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Topic: Lets get to know each other :)

Forum: LQBTQA+ With Breast Cancer —

A special and safe place for the LGBTQ community diagnosed with breast cancer to connect.

Posted on: Mar 18, 2009 01:15PM

dee1961 wrote:

Hi ladies,
I just wanted to reach out and introduce myself, and hope that we can get to know one another.
I will go first:
I am 47 y/o live In Columbus, Ohio with partner of 9 years. I was dx in Jan 09 and had bilat mast 18 nodes removed and tissue expanders on Mar 9th 2009. I am doing well, I will not need chemo or rads. I may have to have my last ovary out and try tamox but not confirmed yet. I had to have a hysterectomy in my 20's due to endometrial problems. Well now it's your turn, I hope to hear from you :) Dee~

Love is never wrong
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Mar 18, 2009 01:46PM NoH8 wrote:

My name is Amy and I frequently change my name- I was pinkribbonAmy for a while and then Obama4President.

I'm currently single, I'll be 45. I was dx in Sept 01, had a bilateral mastectomy w/o reconstruction. Then I  had 4 treatments of A/C followed by 12 weeks of Taxol and Herceptin. I had no node involvement. I was er/pr negative and was +3 herceptin. I was grade 3. I've had a few recurrence scares, but knock on wood so far so good. One scare lasted 6 long weeks after I lit up the PET scan. I had my thymus removed and surprised everyone when it was cancer free. I also had a hysterectomy and  had my ovaries removed at the same time.

I don't have human children, but I do have 4 of the best cats in the world who fight for lap space and room in the bed. They want to be on the bed even when ..... I've had  GFs with me and we're.... busy LOL.

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Mar 19, 2009 04:39AM skylan wrote:

Hey Amy, I was diagnosed with BC in December 2007. Im 43 years old with a loving partner.  Trouble is I'm struggling with the "sex side of life".  Everything scares me. I had a hysterectomy a short time ago and along with my ovaries I'm pretty certain they also took my labido Frown

 I love my gf to bits and she has been incredibly supportive but I worry that she will up and leave because of this whole dumb, stupid sex thing. Up until my breast cancer we had a healthy and wonderful sex life.  

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Mar 19, 2009 07:26AM NoH8 wrote:

Sky, do you think your sex issues are physical or emotional? Maybe your oncologist has an idea or gynocologist has some ideas, because this seems to be a common complaint if this is physical with the changes in hormone levels. If it's emotional (like you don't feel attractive) your oncologist might have a social worker on staff you can talk to or a few sessions of therapy might do the trick. Sometimes just spooning is a way to have some of the closeness without the sex. I wasn't with someone at the time, but my battery operated friend got her usual workout Kiss.

Have you talked to your partner about this? Open communication is really helpful, in my experience. If she loves you, I doubt she'd leave over this side effect of treatment,

USA home of civil and equal rights for all heterosexuals
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Mar 19, 2009 12:17PM dee1961 wrote:

Hi Amy and Sky,
I havent even thought about the "sex side" yet. We have to worry about getting well, then everything else will fall into place. I agree with Amy about the communication. Just talk to her about it and you may find that she's not even aware of your fear. Maybe if your not in the "mood" you both can take a trip to the "toy store" and get her a little something new? :)~
I really think you will be okay, good relationships aren't just about the sex.
Dee~

Love is never wrong
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Mar 19, 2009 05:22PM TorchSong wrote:

Well, I'll chime in here...

I'm 48 (49 next month), dx in September 08, lumpectomy 9/08, started chemo in November 08. I had 3X FEC, then 3X Taxotere--finished Feb 18. I started 35 rads this week.

I started this journey with a partner, but we broke up a few weeks ago. The cancer didn't cause the breakup, but I do think it was a catalyst. My ex-partner is a bc survivor herself (lumpectomy and radiation, before we were together), and I think my dx came a little too close to home for her. Plus we hadn't been together very long (6 months) when I was dx, so we didn't have a very firm foundation to our relationship. So I'm trying to come to terms with that--I wasn't ready to end the relationship, although I knew it would be ending within a few months anyway. Both of our lives are/were in a placve of change, and those changes would make it very difficult if not impossible, to stay together anyway. We were in a monogamous relationship, not a committed one. We still care about each other and remain friends, but it's difficult for me to get used to the change--for her too, although not as much since she was emotionally detaching already.

