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Topic: Open Letter

Forum: Managing Side Effects of Breast Cancer and Its Treatment —

This is a place to discuss concerns, tips and strategies for all types of side effects from all types of medications and treatments, (chemo/rads/hormonal/targeted/pain meds/etc.

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Posted on: Feb 25, 2013 07:38PM

Colt45 wrote:

I am a husband/ caregiver...

I didn't know where this should be posted---and since my wife is going through treatment now, I just picked here.

I have lurked since my wife's diagnosis and have been posting only for a few days. I can recognize a sisterhood when I see one. An army of kind souls.

I am humbled by your humanity. Your grace. Your power.

My wife says she's just doing what she has to when I tell her I'm proud of her. But she's doing more than enduring treatment for self serving means. She's doing it with a grace that doesn't frighten our 2 small, sensitive girls. THAT is strength. I see my wife comforting our 4 year old over something trivial (the kind of thing only 4 year olds think is apocalyptic) and I see a women of strength and beauty the likes of which I cannot imagine life without.

I read your posts and I see my wife or sister or mom. I see a beautiful woman who is power and grace and humanity.

I read accounts of people letting you down or failing to support you.

It breaks my heart to think that you aren't being held or hugged or listened to to the degree that you deserve or more importantly NEED.

You are beautiful. Worthy of love and support and someone is missing out on YOU. It's not your fault. People with a heart and a soul and a brain are inspired by you. Touched by you... whether you think you deserve it or not.

People in pain don't reach out like you do to comfort others. You ask very little. You deliver day after day for others. And you think you aren't worthy of praise or wonderment or fanfare. You are wrong.

You are to be cherished and held and loved. And even on days when someone in your physical environment doesn't seem to be doing quite enough of this, you are being cherished and held and loved from afar by someone you have touched----even if quite by accident.

Know this to be true.

Husband Dx 10/9/2012, IDC, 2cm, Stage IIB, Grade 1, 1/21 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 11/7/2012 Mastectomy: Right; Prophylactic mastectomy: Left; Reconstruction (left): Tissue expander placement; Reconstruction (right): Tissue expander placement Chemotherapy 12/13/2012 AC Chemotherapy 2/7/2013 Taxol (paclitaxel)
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Feb 11, 2015 04:29PM Colt45 wrote:

KJE54,

I wish you blessings of strength and health for you and your lovely family. You are a remarkable woman and truly an inspiration. I am sorry to hear you are dealing with this again---but my money is on you.
Husband Dx 10/9/2012, IDC, 2cm, Stage IIB, Grade 1, 1/21 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 11/7/2012 Mastectomy: Right; Prophylactic mastectomy: Left; Reconstruction (left): Tissue expander placement; Reconstruction (right): Tissue expander placement Chemotherapy 12/13/2012 AC Chemotherapy 2/7/2013 Taxol (paclitaxel)
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Feb 11, 2015 04:36PM Colt45 wrote:

SongBird68, FeelingFeline and Sabel:

Bless you all. You are amazing ladies. Thank you for your kindness.
Husband Dx 10/9/2012, IDC, 2cm, Stage IIB, Grade 1, 1/21 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 11/7/2012 Mastectomy: Right; Prophylactic mastectomy: Left; Reconstruction (left): Tissue expander placement; Reconstruction (right): Tissue expander placement Chemotherapy 12/13/2012 AC Chemotherapy 2/7/2013 Taxol (paclitaxel)
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Mar 18, 2015 07:27AM Colt45 wrote:

Bump
Husband Dx 10/9/2012, IDC, 2cm, Stage IIB, Grade 1, 1/21 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 11/7/2012 Mastectomy: Right; Prophylactic mastectomy: Left; Reconstruction (left): Tissue expander placement; Reconstruction (right): Tissue expander placement Chemotherapy 12/13/2012 AC Chemotherapy 2/7/2013 Taxol (paclitaxel)
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Mar 18, 2015 11:41AM jlstacey wrote:

Thank you Colt45. What a beautifully written letter. I'm lucky to have a very supportive husband and lots of supportive friends and family. We have two children adopted from Russia, one with a variety of special needs and one with ADHD and anxiety. Needless to say, our lives were already stressful and complicated before I was dx in January. Trying to deal with my son's issues and address my daughter's concerns about me is a daily struggl. Thankfully, my husband is always there and I have friends who step in a lot.

Thank you for the heartfelt message to all of us.

