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Jul 4, 2020 08:40AM
Hi Claireinaz! I am always able to see the screen for breast ultrasounds and I agree, it is very comforting to be able to do that. I used to do US on animals years ago and so it feels kind of nice just being in that setting, even though the subject is my breast. I am leaning more and more towards feeling the lump is a cyst, but of course I will need the US for confirmation.
It is interesting to me how my thoughts on my entire cancer journey has evolved. Maybe it is just me, but whenever issues arise, they can really turn my mindset around. Whatever the result of my US, this has been very positive for me. Finding the lump in my reconstructed breast made me realize the importance of doing self exams on the reconstructed breast as well as my real breast. That alone will have a positive impact moving forward. It also gave me some "peace of mind" for decisions I made at the onset of my Dx with ILC in Dec 2018. I blamed myself for not being more assertive and going for a second opinion after being denied a BMX. While I do still believe that ultimately it should be the woman's choice, I now forgive myself for not going for a second opinion. I have more of an understanding of the fact that while mastectomy greatly reduces the chance of cancer, it doesn't eliminate it. I look back now at what I thought I wanted, both breasts removed with no reconstruction, and I know I would not be happier now, in fact, thinking of what my body would look like under that scenario I am fairly certain I would be much less happy now. I do feel it should be a woman's choice, but for me, in this one instance, my doctor made a better decision for me than I would have.
In the end, as my social worker used to tell me, we make decisions that are the best for us at the time of whatever issue is happening to us. Second guessing ourselves doesn't usually help the situation, and in my case, it added a great deal of stress moving forward.
So, whatever the outcome of my US next week, I am prepared for whatever the result. This experience has helped me feel more positive. I feel no stress over the US because I know it is most likely benign and in the off chance it isn't, I have a team of doctors I trust to treat it.
6/6/2003, IDC, Left, 1cm, Stage IA, Grade 1, 0/24 nodes, ER+/PR+
12/4/2018, ILC, Left, 1cm, Grade 2, ER+/PR+, HER2- (FISH)