Topic: I’m so ANGRY

Forum: Just Diagnosed — Discuss next steps, options, and resources.

Posted on: Sep 7, 2019 06:27AM

Posted on: Sep 7, 2019 06:27AM

chaclarey wrote:

I was diagnosed on August 16 and scheduled for lumpectomy and sentinel node biopsy on September 18th. I have been planning and preparing for surgery and whatever comes after. This website/community has been very helpful in providing info and support.

I don’t know how to deal with my rage. I am so angry at the situation I find myself in. The rage is just below the surface but I’m afraid I will lash out at those trying to help/support me. I thought it would subside after first couple weeks but it’s only intensified and it’s making me feel like a horrible person as many have more serious situations. I do not have to finance my own care, have no young children, I have support and diagnosis was not the worst.

What do I do with this rage? I feel it’s consuming me.

Oncotype 16 Surgery 9/1/2019 Lumpectomy (Left); Lymph node removal (Left): Sentinel Surgery 9/17/2019 Lumpectomy; Lumpectomy (Left); Lymph node removal Surgery 10/1/2019 Lymph node removal (Left): Sentinel Surgery 10/22/2019 Lymph node removal Radiation Therapy 12/13/2019 Whole breast: Breast Radiation Therapy 12/17/2019 Whole breast, Radiation boost: Left breast Hormonal Therapy 1/1/2020 Tamoxifen pills (Nolvadex, Apo-Tamox, Tamofen, Tamone) Hormonal Therapy 1/22/2020 Tamoxifen pills (Nolvadex, Apo-Tamox, Tamofen, Tamone) Hormonal Therapy Liquid tamoxifen (Soltamox)
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Mar 15, 2020 07:06PM gussy wrote:

Snoopysid - I wondered when I read your comment if I had written it. I, too, have dense breasts, no family history and only found the 6 cm tumor because two lymph nodes showed up on the mammogram, nothing showed in the breast. It took a MRI to find it. I ended up having chemo prior to surgery to shrink it if possible, which didn't really happen. Then had a partial mastectomy which left me with a rather smaller breast than the other but it can be helped with fat grafting if I want to do it. Radiation followed surgery which really wasn't too bad. This was two years ago and now on an anti-estrogen drug. It's doable and you take it one step at a time. I was glad to hear that you have a brother that be of some support. There is probably a breast cancer group in your city that can also be a source of support. And --- before you start chemo get a good wig. Mine was so good I said it was the hair I always wanted Winking as mine was always very fine and thin. It's going to be OK. Trust me. You will get through it.

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Mar 16, 2020 09:41AM salamandra wrote:

I remember it felt surreal keeping going to work at the beginning. A strange kind of limbo where you know your life is about to turn upside down and sideways but you don't know how and can't really begin to plan for it yet.

I had just started a new job but I was very open about it with my colleagues - because I basically couldn't not be, I didn't have it in me not to talk about it. People surprised me with how incredibly supportive and kind they were, including understanding that I wasn't at my best even though they barely knew me. If your workplace is toxic, you might have to approach it differently, but consider being open if that works with your personality. A lot of people have either been through this themselves or have seen someone they love go through this.

Something that someone said and gets repeated a lot on this board (I can't remember the attribution now) is that you don't have to feel brave, you just have to show up, and keep showing up.

I'm so glad your brother is able to come with you for your appointment. Good luck!

Dx at 39. 1.8cm. Oncotype 9. Dx 9/19/2018, IDC, Right, 1cm, Stage IA, Grade 2, 0/3 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 10/17/2018 Lumpectomy; Lymph node removal Hormonal Therapy 10/31/2018 Tamoxifen pills (Nolvadex, Apo-Tamox, Tamofen, Tamone) Radiation Therapy 12/2/2018 Whole breast: Breast Hormonal Therapy 12/18/2019 Fareston (toremifene)
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Jan 22, 2022 11:15AM tsaerb20 wrote:

That's a fact, jack! You just described me (trim, non-smoker, 10-12 fruit protein shakes & on & on) with only having a tonsilectomy at age 8, no other problems) when for my 70th birthday year & 4 days before X-mas I was diagnosed with IBC. Can you imagine the shock I felt!!! I blamed the chicken industry that day. That's all I could come up with when told at my appointment. IT COULD BE ALMOST ANYTHING (I have since read)!!! Only went to a Primary Care Provider once or twice a year. My anger is with the health care facilities & the terrible way I had been treated & thwarted from trying to follow my surgeon's orders & then trying to protect myself from any mental/emotional/physical baggage as a result of having to get mixed up with the so called "health care" industry.

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Jan 22, 2022 11:29AM tsaerb20 wrote:

I LOVE your sense of humor. We need to learn how to outsmart THEM!

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Jan 22, 2022 01:38PM moderators wrote:

Hi tsaerb20, This thread hasn't been active for a bit, but we're glad you posted. We look forward to learning more about your situation.

Warmly, The Mods

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