now in this moment, what can you choose to "let go and let God"? Of course, I'm sure you want all the bad feelings and experiences to go away--who wouldn't? But, what are you willing and able to give over complete control of? Be honest with yourself and don't expect more from yourself than you're able to do right now. Choose one aspect of the things that you are struggling with and have that talk with God. Tell Him that you are willing to give over this problem to Him...that you understand your job is to LET Him take it and for you not to take it back. Ask him to help you leave that problem at His feet, to encourage you as you have success and to soothe you when you struggle. Whenever you find yourself reaching down to pick up that burden, STOP! Remind yourself that it is not yours to worry about or "fix" anymore. You have given it over to God...let Him handle it. Sometimes you'll find that you have to remind yourself almost constantly. But, there will come a time when you realize that you haven't worried about that burden for a whole hour...a whole day...a whole week. I promise you it can happen. I do!

(((HUGS)))
Diane

When you're down to nothing, GOD is up to something! bb67.wikispaces.com/ Dx 2/15/2006, IDC, 5cm, Stage IV, Grade 2, 24/27 nodes, mets, ER+/PR-, HER2-
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Sep 23, 2008 05:06PM - edited Sep 23, 2008 05:08PM by traceyz

Held, 

I think your feelings are normal. I remember when I first got diagnosed how I would constantly pray to God about wether I would be okay and get through this. I started to get frustrated because I felt like I wasnt getting any signs from him. I started to get sad because I thought well maybe God has closed his ears to me. Well one day I was talking to God and I asked again for the millionth time am I gonna get through this and be okay, can I get a sign. Immediately I heard in my head, everytime someone comforts you and tells you that you are gonna be okay, that is not them but me talking directly to you. I knew it was God because I am not that talented.Smile Any way I say all this to say that I was expecting God to talk to me in my time but I realized at that moment  that his answers come in HIS time. I just want you to know that you will get through your doubts and you may not know this but I KNOW it, YOU ARE GONNA BE FINE! I am not sure why this happened to any of us but I do know that we can now extend our hands to all the ladies that are diagnosed behind us and help them along the way. Hugs to you, chin up kiddo, this to shall pass.

Tracey

Life is not just about surviving the storm, it's about learning how to dance in the rain. Dx 4/4/2008, IDC, 2cm, Stage IIB, Grade 2, ER-/PR+, HER2+
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Sep 24, 2008 02:12AM delorisann wrote:

Good evening Held

I hope you had a somewhat better day today. I prayed for you last night and ask God to give you some rest and peace. Together we can get thru this. I have a song I sing in church and I would like to share the words with you.

Miracle in the Making

The crowd was great, but she knew she had to touch him, for it was her last chance of ever being heald. so she pressed thru , till she could touch the hem of his garment, Right then and there her miracle was fulfilled.

Have you prayed and prayed and still you have no answer, has your faith grown weak and you feel so all alone. Well dont give up for the God you serve wont leave you. Theres a miracle in the making for you today.

Theres a miracle in the makeing, one just for you , the father is working even now. Your prayers have been heard and the answer is on the way. Theres a miracle in the making for you today.

We will continue to pray for your miracle

Del

Delorisann
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Sep 24, 2008 03:01AM Held wrote:

Goodness Ladies!  I am crying so hard I can barely type.  You are all so wonderful.   I am so glad God sent you my way.  I don't even know where to begin, but I can feel each of you pulling me up with each encouraging word.

You all have given me so much comfort and so much to think about.  Bad, I think you are right - baby steps.  I can do that.  Del - WOW,  what a song!

I have to admit I am a bit of a control freak.  Letting go and letting God is not something that is going to be easy for me.  I am having trouble trying to figure out how to express why.... UGH! 

Just so you know, cancer was not the driving factor in all of this, more like the icing on the cake.  I have been praying for healing of a chronic health condition (a condition that has caused complications for me in almost everything I do) for close to 30 years. No healing in sight for that.  I think this is the foundation of all the uncertainty I am feeling.  How many times do you ask for healing, with no response, before you give up?  Honestly, I have felt (at times) that not only does God close His ears to me, but that He does the OPPOSITE of what I am praying for. It is for this reason that I ask others to pray for me, but have been afraid to ask for myself.  Some of this is hard to explain - you are only getting a little snapshot of things in my life. 

I am feeling a little overwhelmed right now....more later.   I look forward to hearing for you ladies again.

A good friend will come and bail you out of jail....but a true friend will be sitting next to you saying.....Damn....that was fun! Dx 9/6/2007, DCIS, 6cm+, Grade 3, 0/3 nodes, ER+/PR-
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Sep 24, 2008 03:41PM badboob67 wrote:

Held,

Thinking of you today and sending you ((((HUGS))) and prayers! 

Diane

When you're down to nothing, GOD is up to something! bb67.wikispaces.com/ Dx 2/15/2006, IDC, 5cm, Stage IV, Grade 2, 24/27 nodes, mets, ER+/PR-, HER2-
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Sep 24, 2008 03:56PM whoopsiedoodles wrote:

This is wonderful. 

My feelings on the "God doesn't give you more than you can handle" saying is that if you can handle all that, you don't NEED God.  Of course you can't handle it, so you SHOULD reach out to the Lord to hold you and guide you.  This lousy journey of bc is to be traveled on HIS strength, NOT ours. 

