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Topic: Bonfire of the Goddesses

Forum: Life After Breast Cancer —

Managing life after a breast cancer diagnosis, including rediscovering intimacy, coping with fear of recurrence, reconnecting relationships, sharing hobbies and interests, and finding inspiration in daily life.

Posted on: Jan 23, 2011 11:28PM - edited May 20, 2017 09:34PM by jo1955

jo1955 wrote:

Jo - Lump, no chemo, 25 rads + 5 boosts, Tamox X5 years . cancerr free since Aug 30th, 2010. April 2014 - Latissimus Dorsi Flap Reconstruction. July 13, 2013 - Hysterectomy due to multiple uterine issues while on Tamoxifen.
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Posts 31 - 60 (10,261 total)

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Jan 24, 2011 04:57PM JanetinVirginia wrote:

Love this thread.  What a hoot.

I'll toss in all my mammo films- pretty worthless as they didn't find my cancer!

Dx 9/1/2010, IDC, 1cm, Stage I, Grade 2, 0/2 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-
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Jan 24, 2011 05:12PM jo1955 wrote:

Definitely want to throw in the rad nurse.  She was such a b***ch and will burn for hours.  The rad onc can follow close behind her.

Jo - Lump, no chemo, 25 rads + 5 boosts, Tamox X5 years . cancerr free since Aug 30th, 2010. April 2014 - Latissimus Dorsi Flap Reconstruction. July 13, 2013 - Hysterectomy due to multiple uterine issues while on Tamoxifen.
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Jan 24, 2011 09:09PM catbill wrote:

I'd like to add any clothing I wore while those %&^%$^ drains were in me...and the surgery scheduler at my breast surgeon's office who told me she didn't have time to schedule my BMX that day.  It would have to wait until Monday, then didn't do ot Monday either.  I'd like to throw in all her stupid excuses too.

Oncotype 8, no chemo, no rads, bilat mastectomy, on Arimidex Dx 9/29/2010, IDC, 1cm, Stage I, Grade 1, 0/2 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-
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Jan 24, 2011 09:17PM Paula66 wrote:

Well I know Im new but I wanna throw in someone.  MY BOSS!!!!!  He crapped on me and my family when I found out I had cancer and I would fill o so good about it. He is a very stout guy so it will burn for days. O and the PJs thatI wore for 2.5 weeks until my last drain came out. I hate PJs. 

Fight Like a Girl!!! Dx 10/24/2010, IDC, 2cm, Stage II, Grade 3, 2/3 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2-
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Jan 24, 2011 09:20PM jo1955 wrote:

Paula - As you think of things to get rid of, come back and throw them on the fire.  We want this baby huge.

Jo - Lump, no chemo, 25 rads + 5 boosts, Tamox X5 years . cancerr free since Aug 30th, 2010. April 2014 - Latissimus Dorsi Flap Reconstruction. July 13, 2013 - Hysterectomy due to multiple uterine issues while on Tamoxifen.
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Jan 25, 2011 10:40AM iodine wrote:

In go the front clip soft bras from Walmart, along with the shoulder pads I used to fill them out while I was being filled.

Here are all the business cards from ALL the many, many places I had appointments.  Whew, glad to see those go.

Now, here's a goodie: MY ADDRESS.  I'm burning it because I am weary of getting all the pink ribbon crap in my mail.  I much prefer the AARP magazine!  If I'm to be identified as a focus group, let it be my age, not my diagnosis.

Dotti---BE NOT AFRAID, Pope John Paul
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Jan 25, 2011 01:32PM jo1955 wrote:

I want to toss in the calendar I used to keep track of  all the doctor appts and insurance bills.  What a shame, it has some nice quilt pictures on it.  Oh well, at least the patterns for each quilt were in a separate booklet.

Keep thinking of things I no longer want. 

Jo - Lump, no chemo, 25 rads + 5 boosts, Tamox X5 years . cancerr free since Aug 30th, 2010. April 2014 - Latissimus Dorsi Flap Reconstruction. July 13, 2013 - Hysterectomy due to multiple uterine issues while on Tamoxifen.
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Jan 25, 2011 10:24PM AnneW wrote:

When I think of all the folders that went into the landfill...if I had just hung on to them, I could be adding them to this bonfire!!

I humbly toss in any negative thoughts I may have had about some of our members whose opinions don't jive with mine. Life's too short, and we're all in the same boat, just use different methods to get where we're going.

2002 IDC stage 1, grade 1, rads & AI Dx 9/18/2007, ILC, <1cm, Stage I, Grade 1, 0/1 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-
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Jan 25, 2011 10:34PM - edited Jan 25, 2011 10:35PM by 1Athena1

I'm tossing my drains, the hours spent doing research, hormone therapy, and I am incinerating all those mornings where I could not get out of bed after 12 hours of sleep due to exhaustion from the hormone therapy.

