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Topic: I know I can't be the only lesbian out here?

Forum: LGBT With Breast Cancer —

A special and safe place for the LGBT community diagnosed with breast cancer to connect.

Posted on: Mar 4, 2010 10:25PM

cancersucks wrote:

but it sure doesn't seem like there's many of us.

Where are we all?

Hopefully not in the closet.

Wait, is that where everyone is, does this mean I gotta go back in?

 Hugs to all

Cancer sucks!

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Mar 5, 2010 08:20AM - edited Mar 5, 2010 08:23AM by Raili

This Post was deleted by Raili.
Dx 11/2009, 1cm, Stage I, Grade 2, 0/3 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-
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Mar 5, 2010 08:22AM Raili wrote:

I'm here...But life is nuts at the moment - I just told my landlord I'm moving out and he freaked, and I'm quitting my job as soon as I can get the resignation letter written, and I just had to plunk down a month's salary for car repairs yesterday, and AAAHHHHH, it's just everything at once!!! 
But I'm here!  And I, too, wish this forum was more active!  It's not like there's some other website where all the lesbians with BC hang out, is there??  I will do some more Googling and let you know if I come up with anything.  Because this really is ridiculous, isn't it.

Dx 11/2009, 1cm, Stage I, Grade 2, 0/3 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-
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Mar 5, 2010 09:34AM dee1961 wrote:

NNOOOO! Don't go back in there! LOL
There are quite a few of us here, really :) It's just that alot of ladies may be posting in other forums according to their type of cancer or treatments. I pop in and out but with work and same thing as Raili, life just gets busy and it gets harder to get back to post. Glad to meet you and hope you continue to come back :)

Love is never wrong
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Mar 6, 2010 02:38PM - edited Jul 18, 2010 07:45PM by cancersucks

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Mar 6, 2010 03:15PM Raili wrote:

Thanks, CS, I'm trying my best to breathe!!  At least it's a gorgeous, sunny day outside right now!  Took the dog for a 45 min walk, and would have gone even longer if she wasn't tired. :)

Dee, I know what you mean - there are so many other forums to post in, related to one's type of cancer, treatment, age, etc.  So I guess the question for us here is: in what ways is your sexual orientation relevant to your breast cancer journey?  In what ways is being diagnosed with/treated for breast cancer different for you, as a lesbian, than it is for straight women?

I don't have a girlfriend/partner, so I can't comment on hospitals being welcoming of my partner vs. being homophobic, but there ARE ways in which my lesbianism affects my breast cancer journey:

- Some BC books assume the reader is a straight, married woman with kids, and I'm a young, single, childless lesbian.

- I've never been romantically involved with a man, and thus had NEVER had ANY man touch my breasts, until the day of my biopsy.  That's been really difficult for me, because I planned to never ever have a man touch the personal parts of my body, and now I've lost control of that.  Being touched by men is emotionally traumatic for me.

- Another BC message board I go to had a long, graphic thread about whether or not "boob sex" is possible with reconstructed breasts, and I didn't even know what that WAS, and now I know more about it than I wish I did.  I don't want to be reading about hetero sex and can't relate to threads like this.

There's more but I have to run!

Dx 11/2009, 1cm, Stage I, Grade 2, 0/3 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-
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Mar 6, 2010 05:14PM dee1961 wrote:

Boob sex? I'm afraid to ask but yet disturbingly curious....LOL

Gotta run but wanted to say hello and hope to talk to you ladies again soon!  

dog wagging tail animated gif 

Love is never wrong
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Mar 6, 2010 10:52PM casaredonda wrote:

there's lots of us.  I hang out occasionally at the Arimidex site and post there.  Always trying to get some ideas of how to deal with the side effects.  Not disabling but very persistent and annoying and when I'm having a bunch of them together, that's really hard.  I have another 2.5 years on it. in 

My partner, wife, best friend in the world and I have been together for almost 30 years and she is so patient with my whining.  We take good care of each other.