Wow, sorry, didn't mean to hijack this--now you know more about me than you may want to!

Other stuff to know--I have two cats (mother and daughter), a twenty-year-old son from a heterosexual marriage, and identify as bi. My hair is just starting to grow back in--white/grey peach fuzz--and I'm debating going commando (or maybe baseball cap) to the women's potluck on Saturday...

Can I also say that I cannot WAIT for treatment to be over? I'm tired of dr's appointments and having to think about this every day--not that I won't think about it all the time after treatment is over, but you know what I mean. All the SEs that are still hanging in there from chemo, the SE prevention for rads, the nagging thought in the back of my head--"did we get it all?"--the ongoing need for folow-up and wondering if I'll be able to get it... 

Enough of me... Good to meet you all!

Martha

www.caringbridge.org/visit/mar... Dx 9/10/2008, IDC, 1cm, Stage IIA, Grade 3, 1/20 nodes, ER-/PR-, HER2-
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Mar 19, 2009 10:35PM dee1961 wrote:

Hi Martha,
Nice to meet you, I'm sorry to hear about your relationship. I too have a daughter from a heterosexual marriage. She is married and working on the grand babies:) I can't wait!
I am bi, but in a committed lesbian relationship for 9 years. I also have two kitties, one big 28 lb boy named Bubba and a sweet petite girl names cali (luv em!) I can say that I am lucky not to need rads or chemo, but I may need other treatment down the road. No one can blame you for wanting it to be over with! It is so hard on so many levels to get through the BC journey. And it's different for everyone, but nice to know we have each other to lean on :)
Do what makes you happy and you will never go wrong.
Take care,
Dee

Love is never wrong
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Mar 20, 2009 10:21PM NoH8 wrote:

Glad to hear you're almost done with tx martha. Drs. appts get really old after a while. I say go commando. I did when I was in chemo, except when it was cold and then I wore a hat.  Being bald was strangely liberating.

A 28 lb cat????????????? Wow---  I have a cat that is so jealous, he'd eat all day if I let him.,

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Mar 21, 2009 01:54AM dee1961 wrote:

Going "commando" here means not wearing any panties...lol
At least that's what I have been told ;)
Yeah, I cant leave for a weekend without having someone come in twice a day to feed the cats.
If I left food down Bub would eat it all, then he might even start looking at cali like she's a chicken leg. He's such a pig to be a cat.

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Mar 21, 2009 11:56AM kjd wrote:

My name is Karen.  I'm 52, live in Michigan.  I had DCIS diagnosed 12/03.  Following, my partner was diagnosed with Stage 3C IDC 3/04.  We were both good following treatment, but her cancer is back as bone/soft tissue METS as of last month, so we're re-starting the battle.  Looks like we're in for the long haul this time. 

 Glad to know all of you, but would prefer to not have the opportunity to participate in this 'club'.

Karen

Dx 12/16/2003, DCIS, 1cm, Stage 0, 0/1 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-
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Mar 21, 2009 01:26PM NoH8 wrote:

Dee- I thought that's what commando meant too, but I figured I was wrong.

Karen, I'm so, so sorry to hear about your partner, I wish you both a lot of strength. We're here for you.

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Mar 21, 2009 01:34PM TorchSong wrote:

LOL--It means that here, too. But I meant without my hat, without so much coverage...just another way of extending the meaning: i.e., without something you usually wear, in order to be/appear tougher/stronger/a mean lean fighting machine!

Martha

www.caringbridge.org/visit/mar... Dx 9/10/2008, IDC, 1cm, Stage IIA, Grade 3, 1/20 nodes, ER-/PR-, HER2-
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Mar 21, 2009 05:27PM - edited Mar 21, 2009 05:28PM by Sige

Hello ladies...haven't been here for awhile so thought I'd drop by and say hello.

Martha...I'm sorry to hear about your break-up...sometimes everything happens at once!

