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Topic: Grief in the Digital Era: Mourning A Virtual Friend

Forum: May Their Memory Live On — Honor those who have passed.

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Posted on: Aug 17, 2020 05:16AM - edited Aug 17, 2020 08:22PM by traveltext

Posted on: Aug 17, 2020 05:16AM - edited Aug 17, 2020 08:22PM by traveltext

traveltext wrote:

Ive written this article to both reflect on the passing of a long-term BCO member of the IBC forums, and examine how possibly we can deal with grief in our digital world where true identity is masked by an avatar.

https://advancedbreastcancer.net/living/grieving-virtual-friend/

NED breast and prostate cancer. Dx 03/14, IBC, Lgth. 2cm, Stge IIIB, Gde 2B, ER+/PR+, HER2- ; FEC x3, Taxol x3; Mx & 2/23 nodes; Rads x 33; now on tamoxofin.
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Aug 17, 2020 11:38AM beesie.is.out-of-office wrote:

Wow. What a wonderful article and gorgeous tribute to Amarantha.

I am teary-eyed, both in thinking about the loss of Amarantha and in thinking about some of my amazing BCO virtual friends from over the years who have passed away and who I can recall vividly, despite being only virtual friends, and still mourn and miss many years later.

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Aug 17, 2020 02:03PM bcincolorado wrote:

Thank you for sharing.

Dx 8/2009, IDC, Left, 5cm, Stage IIA, Grade 1, 0/2 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 1/1/2010 Mastectomy (Left): Nipple Sparing; Reconstruction (Left): Tissue Expander Surgery 1/1/2010 Mastectomy (Left): Nipple Sparing Surgery 1/7/2010 Lumpectomy; Lumpectomy (Left); Lymph node removal; Lymph node removal (Left) Hormonal Therapy 1/15/2010 Tamoxifen pills (Nolvadex, Apo-Tamox, Tamofen, Tamone) Hormonal Therapy 1/30/2016 Femara (letrozole) Hormonal Therapy Femara (letrozole), Tamoxifen pills (Nolvadex, Apo-Tamox, Tamofen, Tamone)
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Aug 17, 2020 06:33PM sunshine99 wrote:

Traveltext, thank you for writing this. As I read posts of others, I often look to see when their latest activity was. If it's within the past few days, I breathe a sigh of relief. "Oh, good, they're still with us!" Sometimes, there has been no activity for a long time. I wonder, "Are they still with us?" I hate this disease.

It's a beautiful article. Am I able to share it with my virtual friends?

my-sunny-side-up.com Cancer has progressed to my bones. I pray that it never enters my soul. Dx 11/2/2007, IDC, 3cm, Stage IIA, 0/3 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Dx 3/26/2020, IDC, Stage IV, metastasized to bone, ER+/PR-, HER2- Hormonal Therapy 4/22/2020 Arimidex (anastrozole) Radiation Therapy 5/5/2020 External Local Metastases 5/5/2020 Radiation therapy: Bone Radiation Therapy 5/12/2020 External Local Metastases 5/12/2020 Radiation therapy: Bone Targeted Therapy 6/10/2020 Ibrance (palbociclib)
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Aug 17, 2020 07:28PM minustwo wrote:

Oh Traveltext - that is just beautiful. There are so many that are gone. I appreciate it when a husband or daughter or sister comes back & posts to let us know that in fact our CLOSE long time virtual friend is gone. I've been so grateful to actually meet 8 or 10 BCO members in my travels. It's such a wonderful experience to put a face to someone you've come to know very well - even intimately - although virtually.

2/15/11 BMX-DCIS 2SNB clear-TEs; 9/15/11-410gummies; 3/20/13 recurrance-5.5cm,mets to lymphs, Stage IIIB IDC ER/PRneg,HER2+; TCH/Perjeta/Neulasta x6; ALND 9/24/13 1/18 nodes 4.5cm; AC chemo 10/30/13 x3; herceptin again; Rads Feb2014
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Aug 17, 2020 08:37PM traveltext wrote:

Sunshine, yes of course you can share the article. I know the feeling you get wondering about people here, as in where did they go, or have they passed? I wonder if the account settings shouldn't have some options for, those who wish, to include more contact details.