I try to find all the positive gains from having been diagnosed with BC and going through the surgery, intense chemo, weird radiation and how funny I look all flat chested and all.  I know I have more determination, and more courage, and more clarity in my daily life.  I started a very intense clerical type job at the local welfare office and I have to be productive every single minute so I have the stamina for it but it's not easy to adapt after having had my own business (which although no longer mine) did allow me to take lunch without asking if I could.

well lavender ladies, stay strong and I'll come back and visit. 

Dx 12/23/2006, IDC, 2cm, Stage IIB, Grade 2, 4/13 nodes, ER+
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Mar 6, 2010 11:47PM - edited Mar 12, 2010 12:05AM by Happy2beHere

Happy2beHere Dx 1/15/2010, IDC, 0/0 nodes, ER+
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Mar 7, 2010 12:07AM chainsawz wrote:

I'm finally chiming in!  This forum isn't very active so I tend to forget to look over here, but occasionally remember to come back over.  When I first joined this site, I wondered the same thing and was afraid I was the only one!  I get along fine with the discussions and just step out of any that make me feel uncomfortable.  So far, the only ones that have met that criteria are those with posts being mean to others on the site.  I don't enjoy that at all.  

Luckily, my partner and I have experienced wonderful support from everyone on my medical team :>

Lisa -mets to lungs & brain - clear lymph nodes.....the weakest step toward the top of the hill, toward sunrise, toward hope, is stronger than the fiercest storm. Dx 7/21/2008, IDC, 3cm, Stage IV, Grade 3, 0/2 nodes, mets, ER-/PR-, HER2+
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Mar 7, 2010 12:08AM navygirl wrote:

Cancer you are not alone...but if you were to go back in that closet things could change! I don't frequent many threads anymore, too much drama to get drawn into; having to take sides, check your attitude at the door until the dust settles - it got exhausting. So, now I stick to friendly threads, threads wishing friends well and newbie questions. I wish there was less conflict, there was a news story about a year ago maybe where one lesbo from here was getting hate Messages and harrassment just because she was gay. If its not safe to be out here where the heck can we be out?

Casa - thirty years? Jiminy Crickets...that's a long time! My girl and I have been together almost 9 and I thought that was good :)

Raili...those are very good points about how your journey is different. I never thought about it that way...probably because I was married before so its not as foreign to me (I'm talking about man hands touching me here, not the boob sex!) LOL. But I guess that applies too cuz I don't want to read about that either!
U and dee aren't missing anything and that's all I'm going to say about that!

Anyway...I'm glad you sparked the question. I'm so used to being surrounded by straight people I forgot how nice it is to connect with other queers/lesbians/whatever you want to call us ;)
Chat with you all again...tata!

life is short, play hard
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Mar 7, 2010 09:06AM - edited May 26, 2015 01:34PM by Raili

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Dx 11/2009, 1cm, Stage I, Grade 2, 0/3 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-
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Mar 7, 2010 09:54AM horsedoc wrote:

Hi!  I'm actually NOT a lesbian but just wanted to chime in.  Three of my VERY good friends are lesbians, as is my mother, so I'm pretty comfortable in here with you guys! 

I have a nice story to share.  Last month when I was at the hospital (GBMC in Baltimore) in the waiting room to see the surgeon, a woman around 60 came out of the back office areas and was so happy she was crying.  Her partner was waiting for her in the waiting room. Anyway, this woman was celebrating 5 years of being cancer-free, and she was SOO grateful to GBMC because her partner is an employee there, and their health plan recognizes domestic partners.  So this woman had lost her job and health insurance years back, and had not had a yearly mammo for a few years because of that, so when she was able to get on her partner's health plan, she went back to getting yearlys and that how they found her cancer and were able to treat it.  It just made me feel so good to see how happy and grateful the woman was.