"And if it turns out it's over too fast, I'll make every last moment last" Dx 9/29/2005, IDC, 6cm+, Stage II, Grade 3, 0/7 nodes, ER-/PR-, HER2-
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Sep 24, 2008 09:59PM saint wrote:

Hugs Held! we should all mentor each other! I will learn from you......

I am so encouraged by ALL the posts here. We are all different in our experiences & spiritual journeys, yet the common thread is one of love, concern & support---truly The Message!

So...After my mets dx I had been on this hampster wheel for 3 years: if Jesus healed ppl & said, "Your faith has healed you" yet I have not been healed, then I must not have enough faith! Right?? But medical science says I am incurable & if I profess my faith, yet I'm not healed---then I make God look bad to others-RIGHT??  SO MANY questions!! I hear ya sister!! And I never liked "God won't give you more than you can handle" cuz when you have a meltdown what in heaven or earth can be the explanation???? Finally the one I abhorr: "It's God's will!" REALLY????

Here is my take in a nutshell: God's Will? God, like ALL loving parents, only wants good for us---he/she does NOT will bad on us!! The bad things come from OUR free will! I believe that any horrible situation I have examined has an explantion in human free will---I have bc due to choices ppl have made b4 I was born & choices I made myself---the environment I lived in, air I breathed, water I drank, artificial ingredients I have ingested, drugs my mother or I took, cigarettes I smoked, high fat diet I ate.....etc. Add to that the unfortunate combination of some parents' genes & you have MY explanation for much of the evils in this life.

So, she/he does not give us these trials and NEVER promised that we wouldn't face $__t in this life! The promise is--that we will never face it alone! That promise is evident to me when I pray- when I had a meltdown in my car yesterday & I started to cry-- I just hollered--GOD, PLEASE!! I felt myself calm & started to pray harder. Then I felt some peace & my mind cleared of the terror that had been skimming my brain for 2 days: "maybe this tx is not working"

The other lesson that got me off that hampster wheel came from a very wise woman who was talking about the scripture where the man tells Jesus that He does not have to go to his daughter to heal her, he knows that HE can heal her by just saying the word. She told me, "healing" does not mean "cured" --Lights went off in my head & I could barely breathe! HERE was my answer! I have been healed of SO much over the last 4 1/2 years. Tho many are offended by the idea, I have called them "cancer gifts"----I have come to a very good place by accepting the reality of my dx. It took me a while! Give your self time. Love yourself & your body, despite the fact that it may seem it has betrayed you. Most importantly ASK your questions! I think some of them are more basic than Religion can answer, but Faith is a gift. Once given, you may misplace it, but it is still yours. Just take some time to find it----dig down & see it is still there.

I have been working on this a long time. My prayer is no longer specific, but I pray in broad terms. I am mindful of a loving God who will give me peace & strength to face what I must. It does NOT mean I won't get scared again; that  I won't have doubts or that I won't die of this, it does mean that I will cling to the knowledge that my prayer WILL be answered & I am not alone........

St Augustine said, "pray constantly." Even non-believers & science have recognized that prayer works to calm you physically & mentally. Those of us who believe know that it is more than that!!  My advice----pray. As someone else said--exercise that muscle. Even when you doubt it's value, keep praying (as I will for you)

HUGS 

Life is not about waiting for the storms to end, but learning to dance in the rain! Orig dx Nov '00 stg1 gr3 0/27 pos nodes er/pr+ her2- mets dx apr '04 eyes & bones new dx jan '07 lung Dx ILC, 1cm, Stage IV, Grade 3, 0/27 nodes, mets, ER+/PR+, HER2-
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Sep 25, 2008 01:34AM Held wrote:

You guys are the best! I am so blessed to have you guys!

Saint, I don't know if you really WANT to learn from me!!! LOL!

I take my name "Held" from a song by Natalie Grant. Here are some of the lyrics:

Two months is too little.
They let him go.
They had no sudden healing.
To think that providence would
Take a child from his mother while she prays
Is appalling.

Who told us we'd be rescued?
What has changed and why should we be saved from nightmares?
We're asking why this happens
To us who have died to live?
It's unfair.

[Chorus:]
This is what it means to be held.
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive.
This is what it is to be loved.
And to know that the promise was
When everything fell we'd be held.

This hand is bitterness.
We want to taste it, let the hatred know our sorrow.
The wise hands opens slowly to lilies of the valley and tomorrow.

If hope is born of suffering.
If this is only the beginning.
Can we not wait for one hour watching for our Savior?

This is what it means to be held.
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive.
This is what it is to be loved.
And to know that the promise was
When everything fell we'd be held.

It took me a long time to really get what the song is about. I still struggle with it.  Just so many questions..............   I told you about my fear of praying - where do I start? 

A good friend will come and bail you out of jail....but a true friend will be sitting next to you saying.....Damn....that was fun! Dx 9/6/2007, DCIS, 6cm+, Grade 3, 0/3 nodes, ER+/PR-
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Sep 25, 2008 04:38AM footprintsangel wrote:

Held, I am praying for you, I had a time like yours. One year before I got breast cancer I found my mom passed away in  her home. I just got on my feet and a year later I was told I had stage 3 breast cancer. On overload I prayed, Its not my will but thy will, I keep hitting mountains, But pray gets me over them. He,s my joy, He's my light. He's my strength, And my sight. He's my friend when I'm low, He's my Savior, I love him so. May you find peace in your jounery. Hang on! Luv Debbie

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