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Aug 4, 2020 06:46PM
Jettie‘s comment is very helpful. My DH often says things like, “can I get you a glass of water, coffee, juice, ...?” This encourages me to drink when I’m working on my computer. He also occasionally offers me fruit or other healthy snacks during the day. This is helpful to keep nausea at bay with eating a little several times a day rather than three larger meals.
When my DH says “what do you want for dinner?” It is a much harder question to answer.
My DH gives me space to escape into a movie, book, magazine, etc. Sometimes I need to forget I have cancer.
I’ve received various gifts from friends and family. They were all appreciated even if I didn’t need or use the items. They were given in love and they made me feel supported. Things that I use the most include a super soft cuddly blanket, a scarf, a soft bamboo head covering, an iPad/phone pillow holder, and ginger chews. A surprise loaf of freshly baked bread and invitations for a home cooked meal were lovely (pre coronavirus).
Things that my DH does for me that are wonderful include: grocery shopping, cooking dinner, sweeping/swiftering the floor, watering the house plants, and loading/unloading the dishwasher. (I’m very lucky in the husband department.)
One thing I feel is important and could have even more of is physical touch. Without my breasts, hair, eyelashes and eyebrows and having gained some weight, I don’t feel good about how I look. Hugs of all kinds are the best. A back massage or foot massage is heavenly. It takes a lot of pleading to get this and it is quite rare. 😉
I also think it is important for caregivers to have their own support network and/or therapist. My DH has a college friend that he talks to on a weekly basis. He shares his burdens and fears with his friend and that helps him and me. Having him “freak out” that I’m dying is not helpful. We talked about this in the beginning so we are on the same page about things, but it would be depressing to hear this over and over again.
My Mom took care of me and my drains after surgery. She is a saint. Although I could have done the drains on my own, having her do it was incredibly helpful. If I had been by myself, I probably wouldn’t have been very diligent with this task.
If I tell my DH that I need to vent or complain about something, I don’t want a “solution”, fix, lecture, or demands to call the nurse. Just let me vent. Listen (or even just pretend to listen) and then just give me a hug. You don’t need to SAY anything. You can say you are sorry that xyz has happened but don’t give me pity. I am not a victim
6/17/2019, DCIS/ILC, Right, 5cm, Stage IV, metastasized to bone, Grade 2, ER+/PR-, HER2+ (FISH)
8/1/2019 Perjeta (pertuzumab)
8/1/2019 Carboplatin (Paraplatin), Taxotere (docetaxel)
10/9/2019 Abraxane (albumin-bound or nab-paclitaxel)
10/10/2019 Herceptin (trastuzumab)
3/18/2020 Lymph node removal: Left, Right, Sentinel, Underarm/Axillary; Mastectomy: Left, Right
6/1/2020 3DCRT: Breast, Lymph nodes, Bone
8/21/2020 Tamoxifen pills (Nolvadex, Apo-Tamox, Tamofen, Tamone)