Dx 1/9/2015, IDC, Left, 4cm, Stage IIA, Grade 3, 0/2 nodes, ER-/PR-, HER2- (FISH) Chemotherapy 1/29/2015 AC Chemotherapy 3/25/2015 Taxol (paclitaxel) Surgery 7/31/2015 Lymph node removal: Sentinel; Mastectomy: Left, Right; Reconstruction (left): Tissue expander placement; Reconstruction (right): Tissue expander placement Surgery 2/18/2016 Reconstruction (left): DIEP flap; Reconstruction (right): DIEP flap
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Mar 19, 2015 07:21AM - edited Mar 19, 2015 07:22AM by Colt45

jlstacey,

You will find many amazing women here who understand and are very supportive. Blessings to you and your beautiful family.

Husband Dx 10/9/2012, IDC, 2cm, Stage IIB, Grade 1, 1/21 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 11/7/2012 Mastectomy: Right; Prophylactic mastectomy: Left; Reconstruction (left): Tissue expander placement; Reconstruction (right): Tissue expander placement Chemotherapy 12/13/2012 AC Chemotherapy 2/7/2013 Taxol (paclitaxel)
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Apr 3, 2015 09:42PM Colt45 wrote:

Bump
Husband Dx 10/9/2012, IDC, 2cm, Stage IIB, Grade 1, 1/21 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 11/7/2012 Mastectomy: Right; Prophylactic mastectomy: Left; Reconstruction (left): Tissue expander placement; Reconstruction (right): Tissue expander placement Chemotherapy 12/13/2012 AC Chemotherapy 2/7/2013 Taxol (paclitaxel)
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May 11, 2015 04:32PM Colt45 wrote:

Bump
Husband Dx 10/9/2012, IDC, 2cm, Stage IIB, Grade 1, 1/21 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 11/7/2012 Mastectomy: Right; Prophylactic mastectomy: Left; Reconstruction (left): Tissue expander placement; Reconstruction (right): Tissue expander placement Chemotherapy 12/13/2012 AC Chemotherapy 2/7/2013 Taxol (paclitaxel)
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May 12, 2015 02:43PM Srh242 wrote:

bump

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Jul 3, 2015 11:36AM Colt45 wrote:

Bump.

Husband Dx 10/9/2012, IDC, 2cm, Stage IIB, Grade 1, 1/21 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 11/7/2012 Mastectomy: Right; Prophylactic mastectomy: Left; Reconstruction (left): Tissue expander placement; Reconstruction (right): Tissue expander placement Chemotherapy 12/13/2012 AC Chemotherapy 2/7/2013 Taxol (paclitaxel)
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Jul 3, 2015 04:19PM littleblueflowers wrote:

Thank you Colt45..that brought tears to my eyes! Your family is so lucky to have you!

If it stops the nightmares, it probably won't kill me Dx 3/9/2015, IDC, Left, 1cm, Stage IB, Grade 3, 2/16 nodes, ER-/PR-, HER2- Surgery 3/9/2015 Mastectomy: Left, Right Radiation Therapy Lymph nodes Chemotherapy AC + T (Taxol)
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Aug 2, 2015 12:13PM Colt45 wrote:

Bump

Husband Dx 10/9/2012, IDC, 2cm, Stage IIB, Grade 1, 1/21 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 11/7/2012 Mastectomy: Right; Prophylactic mastectomy: Left; Reconstruction (left): Tissue expander placement; Reconstruction (right): Tissue expander placement Chemotherapy 12/13/2012 AC Chemotherapy 2/7/2013 Taxol (paclitaxel)
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Aug 26, 2015 07:15PM Colt45 wrote:

Bump

Husband Dx 10/9/2012, IDC, 2cm, Stage IIB, Grade 1, 1/21 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 11/7/2012 Mastectomy: Right; Prophylactic mastectomy: Left; Reconstruction (left): Tissue expander placement; Reconstruction (right): Tissue expander placement Chemotherapy 12/13/2012 AC Chemotherapy 2/7/2013 Taxol (paclitaxel)
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Aug 27, 2015 11:33PM Colt45 wrote:

greytmph2,

As much support as I try to give my wife, she is, always has been and always will be her own strongest advocate.

You must be your own strongest advocate. There are many strong women here going forward with the right treatment plan for them----without the amount of support from others that they would optimally choose.

I am praying for you that you are not in a threatening relationship that would jeopardize your welfare in any way. You deserve the best treatment plan for you. I hope you can determine what that is and pursue it.