Amy...HI!  Long time no see!!

Hugs

Peggy

Edited to add:  I'm not going to go into my dx as it's easy enough to get on my profile :)

"Religion is about creation, and for that reason religion should be about the earth." - Laurie Cabot Surgery 3/24/2006 Lumpectomy: Left; Lymph node removal: Left, Sentinel Dx 4/3/2006, DCIS, 1cm, Stage I, Grade 3, 0/22 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Radiation Therapy 7/31/2006 Breast, Lymph nodes Hormonal Therapy 9/21/2006
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Mar 22, 2009 03:41AM dee1961 wrote:

Hi Karen, I totaly understand about not wanting to be a member to this "club" but here we are and I am glad that we all have each other for support. Good luck with your partner, I am sending all my best and prayers your way :)

Hi Sige, glad to meet you, hope to see you again soon!

Love is never wrong
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Mar 22, 2009 12:13PM NoH8 wrote:

Phew, Martha, that's what I thought.

Hi Sige, glad to see you here.

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Mar 23, 2009 12:57PM dee1961 wrote:

Hello,
How is everyone doing?
I am getting ready to go to the PS to see if I get these drains out, wish me luck.
Maybe I will even get some juice in the expanders today. I'm ready to get this show on the road!
Right now I feel like i have baseballs under my armpits and I don't like it :(
Oh well, that's my whining for the day..thanks and take care.
D~

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Mar 23, 2009 01:01PM TorchSong wrote:

Dee-- I compated the drains to having a ballpoint pen stuck in my armpit. No fun at all, I couldn't wait to have them out! Hope yours come out today!

Martha

www.caringbridge.org/visit/mar... Dx 9/10/2008, IDC, 1cm, Stage IIA, Grade 3, 1/20 nodes, ER-/PR-, HER2-
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Mar 23, 2009 02:04PM NoH8 wrote:

The drains were the worst part of my entire cancer experience. I passed out when they removed the first one only to be awaken by smelling salts, first time for me. I felt so much better after they came out.  Good lucky with the juice Dee,

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Mar 24, 2009 12:11PM dee1961 wrote:

Hi all,
I got two out of four drains removed and it did hurt some, but what a relief already!
I will get the other two out next Monday for sure. He put 125 cc in each expander and it didn't hurt other than the needle they stick into the port. ( I have alot of feeling in my chest even after the masts) Today I woke up very sore like I have a muscle strain. One half of a percocet later, I am doing fine :) I'm going to have to go buy a wet dry shaver today, for under the arm where they did the node biopsy. Starting to get scary looking under there ...lol
Have a great day ladies!
D~

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Mar 24, 2009 12:48PM NoH8 wrote:

Dee I'm amazed that you have so much feeling in your chest after a bilateral.  I'm still numb after 7.5 years. I can totally relate to the scariness under the arms after surgery. Great news though, after chemo my hair grew in much much less under the pits, I have about 1/3 as much as I did before (which is still too much).

Random thought of the day---- I just love Barney Franks.... (I was just reading huff post).

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Mar 24, 2009 01:26PM dswope wrote:

Hello All,

I'm new here.  Just diagnosed - haven't even seen the surgeon yet.  The language here is enough to scare the h out of me!  All the chemo, rads, SE'S drains, ER/PR, grade this & grade that.  I guess one of the reasons I'm here is to learn!

I'm Deb from Seattle.  I'm in a committed relationship of  18 years this past Feb.  We have a 19 yo daughter that is going to be a mom in June.  We have 2 dogs; a little poodle mix & a pitbull. The little one is the boss!

Thanks for letting me join in.  Support from other lesbians is great!

Deb Dx 3/18/2009, ILC, 1cm, Stage IB, Grade 3, 0/9 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-
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Mar 24, 2009 01:39PM dee1961 wrote:

Hi Deb,
Sorry you had to join the "club" but glad you are here.
Can I ask what was your dx? Awww your going to be a granma soon! Congratulations!
Nice to meet you and hope to hear from you again soon :)
Dee

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Mar 24, 2009 02:02PM NoH8 wrote:

Ask any questions you have deb. You might want to start your own thread here because that'll probably get more people to respond and give you support.