May I see only the ashes of hours spent trying to get out of bed and make coffee in stages just so that I would have the strength to e-mail my boss to say I was indisposed and could not go to work that day. The timetable went thus: 5 am: get up and get the coffee out and grind the beans. 6 am: Get up and put ground beans into coffee maker. 7 am: Add the water and put the karafe underneath. Set the alarm clock once again for 8 am to see if I have the energy to serve myself the coffee so that I can make it to my computer.

I want to see flames fly when I toss my landlord's notices of rent past due, sometimes because I was too tired to write a simple check and go downstairs to put it in a box. May the fire consume the dust my apartment collected because I was too anergic to do anything about it.

Burn insanity at the stake, if not once and for all, then for a good long time. 

May the silence I kept be muted by the smoke. May I forget how much I suffered in apparent silence to the outside world. 

The sweat that poured from my face onto the floor in freezing weather, the hospitalizations and the bandages can all go.

They will keep the fire burning

And this excellent thread alive. 

Anyone diagnosed with cancer should learn to have a healthy disrespect for statistics. Statistics are maths. It's the science which still eludes us. Dx 3/2009, IDC, 3cm, Stage IIB, Grade 3, 3/8 nodes, mets, ER+/PR+, HER2-
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Jan 25, 2011 10:36PM jo1955 wrote:

Thanks to everyone for joining the group.   A special thanks to Nancy91355 for suggesting we start this.

Jo - Lump, no chemo, 25 rads + 5 boosts, Tamox X5 years . cancerr free since Aug 30th, 2010. April 2014 - Latissimus Dorsi Flap Reconstruction. July 13, 2013 - Hysterectomy due to multiple uterine issues while on Tamoxifen.
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Jan 26, 2011 12:58AM 3jaysmom wrote:

i've been reading it all, ladies.. just am too scared to throw much in. i'm still afraid i might need them.. but, the pink snugglie that i wore to chemo is in the back of my closet.. here it is, let er burn bright!!     3jays
3jaysmom Chemotherapy 4/21/2009 Dx DCIS, 2cm, Stage IIB, 1/27 nodes, ER-/PR+, HER2-
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Jan 26, 2011 02:38AM Little-G wrote:

SmileI haven't posted for a really long time......but this thread is calling to me!!!  It's been 5 yrs since dx.  Most of my shit is gone already, but I have a few tee shirts and pins to throw in the fire!!!  And a cancer book for 'notes.' It can burn!!!!!  My first year I had this pink stuffed ribbon bear in my car.  One day driving, I looked at that stupid bear on the dash board, pressed the button to roll down the window and threw the damn thing out!!!!!!  I had a good laugh to myself when I did it and it felt good!!  So BURN it all and dance around the flame..just like the picture!!!  :-)
Dx 2005, ILC, 1cm, Stage IB, Grade 3, 0/3 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-
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Jan 26, 2011 08:41AM AnneW wrote:

Welcome back, Little-G! Warm your hands around the fire, have a marshmellow, and join this liberating experience with those who "get it."

2002 IDC stage 1, grade 1, rads & AI Dx 9/18/2007, ILC, <1cm, Stage I, Grade 1, 0/1 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-
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Jan 26, 2011 09:28AM jo1955 wrote:

Welcome back Little G.  Some of us have not only thrown articles of stuff in the fire, but people and feelings.  All those count, so stay with us.
Jo - Lump, no chemo, 25 rads + 5 boosts, Tamox X5 years . cancerr free since Aug 30th, 2010. April 2014 - Latissimus Dorsi Flap Reconstruction. July 13, 2013 - Hysterectomy due to multiple uterine issues while on Tamoxifen.
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Jan 26, 2011 10:18AM barbe1958 wrote:

I dropped by to see, and sure enough! My bras are STILL burning! hehehehehehee

Dx 12/10/2008, IDC: Papillary, Left, 1cm, Stage IB, 2/5 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 12/16/2008 Lymph node removal: Left, Sentinel; Mastectomy: Left, Right Dx 2/4/2016, IDC: Papillary, Left, Stage IV, ER+/PR+, HER2- Hormonal Therapy 2/11/2016 Arimidex (anastrozole) Radiation Therapy 2/17/2016 Whole-breast: Lymph nodes, Chest wall
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Jan 26, 2011 10:55AM jo1955 wrote:

I want to throw in the orders I have for the scans. 

Jo - Lump, no chemo, 25 rads + 5 boosts, Tamox X5 years . cancerr free since Aug 30th, 2010. April 2014 - Latissimus Dorsi Flap Reconstruction. July 13, 2013 - Hysterectomy due to multiple uterine issues while on Tamoxifen.
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Jan 26, 2011 01:00PM otter wrote:

Wow, this thread is HOT!  What a great idea!

