As per the NHS, I received a letter today with the recent read-out of my diagnosis (last Friday with the worlds worst surgeon). She omitted to tell me a LOT of things, or got some things wrong, and now I feel like its back to planning my funeral. Here is what it says (important bits):
-5cm U5 M5 lesion
- Grade 3 IDC receptors were ER8 and HER2 2+ (gene non amplified)
- Large lymph node in right axilla - still not determined what it is awaiting results from second biopsy)
- MRI scan showed index lesion measuring 16mm,no other lesion which could be an intramamary lymph node, awaiting second look ultrasound
- CT scan showed lytic lesions of right iliac (where I have a known injury) measuring 5.3cm and sacrum measuring 6.2cm consistent with metastatic bony disease. CT also showed a non-specific 4mm nodule on left lung base - bone scan still pending
Im so angry that woman never mentioned anything about the sacrum or the lung bit. I know the bone scan is out yet for consideration, but I thought they were going to ultrasound the suspected bone met, she didn't mention the clip insertion to be done on the lesion.
I knew the risk was there of being Stage IV (and i posted on that subsection too), but this makes it sound like I practically have a hole in my spine and I'm just screwed. I just wish I could find some elements somewhere of compassion in all this mess, for someone to give me some kind words but every interaction with the hospital or people and its a new person and its not delivered well or in its entirety. Every Friday I end up crying and upset and I thought maybe this Friday would be different. Guess not.
My chemo appt is Monday along with this clip insertion and ultrasound, in two different hospitals across town. I feel like such a freak walking among the living, especially when listening to coworkers talk about their upcoming travels and plans and I have nothing but THIS to look forward to. I feel very alone and scared and nothing, NOTHING is getting better. Someone please help me see even the smallest smidge of hope, anything.Tell me its going to be ok long enough to get home to America next summer once im through chemo and surgery and whatever comes after.
9/27/2019, IDC, Right, 5cm, Stage IV, metastasized to bone, Grade 3, ER+/PR+, HER2-
11/29/2019 Ibrance (palbociclib)
11/29/2019 Femara (letrozole), Zoladex (goserelin)
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