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All TopicsForum: Managing Side Effects of Breast Cancer and Its Treatment → Topic: Open Letter

Topic: Open Letter

Forum: Managing Side Effects of Breast Cancer and Its Treatment —

This is a place to discuss concerns, tips and strategies for all types of side effects from all types of medications and treatments, (chemo/rads/hormonal/targeted/pain meds/etc.

Posted on: Feb 25, 2013 01:38PM

Colt45 wrote:

I am a husband/ caregiver...

I didn't know where this should be posted---and since my wife is going through treatment now, I just picked here.

I have lurked since my wife's diagnosis and have been posting only for a few days. I can recognize a sisterhood when I see one. An army of kind souls.

I am humbled by your humanity. Your grace. Your power.

My wife says she's just doing what she has to when I tell her I'm proud of her. But she's doing more than enduring treatment for self serving means. She's doing it with a grace that doesn't frighten our 2 small, sensitive girls. THAT is strength. I see my wife comforting our 4 year old over something trivial (the kind of thing only 4 year olds think is apocalyptic) and I see a women of strength and beauty the likes of which I cannot imagine life without.

I read your posts and I see my wife or sister or mom. I see a beautiful woman who is power and grace and humanity.

I read accounts of people letting you down or failing to support you.

It breaks my heart to think that you aren't being held or hugged or listened to to the degree that you deserve or more importantly NEED.

You are beautiful. Worthy of love and support and someone is missing out on YOU. It's not your fault. People with a heart and a soul and a brain are inspired by you. Touched by you... whether you think you deserve it or not.

People in pain don't reach out like you do to comfort others. You ask very little. You deliver day after day for others. And you think you aren't worthy of praise or wonderment or fanfare. You are wrong.

You are to be cherished and held and loved. And even on days when someone in your physical environment doesn't seem to be doing quite enough of this, you are being cherished and held and loved from afar by someone you have touched----even if quite by accident.

Know this to be true.

Husband Dx 10/9/2012, IDC, 2cm, Stage IIB, Grade 1, 1/21 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 11/7/2012 Mastectomy: Right; Prophylactic mastectomy: Left; Reconstruction (left): Tissue expander placement; Reconstruction (right): Tissue expander placement Chemotherapy 12/13/2012 AC Chemotherapy 2/7/2013 Taxol (paclitaxel)
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Posts 151 - 180 (186 total)

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Jul 6, 2017 02:44PM illimae wrote:

Thanks for the kind words colt. I agree, I see so many under appreciated here, those that set aside their own pain/problems to be there for others in need.

I'm one of the lucky ones, I have the man I always knew I deserved but thought didn't exist, I see it more clearly as we battle this curse together :)

Diagnosed at 41 Stage IV De Novo Dx 11/16/2016, IDC, Left, 5cm, Stage IV, metastasized to bone, Grade 3, 3/13 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2+ (IHC) Targeted Therapy 1/1/2017 Perjeta (pertuzumab) Chemotherapy 1/2/2017 Abraxane (albumin-bound or nab-paclitaxel) Targeted Therapy 1/2/2017 Herceptin (trastuzumab) Surgery 6/26/2017 Lumpectomy: Left; Lymph node removal: Underarm/Axillary Radiation Therapy 8/10/2017 Breast, Lymph nodes Dx 10/5/2017, IDC, Left, Stage IV, metastasized to brain Radiation Therapy 10/19/2017 External: Brain Hormonal Therapy Tamoxifen pills (Nolvadex, Apo-Tamox, Tamofen, Tamone)
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Jul 7, 2017 05:37AM Colt45 wrote:

Illimae, I am very happy to know that you have the right guy standing there with you. Warmest wishes to you.

Husband Dx 10/9/2012, IDC, 2cm, Stage IIB, Grade 1, 1/21 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 11/7/2012 Mastectomy: Right; Prophylactic mastectomy: Left; Reconstruction (left): Tissue expander placement; Reconstruction (right): Tissue expander placement Chemotherapy 12/13/2012 AC Chemotherapy 2/7/2013 Taxol (paclitaxel)
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Jul 7, 2017 05:40AM Colt45 wrote:

Honeybeaw,

Thank you for bumping the thread. I like to keep it easy to spot for the new folks who come here looking for support. You help with that. Once again, a kind soul does something for others here. Bless you.