I have a whole box of stuff ... well, several boxes, to be honest -- that I can toss on that bonfire. 

First, let's go with all the EOB's from my insurance company.  They covered my treatment well, but they made sure I knew about every penny they shelled out on my behalf.  Plus, I want to burn the invoices I received later for the deductibles and co-pays that weren't collected at the time of service. (I can't put the cancelled checks in, because we don't get those back anymore.)   Oh, and all the receipts I got when I did pay at the time of the appointment.  And all the appointment cards...

I have a nice, blue looseleaf notebook I was given on the first day of chemo.  It's called, "Your Journey," or something like that.  It contained everything my cancer center thought I ever needed to know about cancer treatment, including some pages that were specific to the chemo regimen I was getting (which turned out to be kind of useful).  That notebook can go in the fire.  I thought I'd hidden it well, but it turns up every time I go through the guest room closet looking for other stuff.  I get queasy again, each time I see it.

I've printed out dozens -- no, probably hundreds -- of articles from medical research journals.  They are reports on studies that dealt with whatever was happening to me at the time:  comparisons of mastectomy vs. "breast-conserving treatment"; accuracy of SNB; significance of lymphovascular invasion; efficacy of various chemo regimens; efficacy and safety of the 3 main aromatase inhibitors; risk of LE associated with exercise...  My gosh, it goes on and on.  I read more during the past 3 years than I did for the previous 10 years of my career.  (Don't tell my former boss.)  Do I still need all those articles?  No, I don't think so.  So, in they go!  (Ouch.  I singed my otter paw.)

I think I'll take a break.  If I add any more (like the baggy clothes I bought for post-surgery but never wore; and the dozens of bras that no longer "work" for me), the fire will get so big that it might attract the fire marshall's attention.  Around here, they send state officials in airplanes to check out suspicious smoke columns.  Wouldn't want that to happen.

otter

Dx 2008, IDC, Stage IA, Grade 2, 0/3 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2-
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Jan 26, 2011 04:21PM - edited Jan 26, 2011 04:22PM by crusader1

Hi,

Great thread.

I will like to burn all the terror associated with my diagnosis. I would also like to throw all all the bad stuff repressed in the back of my brain,the bad feelings associated with my chemo ..

I too will donate pages and pages on my computer of claims put in by doctors. Prior to this journey I rarely saw any MD's except for yearly stuff and  now I seem to be everyone's best patient.

I can donate my good breast form --heavyone.. the gel type. paid for by insurance used before reconstruction and my camisole designed to hold my drains. Bad memories. Burn them all.

Oh yes I have thrown out already the clothes I wore --big shirts when I was attached to a Vac machine 24 hours a day to promote healing..Didn't work though..

Yes this was a terrific idea Jo.

Feel rather cleansed ..

Hugs to all,

Francine

At the end of this tunnel will be sunshine! It is a sunny day! Dx 9/12/2008, ILC, 1cm, Stage I, Grade 2, 0/3 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2-
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Jan 26, 2011 11:35PM iodine wrote:

Oh, they are!  All those TED hose put on my legs to prevent blood clots.  So many pairs, so many surgeries. 

And---the big thing: my Super Woman Cape: the one I wore when I put a grin on my face and said "I'm fine" when everone asked how I was doing.  The one I wore when I did things I just shouldn't/couldn't do.  The one I wore for my family, lying about how scared and in pain I was, so they wouldn't worry.  I'll never need it again---I'm not superwoman and never was, I just thought that was what was expected to be.  I now know that no one really expects Super Woman but me.  And I know I don't have to do that ever again.  I have learned how to ask for help, and accept it gratefully---then pass it on to someone else.

Dotti---BE NOT AFRAID, Pope John Paul
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Jan 27, 2011 09:01AM MammaShells wrote:

Brilliant thread! I haven't had to go through many of the challenges that I see posted here, but I'm new. However, my husband left recently and I would like to burn anything that he left behind - I kindof want to throw him in too. I'd like to burn all of the worry, self doubt and depression, and the bills that never stop coming. I'm going to come back later, I've got lot's of fuel. I'll bring chocolate, graham crackers and marshmallows!

Dx 11/15/2010, LCIS, Stage 0 Surgery 2/23/2012 Lymph node removal: Left, Right, Sentinel; Mastectomy: Left, Right; Reconstruction (left); Reconstruction (right)
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Jan 27, 2011 09:04AM jo1955 wrote:

MammaShells - Welcome to the group. You can throw in anything you want here.  It can be clothes, papers, books, feelings, people, anything you want that will make you feel better.  We are here to get rid of the BC crap and start to feel good again.

