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Jan 12, 2009 06:17PM
Samiam - I so understand about the second-guessing. I think it's important to remember that you made the best decision possible with all the factors you knew about at the time. Mastectomy and tamoxifen are both really big deals,and you opted to watch, which is what many doctors recommend. I ignored a lump in my breast for a year because nothing showed up on mammogram and my ob/gyn touched it and just moved on - so I convinced myself it was nothing. By the time I was diagnosed it had spread into 2 lymph nodes. I beat myself up for months but realized that there was nothing I could do to change what I did then, and I need all the self-love I could get to make it through my dx and tx.
I was also diagnosed at Stage II (IIb) with a 2.5cm tumor and 2 positive nodes. I did 4 months of bi-weekly chemo, six weeks of rads and have been on tamoxifan for 3.5 years. So far, so good. I'm not saying it wasn't rough, but life continues to be more wonderful than terrible - love and adventures and watching the kids grow up (one moved out!!!), growth at work, etc.
It's perfectly normal to feel the way you are feeling - go ahead and cry as much as you need - this is a huge shock to the system. Cry, scream, rant, rave and then make your plans. This is the hardest part, in some ways - once you've decided on tx it gets easier.
The next step for you I think would be figuring out hormone receptor and HER-2 status, which will help tailor treatment to your specific needs.
One thing that really helped me get through it is that someone told me a the very beginning of my journey that this would be very hard but that it was doable. I said the same thing to a close friend who was diagnosed a year ago and she said it really helped her also. This IS doable - you will get through it and get on with your life and raising your family.
Take good care of yourself and keep coming back here for support.
We are each of us angels with only one wing, and we can only fly by embracing one another. ~ Luciano de Crescenzo
2/9/2005, IDC, 2cm, Stage IIb, Grade 2, 2/7 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-