Husband Dx 10/9/2012, IDC, 2cm, Stage IIB, Grade 1, 1/21 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 11/7/2012 Mastectomy: Right; Prophylactic mastectomy: Left; Reconstruction (left): Tissue expander placement; Reconstruction (right): Tissue expander placement Chemotherapy 12/13/2012 AC Chemotherapy 2/7/2013 Taxol (paclitaxel)
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Aug 2, 2017 04:57PM Colt45 wrote:

Bump

Husband Dx 10/9/2012, IDC, 2cm, Stage IIB, Grade 1, 1/21 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 11/7/2012 Mastectomy: Right; Prophylactic mastectomy: Left; Reconstruction (left): Tissue expander placement; Reconstruction (right): Tissue expander placement Chemotherapy 12/13/2012 AC Chemotherapy 2/7/2013 Taxol (paclitaxel)
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Aug 10, 2017 02:25PM HoneyBeaw wrote:

Colt

I do think this is a great post and it gave me so much hope and support when first dx, so I think it needs to stay out front for all to see

Surgery 11/27/2016 Lumpectomy: Left Dx 12/5/2016, IDC, Left, 2cm, Stage IIB, Grade 2, 1/3 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 12/25/2016 Lymph node removal: Underarm/Axillary; Mastectomy: Left Chemotherapy 1/15/2017 Cytoxan (cyclophosphamide), Taxotere (docetaxel)
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Aug 10, 2017 05:19PM Colt45 wrote:

HoneyBeaw,

I wrote it for you. And so many others.

Husband Dx 10/9/2012, IDC, 2cm, Stage IIB, Grade 1, 1/21 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 11/7/2012 Mastectomy: Right; Prophylactic mastectomy: Left; Reconstruction (left): Tissue expander placement; Reconstruction (right): Tissue expander placement Chemotherapy 12/13/2012 AC Chemotherapy 2/7/2013 Taxol (paclitaxel)
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Aug 21, 2017 10:45AM Monalisa17 wrote:

This almost made me cry. What a lucky woman to have this type of guy. Thanks so much.

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Sep 1, 2017 03:55PM Colt45 wrote:

Bump

Husband Dx 10/9/2012, IDC, 2cm, Stage IIB, Grade 1, 1/21 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 11/7/2012 Mastectomy: Right; Prophylactic mastectomy: Left; Reconstruction (left): Tissue expander placement; Reconstruction (right): Tissue expander placement Chemotherapy 12/13/2012 AC Chemotherapy 2/7/2013 Taxol (paclitaxel)
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Oct 10, 2017 06:26PM PauletteK wrote:

Bump

Dx 4/1/2017, IDC, Left, 2cm, Stage IIB, Grade 2, 2/8 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 6/15/2017 Lumpectomy: Left; Lymph node removal: Left, Underarm/Axillary Chemotherapy 7/20/2017 AC + T (Taxol) Hormonal Therapy 2/12/2018 Arimidex (anastrozole) Radiation Therapy Whole-breast: Breast
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Oct 11, 2017 02:39PM HoneyBeaw wrote:

Bumping

Surgery 11/27/2016 Lumpectomy: Left Dx 12/5/2016, IDC, Left, 2cm, Stage IIB, Grade 2, 1/3 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 12/25/2016 Lymph node removal: Underarm/Axillary; Mastectomy: Left Chemotherapy 1/15/2017 Cytoxan (cyclophosphamide), Taxotere (docetaxel)
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Nov 4, 2017 03:18PM Colt45 wrote:

bump

Husband Dx 10/9/2012, IDC, 2cm, Stage IIB, Grade 1, 1/21 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 11/7/2012 Mastectomy: Right; Prophylactic mastectomy: Left; Reconstruction (left): Tissue expander placement; Reconstruction (right): Tissue expander placement Chemotherapy 12/13/2012 AC Chemotherapy 2/7/2013 Taxol (paclitaxel)
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Dec 1, 2017 01:57AM Colt45 wrote:

Bump

Husband Dx 10/9/2012, IDC, 2cm, Stage IIB, Grade 1, 1/21 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 11/7/2012 Mastectomy: Right; Prophylactic mastectomy: Left; Reconstruction (left): Tissue expander placement; Reconstruction (right): Tissue expander placement Chemotherapy 12/13/2012 AC Chemotherapy 2/7/2013 Taxol (paclitaxel)
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Dec 1, 2017 01:01PM Georgia1 wrote:

Thank you Colt! Beautiful words.

