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Sep 11, 2019 01:35AM
So . . . I wasn't leaving the thread in a fit of pique or (dare I say) anger.
Mostly I felt that if someone's on the sunshine bus and thinks anger is inappropriate or a way to hide a different emotion, well I flat don't have the energy or the desire to try to explain any more.
Here's the thing.
No one has made me angry. I'm angry, that's my emotion, I own it. It's mine to deal with, and in my own time. Anger isn't wrong anymore than sadness or happiness are wrong. Emotions just are.
My opinion: women are socialized to squash and deny anger or other unpleasant emotions. And for sure, people are very uncomfortable with anything other than "yes, I'm doing GREAT after surgery, etc."
That's human nature. But to go along with that desire for a positive outcome and outlook is often a lie.
I know I'm not alone in feeling unhappy about this kind of dx, or the side effects or the complications or the long term implications. Those are real feelings, true feelings and ones that also need to be explored.
Add in a big ol whopping dose of PTSD and you'd better believe I'm angry. I did so much work on the effects of sexual abuse in my life, and it's beyond discouraging to be dealing with this again.
Tried the tamoxifen, no thanks.
4/9/2019, DCIS/IDC, Left, <1cm, Stage IA, Grade 2, 0/1 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- (IHC)
5/5/2019 Lumpectomy; Lymph node removal: Sentinel
5/6/2019, LCIS, Left, <1cm, 0/1 nodes
6/2/2019 Whole-breast: Breast
9/22/2019 Tamoxifen pills (Nolvadex, Apo-Tamox, Tamofen, Tamone)