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Jun 25, 2021 08:14PM
Totally fair questions. I'm always very, very concerned about privacy as a topic and about sticking my nose into business where it doesn't belong! In fact, at work, PII training is an annual thing. My rule in life is basically...dont get involved in business that isnt mine. The fact is, she's asked for the support, and I tend to dive in and get up to speed soon on these things (I'm an engineer) and denying her help would not be the act of a loving family member. I actually go and read medical journal articles and studies and lab info, and try to understand physiology. For instance, my father in law had a major neurological workup where they basically told him his symptoms were consistent with anterior horn cell disease (a.k.a motor neuron disease, aka ALS or a variant) and yet he lacked key symptoms of that, and I asked the neurologist why he had not ordered a lumbar MRI since he did a brain, cervical, and thoracic. He basically paused, said he'd do that, then found nerve compression in that area consistent with FIL's foot drop. I'm left thinking...why did you skip that test?! My own father had a small bowel bleed and I advocated getting him moved to a higher tier hospital where they could better treat his issue. The small bowel remains an elusive area to treat, even now in history.
I"m not a doc, just an extra set of eyes and ears trying to put things together and ask questions. And I'm always upfront with her -- "if you want me to volunteer info, I can, or if you want for me to wait until I'm asked, I can do that, I'm not trying to push in at all." Oh, she'd tell me if it was an issue, there's no doubt about that. The fact is, there are no other family members. MIL is an only child, my wife is an only child, maw-maw died 5 years ago at 92. And FIL is now recovering from major toe surgery, they are both living with us right now since I built an addition with a large first floor bath 12 years ago, basically anticipating such a situation one day. Ideally my wife will be helping out a lot too, they're very close. But it is summer and we have 3 kids (elem and high school age) and though I'm the only one with a full time job I do have the flexibility to help share the burden. She was able to go with her to biopsy.
Your concern is totally legit, these situations no doubt bring out all sorts of issues, personalities, and where problems may be dormant, they come to the surface. Siblings arguing over what to do, people with ulterior motives, or control issues, etc etc. Thankfully, we are really a low-drama family. She is glad I am working on getting more information, and has appreciated the resources from here I have forwarded to her, she simply doesn't have time to spend on here. I guess, most simply, I've lived a life of blessing, I love my wife dearly and her mother is quite close to her, and therefore being help wherever I am able and asked is just something I do.
(I started a thread over on the 'caretaker' section since its probably more appropriate there since I'm not a patient myself. )
"Yeah, yeah, my s#it's f___d up, It has to happen to the best of us, The rich folks suffer like the rest of us, It'll happen to you" - Warren Zevon. Caregiver to my Mother in law and eager student of this topic so we can help her.
6/23/2021, DCIS/IDC, Right, 1cm, Stage IA, Grade 3, 0/1 nodes, ER-/PR-, HER2-
Lumpectomy: Right; Lymph node removal: Sentinel