Jo - Lump, no chemo, 25 rads + 5 boosts, Tamox X5 years . cancerr free since Aug 30th, 2010. April 2014 - Latissimus Dorsi Flap Reconstruction. July 13, 2013 - Hysterectomy due to multiple uterine issues while on Tamoxifen.
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Jan 27, 2011 07:30PM crusader1 wrote:

I had another thought of who I could throw in the fire.

How about the radiologist who in his cold cold voice told me over the phone..You have a little cancer. I do believe compassion is needed by these doctors..

How about all my competent doctors who know little of who I am and what I feel..

Definitely the lady from the American Cancer Society who said I wasn't ready to help others. She had absolutely no idea of who I am. What a poor decision on her part..

Hugs,

Francine

At the end of this tunnel will be sunshine! It is a sunny day! Dx 9/12/2008, ILC, 1cm, Stage I, Grade 2, 0/3 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2-
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Jan 27, 2011 09:01PM jo1955 wrote:

Francine - That is what this thread is all about.  You can make multiple visits here to get rid of any garbage you have.

Jo 

Jo - Lump, no chemo, 25 rads + 5 boosts, Tamox X5 years . cancerr free since Aug 30th, 2010. April 2014 - Latissimus Dorsi Flap Reconstruction. July 13, 2013 - Hysterectomy due to multiple uterine issues while on Tamoxifen.
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Jan 28, 2011 01:14AM 3jaysmom wrote:

ohhh!IODINE! i want to throw my superwoman cape in too.. seems if its' here, i forget, and try to wear it sometimes.. not a good thing.. so, burn, baby burn!!

   I also wanted to tell you ladies who didn't know.. if you want to get rid of "foobs" or bras, or wigs, scarves, etc.. for REAL.. Purple MB here, takes any of it you mail to her; and sends them to ple here who need them.she also knits "foobs" for an alternative one, and has instructions for swim Pouf.. ck it out.. here on the board.. pm her. i can't do links, but you can reach her at www.pinkstock.webuda.com: also. its' a great service she does for those of us who don't have ins...    3jays

3jaysmom Chemotherapy 4/21/2009 Dx DCIS, 2cm, Stage IIB, 1/27 nodes, ER-/PR+, HER2-
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Jan 28, 2011 11:16AM molly52 wrote:

Wow! great idea!  I think I have contributions.  Can I throw in the scuzzy, dirty change rooms for rads - along with the 2 chairs for waiting - always filled by another patient and her husband.

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Jan 28, 2011 11:35AM crusader1 wrote:

Jo,

This is the best topic..ever......

Hugs,

Francine

At the end of this tunnel will be sunshine! It is a sunny day! Dx 9/12/2008, ILC, 1cm, Stage I, Grade 2, 0/3 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2-
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Jan 28, 2011 02:22PM jo1955 wrote:

Francine & Molly - Thanks!  I still owe the original idea to Nancy91355.  This is a great place to dump the garbage.  The visits to the fire is unlimited - so frequent this place often.

Jo - Lump, no chemo, 25 rads + 5 boosts, Tamox X5 years . cancerr free since Aug 30th, 2010. April 2014 - Latissimus Dorsi Flap Reconstruction. July 13, 2013 - Hysterectomy due to multiple uterine issues while on Tamoxifen.
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Jan 28, 2011 02:39PM Paula66 wrote:

Ok I wanna throw in the doctoer from yesterday!  He is a big weinnie.  My daughter thought so also.  He should burn for awhile. 

Fight Like a Girl!!! Dx 10/24/2010, IDC, 2cm, Stage II, Grade 3, 2/3 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2-
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Jan 28, 2011 04:46PM catbill wrote:

I'd like to throw in the radiologist who did my biopsy and read my mammo & US.  They were all done the same day, and the jackass didn't have the stones to tell me it was cancer.  He let the ultrasound tech and the nurse talk with me.  They went in circles until I realized what they were doing, and finally said "you mean I have breast cancer, right?"  He must not have worn his big boy underwear that day because he sure didn't "man up" and tell me himself.

Oncotype 8, no chemo, no rads, bilat mastectomy, on Arimidex Dx 9/29/2010, IDC, 1cm, Stage I, Grade 1, 0/2 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-
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Jan 28, 2011 05:30PM beccad wrote:

Not to come to the defense of radiologists, but they usually refer you back to your primary physician, who knows you.  The radiologists usually sit in a dark room and read x-rays, CTs, MRIs, etc.  and do not have a lot of contact with patients.  They usually only interact with other doctors and the technologists in the radiology department.  Their interactions with the other doctors and the technologists are not always pleasant either.  Also without a pathology report they could only state that it looked suspiciously like a cancerous mass.  

Dx 10/8/2010, IDC, 3cm, Stage IV, 6/11 nodes, mets, ER-/PR-, HER2-

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