Beesie, thanks for your nice comments. Amarantha could well represent any of the many wonderful people who have come and gone from BCO. I think we should all remember them, and we should all be thankful for the fellowship that BCO has allowed us to be a part of.

MinusTwo, You knew Amarantha as much as any of us and, like you, I would have loved a comment from a family member when she passed. But, we have retrieved much to remember Amarantha by and it's most fortunate that her posts were not deleted from this site. I'd like BCO Moderators to consider changes to the account settings so that a person could request their posts remain in perpetuity.




NED breast and prostate cancer. Dx 03/14, IBC, Lgth. 2cm, Stge IIIB, Gde 2B, ER+/PR+, HER2- ; FEC x3, Taxol x3; Mx & 2/23 nodes; Rads x 33; now on tamoxofin.
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Aug 19, 2020 05:00PM betrayal wrote:

What a wonderful homage to a "virtual friend". It's a shame her family is unable to see or comment on how much she was loved by others.

Surgery 2/1/2016 Lumpectomy; Lumpectomy (Left) Surgery 2/1/2016 Lymph node removal Surgery 3/4/2016 Lumpectomy; Lumpectomy (Left) Radiation Therapy 3/31/2016 Whole breast: Breast Hormonal Therapy 6/25/2016 Arimidex (anastrozole) Hormonal Therapy 5/19/2017 Femara (letrozole) Hormonal Therapy 6/16/2020 Aromasin (exemestane)
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Aug 19, 2020 06:44PM cm2020 wrote:

What a beautiful tribute for a beautiful woman taken far too soon at the hand of this cruel disease. Thank you for sharing it with us.

Dx 3/20/2020, IDC, Right, 1cm, Stage IA, Grade 1, ER+/PR+, HER2-, IHC Surgery 4/1/2020 Lumpectomy (Right) Surgery 4/1/2020 Lumpectomy (Right) Surgery 4/1/2020 Lymph node removal (Right): Sentinel Hormonal Therapy 4/1/2020 Femara (letrozole) Dx 4/2/2020, IDC, Right, 1cm, Stage IA, Grade 2, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 4/6/2020 Lumpectomy; Lumpectomy (Right); Lymph node removal Surgery 4/6/2020 Hormonal Therapy 4/25/2020 Femara (letrozole) Radiation Therapy 6/10/2020 Whole breast: Breast, Lymph nodes Radiation Therapy 6/10/2020 Whole breast, Radiation boost: Right breast, Lymph nodes Radiation Therapy Whole breast, Radiation boost: Right breast, Lymph nodes
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Aug 24, 2022 01:56PM moderators wrote:

This is beautiful. Thank you for sharing!!

To send a PM to the Mods: community.breastcancer.org/my/...
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Aug 24, 2022 04:22PM serendipity09 wrote:

Traveltext - thank you for this beautiful article. I have become close to members I've met here; several who I consider family. I've interacted with many others on this site and all of them have had some sort of impact on me throughout my dx/tx and it hurts just the same when any one of our BCO family members pass.

"You can't wait until life isn't hard anymore, before you decide to be happy" - Nightbirde Dx IDC, ER-/PR-, HER2-
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Aug 24, 2022 06:39PM traveltext wrote:

Thanks serendipity09. Some people really shine through in their posts and I think it's these people we connect with, even when it's a virtual relationship. Perhaps it's not really necessary to know these people in reality, but so many of us on the IBC thread wanted more information on Amarantha so I took on the web search project. Our love of this person, garnered only through her posts, was confirmed when the real person's life came to light. You've obviously found out that with your friends, too.

NED breast and prostate cancer. Dx 03/14, IBC, Lgth. 2cm, Stge IIIB, Gde 2B, ER+/PR+, HER2- ; FEC x3, Taxol x3; Mx & 2/23 nodes; Rads x 33; now on tamoxofin.

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