Dx 1/8/2010, IDC, 3cm, Stage IIA, Grade 1, 0/1 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 1/21/2010 Mastectomy: Right; Reconstruction (right) Chemotherapy 3/29/2010 Cytoxan (cyclophosphamide), Taxotere (docetaxel)
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Mar 7, 2010 10:56AM Raili wrote:

Wow, what a great story, horse!  Thanks for that!! 

Dx 11/2009, 1cm, Stage I, Grade 2, 0/3 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-
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Mar 7, 2010 11:05AM Christine2000 wrote:

I'm here too! My partner and I have been together 15 years and have a beautiful adopted 10 year old daughter. We are in NYC and most of my experience in treatment has been extremely welcoming.

Christine-- Aromasin, LE Dx 4/4/2009, IDC, 3cm, Stage IIIA, 1/22 nodes, ER+
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Mar 7, 2010 11:27AM - edited Mar 24, 2010 10:19AM by cancersucks

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Mar 7, 2010 11:44AM - edited Mar 28, 2010 11:57PM by cancersucks

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Mar 7, 2010 11:52AM Beach wrote:

I'm back after many months......it's nice to see some activity here!!

I've been lurking around these boards since just after dx, but spending most of my time on the HER2 positive threads, learning info specific to my dx and the many side effects I have and still am experiencing, and helping some of the newbies that come along.  I agree with Chainsawz and Navygirl in that I don't like the meanness and drama that can occur on these boards, so I basically keep to myself.

I've been with my partner almost 12yrs, and between her and my parents, (and my 2 nurse kitties Smile), they have all been my rocks through this 1yr and 2mths of turmoil. 

For all those who are fairly new to this journey, sorry you have to be here but we can all help each other get through this.......smiles and giggles go a long way to help through treatment and recovery.  Maybe some of us "older-timers" can even shed some light on any areas of question or concern. 

Hugs to you all......it's great to be back!!

Sandy

Beach Dx 2/5/2009, IDC, 2cm, Stage IIA, Grade 3, 0/2 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2+
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Mar 7, 2010 04:52PM - edited May 26, 2015 01:34PM by Raili

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Dx 11/2009, 1cm, Stage I, Grade 2, 0/3 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-
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Mar 7, 2010 04:59PM Raili wrote:

Double posting because I keep forgetting to click "Add to My Favorite Topics" every time I post. ;)

Dx 11/2009, 1cm, Stage I, Grade 2, 0/3 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-
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Mar 7, 2010 07:14PM navygirl wrote:

WOW...look at all of us :)

Chainsaws...I had no idea! I've seen you on other threads but I guess I should have checked out our forum more.

I went to the Lesbian forum when I was first diagnosed and it was COLD...ICE COLD...I'm out on some of the other threads but have seen very few others. I've been very fortunate in that I have not had anyone be mean here or in real life as far as my being gay. My medical team never blinked. Of course, my wife is the one who always wants to ask if it's ok if she goes with me, and I always say the same thing; F-that, you belong with me so just act like it and let them have the balls to try and separate us. We've never once had anyone question us. Knock on wood we never will either :)

I'm thrilled to see so many joining us, I'd love to take notes and comment on all the stories but ladies, I am exhausted today so...I'll have to save that for next time. I just had to say "Welcome" to everyone and Thank you all for joining in. It was a great surprise to see all the posts.

Have a good night ladies... 

life is short, play hard
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Mar 7, 2010 07:17PM chainsawz wrote:

It is awesome to see others posting here...yay!!  

cancersucks - I have stage IV cancer with brain mets, so many people are supportive but some can't even make eye contact.  I am quite alive and plan to be that way for many, many years.....but I think they are afraid to connect with me because they see me as dying - not living.  Ding dongs!!   I am as open with my diagnosis and details as I am about being a lesbian, and I have never had a person in my life that had a problem with my sexuality - at least to my face...LOL!!   But they do have a problem with my dx.....some have been very upfront about not wanting to talk to me or see me because of my dx - some just disappear.  I don't really care, because I don't need those people around me anyway...I just shake it off and move on because I still have tons of friends and family...and a great partner of almost 12 years :>  I hang out with a large group of friends, which includes many gay men....they all hold my hand and fix my hair..LOL!!!