God bless you

Husband Dx 10/9/2012, IDC, 2cm, Stage IIB, Grade 1, 1/21 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 11/7/2012 Mastectomy: Right; Prophylactic mastectomy: Left; Reconstruction (left): Tissue expander placement; Reconstruction (right): Tissue expander placement Chemotherapy 12/13/2012 AC Chemotherapy 2/7/2013 Taxol (paclitaxel)
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Sep 8, 2015 12:25AM tessu wrote:

your wife is so very very fortunate to have such a caring, loving, supportive husband. (wish my own were even a tiny fraction as kind.

Good luck to you both.

Be gentle with yourself. Dx 7/29/2015, IDC, Right, Grade 3, 0/9 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2+ Hormonal Therapy 12/20/2016 Femara (letrozole) Chemotherapy Taxotere (docetaxel) Targeted Therapy Herceptin (trastuzumab) Surgery Mastectomy: Right Chemotherapy CEF
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Oct 5, 2015 09:58PM Colt45 wrote:

Prayers to you, tessu.

Husband Dx 10/9/2012, IDC, 2cm, Stage IIB, Grade 1, 1/21 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 11/7/2012 Mastectomy: Right; Prophylactic mastectomy: Left; Reconstruction (left): Tissue expander placement; Reconstruction (right): Tissue expander placement Chemotherapy 12/13/2012 AC Chemotherapy 2/7/2013 Taxol (paclitaxel)
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Oct 5, 2015 10:14PM 27heart wrote:

wow. Thank you for bumping this thread up. Thank you for your beautiful encouragement.

Dx at 27. From Asia, where nobody talks about breasts. Dx 5/26/2015, IDC, Left, 3cm, Stage IIIC, Grade 3, ER-/PR-, HER2- Chemotherapy 6/3/2015 AC + T (Taxol) Surgery 1/11/2016 Lymph node removal: Underarm/Axillary; Mastectomy: Left; Prophylactic mastectomy: Right; Reconstruction (left): Latissimus dorsi flap, Silicone implant; Reconstruction (right): Latissimus dorsi flap, Silicone implant
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Nov 10, 2015 08:31AM Colt45 wrote:

Bump

Husband Dx 10/9/2012, IDC, 2cm, Stage IIB, Grade 1, 1/21 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 11/7/2012 Mastectomy: Right; Prophylactic mastectomy: Left; Reconstruction (left): Tissue expander placement; Reconstruction (right): Tissue expander placement Chemotherapy 12/13/2012 AC Chemotherapy 2/7/2013 Taxol (paclitaxel)
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Nov 10, 2015 08:39AM - edited Jun 18, 2016 06:21PM by 123JustMe

This Post was deleted by 123JustMe.
Oncotype 15 zoledronic infusion 10/2016 Surgery 7/23/2015 Lumpectomy: Left; Lymph node removal: Sentinel
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Dec 13, 2015 10:14PM Colt45 wrote:

Bump.


Husband Dx 10/9/2012, IDC, 2cm, Stage IIB, Grade 1, 1/21 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 11/7/2012 Mastectomy: Right; Prophylactic mastectomy: Left; Reconstruction (left): Tissue expander placement; Reconstruction (right): Tissue expander placement Chemotherapy 12/13/2012 AC Chemotherapy 2/7/2013 Taxol (paclitaxel)
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Jan 4, 2016 12:37AM Colt45 wrote:

bump

Husband Dx 10/9/2012, IDC, 2cm, Stage IIB, Grade 1, 1/21 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 11/7/2012 Mastectomy: Right; Prophylactic mastectomy: Left; Reconstruction (left): Tissue expander placement; Reconstruction (right): Tissue expander placement Chemotherapy 12/13/2012 AC Chemotherapy 2/7/2013 Taxol (paclitaxel)
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Mar 4, 2016 02:54PM Birdie56 wrote:

God bless you and your precious family Colt. And thank you.

Bump for all to see

"Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle" Diagnosed at age 59 3/4 Dx 11/12/2015, IDC, Left, Stage IIA, ER+/PR+, HER2+ Chemotherapy 12/21/2015 Carboplatin (Paraplatin), Taxotere (docetaxel) Targeted Therapy 12/21/2015 Herceptin (trastuzumab) Targeted Therapy 12/21/2015 Perjeta (pertuzumab) Hormonal Therapy Tamoxifen pills (Nolvadex, Apo-Tamox, Tamofen, Tamone) Surgery Lumpectomy: Left; Lymph node removal: Sentinel Radiation Therapy Breast
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Mar 4, 2016 11:01PM Srh242 wrote:

bum

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Mar 5, 2016 06:24PM Colt45 wrote:

Thank you and God Bless you, Birdie. All prayers and warm thoughts to you.