Cancer touched my breast so I kicked its ass. Dx 9/3/2017, ILC/IDC, Right, <1cm, Stage IA, Grade 2, 0/1 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Dx 10/10/2017, LCIS, Right, 0/1 nodes Surgery 10/10/2017 Lumpectomy; Lymph node removal: Right, Sentinel Radiation Therapy 11/27/2017 Whole-breast: Breast Hormonal Therapy 1/2/2018 Tamoxifen pills (Nolvadex, Apo-Tamox, Tamofen, Tamone)
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Dec 10, 2017 12:50PM Pharmgirl69 wrote:

I'm new here and recently diagnosed. Thank you for the bump. Thank you colt for those words you wrote. Those words brought a tear to my eye. Thank you. I hope this post continues to be bumped for many more years to come.

Dx 12/7/2017, IBC, Left, 2cm, Stage IIIA, Grade 2, ER-/PR-, HER2+
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Dec 10, 2017 04:07PM HoneyBeaw wrote:

Bumping

Surgery 11/27/2016 Lumpectomy: Left Dx 12/5/2016, IDC, Left, 2cm, Stage IIB, Grade 2, 1/3 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 12/25/2016 Lymph node removal: Underarm/Axillary; Mastectomy: Left Chemotherapy 1/15/2017 Cytoxan (cyclophosphamide), Taxotere (docetaxel)
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Dec 18, 2017 05:52AM Magari wrote:

Thank you, Colt, for this lovely post. And for still being here years later to give it a bump. You and your wife are fortunate indeed to have one another.

I am lucky enough to have a very supportive husband and a few close friends who are helping me get through this. But I'm not sure any of them would take the initiative to join a message board on my behalf, let alone construct such a touching and eloquent tribute.

I hope you, your wife and family are all well and have a wonderful holiday season and a healthy, happy New Year.

DTI reconstruction; Cold capped during chemo to save my hair Dx 9/1/2017, DCIS/IDC, Both breasts, <1cm, Stage IB, Grade 3, 1/3 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2+ Surgery 10/15/2017 Lymph node removal: Sentinel; Mastectomy: Left, Right; Reconstruction (left): Silicone implant; Reconstruction (right): Silicone implant Targeted Therapy 11/26/2017 Perjeta (pertuzumab) Targeted Therapy 11/26/2017 Herceptin (trastuzumab) Chemotherapy 11/26/2017 Carboplatin (Paraplatin), Taxotere (docetaxel) Hormonal Therapy 6/3/2018 Arimidex (anastrozole)
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Dec 28, 2017 04:19AM Colt45 wrote:

Magari, Pharmgirl69, Georgia1,

All blessings of strength to you as you take care of business 1 day at a time, recover and move forward to better days.


HoneyBeaw,

Thanks for being vigilant in bumping this thread. You never know who needs to see it or when. The closer to the top of the stack it is, the more likely our new friends will see it.

Husband Dx 10/9/2012, IDC, 2cm, Stage IIB, Grade 1, 1/21 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 11/7/2012 Mastectomy: Right; Prophylactic mastectomy: Left; Reconstruction (left): Tissue expander placement; Reconstruction (right): Tissue expander placement Chemotherapy 12/13/2012 AC Chemotherapy 2/7/2013 Taxol (paclitaxel)
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Jan 3, 2018 03:20PM Colt45 wrote:

