Mar 7, 2022 09:54AM
Hi... this is my first post here.
On Feb. 9 I had my routine mammogram. Showed possible developing asymmetry. Had to wait 3 weeks just to get a diagnostic mammogram and ultrasound, which was torture. But at least for those 3 weeks I was able to convince myself it's nothing, it's folded over tissue, it's your implant, it's a scar, etc. etc.
Diagnostic mammogram and ultrasound occur - and I could see on their faces it wasn't nothing. I have a BIRADS-4 (it wasn't graded a, b, or c) superficial hypoechoic mass, 5x3x7mm (so at least it's a tiny little thing) with angular/irregular margins. I need a biopsy obviously. And now I have to wait until MARCH 29 (I'm on a wait list - but the breast center said the demand right now is just unprecedented).
I am losing my mind. I am completely losing my mind. I had what felt like a mental breakdown last night. There is so much medical literature available on the Googles and, needless to say, angular margins is...not good. Also it's a tiny bit taller than it is wide. I'm trying to comfort myself with "at least it's not lobulated, at least it's not spiculated, at least it doesn't show major vascularity, maybe there's a chance..." which seems utterly surreal to even know about. Mostly now I'm just wondering if it's in my armpit, which I won't even know after the biopsy, that will just be another long wait.
My obgyn is trying to get me in sooner with a different hospital system. Fingers crossed. Otherwise by the time I have this biopsy it will be 2 months of living like this. Making things worse on my mental state is that I have a very high level, demanding, corporate executive job. I'm in the middle of a business planning cycle and all I can think about is "will I be doing chemo and how will I lead these initiatives" - again, totally surreal.
I am 44, no history of BC in my family (no history of cancer AT ALL actually - we are dementia/Parkinson's people). Feel nothing. No symptoms. So this was a complete shock - although I guess that's why we do these screening things. I barely even have any breast tissue - I am 90% implants (I know, I know, cancer doesn't discriminate - it's just frustrating because these boobs never did anything good for me).
I don't even know what my question is or if I have a question.... this just feels like purgatory and I thought somebody might be able to relate. I am taxing my husband to the absolute limit with my emotions and can't talk to anyone else right now.
Thanks for reading... <3
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