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Mar 24, 2009 02:10PM dswope wrote:

Dee,

I'd tell you what my dx was if I new what it meant!:)

Deb

Deb Dx 3/18/2009, ILC, 1cm, Stage IB, Grade 3, 0/9 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-
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Mar 24, 2009 07:09PM dee1961 wrote:

Oh sorry Deb, it means diagnosis. :)

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Mar 25, 2009 10:36AM dswope wrote:

Hi,

This is what I know from my first pathology report:

Infiltrating ductal carcinoma with the following features:

     Tubule formation : Poor (score 3 of 3)

      Nuclear grade: Marked nuclear pleomorphism (score 3 of 3)

     Mitotic index: Low (score 1 of 3)

Bloom/Richardson score (Nottingham modification): 7 of 9

-Ductal carcinoma in-situ with solid pattern, high nuclear grade, necrosis and focal calcifications.

-Vascular invasion is not identified.

WOW!  Do you understand any of this?  I'm still trying to decifer it.  I do now understand that it is, at this point, not life threatening.  Very grateful for that. 

Deb

Deb Dx 3/18/2009, ILC, 1cm, Stage IB, Grade 3, 0/9 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-
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Mar 25, 2009 11:45AM dee1961 wrote:

Hi Deb,
Looks like you have DCIS and IDC.
Check out the symptoms and diagnosis part of Breast Cancer .Org
You can learn how to read your pathology report there.
I also started a new thread called "Just Diagnosed" so you can post any questions about your diagnosis and treatment there if you like :)
Take care and I will TTYL.
Dee

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Mar 27, 2009 10:34PM dee1961 wrote:

Hello ladies,
How has everyone been doing? I am just trying to make it to Monday to get these last two drains out, they have been so painful, plus don't even get me started on the ever so comfy tissue expanders(AHHH I HATE THEM! THEY HURT!!). I hope I will feel well enough to go back to work by Wednesday of next week :) Then the count down to getting the expanders filled and exchanged is on! Hope you all are doing well, take care!
Dee

Love is never wrong
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Mar 28, 2009 09:00AM TorchSong wrote:

Hello all!

I have a new dx--lymphedema! Just what I wanted, something else to deal with the rest of my life. As if migraines, no spleen, and breast cancer weren't enough...

I'm hoping it doesn't put a spoke in the rads wheel. THe techs told me on Friday that the swelling shouldn't delay me, but I take nothing for granted now. I'm going to meet with the rads onc on Tuesday to discuss this with him. I really really don't want a delay--I'm feeling so close to the end!

Otherwise I'm doing OK--my hair is getting thinker. Not much longer but thicker. Can't wait until I have enough to cut or color. Oh, and I'm going to lose a couple of fingernails, I think--one ofr sure. That lovely Taxotere....

How are the rest of you doing?

Martha

www.caringbridge.org/visit/mar... Dx 9/10/2008, IDC, 1cm, Stage IIA, Grade 3, 1/20 nodes, ER-/PR-, HER2-
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Mar 28, 2009 12:32PM NoH8 wrote:

 Deb- if you had to get breast cancer DCIS (ductal carcinoma in situ) is the "best" kind to have, some oncologists call it stage 0.  I don't see anything that suggest IDC (invasive/infultrating ductal carcenoma-- which means that it spread to the tissue outside the lump), DCIS rarely spreads and if you get a mastectomy, rarely needs chemo or rads unless it was close to the breast bone.

Ugh Martha, I'm sorry to hear you have lymphodema :(.  Martha be very careful about coloring the first time. My 2 inch hair fell out when I tried to do that.

Dee- you will feel so much better monday. How many drains did you have all together? I just had two, one where each breast used to be, if I could figure out how to post pictures here, I'd show you.

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Mar 28, 2009 08:31PM dee1961 wrote:

Hi Amy, I had 4 drains, two on each side. Monday they will be gone!! The last couple of days I have made some kind of turning point.The pain has subsided quite a bit Laughing YEEEAAAA!! I heard that there is a picture forum on this site but I can't find it, do you know anything about it? Hope your weekend is going well.  
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