Husband Dx 10/9/2012, IDC, 2cm, Stage IIB, Grade 1, 1/21 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 11/7/2012 Mastectomy: Right; Prophylactic mastectomy: Left; Reconstruction (left): Tissue expander placement; Reconstruction (right): Tissue expander placement Chemotherapy 12/13/2012 AC Chemotherapy 2/7/2013 Taxol (paclitaxel)
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Apr 8, 2016 11:19PM macb04 wrote:

Colt, seeing your warm and loving support for your wife is just wonderful. I wish I could say my husband was great that way, sometimes he is there for me, about a quarter to a half of the time, but often he is not or makes me more upset. Unfortunately I have had to put the 24 hour Crisis Line into my phone when I am sad and alone at night and can't really talk to him even though he is just the other side of the bed.

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Apr 9, 2016 09:16PM Colt45 wrote:

macb04,

All strength and blessings to you. I am sorry your supports are not always what you need. There are many wonderful people here who you can draw strength and hope from. Warm thoughts to you.

Husband Dx 10/9/2012, IDC, 2cm, Stage IIB, Grade 1, 1/21 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 11/7/2012 Mastectomy: Right; Prophylactic mastectomy: Left; Reconstruction (left): Tissue expander placement; Reconstruction (right): Tissue expander placement Chemotherapy 12/13/2012 AC Chemotherapy 2/7/2013 Taxol (paclitaxel)
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May 1, 2016 08:51AM Colt45 wrote:

Bump

Husband Dx 10/9/2012, IDC, 2cm, Stage IIB, Grade 1, 1/21 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 11/7/2012 Mastectomy: Right; Prophylactic mastectomy: Left; Reconstruction (left): Tissue expander placement; Reconstruction (right): Tissue expander placement Chemotherapy 12/13/2012 AC Chemotherapy 2/7/2013 Taxol (paclitaxel)
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Jun 15, 2016 09:18PM Colt45 wrote:

Bump.

Husband Dx 10/9/2012, IDC, 2cm, Stage IIB, Grade 1, 1/21 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 11/7/2012 Mastectomy: Right; Prophylactic mastectomy: Left; Reconstruction (left): Tissue expander placement; Reconstruction (right): Tissue expander placement Chemotherapy 12/13/2012 AC Chemotherapy 2/7/2013 Taxol (paclitaxel)
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Jul 28, 2016 01:32AM Colt45 wrote:

Bump

Husband Dx 10/9/2012, IDC, 2cm, Stage IIB, Grade 1, 1/21 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 11/7/2012 Mastectomy: Right; Prophylactic mastectomy: Left; Reconstruction (left): Tissue expander placement; Reconstruction (right): Tissue expander placement Chemotherapy 12/13/2012 AC Chemotherapy 2/7/2013 Taxol (paclitaxel)
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Jul 31, 2016 01:52PM Sabel wrote:

Colt45...I would like to read any updates you have..

I'm doing well having passed my four year 'cancerversary'.. I'm not really certain why the cancer has not progressed, but I'm enjoying this reprieve.

Dx 6/28/2012, IDC, 2cm, Stage IIA, Grade 3, 0/6 nodes, ER-/PR-, HER2-
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Aug 1, 2016 01:06PM Colt45 wrote:

Sabel,

All blessings and strength to you as you continue your recovery.

My wife is doing wonderfully. The term "new normal" is definitely understood here. She goes for therapy with a lymphedema specialist and it doing very well. I cannot pretend to understand what she's been through or what she deals with----but she is a tough, beautiful lady. She works full time, is an excellent mom to our 2 young girls and is my dream girl.

Every day she moves further from the toughest days.

She just keeps moving forward.

Thanks for asking.

Husband Dx 10/9/2012, IDC, 2cm, Stage IIB, Grade 1, 1/21 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 11/7/2012 Mastectomy: Right; Prophylactic mastectomy: Left; Reconstruction (left): Tissue expander placement; Reconstruction (right): Tissue expander placement Chemotherapy 12/13/2012 AC Chemotherapy 2/7/2013 Taxol (paclitaxel)

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