Lisa -mets to lungs & brain - clear lymph nodes.....the weakest step toward the top of the hill, toward sunrise, toward hope, is stronger than the fiercest storm. Dx 7/21/2008, IDC, 3cm, Stage IV, Grade 3, 0/2 nodes, mets, ER-/PR-, HER2+
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Mar 7, 2010 10:52PM casaredonda wrote:

Yes, this thread is very lively.  I'm planning to do my 5 years of Arimidex and stop.  going through menopause x 100 is very annoying.  BC brought my soul partner closet to each other than ever even though we thought we couldn't love each other more.  She has custody of our brain !!!!  We've passed all the hallmarks that usually strain a relationship: graduate school, buying a home, selling a home, building a home and so forth.  We've been in our off the grid round house in a rural area in Northern California for the last 15 years.

My surgeon was a woman who was practicing in our county for a while and who was a participant in our hand fasting ceremony we had when I changed my last name to my partner's name.  That was before we knew that we would be able to get married.  So she was very comfortable with us and she was around just long enough to perform surgery, insert the porta-cath and then remove it.  Then she left.  The universe is always taking care of us.  Our community can be very conservative but my sweetie and I are always well accepted.

Nice meeting all of you...stay strong 

Dx 12/23/2006, IDC, 2cm, Stage IIB, Grade 2, 4/13 nodes, ER+
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Mar 7, 2010 11:15PM - edited Mar 24, 2010 10:20AM by cancersucks

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Mar 9, 2010 12:10AM casaredonda wrote:

not too personal....I've had my ovaries removed for non cancer reasons so I was in the menopause when I was diagnosed.  Arimidex is recommended by several long term studies and not all the people have side effects.  Mine come and go so I'm extra whiny when they are all present.  I'm feeling lots better today, no headache and some bone aches but nothing that requires any pain stuff.

the mrs and I did some exercises while watching this cool walking at home DVD we found at Wal-Mart (the only store in our community) and we put in a good 15 this a.m.  So I feel well enough for that and then 8 stressful hours at the welfare office.  All is well.

I'm thinking about getting off the Arimidex and living my life in any way that it presents.  I feel completely cancer free and plan to remain so.  I still go to the relay for life event locally cause I get a cool T Shirt. but I think continuing on treatments that I'm not convinced about, keeps me thinking about cancer.  my mrs will support any decision I make.  I'm feeling ready to move on and just live my life.  So the hair on my head is getting thinner and the hair on my chin is getting thicker but I'm also at the age when those things happen.  I still like rock and roll, eating exotic foods and spending time with the love of my life, so that's good enough

I'll be back to say HI - rock on sisters 

Dx 12/23/2006, IDC, 2cm, Stage IIB, Grade 2, 4/13 nodes, ER+
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Mar 9, 2010 12:37AM - edited Mar 24, 2010 10:20AM by cancersucks

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Mar 9, 2010 09:48AM Raili wrote:

Women RARELY hit on me... I somehow do not give off gay vibes and look straight... Arrgghhh.  That's a funny shirt!! :)  I joke about wanting one of those "SHH, nobody knows I'm a lesbian!" shirts!!

Dx 11/2009, 1cm, Stage I, Grade 2, 0/3 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-
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Mar 9, 2010 03:59PM - edited Jul 18, 2010 07:45PM by cancersucks

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Mar 9, 2010 10:05PM cindoe wrote:

Ha Ha back in closet lol, good one

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Mar 9, 2010 10:22PM - edited Jul 18, 2010 07:46PM by cancersucks

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Mar 9, 2010 10:36PM cindoe wrote:

Too Funny!!

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