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Topic: Grief in the Digital Era: Mourning A Virtual Friend

Forum: May Their Memory Live On —

Honor those who have passed.

Posted on: Aug 17, 2020 05:16AM - edited Aug 17, 2020 08:22PM by Traveltext

Traveltext wrote:

Ive written this article to both reflect on the passing of a long-term BCO member of the IBC forums, and examine how possibly we can deal with grief in our digital world where true identity is masked by an avatar.

NED breast and prostate cancer. More on Male BC

Dx 03/14, IBC, Lgth. 2cm, Stge IIIB, Gde 2B, ER+/PR+, HER2- ; FEC x3, Taxol x3; Mx & 2/23 nodes; Rads x 33; now on tamoxofin.

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Aug 17, 2020 11:38AM Beesie wrote:

Wow. What a wonderful article and gorgeous tribute to Amarantha.

I am teary-eyed, both in thinking about the loss of Amarantha and in thinking about some of my amazing BCO virtual friends from over the years who have passed away and who I can recall vividly, despite being only virtual friends, and still mourn and miss many years later.

Dx 9/15/2005 Right, 7cm+, DCIS-Mi, Stage IA, Gr 3, 0/3 nodes, ER+/PR- ** Dx 01/16/2019 Left, 8mm, IDC, Stage IA, Gr 2, 0/3 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2- (FISH) ** Surgery 11/30/2005 MX Right, 03/06/2019 MX Left ** Hormonal Therapy 05/2019 Letrozole
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Aug 17, 2020 02:03PM bcincolorado wrote:

Thank you for sharing.

Dx 8/2009, IDC, Left, 5cm, Stage IIA, Grade 1, 0/2 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 1/6/2010 Lumpectomy: Left; Lymph node removal: Left Hormonal Therapy 1/14/2010 Tamoxifen pills (Nolvadex, Apo-Tamox, Tamofen, Tamone) Hormonal Therapy 1/29/2016 Femara (letrozole)
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Aug 17, 2020 06:33PM Sunshine99 wrote:

Traveltext, thank you for writing this. As I read posts of others, I often look to see when their latest activity was. If it's within the past few days, I breathe a sigh of relief. "Oh, good, they're still with us!" Sometimes, there has been no activity for a long time. I wonder, "Are they still with us?" I hate this disease.

It's a beautiful article. Am I able to share it with my virtual friends?

Cancer has progressed to my bones. I pray that it never enters my soul. Dx 11/2/2007, IDC, 3cm, Stage IIA, 0/3 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Dx 3/26/2020, ILC/IDC, Stage IV, metastasized to bone, ER+/PR-, HER2- (FISH) Hormonal Therapy 4/22/2020 Arimidex (anastrozole) Radiation Therapy 5/5/2020 External: Bone Radiation Therapy 5/12/2020 External: Bone Targeted Therapy 6/10/2020 Ibrance (palbociclib)
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Aug 17, 2020 07:28PM MinusTwo wrote:

Oh Traveltext - that is just beautiful. There are so many that are gone. I appreciate it when a husband or daughter or sister comes back & posts to let us know that in fact our CLOSE long time virtual friend is gone. I've been so grateful to actually meet 8 or 10 BCO members in my travels. It's such a wonderful experience to put a face to someone you've come to know very well - even intimately - although virtually.

2/15/11 BMX-DCIS 2SNB clear-TEs; 9/15/11-410gummies; 3/20/13 recurrance-5.5cm,mets to lymphs, Stage IIIB IDC ER/PRneg,HER2+; TCH/Perjeta/Neulasta x6; ALND 9/24/13 1/18 nodes 4.5cm; AC chemo 10/30/13 x3; herceptin again; Rads Feb2014
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Aug 17, 2020 08:37PM Traveltext wrote:

Sunshine, yes of course you can share the article. I know the feeling you get wondering about people here, as in where did they go, or have they passed? I wonder if the account settings shouldn't have some options for, those who wish, to include more contact details.

Beesie, thanks for your nice comments. Amarantha could well represent any of the many wonderful people who have come and gone from BCO. I think we should all remember them, and we should all be thankful for the fellowship that BCO has allowed us to be a part of.

MinusTwo, You knew Amarantha as much as any of us and, like you, I would have loved a comment from a family member when she passed. But, we have retrieved much to remember Amarantha by and it's most fortunate that her posts were not deleted from this site. I'd like BCO Moderators to consider changes to the account settings so that a person could request their posts remain in perpetuity.

NED breast and prostate cancer. More on Male BC

Dx 03/14, IBC, Lgth. 2cm, Stge IIIB, Gde 2B, ER+/PR+, HER2- ; FEC x3, Taxol x3; Mx & 2/23 nodes; Rads x 33; now on tamoxofin.

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Aug 19, 2020 05:00PM Betrayal wrote:

What a wonderful homage to a "virtual friend". It's a shame her family is unable to see or comment on how much she was loved by others.

Surgery 1/31/2016 Lumpectomy: Left Surgery 1/31/2016 Lymph node removal: Sentinel Surgery 3/3/2016 Lumpectomy: Left Radiation Therapy 3/30/2016 Whole-breast: Breast Hormonal Therapy 6/24/2016 Arimidex (anastrozole) Hormonal Therapy 5/18/2017 Femara (letrozole) Hormonal Therapy 6/15/2020 Aromasin (exemestane)
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Aug 19, 2020 06:44PM cm2020 wrote:

What a beautiful tribute for a beautiful woman taken far too soon at the hand of this cruel disease. Thank you for sharing it with us.

Dx 3/20/2020, IDC, Right, 1cm, Stage IA, Grade 1, ER+/PR+, HER2- (IHC) Dx 4/2/2020, IDC, Right, 1cm, Stage IA, Grade 2, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 4/6/2020 Lumpectomy: Right; Lymph node removal: Sentinel Hormonal Therapy 4/25/2020 Femara (letrozole) Radiation Therapy 6/10/2020 Whole-breast: Breast, Lymph nodes

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