Bump

Husband Dx 10/9/2012, IDC, 2cm, Stage IIB, Grade 1, 1/21 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 11/7/2012 Mastectomy: Right; Prophylactic mastectomy: Left; Reconstruction (left): Tissue expander placement; Reconstruction (right): Tissue expander placement Chemotherapy 12/13/2012 AC Chemotherapy 2/7/2013 Taxol (paclitaxel)
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Jan 3, 2018 04:09PM HoneyBeaw wrote:

Bumping

Surgery 11/27/2016 Lumpectomy: Left Dx 12/5/2016, IDC, Left, 2cm, Stage IIB, Grade 2, 1/3 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 12/25/2016 Lymph node removal: Underarm/Axillary; Mastectomy: Left Chemotherapy 1/15/2017 Cytoxan (cyclophosphamide), Taxotere (docetaxel)
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Jan 12, 2018 01:48PM PVM wrote:

Beautiful & touching, brought tears to my eyes. Thanks for writing something so beautiful. Wishing your wife continued healing. God bless you both, as well as all the beautiful warriors out there like me fighting a battle we did not pick but shall win!!!!

Chemo - FEC D / Tamoxifen / Stage III Dx 3/1/2017, Right, 6cm+, 8/14 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2- Chemotherapy 4/3/2017 FAC Surgery 10/2/2017 Lymph node removal: Right, Underarm/Axillary Radiation Therapy 11/26/2017 Whole-breast: Breast, Lymph nodes
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Jan 31, 2018 01:42AM Colt45 wrote:

PVM,

Blessings of strength and healing to you

Husband Dx 10/9/2012, IDC, 2cm, Stage IIB, Grade 1, 1/21 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 11/7/2012 Mastectomy: Right; Prophylactic mastectomy: Left; Reconstruction (left): Tissue expander placement; Reconstruction (right): Tissue expander placement Chemotherapy 12/13/2012 AC Chemotherapy 2/7/2013 Taxol (paclitaxel)
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Feb 7, 2018 12:00PM Colt45 wrote:

Bump

Husband Dx 10/9/2012, IDC, 2cm, Stage IIB, Grade 1, 1/21 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 11/7/2012 Mastectomy: Right; Prophylactic mastectomy: Left; Reconstruction (left): Tissue expander placement; Reconstruction (right): Tissue expander placement Chemotherapy 12/13/2012 AC Chemotherapy 2/7/2013 Taxol (paclitaxel)
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Feb 7, 2018 02:07PM Georgia1 wrote:

Thank you Colt! Hope more women see this.

Cancer touched my breast so I kicked its ass. Dx 9/3/2017, ILC/IDC, Right, <1cm, Stage IA, Grade 2, 0/1 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Dx 10/10/2017, LCIS, Right, 0/1 nodes Surgery 10/10/2017 Lumpectomy; Lymph node removal: Right, Sentinel Radiation Therapy 11/27/2017 Whole-breast: Breast Hormonal Therapy 1/2/2018 Tamoxifen pills (Nolvadex, Apo-Tamox, Tamofen, Tamone)
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Mar 2, 2018 06:56PM Colt45 wrote:

Bump

Husband Dx 10/9/2012, IDC, 2cm, Stage IIB, Grade 1, 1/21 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 11/7/2012 Mastectomy: Right; Prophylactic mastectomy: Left; Reconstruction (left): Tissue expander placement; Reconstruction (right): Tissue expander placement Chemotherapy 12/13/2012 AC Chemotherapy 2/7/2013 Taxol (paclitaxel)
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Apr 9, 2018 01:47AM Colt45 wrote:

Bump

Husband Dx 10/9/2012, IDC, 2cm, Stage IIB, Grade 1, 1/21 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 11/7/2012 Mastectomy: Right; Prophylactic mastectomy: Left; Reconstruction (left): Tissue expander placement; Reconstruction (right): Tissue expander placement Chemotherapy 12/13/2012 AC Chemotherapy 2/7/2013 Taxol (paclitaxel)
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Apr 9, 2018 12:11PM HoneyBeaw wrote:

Bumping...........But might add that in March I was 1 year from my last Chemo Treatment and doing well............On to another 20

Surgery 11/27/2016 Lumpectomy: Left Dx 12/5/2016, IDC, Left, 2cm, Stage IIB, Grade 2, 1/3 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 12/25/2016 Lymph node removal: Underarm/Axillary; Mastectomy: Left Chemotherapy 1/15/2017 Cytoxan (cyclophosphamide), Taxotere (docetaxel)
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Apr 24, 2018 01:38AM - edited Apr 24, 2018 01:38AM by Colt45

HoneyBeaw,

Great news! Another milestone achieved on your road to recovery. Keep moving forward.

