Topic: I'm waiting, too

Forum: Waiting for Test Results — We know, waiting is VERY difficult but we're here for you.

Posted on: May 12, 2015 01:24PM

Posted on: May 12, 2015 01:24PM

dragonista17 wrote:

Ugh! But glad I found this site recently.

Had a surgical biopsy yesterday (couldn't do stereotactic due to neck issues). Microcalcifications, BI-RADS rating 4, no letter. There were only 2, but still classified as a cluster, in linear formation. I'm a nervous wreck, wondering how I've come to find myself here. Yesterday, while waiting for the radiologist to come into the room, I located all the on/off switches for all the machines, imagined turning them all off, turning off the lights, and vanishing! Yes, my sense of humor has gotten very weird from the anxiety. It was also the first time I cried since the extra screenings began.

My bs will be phoning with the results, either tomorrow or the day after tomorrow. I realize in the scheme of things it's not such a long time, but it's really an eternity. I have another underlying medical issue which makes all this rather more complicated. Just trying to keep the anxiety down now. The usual distractions, meditating, etc only work for so long.

Not ready to discuss much with anyone other than my husband, so thanks for having a place to allow me to vent. Trying hard not to catastrophize here.

Dx 5/11/2015, DCIS, Right, 1cm, Stage 0, Grade 3, ER+/PR+
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May 12, 2015 02:04PM moderators wrote:

Welcome Dragonista! We're sorry you're going through this, but happy you found us too! You're sure to find great support here, and definitely a place to vent as much as you'd like.

We're all hoping for the best for you. Please keep us posted.

--The Mods

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May 12, 2015 02:23PM 10Mojo wrote:

Your comments are the first laugh I've had since this stuff began. Thank you. Vanishing sounds good to me.

Biopsy yesterday, results in a few days. Couldn't happen at a busier time of year. Don't want the kids knowing anything as they have such wonderful things going on this summer. I finally got Xanax which really dials down the anxiety. But I am just so worn out with this hanging over me and all the stuff I google.

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May 12, 2015 02:39PM dragonista17 wrote:

Sorry to hear you're going through this, too.

I haven't said anything to the kids (grown) either, but what's there to tell them yet? I hate the waiting. I'm sure I'd hate bad info way more more... And yes, this is exhausting. And google is not necessarily our friend. Hang in there

Dx 5/11/2015, DCIS, Right, 1cm, Stage 0, Grade 3, ER+/PR+
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May 13, 2015 10:55PM - edited May 13, 2015 10:56PM by Hummbird15

Dragonista17 I like your post, vanishing. That's a thought! So far I cried once, sitting alone waiting for my first surgical consultation for my BIRAD 5 calcifications in my right breast. The only reason I saw the paperwork was that I was transferring it on a CD from where I did my follow up mammo. I looked at the CD and I Googled it of course. Until then, no one explained the BIRAD class to me and I am wondering why the hell am I in a surgical consult? I am not having surgery. The doctor who reviewed my follow up mammo kept thanking me for coming in, he was just passionate about his job, right? Well, based on my search the odds were not good.

Sitting there alone, I was thinking about how I would tell my friends, who I moved away from 2 1/2 years ago. I cracked! I pulled myself together before the surgeon came in, but I felt pretty panicked. She explained it all to me and confirmed the high probability of cancer.

Since then my stereotactic biopsy was b9 (yay?) but as my my surgeon is relaying the results she tells me I'm still in the 80% likelihood it's cancer group and I'm like, what? She is clearly still concerned and next week is my lumpectomy to get this mass out. I have been on that "what if it is" and "no it's not" roller coaster for a month now. Final resolution is over a week out. My concentration is off at work and my patience is very thin at times. Monday is my pre-op, so I may see about some Xanax or something to help with pre-op jitters. I don't see anxiety getting better before then. Until this process I have only had wisdom teeth out, a mole removed and lasik, no real bodily incisions. Very nervous!

Only a few select folks know what I am dealing with, no family members yet besides my hubby. I'm also glad to have found this place to mind purge and get more information from real people and not internet stories.

To top off the waiting, I have to go back in about 4 months for a follow up mammo on the left breast due to some lesser calcifications. I'm starting to get worn out enough now due to poor sleep and stress that my interest in looking up more information is almost gone. I just hope I get my results before the holiday weekend otherwise I will be sitting and wondering that much longer. What a ride!

