Dec 3, 2021 03:41PM - edited Dec 3, 2021 07:20PM by wondering44

Hi emstein,

I am sorry you are here.It is a lot to go through. However, I am glad you found us. This place is full of support from so many who have been down each step on your road.

Birads 5 is not great to see for anyone. Until a biopsy confirms cancer there is always a % it is benign. Even if a small % chance. Great news is that the lymph nodes are not enlarged if the result is positive.

Keep us posted on how you are doing. I wish you a lot of support during this challenging time while you wait.

Dec 4, 2021 05:33AM emstein wrote:

thank you AliceBastable and wandering44! I appreciate your replies. Just trying to take this emotional roller coaster one day at a time. I have a good friend visiting this weekend. We had a cry together yesterday and then had junk food for dinner. :)

Dec 4, 2021 09:39PM farawaytoo wrote:

Emily, I was you 4 years ago. Health anxiety and cancerphobia doesn't help when you are awaiting results of a biopsy.

My suggestion - take those anti-anxiety meds. I was also in a state where I couldn't eat and my thoughts were completely consumed by cancer. Taking meds gave me some needed reprieve from a "mad cancer squirrel" (I likened it to having a crazy squirrel running inside my head, screaming "cancer" any time I tried to think of something else). The image is quite comical to me now, but it wasn't at all funny in August-September of 2017.

Meds were just a little help for to find ME in this sea of anxiety. It was interesting to see that once anxiety was removed I was the same person - I could think clearly, I could do normal every day life: work, eat, take care of family etc. Later on I learned to deal with the anxiety without meds, but it was not possible in the beginning.

I sincerely hope that your biopsy result will turn out benign. But if they don't, you will find lots of support and a wealth of useful information on this site. As Alice stated, everyone here went or is going through it. It is doable.

Dec 6, 2021 09:48AM emstein wrote:

Thank you so much for the care and support. I'm trying hard to stay in the moment and not "rehearse a tragedy". That is so wise Sunshine Gal. And Far Away Too, the squirrel imagery is exactly right. Even when my anxiety meds are working, I sometimes feel like I'm doing ok and then it's like a punch in the gut remembering the situation I'm in. I woke up with an image in my mind this morning- everyone (family and friends) were on the same highway before Monday. Then when I got the call back for my screening mammogram I took an exit. I'm still running parallel to everyone, just on a separate road. I can still see them all and sometimes feel like I'm still with them. But most of the time I feel like I'm just pretending to be going in the same direction. I feel this especially when I'm around my kids. Just pretending that everything is still the same as last week. I'll know on Wednesday if I get back to that same highway or if I'm taking a detour. Apologies if this sounds super dramatic and self-indulgent. I don't mean to be overly so. Just using this space to sort out my feelings. Hope that's ok.

Xo emily

Dec 8, 2021 01:59PM farawaytoo wrote:

I am so sorry, Emily. Next steps will be finding out more about the specific of your cancer and getting a treatment plan. You are in the worst part of it right now. Once you have the plan, you will feel better. This site will help.