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Feb 10, 2008 02:28PM
Hey, just checking in. guitarGrl, you mentioned "detached" - I can definitely relate to that. A few years ago, I helped a friend through his treatments with lymphoma, and during that time (which was actually much harder than anything I've faced so far since my own cancer dx), my coping mechanism of choice was to cultivate a kind of clinical detachment. I think I've carried a lot of that through to my own cancer. By staying detached through the initial shock, I seem to have worked my way through to a more genuine calm. I know there will be ups and downs and times when I'm going to want to break things, but for the time being - calm it is.
sunflowers, I loved your description of other peoples' reactions. I was (nicely) weirded out last Friday, when someone I hadn't seen since my dx came running up to me at our yoga class and enveloped me in a huge, tearful bear hug. By this time - just over 3 weeks since dx - it kinda feels like I've "always" had cancer. I have to remind myself that for some folks, it's still news.
The other side of that is a friend of mine in another state, who writes me these hysterically funny emails, apologizing all the while - "I hope you're not offended! please don't think I'm being flip! just tell me and I'll shut up!" - that invariably make my day. Like the time he sprinkled his message with hyperlinks to some truly bizarre pink ribbon merchandising efforts, including (and this is something participants in this conversation will surely appreciate) a pink ribbon coffee mug that, when you turned it sideways, the pink ribbon turned into a Jesus fish. (But why would someone turn a coffee mug sideways? I mean, wouldn't you spill your coffee?)
More warm thoughts to all of you on this C-O-L-D weekend.
1/15/2008, IDC, 1cm, Stage IIA, Grade 1, 1/14 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-
3/13/2008 Lymph node removal: Left, Underarm/Axillary; Mastectomy: Left
Adriamycin (doxorubicin), Cytoxan (cyclophosphamide), Taxotere (docetaxel)