Husband Dx 10/9/2012, IDC, 2cm, Stage IIB, Grade 1, 1/21 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 11/7/2012 Mastectomy: Right; Prophylactic mastectomy: Left; Reconstruction (left): Tissue expander placement; Reconstruction (right): Tissue expander placement Chemotherapy 12/13/2012 AC Chemotherapy 2/7/2013 Taxol (paclitaxel)
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Apr 28, 2018 04:14AM - edited Apr 28, 2018 06:14AM by Warrior2018

This brought on the tears. Admittly that happens offten with all these crazy hormones! But the lens through which your see your wife, is truly one of grace and beauty. I'm also one of the lucky ones that has supportive family and friends but my DH isn't as eloquent. We sometimes fight because he doesn't know or predict my needs (how could he!) or we argue because he wants to do more for me and I'm trying to be strong and do it all, prove to myself that I'm stronger because of all this. But seeing your words and the fact that they are kept in the forefront, it is just the sweetest and will always be a reminder to me to not take any of this craziness, pain, love, struggle, confusion and support for granted. Thank you for writing this.

AKA- Paleo Unicorn 🦄😊 Dx 3/14/2018, IDC, Left, 1cm, Stage IA, Grade 2, 0/6 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- (FISH) Surgery 4/25/2018 Lumpectomy: Left; Lymph node removal: Sentinel; Reconstruction (left); Reconstruction (right)
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May 13, 2018 01:53PM Colt45 wrote:

Warrior2018,

This is cut and pasted from a previous reply I made in this thread. I wanted to share it with you because I hear what you’re saying about the struggles with your husband and I might understand what he is trying to deal with at least on some level (though I do not pretend to know precisely what anyone else is going through). Anyway, here goes:

“I bump this post every so often in case it gets buried.

I think we men are just scared. We're scared for you because we love you and we're scared for us because we need you.

Desperately.

We don't always show how we feel. I dunno. Maybe sometimes we can't. Can't because we aren't good at it. Can't because we're afraid to try....because it might cause us to just fall apart.

I suspect that some men are barely keeping it together and can't really get themselves to stare this in the face-----not because we don't believe you'll be okay... but because even the thought that something dares to threaten you is too much to bear. It's not something we can fix. In many, many cases you'll be fine despite this. But it just exposes us to our utter lack of power in this instance and that frightens and angers us.

What is left is merely to hold, hug and support. And I pray we all get better at that for no other reason than you need us to.

We love you. Our means of delivering that message is often clumsy and inadequate-----but if there was some machine you could hook up to us that showed the burning desire we have that everything gets better for you-----you'd see our that our hearts are beating FOR you. They always have. Always will.

I pray you all get that needed warmth.

You amazing, beautiful people deserve it.

Love to you all.”

God bless you in your recovery as you move on to better times.

Husband Dx 10/9/2012, IDC, 2cm, Stage IIB, Grade 1, 1/21 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 11/7/2012 Mastectomy: Right; Prophylactic mastectomy: Left; Reconstruction (left): Tissue expander placement; Reconstruction (right): Tissue expander placement Chemotherapy 12/13/2012 AC Chemotherapy 2/7/2013 Taxol (paclitaxel)
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May 13, 2018 03:35PM HoneyBeaw wrote:

Well Said,Colt

I to think that is the case with many loved one when facing something horrible happening to someone you love .

Surgery 11/27/2016 Lumpectomy: Left Dx 12/5/2016, IDC, Left, 2cm, Stage IIB, Grade 2, 1/3 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 12/25/2016 Lymph node removal: Underarm/Axillary; Mastectomy: Left Chemotherapy 1/15/2017 Cytoxan (cyclophosphamide), Taxotere (docetaxel)

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