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May 14, 2015 10:16AM dragonista17 wrote:

Oh my, you sure have a lot going on. Such a scary time, not to mention confusing. As for xanax - hey, I figure whatever we need to get us through, that's what we do, right?

I thought I'd have my results yesterday, but nope, nothing. I sort of practiced, as others have mentioned, thinking OK, I have cancer, what's my next step? I'm afraid to be too optimistic, given the particulars in my situation. I was actually relieved last night not to have bad information and ended up sleeping like a baby. Of course, I pretty much jump out of my skin ever time the phone rings. I will definitely be getting my results today, probably in the next couple of hours, and am a wreck. I literally can't see straight - the stress is making my vision wonky. Just trying to keep busy. Even my little dogs know something's up, they're being extra attentive and affectionate.

A few people know I had the biopsy - only the ones who have a good understanding of what this is all about. I sent them emails when I got home, letting them know things went just fine and I was recovering. I'm thankful that no one has called, even though I know they're anxiously waiting to hear. I don't want to talk to anyone yet. I'm thankful for this website. I learned about BI-RADS ratings here, so I asked the radiologist what mine is as she was doing the prep stuff pre-biopsy. I thought she'd say 3, she said 4. I know it's possible this *thing* is benign (no mass, btw), but still feeling pretty doomed right now.

I wish you great luck with your upcoming procedure, thinking positive thoughts for you, and everyone. I wanna get off this train now! Conductor ... let me out please!!

Dx 5/11/2015, DCIS, Right, 1cm, Stage 0, Grade 3, ER+/PR+
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May 14, 2015 12:27PM 10Mojo wrote:

yep, me too- I expect they'll be phoning today or tomorrow at the latest. I feel like I'm waiting on a reprieve from the governor.

And Hummbird- what a crazy ride you are on indeed. I hope you get the answers you want ASAP. Congrats on the b9 result. Regardless what they want you to do now- it's a celebration in my mind

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May 14, 2015 02:01PM dragonista17 wrote:

"a reprieve from the governor" - OK, that's funny, I needed the laugh. Gallows humor for me today.

Finally spoke to the bs. I have DCIS. The margins weren't great, so scheduled for an MRI Friday of next week. A double eternity, I think. I also think this breast is getting waaaay too many selfies lately. Way. Ugh.

OK. I realize things could be worse. Things could also be better.

Dx 5/11/2015, DCIS, Right, 1cm, Stage 0, Grade 3, ER+/PR+
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May 14, 2015 03:53PM 10Mojo wrote:


I'm sorry they did not say -" never mind, all clear " but from what I know about DCIS -very encouraging. It just sucks not being able to get out of this revolving door that involves just more waiting.

Sending good thoughts for the MRI and will look forward to your posts!

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May 16, 2015 09:48AM dragonista17 wrote:

Thanks, Mojo.

I'm calmer now. Another week until the MRI, which isn't until Friday afternoon. I guess I'll have the dreaded weekend wait for results. Apparently I need bloodwork before this MRI - don't know way, never needed that before, seems ominous to me, but will find out what they're looking for. Meanwhile, it seems I have this whole week to get used to the idea that I have this "thang". Still trouble saying it, unless I'm making a joke. ( many bad jokes! but it helps me deal...) Not too many people know. Those who do are concerned and are asking good questions, but I just don't have the answers yet. Note to self: don't tell anyone else before getting those answers... Meanwhile, no one has yet told me I'm lucky that this is "all" I have. I have gotten a taste of the dynamics of telling people, though. Apparently I remain the calm one, helping to calm others' anxiety. Not sure how long or well that will last. This is going to be eye-opening in so many ways. I prefer to think about things like this, rather than more tests and rads, etc.

Also - I've always been the anti-journaler - until now. I plan to journal, I think it will help me organize my thoughts and stay grounded, and probably help in other ways. Just another way my world is becoming lopsided:)

Dx 5/11/2015, DCIS, Right, 1cm, Stage 0, Grade 3, ER+/PR+
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Jan 28, 2016 01:56PM - edited Jan 28, 2016 01:57PM by simba15

oh my! After reading all of these posts, I'm more of a wreck than I was! I'm waiting to have a biopsy done on a lump I found a couple of weeks ago in my left breast. It is same breast I had in-situ carcinoma in back in 2001. I am a nervous wreck going on with "what if's"! I am normally a positive person, but this second time around is getting the best of me. The waiting is pure murder, excuse expression! The xanax is sounding like a good idea at this moment. Thank you for "listening" to me sound off!!!

Cynthia Booth

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